Say Ye (38 page)

“No.”

“Janetta, Lee is right,” Carlo said as Sophia stood next to him.

The four started arguing and Lorenzo pulled Lita aside, into his arms. She tensed, ready to push him away. He took her smooth cheeks into his hands and kissed her with every tender, sweet nuance he could. She gazed up at him and softened.

“Let’s go away. We can go back to Italy, the two of us. Let me take care of you.”

“I can’t think, I--”

“Leave her alone,” Lee said in a harsh voice.

“You can come stay with us, sweetheart,” Carlo said.

Lita pulled away from him. Lorenzo tried to hold her. He knew he could persuade her if everyone left them alone.

“Just for awhile, Lita,” Lee said. “Give yourself time. As for you, Lorenzo, you should come to the office to clean out your desk. I’m calling Janice later about settling things.”

“Don’t do that, Lee,” Lita said with a frown. “Maybe we should all cool off for awhile. I could go away with Lorenzo…”

“Why? So he can convince you he hasn’t done anything wrong?” Lee said as Lorenzo slid his arm around Lita’s waist.

“Lorenzo, perhaps Lee has a point,” Celeste said. She patted his arm. He loosed Lita. “As does Lita. She could stay with Sophia and Carlo for a few weeks, and Lee could wait to call Janice until we see how things go?”

“I can agree to that,” Lee said. “Provided he doesn’t come to the office or bother Lita during that time.”

“I’ll make sure of that,” Carlo said.

Lorenzo tried to take Lita’s hand, but she moved away from him, toward Sophia. “Lita, I don’t care about any of that. Lee can do what he wants, I only want you.”

“I can’t think. I don’t know,” Lita said, leaning on Sophia.

“We’ll take good care of her, don’t worry,” she said. Lorenzo shook his head. Why wouldn’t they leave? “Let’s go get your things.”

“No, she’s my wife, you can’t take her,” Lorenzo said as his stomach clenched.

“She’s not your property. She wants to go,” Lee said, turning and leaving the room with Janetta.

“Uncle Enzo, Celeste, please…” Lorenzo pleaded, but Uncle Enzo shook his head before he looked away, a pained expression on his worn face.

“Let her go,” Celeste said.

“I can’t,” Lorenzo said. He gritted his teeth. He wouldn’t cry. “She doesn’t want to go. I’ll have nothing.”

“If you really feel that, all the more reason you need time apart.”

Lorenzo shook his head again. He strode toward the door. Celeste seized his arm, her fingers pressed into his bicep. He didn’t know she had that much strength.

“No more scenes, Lorenzo. Think of what you’re doing to everyone, especially Lita,” she said, though it was her husband she looked at. “Why don’t you two sit and I’ll get us some coffee?”

Lorenzo sat, obedient as a small boy, like he had the first time his father had hit him. He was alone, confused, sad, angry, wanting to cry but knowing he had to be brave, knowing he couldn’t talk about it. He could talk to Lita. She was the only one who knew. But when he looked up and saw Lita standing in the doorway, he knew it wasn’t about him. Her eyes were veined with red, forlorn, her body upright but he saw her tremble, saw the concern in her face.

“I won’t try to stop you,” he said, unmoving. “I’ll be okay. I’ll be here if you need me.”

“You won’t quit going to the…”  She stopped and glanced at Uncle Enzo.

“I’ll go, I promise,” he said.

She walked to him. He stood, his body suffused with sudden warmth. Until she unclasped her necklace and pressed it into his hand. “Hold and value your heart,” she whispered. There was no bitterness or recrimination in her voice, only sadness. “I can’t do it alone.” She nodded before Sophia, Carlo, and Lee led her out again.

Janetta stopped. She came in alone. He heard the others open the front door as he sat, heavy and cold, on the sofa.

“It’ll work out,” Janetta said as she stood across from him. “Just be a good boy and do what Grandpa Enzo and Celeste say.” She had a broad grin, but her eyes weren’t sparkling like they should.

“Thanks,” he said, trying to smile. She shrugged and left. He put his head in his hands. The heart dropped to the table with a clack. He kept breathing. It was all he could do.

29

Lita sat at the kitchen table at Sophia and Carlo’s and tried to listen as Sophia filled the silence with her washing and words. The best birthday of her life was last year, when Lorenzo proposed. This year’s the worst, they were over. The phone rang. Sophia dried her hands and answered. Lita stared at the side door, not seeing it anymore. Sophia handed her the phone telling her it was the doctor’s office.

She didn’t really understand what they said, something about her hormone levels dropping. She should have another test next week so they could make sure it leveled out, went back to normal. Lita hung up. Normal? More tests? She stared at the door again. What good were more tests? She already knew the baby was gone. Nothing else mattered.

“Lita, won’t you eat something? You didn’t touch your breakfast. How about some French toast?”

Lita shook her head. Sophia sighed and opened the refrigerator. Lita glanced at the woman who held her the last few nights as she wept, the woman who helped her plan her wedding, listened to her troubles and hopes, the woman who made Jane and Lee leave when their supposedly conciliatory visit turned into another attack on Lorenzo.

“Okay,” Lita whispered. “I’ll eat something if you want.”

Sophia smiled at her before she went back to the refrigerator and continued her talk. Lita propped her elbow on the table and leaned her head on her hand. She lost the baby, she lost Lorenzo, she lost hope. She clung to Sophia and Carlo as she had Lee when she was a little girl. They were her family.

After a week, Lita felt worse than she ever had. She believed Lorenzo would make some effort to contact her, maybe during the day, but he didn’t, she even asked Sophia about it. No one in the family mentioned him, though they all came over for dinner on Sunday. Every night she lay in bed, feeling barren, empty.

She went to the doctor’s office the next day. She sat while they asked if she had any questions, said these things happened, if another miscarriage occurred, they could discuss treatments, she should wait at least nine months before trying again. No sorry, no sympathy. Lita left determined to find a new doctor. Sophia tried to be sympathetic, but Lita didn’t want to repeat what the doctor said. She sat in the car wishing Lorenzo had been there to help and hold her. He would’ve made her feel better. She’d have to make herself better.

Joanna visited a few days later. She made Lita go to the movies with her, bought her Raisinets and a Coke, but the movie wasn’t very good and Lita’s mind wandered. She shut her eyes, seeing Lorenzo, imagining their happy life had their baby lived. He would have been so sweet and cute, with Lorenzo’s shock of dark hair and expressive eyes. She could see Lorenzo smiling, pushing the baby up and down in his arms, the baby laughing.

Her throat tightened and she heard a small sound escape. She ran out of the theatre, into the bright day. Blinking, she took a deep breath as people wove around her. She started at a hand on her back. Joanna took her hand, led her back to the car, and drove her home.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Joanna asked as they sat in the living room, the sun filtering in through the sheer curtains. Sophia brought in a pot of earl grey tea for them, then left, saying she and Carlo were going out to dinner and she had some shopping to do first. Lee and Janetta would pick Lita up later.

“I know what you’ll say, Joanna. The same thing almost everyone does. He cheated on me and I should leave him for good. I know what they’re thinking: it’s good I lost the baby so I won’t have any ties to him.” She sipped her tea then set it down. The scent of it only reminded her of Lorenzo.

“You know that’s not true. Everyone is sorry about what happened. Grandpa Enzo is pretty shaken up. I don’t like what Lorenzo did, but I’m not married to him. Do you still love him? Do you think he can change?”

“I used to believe, but now…”

“When I first met you, you seemed so sure, always believed in people’s goodness. Has that changed?”

“I don’t know anymore. That’s why I agreed to leave. I feel miserable, but I couldn’t think there. All Lorenzo has to do is hold me and I can’t think, I can’t…feel anything but how I love him and need him.” Lita took a breath, trying not to cry again. Today was the first day she hadn’t, yet. “You saw Uncle Enzo?” Joanna nodded. “Did you see Lorenzo?”

“Yes, Pete and I went over for dinner last night.”

“Is he…”

“He didn’t say much, but Pete told me he talked to him after dinner. He wouldn’t tell me anything and I tried to make him.” She smiled. “He asked about you. He’s keeping busy helping Pete and Vittorio. Grandma says he’s also having some work done upstairs and he’s been going to church.”

“I haven’t. But I might, I’m tired of being left with Lee as a babysitter. They all won’t leave me alone. I think they’re afraid I’ll run back to Lorenzo.”

“Will you?”

“I don’t know. I want to be sure he’s changed.”

“Nothing is sure, Lita. It’s a faith thing.” They laughed together.

A tiny piece of herself floated back.

“You could come to our house for dinner, or to stay if you want.”

“Thanks, but I know Lee wants to talk. Maybe another time. You should go home. Pete gets off work soon and I know you’ve been busy with the end of term,” Lita said.

“I can wait until Lee and Janetta get here.”

“You too? I’ll be okay, really.”

Joanna nodded and hugged her. “I’ll see you soon. Call me if you want to talk.”

“I will, you too. Give my love to Pete. Keep your honeymoon going as long as you can,” Lita said. Joanna smiled and winked before waving goodbye.

Dinner with Lee and Janetta went on too long. Lee wouldn’t stop telling her to go visit Aunt Cass or Emma, who had moved to Washington, D.C. recently. Lita refused, saying she wanted to stay with her family. That was all she had agreed to. Clearly Lee’s obstinacy annoyed Janetta. Lita worried how her and Lorenzo’s situation affected everyone. Some nights she heard Sophia and Carlo arguing about it, and Uncle Enzo and Celeste, as Joanna told her, were shaken. She was too. She had never known she could be so sad. She missed the life inside her, missed the promise the baby held, she missed Lorenzo.

Padding downstairs later that night, Lita went into the living room to watch television; she couldn’t sleep. What she saw, however, was Sophia and Carlo kissing on the couch like two teenagers. Lita swiveled on her feet to run back upstairs.

“Honey, did you need something?”

“No, I’ll go back up and read.”

“No, you come sit with us,” Sophia said, prodding Carlo off the couch. He walked over to Lita.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. There’s a nice old movie on. You sit with Sophia and I’ll make you some tea,” Carlo said. Lita hoped Janetta and Joe knew what a great Dad they had. Carlo was a good man, he had his faults, but he was the kind of man Lita imagined her father had been.

She sat next to Sophia. “I’m sorry for interrupting.”

“We’re used to it. We have plenty of time together now, don’t worry. How are you doing? Did you have a good visit with Joanna? How are Lee and Janetta?”

“Fine, but I’m worried about Lee and Janetta. I think she’s annoyed with him.”

“I know. But don’t worry, they’ll work it out. All married couples have their problems. Even Carlo and I.”

“Really? But I feel like Lorenzo and I are causing--”

“Stop right there. It’s not your fault. Maybe we should have all stepped back and let you two be. I admit I went along with Carlo, but I don’t know…if people had interfered with my parents or some other couples I know, they might not have made it. And I know how much I needed Carlo after my miscarriages. If you need Lorenzo, I can convince Carlo.”

“I…I don’t want to need him. I want to be sure he’s changed. I want to feel happy again.”