Savory Deceits (12 page)

“The hell you shouldn't!” I yelled after her. “That could me my baby you’re carrying!” I shouted. Then, she stopped, and turned around. Now, I am the one who was angry.

“Chris, please don't,” she begged.

“No, fuck that! I’m sorry Nena, but if this baby’s mine, I'll do whatever it takes to be in my child's life. I won't let you shut me out.” I declared.

“Is that what you think?” She asked moving towards me.

“That I want to shut you out? I would never do that to you, or this baby, regardless of what happens! You should know me better than that.” She said, insulted by my assumption, I presumed. After all, she was right. I did know her, more than she even realized. I knew she would never knowingly keep my child from me. I just hoped she felt the same about her heart.

“I'm sorry. For a minute there, I thought that is what you came here to tell me. You know I would do just about anything for you Nena, but that is where I draw the line. I cannot turn my back on my baby. I will never do that, not even for you. No matter what happens, I will always be here for you.” Then, she crossed the room, and hugged me.

“Thanks.” She whispered, and then left.

11

~NENA~

I anxiously waited for Tony to come home. I checked my watch several times, hoping it would show that more than just a minute had gone by this time. He was getting off work later than usual today, so there was a good possibility he was stuck in the rush hour traffic. Good, I thought. That bought me some time to pull myself together. My palms were sweaty, and my heart was pounding so hard that I thought it would jump out of my chest. I had to tell him about my pregnancy, before another month went by. Going on four months now, it was only a matter of time, before I really started showing. It was amazing that I were even able to hide my pregnancy from him for so long. Thank God he has been on this twelve-hour rotating shift thing on base, due to a heighten measure of security. I was so deep in thought, that I did not hear the key in the door, before it swung open.

“Hey babe,” Tony said, closing the door behind him.

“Damn it's good to be home. Traffic was a mess.” He said, walking over to give me a kiss. “So, how was your day?” He asked with a smile.

“Um, it was okay.” I replied. It was now or never.

“Babe, there's something I really need to talk to you about.” I began apprehensively. His smile faded when he looked at me, and I knew I had his full attention.

“All right, is everything okay though? You look upset.” He said, searching my eyes.

“No, it's just that…I know I haven't really been myself lately - and I'm so sorry for not coming to you sooner with this - I just needed some time to myself you know - to think things through,” I rambled.

“Okay. Okay. Slow down. What is it?” He asked, placing his hands on my waist. I slowly eased away from him, and took a deep breath before continuing.

“Okay. Well, you remember when I went to the hospital a couple months ago?” I asked him.

“Yeah, you had a panic attack due to stress. What? Is there something else wrong?” He asked alarmed.

“Well, I found out something that I should have told you about at the time, but I didn’t. I couldn't really process the whole thing, because it all seemed so unreal to me, and I know that was no excuse for me to keep you in the dark about it,” I paused, because I was rambling again. Tony seemed confused, but waited quietly, to hear what I had to say. Forcing back tears, I took another deep breath and continued, “I'm pregnant.” I said. There it was. There was no other way to say it, than to just come out with it. Tony blinked several times.

“You're what?” He asked stunned.

“Pregnant.” I repeated feeling a bit relieved. He shook his head, and took a step back to look at me.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait,” He moved away from me, and then started to pace. “And you knew this for how long?” He asked, stopping in front of me.

“About three months or so,” I replied, in a hoarse whisper.

“’Or so?’” He mocked incredulously. “And you’re just now telling me this? Why didn't you tell me this… three months ago?” He questioned.

“I don't know. At first, I did not know I was pregnant, until I went to the hospital that day I fainted. That is when I found out. I’m sorry I did not tell you then. I guess I was scared.” I explained, feeling bad about keeping this from him.

“Scared?” He asked confused. “Scared of what? Nena, I am not some stranger you met at a bar, and had a one-night stand with; I am your husband. So why in the world would you be scared to tell me that you're carrying my child, especially after we agreed to start trying for a baby?” He questioned. Because I am not sure this baby is yours, I thought. How could I bring myself to say those words to him? I was already an emotional basket case as it was.

“I'm sorry.” I apologized, wanting to cry again.

“No baby, I'm sorry. I did not mean to yell. It's just that, three months? I cannot believe you waited so long to tell me we are having a baby. C'mere.” He took me in his arms, and held me. “You should know by now that you can tell me anything. I just do not understand why you did not tell me sooner. You couldn’t have been afraid of how I’d react to this, were you?” He asked, tilting his head to look at me.

“In a way, yeah, I was.” I mumbled against his shoulder.

“Why? I mean, you are my wife. It's not like I was going to leave you.” He joked, stroking my hair. “That’s what couples do, Nena, they have babies. You know how much I want to be a dad. I just don't see why you would be afraid to tell me something like this.” He said, rubbing my back. You have to tell him, I thought to myself. You have to tell him now! My conscience screamed at me. “Unless,” Tony started to say, taking a step back to look at me.

“Unless what?” I asked, feeling a sudden chill go up my spine. Then, I hugged my body, and looked away.

“Unless there's something else you want to tell me. Is there?” He probed. Trying to figure out what to say next, and how to say it, I suddenly wished I were anywhere but here. This was an open window for me to tell him what happened with Chris. As I willed myself to tell my husband the truth, an inner voice inside me voted against it. After all, who has to say that the baby I was carrying was not his? The more I pondered that possibility, the more my heart began to fill with hope.

“Honey, Is there?” He asked me.

“Oh. No babe, there's not.” I lied. “I was just worried about whether or not we were financially ready to have a baby.” I told him. How could I tell him something that I was not even sure were true myself, I reasoned. Until I knew for sure, there was nothing for me to worry about. Then, Tony took me in his arms again, and held me.

“I love you babe. You just don't know how much. I'd do anything for you.” He whispered. I prayed that those words were true, because I could not picture my life without him. I just could not.

12

“You bitch!” I jerked my head up at my sister's statement.

“Excuse me?” I said, insulted.

“You heard me,” Naima said scrutinizing me. I held my breath, and felt my heart drop at her glare. When I opened my mouth, ready to explain, she spoke again. “How dare you not tell me first that you're pregnant?”

“What?” I said confused. “Oh.” I said again, relieved.

We were at our favorite patio table at Café Mocha, and I tilted my head to look past the umbrella, and up at the gray clouds hovering above. “It looks like it's going to rain.” I said.

“Ha ha, very funny. Do not try to change the subject. I am still mad at you. Why didn't you tell me? I am your sister for god sakes! I should have been the first to know!” Naima said with a pout, crossing her arms. Then, I brought my attention back to her.

“Look Nai, I'm sorry I didn’t tell you first. I needed some time to process it myself, before I told anyone. I hope you understand.” I explained. Naima sat back in her chair staring at me, the way she always did, when she were suspicious about something.

“Something about you seems a little off.” She said. Once again, avoiding her gaze, I looked at the people at the table next to us.

“What do you mean?” I asked, now staring at the waiter who brought those same people their order of fries and Panini sandwiches.

“Now see. That is what I am talking about, right there. The way you have been lately, especially towards me. I cannot help but wonder how long I have been noticing this. Ever since that day you passed out over here, you have been different. Actually, now that I think about it, you have been acting weird even before that. What's up?” She asked, studying me. Naima was very observant, and I hated that. Truth of the matter is, ever since I left the hospital, I have been avoiding her. The guilt that I felt by sleeping with Chris, and now this surprised pregnancy, made it hard for me to face her. In any case, I knew it would not be long, before she caught on to my elusive behavior. She was a detective at heart. Hell, she could work for the CIA.

“Nai, I,” I began to say, but stopped. I did not know what to say. After all, what could I say?

“Well? You what? What's going on with you, Nena?” She scowled at me.

“I, I'm sorry. I have to go.” I said, pushing back my chair to stand up. Then, Naima jumped up, and quickly grabbed my arm.

“Oh, no you don't! You're not getting out of this one.” She admonished. Before she could say anymore, her phone went off. “Ugh! You stay right there. Don't go anywhere!” She ordered, before answering her phone. “Hello?” She said in annoyance. I sat back down, and desperately wanted to disappear. I did not know how long I was going to be able to keep this up. It was literally making me sick. I cannot keep doing this to my baby or myself. As the doctor said, I had to stay stress free. After clicking her phone off, Naima looked at me with a frown. “Look, I have to go to work, but this is not over. We are going to finish this. Are you going to be okay here by yourself?” She asked me. I nodded, thankful for yet another distraction.

“Yes, I'll be fine. Go ahead.” I told her. Then, Naima stared at me for a moment.

“I can tell that there's something you're not telling me. It’s written all over your face. Look, if you ever need to talk, you know I am here, I have always been. You can talk to me about anything, sis, and you know that. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, we will get through it together. Okay?” She said, placing a hand on my shoulder. My eyes filled with tears, and I looked away.

“Aww sweetie, what's wrong? Talk to me.” She said, pulling her chair closer to mine. I quickly wiped away a lone tear that rolled down my cheek.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Don't worry about it. Just hormones you know. I'm fine.” I lied.

“Are you sure?” She asked, not convinced.

“Yes, I'm sure.” I lied again.

“Okay, well, I'm about to go now. You sure you're going to be okay?” She asked one last time. I nodded, and gave her a quick hug. “I love you.” Naima whispered.

“I love you too.” I replied, holding back more tears.

As I watched Naima hurry to her car, I sat back in my chair, feeling drained and exhausted. Four and a half months along, and I were still having morning sickness. I knew that Naima was not going to let go of her suspicions, so I had to tell her something, eventually. She knows me, and that is why she was not going to let this go. This secret was tearing me up inside. No matter how much I tried to convince myself that this baby I am carrying is Tony’s, somehow deep down inside, I knew that there was a very good chance that it may not be. On top of everything, for the past month or so, along with Naima, I have been avoiding Chris as well. It felt too awkward for me to be around him, ever since I told him I could be carrying his child. Strangely, he has been quite nonchalant about the whole thing. To my disappointment, however, he respectfully kept his distance from me. That confused me a little, because he seemed so determined to be a part of this child’s life, if it were his. It was almost as if he wanted it to be his baby, but why would he want that? Tony was his best friend. How could he want something like that? It did not make any sense to me. Why was he so okay with possibly fathering his best friend’s, wife’s baby? I did not know the answer to that, but I was going to make it my point, to find out.

13

~CHRIS~

It has been nearly an hour since Nena said she was coming over. Once again, it has been months since I have seen her. I hated the way she would disappear like that, and not let me know if she was okay. However, I did promise her that I would give her some space, until she figured out… whatever it is that she needed to figure out. If you asked me, there was nothing to figure out. If that baby was mine, I was going to be in their lives regardless. Tony was my friend and all, but blood has always been thicker than water. I refuse to give up my baby for anyone, even Nena, regardless of how I feel about her. Then, suddenly, there was a light knock on my door, and that elevated my spirits. Within seconds, I was opening it to find Nena standing there looking more beautiful than ever.

“Hi.” I said letting her in. “How you been?” I asked closing the door.

“All right I guess.” She replied, without looking at me.