Saviour (6 page)

I
have switched to water but Lu comes back from the bar with another round of shots for us all

“You’ll
be the death of me” I say as I knock mine back

“Well
death by cock suckin cowboys has got to be better than being beaten to death by your husband” Whoa, that’s harsh, even by Jo’s standards. Trust her to say it how it is....

“Joanne!
That was uncalled for” Jemma, as always, has my back

“Sorry
, but it needs saying, I can’t help but feel angry with you Lauren, we’re your friends, you didn’t need to put up with this shit alone, you should have told us your husband was beating you on a regular basis, we would have got you out of there sooner. Why don’t you just not go home tonight, come and stay at mine?”

Lulu
and Jemma are staring over my shoulder. I panic as my first thought is that Jay has walked in. I spin around and Gabriel is standing right next to me. Fuck, how much has he heard? The last thing I want is him knowing what I have going on, I don't know if I trust him yet and I definitely don’t want his sympathy, the last thing I want, is anyone’s sympathy. It's been one of my biggest issues in telling anyone about what my husband does to me, I don't want people feeling sorry for me. I am not going to be a victim in all of this, I need to become proactive, and the only way I know to do that, is to leave him. Victims are the ones that stay and suffer. The ones that just endure the violence. That's not going to be me, I am leaving, and never again will I take any kind of crap from a man. Poor Gabe, he picked the wrong night to try and be nice to me, I hadn’t realised how much anger I have hidden under all the other emotions, mainly aimed at myself but right now I'm pissed off about what he might have heard. I search his eyes, his face for a clue. If he has heard anything he’s not giving it away.

“Hey”
I say, still searching his face but I can barely focus. That is to be my last drink of the night.

He
smiles and it would seem his smile has a direct line to my clit.

“
You sure you won’t change your mind and come home with me? The offer’s still there” He heard. He’s asking out of sympathy.

“Don’t
Gabe; don’t ask me that, not out of pity”

He
steers me by my elbow, out of earshot of the girls

“Look
Lauren, I’m not entirely sure what’s going on with you and your husband but I don’t pity you, why would I? I’m sorry your marriage is over but quite frankly, for me, that’s a good thing, I want you, I want you to come home with me so that I can show you just how much I want you. But I also fully respect your decision not to cheat on your husband whilst still living under the same roof and I’m sorry for keep asking, actually, no I’m not but I do understand. Meet me tomorrow, we will find you somewhere to live and then neither of us will have cause to feel guilty” He didn’t hear. He doesn’t know. Good, that’s good. I’m so drunk.

“So,
there is an ulterior motive to helping me find somewhere to live, it’s not just out of the goodness of your heart, you just want me away from my husband so I won’t feel guilty about fucking you, that way you won’t feel guilty about making me feel guilty?”

He rakes his hand through his hair and looks down at me; I watch as a nerve tics in his jaw as he just stares at me for a few seconds, he shakes his head,

“Lauren, I want you away from your husband, because you told me you’re leaving him and need somewhere to live, all the rest is inconsequential, to a degree. Yes I want you but I also have a place you may or may not want to live. Meet me in the morning, when you’re sober and we will go from there”

He
tilts my chin up and looks down at me, even in my heels he is over a foot taller than me, he must be at least six three, six four. That’s really tall when you’re only five feet two inches tall/small?

He
kisses me very, very softly on my mouth, not letting go of my chin. My arms go up and around his neck, his arms move around my back and he pulls me in and presses me tightly against him, our kiss grows deeper and I pull on his hair, his taste, his smell, everything about him feels like it was made especially for me, to fit me and I know that sometime in the very near future, I will have sex with this man, and I can’t wait. He breaks away first and rests his chin on top of my head for a minute, then he whispers into my ear

“
Fuck Lauren, what are you doing to me? I want you like you wouldn’t know, I really need to go before I drag you out of here by force” Mmmmm force, I like force, when it’s between consenting adults of course.

“That
look isn’t helping my resolve Lauren, I meant bad force, not kinky force but I will store that thought away for the future, I’m going, I will see you in the morning, Ciao Bella” How did he know that? How did he know what I was thinking? He kisses my forehead and is gone. I actually feel a stab of physical pain at his departure and miss him instantly! Grow up Lauren, my brain is screaming at me. Grow up, what are you thinking? He is so not what you need in your life right now.

I
look over to my girlfriends, they are all looking back at me.

“What
are you thinking Lauren?” Shit, I must have made such a show of myself. “Go home with him for fucks sake, he’s hot and he obviously wants you, go and let him fuck your brains out, and then go home to Jay smelling of another man, a real man”

Ahhh
Jo if only you knew how tenuously my grip is hanging on to my morals right now. I shake my head at them all and blow out a big breath.

‘Better
Be Home Soon’ is being sung, another favourite. Who am I kidding, every song is my favourite when I've had a drink! But we do love this song, It's our anthem, it’s what we always sing at the end of a drunken night together, and the song we play down the phone if ever one of us is missing from a night out. When we start singing this, our husbands know it’s time to take us home, that’s the way it has been in the past at least. Well not anymore, from now on, I won't go home 'till I'm ready. Which was probably a couple of hours ago.

“Woohoo,
Chooooooon gotta be done” I shout as we head back onto the dance floor.

CHAPTER
THREE

It’s
almost 3.30 in the morning when I let myself in. Jays car isn’t on the drive but that doesn’t mean he's not home, if he's had a drink, he would have taken a cab home. I’m not entirely sure what his plans were for the evening but I know he was going out and I know he has a golf day and an early start in the morning so he may well already be home

I
open the bedroom door as quietly as possible and am relieved to see he is still out but quite literally, as I slide into bed, I hear his key turn in the door. I take in a few deep breaths and steady my breathing and settle into my pretend sleep mode but the effects of the alcohol and the late hour mean that I fall into a deep sleep almost instantly. I’m not sure how much time has passed when something wakes me up, taking a few seconds to get my bearings and still feeling very drunk, I realise that Jay is pulling at my sleep shorts.

“
Jay, what the fuck...I’m sleeping, wait till morning” I mumble

“S
hhhh, come on; get your shorts off” he slurs. Jason has never been a big drinker but every now and then he gives it a good go and being a big bloke I know he must have drunk a lot to be slurring his words.

“Come
on Ren” he says into my neck as he tries to put his hand up my vest

"I’ve
missed you, I haven’t had sex for a week, come on, just fuckin do it, don't fuck me about”

My blood runs cold…
What did he just say? He hasn’t had sex for a week? I haven’t had sex for well over a month. I am suddenly stone cold sober and sit up in my bed, pushing his arms away.

“You
haven’t had sex for a week….so who the fuck was it you were having sex with a week ago, because it certainly wasn’t me Jay?”

“What
are you banging on about Lauren? Just take off your shorts and fuck me, I’ll be quick” My head’s spinning but it’s not from the alcohol I’ve consumed, it’s from the cold harsh reality that’s slowly sinking into my brain.

“Who
have you been fucking Jay? We haven’t fucked in over a month and yet you had sex a week ago, who are you fucking?”

I
don’t know if I’m angry, relived, devastated. He is fucking about behind my back and then coming home and beating me? Why have I stayed, why didn’t I get out years ago? I just cannot believe this, how did I not know, how did I not realise, I’m an idiot, a complete and utter idiot!

“It
was nothing Lauren, don’t worry about it, stop over reacting”

I
reach over and turn on the bedside lamp, what is he saying? What is he telling me, is he outright confessing that he’s been unfaithful? My brain automatically gives me an image of Gabe and what we could have been doing right now, if I had only been armed with this information earlier. There is something seriously wrong with my thought process right now, the man I have been in a relationship with for 26 years, married to for 25, the man who thinks it’s okay to push, pull and drag me about, has just confessed to sleeping with someone else and my first thoughts are of another man, does that make me as bad as Jay, as I’m just as guilty of adultery as he is?

“Don’t worry about it, just g
o to sleep, it must be four in the morning I have to be out at 6 I’m playing golf”

“What
the fuck difference does it make what time it is? It could be three in the arvo, tell me what the fuck is going on here, are you fucking someone else? Fucking tell me”

I
know I am starting to become hysterical, I don’t feel like crying but I do want answers and he is just brushing me off and has turned over away from me. Anger starts to kick in as he says “turn the light off and go to sleep, no wonder I don’t wanna fuck ya, you miserable bitch”

I
turn my back on him and say nothing, I can’t speak, I have so many thoughts charging through my mind, I am quite literally, gob smacked.

“Turn
the fucking light off” I jump as he roars at me….

“Fuck
you Jay; turn the fucking light off yourself”

Without
warning I feel his feet kick right into the middle of my back and I fly out of the bed, crashing into the bed side chest of drawers face first. The small chest falls over with the force and I land on it with my arm out trying to protect myself from the impact. The drawers turn and my hand slips, sending my ribs smashing into the corner. I am aware of a sharp pain in my shoulder but for a few seconds I am completely stunned. I start to get up but let out a cry as pain shoots through my shoulder again.

“He
re we go with the dramatics. Turn the light off while you’re down there, there’s a good girl” He actually laughs as he turns over and away from me, closing his eyes.

I
get up onto my knees and attempt to stand. I am aware of the sound of blood dripping onto the carpet. My nose is bleeding but there is blood dripping down my back too. I put my hand into my hair it’s soaked; I am momentarily horrified by the amount of the dark red blood coming from my head and just stand and stare... Think, think, think.... I want to curl up in a ball and hide....I swipe the back of my arm across my nose and attempt to calm my breathing and steady my legs. Adrenalin is coursing through me and I am shaking badly. The pain in my shoulder is excruciating to the point that I think I'm going to vomit. I try to hold onto it, I don't want to make any kind of noise that might wake Jason up but he is now snoring so I rush into the toilet and empty the contents of my stomach. Calm, calm, calm is all that I'm thinking. I need to stay calm and get myself out of here before he wakes. I walk into my wardrobe and pull on my UGGS and I grab a hoody but I almost cry out loud when I try to pull it over my vest and shorts. I check that I can still hear Jason snoring and instead grab a long cardigan and just put one arm in. I know I have enough time to grab my bag and throw in my purse, phone and glasses, I grab my charger too, another of life's essentials and not planning on returning here, ever again, I creep out of the bedroom, out of the front door and out of my marriage.

I run down the street and onto a back road. I want to avoid the main roads incase Jason wakes up and realises I’m missing. I pull out my phone and press Jo in my contacts. I choose her because she lives alone so it’s only her I will be disturbing and not an entire household as I would if I called Jem or Lu.

I
carry on walking as I wait for an answer but the call rings out and goes to message bank. I know I need to calm myself but I’m terrified he will drive along and find me. I call twice more before Jo answers

“Lauren,
what's wrong?”

“Jo”
I sob “Jo can you come and get me please, I've had a fight with Jay”

“
Where are you?”

“I
have no idea...I got out of the house and ran when he went to sleep, I can’t see the name of the street” I’m crying and trying to catch my breath... I do know the name of this street but my brain won't function properly. A car drives by and I'm frozen with fear, it drives straight on and I actually whimper with relief. I can hear Jo calling my name down the phone.