Scandalous Heroes Box Set (117 page)

Belinda chuckled. “Why don’t you really want the reception? And don’t give me that nervous crap either. I’ve known you for five years and I’d say you don’t do nervous. You don’t let stuff get to you and you’ll walk on fire to make your point.” She paused, watching Pam finger the threads on the pillow. “So what’s really bothering you?”

“I’m not ready to share him yet.” Her gaze slid away from Belinda. “I am so in love with this incredible man, it scares me sometimes that he’s mine and that he loves me.” Pam inhaled and then blew it out slowly. “I keep thinking if we have the reception, it means the honeymoon’s over and I’m not ready for that. I just want to keep this wondrous feeling in my own box for a little longer.”

Belinda’s heart ached as she watched old familiar emotions ran across Pam’s face. Her friend had found what every woman dreams of her whole life. Once, a long time ago, Belinda thought she had found love. It had been a fairy tale summer, full of laughter, romance and love. A spasm of pain raced through her as she thought about Donnie and Blaine. In order to function in a world without them, she’d had to bury their memories deep inside. Problem was, burying the best memories prevented her from making new ones. She was terrified of going through that type of despair again.

“I get it, it’s like you don’t want to breathe unless he shares your air. You’re living in perfection and should do everything to hang onto it as long as you can,” she said in a wistful voice. When she caught her friend’s thoughtful expression, she cleared her throat.

“Pam, tell them you’re not ready, and then tell Julio the same thing you just told me. I guarantee the pressure to have a reception will stop. As long as the two of you are on the same page…I mean, if you explain your hesitancy, everything will work out.”

Pam eyed her. “You’ve been here…where I am…this crazy kind of 'in love' I mean?”

“Yeah, a long time ago. It didn’t work out though.” She was startled by the hurt that lurked beneath the surface. All this time she was certain she was over the heartache from what she'd shared with the men in her life.

Pam sat forward and took her hand. “You still love him?”

The question jolted Belinda. “Love him? I don’t know. Plus it was two men, not one. I loved them both at the same time,” she answered, realizing she’d revealed a part of herself that she kept hidden for years.

Pam’s jaw dropped. “Okay…did they know you were seeing them both?”

Belinda understood Pam’s confusion. She'd never fully understood it herself. “They were identical twins, they knew. I can’t explain it now, just like I couldn’t explain it then. Being with just one didn’t feel right. Kinda like something was missing. I think God just created those two as a package deal.”

“So you loved them, why didn’t it work out? And yes, I’m back to being bossy and nosy, but it’s only cause you’re my friend and I care about you. If you don’t want to share, you don’t have to.”

Belinda shrugged like it was no big deal, even though her heart slammed against her chest. “I haven’t thought about them in a while, I can’t afford too. You know what I mean?”

Pam nodded.

“I’d seen them in high school, but they were upper classmen; tall, fine, and good looking. I do remember thinking they were hot. But my folks weren’t into the whole interracial thing, it was easier to lick my lips from a distance.”

Pam nodded. “I hear you. My husband’s Latino, and we get funny looks when we’re out. People always got something to say.”

“True. I didn’t see them again for about five years, they were home from college, I think they had just graduated undergrad. I bumped into both of them on the same day, both of them asked for my phone number and we started talking.” She frowned. “Blaine was my first, and Donnie well, he was…” Her voice caught as the memories flew from their cages, overwhelming her.

Sometimes Blaine would read aloud to her with his head on her lap and then they’d make out on the thick comforter he’d brought. He had the most incredible memory, he could recall anything. He had a thing for numbers and had a job offer as an accountant. That came in handy when they were together. He always remembered exactly where and how to touch her to make her hot. Too many times her mind blanked from the exquisite pleasure of when they were together. He was a connoisseur when it came to lovemaking. He’d start with simple things, like rubbing her feet after she’d worked her shift at her summer job, placing kisses up her leg before reaching her sex. He had the most incredible lips and tongue. He’d lay between her thighs, licking, lapping, and bringing her to multiple orgasms. She’d be boneless when he finished.

Her pussy clenched at that memory.

Or Donnie, he’d take her to ball games, lifting her high in the air when he was excited, holding her close while whispering explanations of what they were seeing. Sometimes he’d find the most incredible spots to listen to great musicians where he’d hold her tight as they danced. Often he’d lean close to her ear and serenade her. She’d be so hot and ready for him. Many times they stopped on the side of the road and he’d take her on the side of the car, pounding hard into her. She’d egg him on, loving every second of his possession. He had been accepted to law school. She wondered if he and Blaine made it in their professions.

Her gaze slid to Pam’s empathetic one. “Awesome, for three months I was pampered and treated better than any queen. They showered love and affection on me to the point that I just knew we’d always be together. Wasn’t sure how… not with three, but I hoped we would…” She looked at Pam. “I really thought they were telling me the truth when they claimed to be in love with me too. Right before summer ended, they had a fight over who would take me somewhere…”

She closed her eyes, searching for the memory, only to discover it had escaped her. “Wow, I can’t remember what they fought over. But it was a big deal because these two never, ever fought each other. When I say they’re close, I mean bread and butter close. Their parents were pissed. I was scared because…well let’s just say they were very violent and I had no idea they had that kind of fight in them.”

Pam nodded. “Men, very territorial, believe me I get it.”

“For real. I got into an argument with each of them and left the next day to visit my godmother in Decatur, Georgia. I hadn’t been there a full day before my godmother asked me if I was breeding.”

“What?” Pam’s eyebrows flew up.

“I was pregnant and didn’t know it. I had always been irregular, plus I didn’t have any symptoms. There I was, eighteen, headed to college, and two months pregnant. My mom wanted me to get an abortion,” she said softly. The argument she and her mom had that day was indelibly printed on her mind. Not only had her mother called her a whore, she also kicked her out of the only home she’d ever had. If her godmother hadn’t taken her in, she had no idea what she would have done.

“I’m glad you didn’t. Although I’ve never met your sons, the way your eyes light up when you talk about them, speaks of your love and commitment to them.” Pam squeezed her hand.

Glad for the support of her friend, she inhaled and continued. “Yeah, after my mom kicked me out, I called my boyfriends to tell them about the baby, didn’t know I was having twins yet.” She looked up at the ceiling to stop the tears from falling. “And to this day, they have never returned my calls.”

“You sure they got the message?”

Belinda nodded. Having lost the battle of keeping her eyes dry, she wiped away a trail of water with her fingertip. “Yeah, I talked to their father each time, he said he would tell them I called and give them the message to call me back. I didn’t have the money to get back to Pennsylvania, and a condition of staying with my godmother was that I stop 'fornicating,'” she said, holding her fingers up in quotation marks. “Go to church, focus on me and my child. I had to sneak to make the calls when I did. Months before the boys were born they changed their number, and it was unlisted after that. I didn’t know their address or their parent’s names, so I couldn’t write.” She tried to smile and failed. “That’s my story of love and loss, damn it.” She sat up. “I didn’t come here to cry and be a Debbie Downer. I’m happy you are so in love you don’t want to share your man with anyone else. I say go for it, do it your way and all that jazz.”

Pam wiped a tear from her eyes, and pulled Belinda close. The gesture warmed Belinda to her toes. She had never been able to really discuss her feelings over Donnie and Blaine’s rejection. It had been too painful, it cut too deep. Plus, there hadn’t been any sympathetic ears in Georgia or anywhere else. The few girlfriends she had in high school were getting ready for college. She had been too ashamed of how her mom and the twins responded to her situation to tell anyone back home about her predicament, so she shut down all communications.

If there was a penalty for loving two brothers, Belinda believed she had paid it in full. Not only had she lost her heart, but she didn’t have time to grieve the death of that relationship. From the moment her godmother allowed her to stay, she had been slammed into another world of religious fanaticism. Church three days a week and Sundays. She became her godmother’s chauffeur until she was too big to get behind the wheel. The day she settled in her godmother’s home was the last day the older woman cooked or cleaned. It was no wonder her two godsisters visited just once a year, and that was Thanksgiving. They sympathized with her plight but told her flat out they had no desire to spend more time with their aging parent.

“I know it hurts and it’s been years. Last time we talked you told me you were finally dating again, does that help in any way?” Pam asked, still holding her hand.

She nodded slowly, as her thoughts turned to her new lover. “Robert is nice. He’s older, much older, and has little patience for my boys. So you know that relationship isn’t long term or serious. He’s a nice sexual diversion every once in a while. I am not interested in anything serious right now with my dad being so sick.”

Pam sat back and held her hand. “You’ve been through what every person in a relationship dreads, hurt and betrayal. You, Belinda Moore, are a tough as nails survivor, and I’m damn glad you’re here. I value your friendship and need a second pair of eyes on my back.” She grinned at Belinda, who was glad to be off the subject of her former lovers.

“Ms. Pam, your other guests just cleared the gate and will be here in a few minutes,” Brooks said from the entry.

“Thanks.” Pam glanced at her as she stood. “How do I look? Do I need to fix my face?” she asked, walking over to a nearby mirror on the wall.

Belinda joined her. “You look great…like a woman in love. Hang onto to him and what you have with everything you’ve got. If he put that look in your eyes, he’s worth it.”

Pam stared at her for a moment and stumped her foot. “See now you got me crying again and I need to be dry-eyed and clear-headed. I don’t know these women.”

Belinda chuckled as she checked her face. It was fine. “Don’t worry. First off, this is your home. That means you set the tone. Second, I got your back. I’ll block the arrows and make sure you know where they came from. I’m used to your hard core, fix it now, attitude. If the people of Flint think you’re a pushover, then I want a ringside seat as you straighten them right quick.”

Pam smiled and gave her another quick hug. “Be nice. Remember I had to battle with you to get what I needed for my clients, I know better than most who’s the tough chick in the room.”

Belinda shrugged as they headed back to their seats. “Being a case worker in Social Services means you toughen up or go crazy.” She glanced at Pam. “I couldn’t afford to do crazy.”

Pam chuckled just as Brooks stood to the side and three women, one Latina and two black, entered the room. “Hi Vianca, how’re you doing?” Pam asked, standing and reaching for the Latina.

“Good, Chica, you?”

Belinda watched the two women greet each other and could tell there was a genuine fondness between them. She took a moment to check out the other two females, who stood a little off to the side. Neither woman hid their interest in the house and were busy looking around the room as if they were in a museum or something. Belinda couldn’t blame them, the house was magazine worthy.

“Pam, I want you to meet Denise and Cherise.” Vianca stepped back, allowing the two women to move forward.

“Hi, I’m Denise and I am so happy to meet you. From what I’ve heard, Julio’s happy and that makes you a star in my book. He’s always been so nice. Now, if you could remind him of a promise to make me some cabinets a few years back, I’ll be your best friend forever.”

Belinda pegged Denise to be in her late twenties, early thirties. She had a curvy build, mocha brown complexion, and stood taller than Pam by a few inches, so that’d put her around five five or five six.

Pam chuckled. “Thanks Denise, you’ve got to tell me more about his cabinetry skills. I’ve heard things.”

“Girl, Julio is the best when it comes to working with wood. You should see the cabinets he built for Ms. Connie, then you’d understand why I was so heartbroken when he left Michigan.” Denise pouted and then laughed. It made her slanted brown eyes sparkle in her heart-shaped face. She pushed wisps of her shoulder length hair from her face as she stepped aside.

“Hi, I’m Cherise. I love your home, it’s large and warm,” the statuesque woman said, smiling. “And congratulations and best wishes on your marriage, I hope this chapter in your life is the best.” She handed Pam a large box that Belinda hadn’t seen before.

“Thanks Cherise, I appreciate that,” Pam said, sounding genuinely touched.

“School teacher on the premises,” Denise said, pointing at Cherise with a warm smile. “I forgot to congratulate you on your marriage and I should have, especially since my husband gave me carte blanche on finding the perfect wedding gift.” She stepped backward, picked up a brightly colored bag and handed it to Pam. “This is from my husband, Red and I. Congratulations, and best wishes to you both.”

For a moment no one said anything as Pam sat the gifts on a nearby table. Belinda felt eyes on her and relaxed into the moment. Whenever Pam got around to introducing them was fine with her.