Savory Deceits (20 page)

“That’s great honey! I know how much you hate living on that ship.” My mom said.

“Yeah, tell me about it. It’s a nice two bedroom apartment, not too far from base, so commuting wouldn’t be a problem for me.” I explained, satisfied with my accomplishment.

“Two bedrooms?” My mom questioned.

“Yes mom, two. The extra one is for when you decide to take me up on my offer, and come live with me.” I said to her. I heard her hesitation on the other end.

“Honey, there’s something I need to…” she started to object, but I was not having it.

“No mom, I am serious. You work very hard, which cannot be good, for your condition. If you come here and stay with me, you will not have to work as hard, because I would take care of you, and we’d be together. I do not like the fact that you are all the way in Wisconsin, and I am over here in Virginia, with your condition. What if something happens and I’m not there mom?” I argued.               “Sweetie, you worry too much. I am fine. Besides, this is not Atlanta. I have family here. This is your chance to explore the world, and live your life honey. I want you to have the life that I never did, and you cannot do that if you are too busy caring for me. Baby, I appreciate your wanting to take care of me, but I can take care of myself, okay?” She preached. I sighed, because this was yet another failed attempt, at trying to convince my mother to move. The part about her ‘having family’ there was laughable to me. I knew precisely, that she has not spoken to her so-called family in years, probably even decades. At most, for now, I would let it go.

“All right mom, but will you at least think about it?” I begged feeling highly disappointed.

“Yes honey. I promise I’ll give it some thought.” She said. I knew she was lying.

“Great,” I said anyway. “The ship is leaving Friday for three weeks, so my phone will be off. I’ll call you as soon as I get back, okay mom?” I said.

“Sure honey. Be safe out there, okay?” She hurriedly said. She seemed eager to get off the phone.

“I will mom. Love you.” I said.

“Love you too baby.” She replied quickly, and hung up. I clicked the phone off, and my suspicions went to a complete new level with her. Lately, she has been practically rushing me off the phone. One time, I could have sworn I heard someone in the background, a man, no doubt. I sighed again, knowing all too well, where her elusiveness was coming from. I hated all the men she dated, because they all ended up being no good for her. They were either abusive in every way possible, or lying, cheating bastards. Nevertheless, I was going to make it my business, to pay her a constituted visit, when the ship got back. With that thought, I got up, and proceeded to walk towards the entrance. While searching for my debit card, at the bottom of my purse, I bumped into someone exiting.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t…” I started to apologize, but stopped, when I realized who my mystery man was.

“No, don’t worry about it.” He said. I smiled as my eyes trailed from his handsome face, to his exposed muscular arms, and the familiar rock hard abs, that I could see through his white t-shirt.

“How’s it going, Skye?” I finally said.

“Hey, Alana. I’m good. How are you?” He asked me. Tony seemed a bit troubled. Since our little tryst in Italy, I noticed he had been avoiding me, unsuccessfully however, since we were on the same ship.

“I’m great. How’s the wife?” I asked with a smile. His bashfulness was so cute that I could not help myself. It was adorable how he could not look me in the eye.

“She’s fine.” He replied, moving past me towards the parking lot, and I followed.

“Tony wait!” I called out to him. He then stopped, and turned around, with a frown.

“What?” He said, seemingly annoyed.

“Look, I just want to apologize for what happened in Italy. If I made you feel at all uncomfortable, being around me, I’m sorry.” I said, hoping to break down the wall, he obviously put up since then.

“Oh no, not at all,” he lied. “That’s water under the bridge.” He said, trying to sound like he was over it. I knew he was not.

              “Okay. So, we cool?” I asked anyway.

              “Yes, we’re cool.” He said, looking around for his car. I eyed his physique once more, and smiled.

              “So, what are you about to get into?” I asked, not wanting him to leave just yet. I was, as a matter of fact, interested in him.

              “Well, actually, I’m going home right now.” He replied, none too enthusiastic.

              “You don’t seem too thrilled about that.” I said.

              “No, I just got a lot on my mind that’s all.” He said, staring out into space.

              “Okay. Well, I was just going to get a bite to eat. I would not mind the company. Maybe it’ll take your mind off of whatever’s bothering you.” I suggested. I was genuinely concerned about him. Then, he looked at me, seemingly surprised. I have never displayed this loving, and caring side of myself before with him, only what I pretended to be - an unashamed, promiscuous woman, who kept throwing me at him. Now, I was a little embarrassed, by how desperate I had probably seemed to him. Shortly, he looked at his watch, and seemed to think about it for a moment. Then, I covertly crossed my fingers, hoping he would reconsider going home. Something was bothering him, that much was obvious, but what? Behind that copacetic attitude, he seemed a little upset, sad even.

              “Hey. I know it must be nice up there in space, but can you get back down to earth please?” I joked, and then he smiled. Mission accomplished, I thought.

              “Oh, I apologize. Hold on a minute,” he said, and then ran over to his car. I watched him pop his trunk, and put his bags in. Then, he closed the trunk, and pressed the lock button on his car keys. As I watched him make his way back to me, he was noticeably in a better mood.

              “So, where were you going to go eat? I’m starving.” He said with a smile, rubbing his belly. I smiled back at him.               “Well, I haven’t made up my mind yet, but come on. We can decide together.” I said to him, leading the way into the building.

21

~NENA~

I rolled over, and opened my eyes. Then, I looked over at the clock, and it was a quarter past ten. Apparently, I had dozed off, after Naima and Starr left earlier that evening. My favorite movie, “The Notebook,” had ended, and the TV screen was black. It was so quiet.

“Tony?” I called out. No answer. I pushed the covers back, and got out of bed. Then, I walked into the living room, and looked out the window. It was dark, but I noticed that Tony’s car was still gone. Next, I went into the kitchen, to pour myself another cup of tea. Feeling drained, I leaned against the counter, and lightly blew at the steaming liquid in my mug. Then, out of nowhere, as I stood there sipping my tea, thoughts of Chris ran through my mind. I began to fantasize about the way he touched me, and the way he looked at me, with those piercing green eyes of his. Eventually, I closed my eyes, and imagined him kissing me. It was hard to shake the feeling of him off me. The way he made me feel was breathless. I felt out of control whenever I was near him. Goosebumps now formed on my arms, at the thought of his lips on my body. Jolting myself, out of my own daydream, I forced those images from my head. I had to focus on what was more important, which was my marriage. I did not know how I was going to do so, but I had to fix it. I could not possibly have a life with Chris. There were too many hindrances in our way. I should have known that it would never work with him, and I certainly did not want to risk losing my sister again, now that she was back in my life. I have to do what is right, and the right thing to do, was let Chris go. The thought brought tears to my eyes, because I more than just loved him. I was veritably in love with him, but that kind of love was toxic. It brought nothing, but pain, to everyone around us. Maybe Chris was thinking the same thing, which would explain why I have not seen, or heard from him, since leaving the hospital. Surely, I did not expect him to drop by on a friendly visit, just like old times. Certainly, not after what happened. Then, I thought back to the night, I confessed to Tony, about everything. He was so hurt when I told him about Chris. However, I could not remember what took place after that, because the rest of the evening was pretty much a blur to me. Presently, on the surface, things seemed to be okay between Tony and me, but I knew better. I knew him. I knew that the reason he never brought up the subject of my infidelity, or even questioned me about it, was due to what happened with the baby. He wanted to give me time to heal and mourn. That is what I loved most about him, because he was so considerate. He has always put my feelings, and wellbeing, before his own, no matter the circumstances. Eventually, I finished my tea, and placed the mug inside the dishwasher. Then, I started to wipe down the counter, when the phone rang. I quickly answered.

“Hello?” I said.

“Hey lady. I’m just calling to check up on you.” Naima said.

“Hey Nai. Thanks. I’m okay.” I replied, disappointed that she was not Tony. Where was he anyway, I wondered.

“Is Tony back yet?” Naima asked me. I glanced at the clock again, before answering. 10:43pm. “No, he’s not.” I replied, trying not to let my mind wander.

“Oh. Well, he’s probably on his way.” Naima assured me.

“Yeah. Probably.” I agreed, unconvinced.

“Starr, and I, are all checked in over here, but we’ll be leaving tomorrow.” Naima said.

“So soon?” I asked her. Another disappointment.

“Yeah, I was only granted a two-day leave from work. That’s what we get for family emergencies.” She explained.               “Oh. I was hoping you’d stay a little while longer, so we could you know, catch up.” I said hopeful.

“I know,” Naima said, and then silence. I waited. “Nena, I’m really glad that you’re okay. I do not know what I would have done, if I had lost you. You are my baby sister, and you will always be my sister, but a lot has changed between us. What you did, really hurt me, and I do not know how to get past it. At least not yet anyway, but I am trying to. I love you, but I cannot stay here. I have to distance myself from you for a while.” She explained. I should have expected that.

“I know, and I understand. For what it’s worth, I never meant to hurt you, Nai. Words cannot begin to explain how sorry I am. I just pray that one day, you’ll find it in your heart, to forgive me.” I said sniffling.

“Thanks. It means a lot to hear you say that. Take care of yourself, okay.” She said.

“I will. Thanks for coming.” I replied, hoping that the rift between us would soon disappear.

“No problem.” Naima said.

“I love…” I started to say, before I realized she had already hung up. “You.” I finished anyway, after hearing the dial tone. I replaced the phone on its receiver with tears streaming down my face. I had made such a mess of things, and did not know how to fix it. The bond that my sister and I had was broken, and it was because of my own selfish actions. Sorrowfully, I started to head for my bedroom, when Tony walked in. 11:18pm.

“Hey,” he said, walking up to kiss me on the cheek. “You okay?” He asked, when he noticed my tears.

“Yeah, I just got off the phone with Naima.” I said, wiping my tears with my hands.

“Oh? Is she okay?” He asked me.

“I don’t know.” I replied truthfully. Then, Tony placed both hands on my arms.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure she just needs some time, that’s all.” He said.

“What about you? Do you need some time too?” I asked him, and he looked away. The question seemed to bother him. Surely, we could not keep pretending that everything was fine. We needed to talk, and now was a preeminent time to do so, since he was leaving again Friday.

“I don’t know,” he replied, walking off, to sit on the couch. I followed, and sat on the small glass table, in the middle of the living room, facing him. Then, Tony sat back, and stared at me for a moment. I stared back.

“What I don’t understand is why.” He finally said, without taking his eyes from me. I looked down at my hands, before answering.

“I don’t know. I must have asked myself that a thousand times. I guess I was feeling vulnerable. I was upset at what you told me you did with that girl, and I just needed someone to talk to and…” I stopped for a moment, before continuing. “I just needed someone to be there, and he was.” I answered truthfully.

“You needed someone to be there?” He repeated, leaning forward. “Why not turn to Nai? I mean, she was in town, why not call her? Why go to him?” Tony asked, sounding angry, and I averted my eyes. “You see Nena,” he continued, “I asked myself, over and over, how you could do something like this, because it’s not you. I know you well enough to know, that you are not the type of person, to have sex for revenge. You value yourself way too much for that, and that was one of the reasons, I fell in love with you. This was more than just sex.” He finished. I was embarrassed, because he was right. I knew that in order for us to be able to get past this, I had to be completely honest with him.

“You’re right,” I verbalized. “There was more to it than just that.” I said, with my head down at first, and then raised it, to look at him. Tony raised his brows at my admittance.

“Are you in love with him?” He asked, staring intensively at me. Now, his question caught me off guard. I was not ready to answer it. I did not want to, because I knew the truth. “It’s a simple question, Nena. A simple yes, or no, will suffice. Are. You. In love with him?” He compelled. I blinked back tears. I wanted to tell him the truth, but I knew that the truth would mean the end of our marriage, and I could not let that happen. I loved Tony. I wanted to be with him. I did not want to let him go.