Saviour (31 page)

Sam’s
words pop into my head about Gabe always seeking reassurance that everyone around him is okay. He pumps his cock into me and with his finger in place the sensation is unbelievable

“Tell
me Lauren, I wanna know, I need to hear you say it”

I
desperately want to reassure him, let him know how much I love what he’s doing to me. I feel out of control, every thought that enters my head, spills out of my mouth.

“
Fuck me Gabe, fuck me hard, that's fucking good, harder deeper, baby, I want all of you, I want you so badly”

I
want everything, all of him, I want him to crawl inside me, I want him to possess me, to feel how he makes me feel

“
I'm going to come Gabe, I'm going to come”

“
Come then baby, let it go, tell me how it feels, come, come now” I push and gyrate against him

“I’m
gonna come, Gabe, don’t stop, harder, fuck me harder”

I
sob out the words, everything in me is affected by what he is doing, I have never felt so out of control. He's pounding me so hard it’s almost painful but it’s exactly what I need

“Lauren
baby, come for me now, with me, now, together, us together Lauren, fuck I love you, I love you so fucking much”

I
explode, I buck and convulse, he won’t let me close my legs and it adds to the intensity, I quiver and shake uncontrollably as my orgasm rolls through my entire body. I have never been fucked so hard in my life. He collapses on top of me as he undoes my wrists and I can finally touch him, I pull my arms and legs around him and pull him to me so tight, he's still inside me and I'm still blindfolded but we lay locked together like this for a while, in silence, just us, locked together, as one, as it should be!

“I
could do this forever, all day, every day and never get bored, there's so many different ways I want to show you I love you Lauren”

We're
lying back on the floor; we have cleaned ourselves up in the bathroom and have lain back down on the carpet. I'm wearing his shirt but he's still naked. He brushes his knuckles up and down my cheek as I comb my fingers through his chest hair, my face resting on his belly.

“
Think I'm too old for all day every day bubby, you'll wear me out, I'll be dead before I'm fifty”

“
Don't say that Lauren, not even as a joke, just the thought of that. I've only just found you so please don't joke about things like that, it shits me”

Shit,
what's got into him, it was only a joke, Mr serious! My belly rumbles, loudly.

“
Have you eaten today Lauren?”

“
Not yet, I’ve been working on stuff for the Palmers place all day and then I was just going to the shops to buy dinner when I decided to listen to my messages, then you came home and, well, here we are, so no. You going to moan at me about that now as well”

I
actually feel tears prick the backs of my eyes, fuck him for spoiling a beautiful hour!!

“
I'm not moaning at you, I just don't find jokes about you dying very funny and I only asked if you had eaten because I know you don't always eat breakfast, or lunch for that matter and it’s now nearly dinner time, you must of dropped five or six kilos since I first met you, it worries me, that's all”

“
Gabe I do eat, I eat and drink too much probably and I think the weight loss is just due to the stress of the past months, you will be moaning soon enough that I'm, old, fat, and middle aged, and I’m sorry about the joke, my bad”

He
tilts my head up to look at him and we smile as I repeat one of Ava's favorite sayings...

“What
are you like thirteen or something?” He mimics another of Ava’s sayings and smiles at me as he does. “You’ll never be old, fat and middle aged to me Lauren. Go shower, now, I'll be in to join you in a minute, I just have to make some calls and then I'll go get us some take out.”

We
stand and I scoop up all of our clothes and carry them into the bedroom. I go and turn the shower on, then have an idea. I shower quickly before Gabe has chance to join me. Once out, I pull on a pair of hold ups, my heels and his tie. Nothing else, I walk back out to the family room. He's out on the balcony, naked and talking on the phone, the doors are open, he has his back to me but I can see it’s my old phone he's talking on by the George Cross case it’s in. I know I shouldn’t but I listen.

“
She is with me now and I have no plans to let her go, ever, so leave her the fuck alone, no more abuse, no more crying and begging, you've had your chance and you fucked up royally, I won't keep having her upset like this... Yes... Yes it is my call... She's with me and I won't stand by and let you keep doing this, I will come after you and put an end to it for once and for all...... Oh you do, do you? Yeah, well bring it on.... Oh but I'm not a woman, I almost forgot, you would only be coming after me if I was a female..... You’re a piss weak, pathetic, excuse for a man, who thinks it’s okay to beat your wife, sorry ex-wife, now stop the phone calls, else I will come for you”

He
ends the call and turns around, I'm frozen to the spot, standing in the doorway, wearing nothing but heels, stockings and his blue tie. His jaw drops and I watch his cock instantly twitch.

“
Fuck Lauren; let me take a picture? I want this image with me forever, you look fucking amazing”

“
Who were you talking to?”

“
Jason, why? Can I take your picture?”

“
What? No, why were you talking to Jason?”

“
Because I'm over it Lauren, how do you think it makes me feel, coming home from work to find you crying over things he's said, I’m not sitting back and doing nothing, so I told him to back the fuck off, else he would have me to deal with”

“
Thanks Gabe but I can fight my own battles”

He
moves towards me and puts his arms around me and puts his hands on the cheeks of my arse and pulls me to him.

“I’m
under no illusions that you can look after yourself, I saw how you dealt with Jackie and like you felt the need to tell her how you felt, I needed to do the same with Jason. Please let me take your photo?”

What
can I say? I can't be a hypocrite and not let him speak to Jay after I told Jackie her fortune on Saturday.

“Not
from the front, just from behind” I say with a smile. I don’t know why I’m smiling; I actually can’t believe I’ve just agreed to do this!

“
Done” He grabs his phone. I stand with my legs open, I pull at his tie with my left hand, my right on my hip, I turn just my head to face him and wink. That's one, then I go into his office, I sit on his desk, cross my legs and my arms so that my boobs squeeze together and turn around and smile at him, that's two.

“That’s
your lot, no more, now go and shower, I'm starving” I order!

“Just one more,
please, bend over the desk for me, let me take a picture of your arse cocked in the air for me, please Lauren?”

“You show these to anyone and I will kill you Gabe, I swear”

“Lauren, why would I let anyone else see these? They’re for me baby, just for me. You look fucking amazing”

Oh well, if it makes him ha
ppy.

~

He showers while I pull on some jarmies. Gabe pulls on his trackies and a hoodie, grabs his keys and asks “What we eating baby, your call?”

“
Errrrrmmm. Fish and Chips please, can you go down to Main Street and get it from the English Chippie? I really fancy curry sauce and a saveloy, please”

“
So do you want fish and chips or a saveloy and curry sauce?”

“
Yeah, all of it”

“
All of it?”

“
Yes. Fish, chips, a saveloy, and curry sauce, I'm starving and you said I looked scrawny”

“
I said no such thing, I said. Oh don't worry about it, I won't be long”

He
heads out the door and I go into the kitchen to get out some plates and salt and vinegar, just as I spot his wallet on the bench top, I hear him bang at the front door. I run down the stairs with his wallet and as I approach the front door I shout out to him,

“I’m
the old one; I'm the one who's supposed to forget shit”

I
start to pull the door open and bang, it’s kicked so hard it knocks me backwards, I feel a sharp crack under my jaw, my feet go from under me and my head hits the tiles.

I get this image of a boxer in a ring, they've been almost knocked out, but instinct makes them keep trying to get up, I think that's what I'm doing, I think I'm trying to lift my head, I think I'm trying to stand, the room is spinning and everything is coming in and out of focus, I have a rushing sound in my ears, I can see a light in the distance, I think it’s the street light out on the road. Or it could be the moon, I don’t know, the street light, it looks like it’s up in the sky, why’s it up in the sky? My thoughts are blurred and confused and I have a pain somewhere but I can’t pinpoint exactly which part of my body it’s coming from. And then I hear a voice and quite literally, my blood runs cold.

“I
warned you, I fucking warned you but you wouldn't listen, who the fuck do you think you are, you cunt, don't you ever get your fucking boyfriend on the phone telling me that your his, who is he ehh? Fucking prick. Well I'm telling you, you will be mine, there's no part of you that's not mine, I own all of you and the only bits of you he can have are the bits I chose to let him have. I'll fucking show you and I'll show him, you fucking shit on me you slut and I’ll, I'll fucking shit on you... Na, you know what? I wouldn't even waste my shit on you, you’re not fucking worthy, this is all you’re worth, this and don't you ever forget it”

And
as I lay there, trying to drag myself back to consciousness, I'm even more confused, what is that, is he throwing water over me to bring me round, to try and wake me up? And just as I hear the gates opening on the drive, I realise what he's doing, I'm not worth shiting on he said, so he has pissed all over me instead, while I'm lying there on the floor, he has urinated all over my body, over my face and in my hair.

“Just
tell the cunt from me, your marked, your mine, every time he breaths in the air around you, he will smell me, because I fucking own you”

He's
gone. Out the door and he's gone, I can see the headlights stop on the drive, I have a ringing sound in my ears, is it a ringing sound, or is it a screaming sound? It is a screaming sound and as I see Gabe jump out of the Ute and run towards me, I realise the screaming sound is coming from me, it’s me, screaming as loud as I can!

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

I don't know where I went really, I was there but I wasn't, it was the only way I knew how to cope, I just sort of shut my brain down, I didn’t want to think, I didn’t want to feel, I didn’t want to remember what he had done to me so I just left for a bit, left it all behind. I sobbed and I begged him not to touch me, I felt so ashamed but he didn't listen, he got on the floor with me and held me and rocked me as he called for an ambulance. I knew I wasn't hurt, physically anyway so why did I need an ambulance? I wanted a bath or a shower, I wanted to take these clothes off, wash and scrub the smell of him away but now Gabe would have to have a bath too, otherwise it would still be there, the smell, of him and I didn't want that, not on Gabe, he's good, I don't want him tainted with the smell of Jason, of badness. So I kept screaming and trying to get up, to get to the bath but he was too strong and he just wouldn't listen. I remember the paramedics arriving and then I remember the police, why were the police here? They all kept asking me questions but I didn't want to talk, I wasn't going to tell them what he had done to me. I was overwhelmed by the shame, what sort of person was I, that another person would want to do this to me?

Gabri
el carried me to the ambulance and held me all the way to the hospital, he had no choice, I wasn't letting him go!

They
shone a light in my eye and felt around my head, they said I needed an X-ray but that meant Gabe would have to leave me and I couldn't let that happen so they gave me something, I don't know what, they injected it into a cannula in the back of my hand, I don't even know how that got there. Whatever they gave me, it was good, I relaxed and almost drifted off and they did the X ray. Then the police were there again and they wanted my clothes and I remember getting upset again. Gabe shouted, not at me but at the policeman I think and then Gabe and a nurse helped take my clothes off and he took off his hoodie and pulled it over my head. I kept saying sorry, why was I sorry, did I do something? I can't remember, I don’t want to remember. The police came back in and ketp asking what had happened but I couldn’t tell them, how can I say out loud what he has done? I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember is Gabriel laying me in the bath at home. It’s lovely and warm and full of bubbles. He uses the sponge and washes me, all of me, head to toe, while I sit on my bum, my knees pulled up under my chin, my arms wrapped around me and I just sob. I don't think there are even tears, just a sound and I think it’s something like a sob. I want to sleep so badly, to shut it all out, to never think or speak of this night again. I am out of the bath and wrapped in a towel, I can hear voices, Jo is here and then Jemma, Gabe puts me in my favorite fluffy jarmies and then combs my hair while I sit on the edge of the bath, then I am in bed and Jemma brings me some tea type stuff, it's that chamomile shit. Why doesn't she bring me wine or vodka I wonder? Ahhh the pills, good thinking Jem, alcohol, and pills, they’re not good together and I remember now, I know I have to take some tablets, the nurse said, I heard her I think and then finally, nothing, sleep, sleep.

I
wake quite alert considering. I am curled in a ball on my side and Gabe is curled right in tight next to me, his arm over and around me, his head almost on top of mine and then in a split second it hits me, it’s like that rush of air you get on the underground when the train is coming but instead of being warm its icy cold but at the same time it makes me burn, my blood turns to ice, my skin to fire and I can't breathe, I really can’t breathe and I am gasping, I need to vomit and I need some air. I’m trying to get up to get to the bathroom but as I stand my legs just give way, Gabe is up and off the bed so quickly, I don't really see him move, I can’t hold it down much longer but the power of speech seems to have deserted me, and I can’t move, I am already on my knees so I just lean forward and vomit, right there, in the bedroom, on the carpet, mortified. I actually think I am going to die, I just can’t seem to get enough air into my lungs, I am clinging to Gabe , staring at him, I need him to help me but I just can’t get any words out. I am in the middle of the worst panic attack and I can't speak. I beg him with my eyes but he knows, he knows what to do.

“
Breathe baby, breathe, Respirare bambino, respirare. In through your nose, not through your mouth, in through your nose, out through your mouth”

He's
rubbing my back and breathing with me, showing me what I need to do, he stays so calm, talking to me in Italian and English, I match my breathing to his, and after a few minutes the panic begins to subside. But now that I can get my breath, I start to make this god awful sobbing noise, it doesn’t sound like it’s coming from me. I sit up and just focus on getting air into my lungs and once my breathing slows, he leaves me and goes into the bathroom coming back with some towels and a glass of water, I rinse my mouth and climb back into bed, turn on my side and curl up in a ball, exhausted. That was beyond awful. I have had anxiety attacks before when my dad died but never anything like this.

Gabe
just throws the towels to cover where I have vomited; it’s mainly bile so it doesn't really smell of anything. He gets back into bed beside me and just holds me tight again, kissing and stroking my hair, whispering to me in Italian, telling me that he’s got me, that he’s always got me, soothing me. We must lie like this for half an hour until I feel myself begin to relax.

“
What happened Lauren, what did he do? Please tell me, I'm going out of my fucking mind here, imagining all sorts, please tell me, please talk to me, don't shut me out, I need to know”

I
turn around and look him, I reach out my hand and hold it against his face and as I blink a tear rolls down my cheek and onto the pillow, then from my other eye, another tear rolls over my nose and drips onto the pillow, he kisses them both away and locks me with his gaze, his eyes are steely blue and I can feel the tension rippling through him, radiating out of him.

“Please
, if you tell me, I promise you won't have to talk about it again, I promise, not the police, nobody but I need to know”

Oh
god, I don't want to do this, I really do not want to talk about it, but I know I have to tell him, give him the details. I'm not sure if I'm putting him out of his misery, or making things worse, perhaps by talking things will seem a little better. I close my eyes and lick my dry lips.

“
I saw your wallet and thought it was you banging at the door, that you had come back for it, so I went to open the door but he kicked it and the force made me stagger backwards, then he hit me, right under my chin with the back of his hand I think and that knocked me to the floor and I cracked my head. I kept trying to get up but I was seeing stars and my legs just wouldn't work, then he was standing over me, just ranting, he was so angry, he was so angry Gabe, he was frothing at the mouth, he said I was his, I would always be his and just so me and you would never forget, he was leaving something to remind us, every time you breathe in the air around me, he said, he said he wants you to be reminded of him and for you to remember that I am his” I’m almost choking on my words, I’m struggling to get them out and air in, my tears are flowing and my nose is running and he’s there, crying right along with me, I take in a deep breath and continue “then, then he pissed all over me Gabe. He pissed over my head, my hair and my body. How could he? He loved me once, how can you do that to someone you once loved? I'm still his wife, we have children, babies, I carried his babies inside me, how could he do that to me?” I can't hold it together any more, I am talking through great heaving, racking, sobs, I just let the tears flow and I can barely breathe.

“
While I was down, lying on the floor, he pissed over me, like I was some kind of fucking animal, like I was just nothing”

I
close my eyes and draw in deep breaths, when I open them, the pain in his eyes nearly kills me,  the tears are rolling down his cheeks as he sobs.

“
Fuck Lauren, fuck, I am so sorry, this is all my fault, if I hadn't of called him, if I hadn't of left my wallet behind, none of this would have happened, I just can't believe it. What sort of person does that? I want you to press every charge you can on him, he can't get away with this, he is seriously fucked in the head, and he’s fucking dangerous”

I
can't begin to even consider that and panic begins to set in again.

“
No, no, you said I wouldn't have to speak about it again, if I press charges, I will have to talk about it, I can’t, I can't, tell people, I don't want people to know what he did”

My
voice is getting higher as hysteria rises in me.

“Ok
ay, okay, shush, shush it’s okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, let's not talk about it now, will you eat something if I make it for you?”

I
really do not feel like food but I know he's not going to take no for an answer, the buzzer goes for the gates and Gabe gets up to answer it and buzz whoever it is in. I hear him talking downstairs to someone, and then it goes again. Jemma walks in. She says absolutely nothing, she just climbs into bed next to me and hugs me and we both have a cry.

I
can smell bacon cooking and I know what he's doing.

“Who’s
out there with Gabe?” I ask her

“I
don't know, he was talking to someone in the study I think, I came straight in here, how are you feeling? If you don't want to talk, that's fine, I just need to know you’re okay, at least you’re lucid and coherent this morning, I had visions of having you committed last night”

She
holds out her hand to me and I take it and squeeze

“I
don't even remember seeing you last night. I am trying really hard not to remember last night full stop”

“I a
m sorry Hun, I'm just glad your back with us”

S
he smiles at me before continuing “Have you had your brekkie yet? That bacon smells good, I might go and ask Gabe to make me a sanga, d’you want one?”

“I
know what you’re doing Jem. I KNOW WHAT YOUR DOING GABRIEL” I shout loudly, hoping that he can hear me. He appears in the bedroom doorway holding a crispy rasher of bacon in each hand and wafts them around.

“DON’T
KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN” he shouts back at me, actually managing to bring a smile to my face.

“Come
here Wilde” I say to him. He walks over to the bed as Jemma walks out the door, calling behind her, “I'm going to make a sandwich, is that okay?”

“
Knock yourself out” we say in unison.

“Awwwww
you two are tooo cute, you really should think about hooking up”

Gabe
climbs onto the bed next to me and eats one of the rashers of bacon. Offering me the other, I open my mouth like a baby bird and he quite literally shoves it in, yum, it actually tastes good

“Good
girl. You feeling a bit better baby?” I shrug, am I? I don't know how I feel, devastated is the only word that springs to mind.

“
I'm okay as long as I don't think about it, I think last night and this morning, were just shock, I can’t believe he would do something like that, the things he said and what he did, I know this sounds wrong but I would rather he hit me than do that, I feel so humiliated, degraded, ashamed, shit Gabe, what's going to happen, are the police after him?”

“
The police have him, you obviously couldn't tell them a lot last night, but we managed to get out of you that it was Jason and that he had hit you, we worked out the rest for ourselves, the police took your clothes for DNA evidence but just the fact that he stepped inside the house changes the charges. He will probably go to prison for this Lauren”

This is not what I want to hear, despite everything, I still don't have it in me to send him to prison, I know this isn't what Gabe’s going to want to hear. He raises his eyebrows and the look in his eyes lets me know he’s really not happy with what I’ve just said.

“Lauren
you need to know, if the police hadn’t of got hold of him so soon, he probably wouldn't be alive this morning and it would be me locked up”

He
studies my face, looking for a reaction; his jaw is so tense I can see a nerve twitching every so often

“
He came to our house Lauren, our home, somewhere you should be safe, he came in here and he assaulted you, have you any idea how that makes me feel? I'm barely hanging on here after watching you last night”

H
is lips are trembling as he tries to hold back his tears.

“
I want to kill him Lauren, it’s not just words, I want him dead, I don't think I am ever going to be able to be in that man’s company. I don't think I will ever be able to move on from finding you on the floor like that” His voice falters and tears roll down his face

“
I thought you were dying, I thought I was fucking losing you, when I felt how wet it was everywhere, I thought it was blood, I thought he had stabbed you or shot you, I thought a million different things and that you were going to bleed to death, bleed out, right in front of me, in my arms and there was nothing I could do about it, I thought I was going to lose you and after all my promises. I don’t break promises and it was only a week or so ago that I promised you that I would look after you, that I would protect you, that I would never let him put his hands on you again. I let you down Lauren and I'm so sorry for that, I will never forgive him or myself for the fact, that I let you down”