Scared (25 page)

Russell smiled, thinking back to the time he'd first fed Toby in his London flat, the curry a microwave effort that had tasted good but not as good as Toby promised
his
dish would taste.

The mid-morning sun slanted though the vertical blinds covering the kitchen window, giving Toby's bare back a striped look, the lines of light accentuating his smooth skin, the darker lines making it dull.

Once again Russell thought about the incidents that had led them to this place—not in too much detail, mind, just the quick dash of a memory that he quickly squashed—to them even being together. What a price they'd paid for it too. But they'd beaten the odds so far, and he had no doubt in his mind that their being together was meant to be. Oh, he knew that sounded fantastical, that fate had a hand in life, pushing you to meet the one you'd spend the rest of your life with, sending tests along the way to see if you could get through them together, but there it was. That's how he felt.

Toby's black jogging bottoms rode low on his waist, and Russell studied the way his lover's spine curved inward at its base. He liked to rest his hand in there when they hugged, the space making him think it had been created just for him. Their bodies fitted together, every dip and curve, every rise and fall of flesh, and he was so damn lucky his feelings for Toby were reciprocated.

They got along so well, rarely arguing or disagreeing, and that's how Russell wanted it to stay. He couldn't imagine their relationship turning sour, with black looks and words said to wound, and hoped they never came to that. Surely their experience at Frost's had cemented their bond forever, never to be broken by a conflict of opinions or a fight as to whether they should go out tonight or stay in. Not that they were the type to go out, but he knew what he meant.

He often thought about shit like this, tossing things around in his head.

It beat
really
thinking.

Toby placed the chicken in the slow cooker dish and grabbed an onion from the vegetable rack. Russell smiled at Toby being oblivious to him being there, enjoying watching his lover as he worked in a world of his own. Maybe Toby using the iPod a lot lately was his way of blocking the crap out. Maybe, if his head was full of music, it left no room for anything else.

Onion chopped and added to the dish, Toby unscrewed a jar of curry sauce, and Russell nearly laughed out loud.

So much for him adding the spices and creating the sauce himself.

A wide smiled curved Russell's mouth, and he had the urge to grab hold of Toby and squeeze him, to press against his body and never let go. As though he finally sensed Russell watching, Toby turned and grinned, then set the cooker on low for the food to cook throughout the day. He yanked the earphones out and switched off his gadget, laying it on top of the microwave.

"Been there long?” Toby asked, going over to the sink to wash his hands.

"Long enough to see your homemade sauce didn't quite make it into the pot."

Toby chuckled and shrugged, unconcerned at being caught out. “Yeah, well, I decided we may as well use up the jar of sauce. Saves taking it with us."

"Any excuse...”
God, I love you.

"No, no. Not an excuse. Just a fact.” Toby dried his hands on a tea towel then threw it at Russell.

It landed on his head, and he laughed, pulling it off and throwing it back.

It missed Toby, landing on the worktop.

"So,” Toby said, walking toward Russell and holding him close, arms resting on his waist. “You finally accepted the books have to go?"

"Yeah. All boxed up."

They hadn't had sex since their ordeal, their muscles and sore skin preventing much intimacy beyond kisses. Even touching or spooning in bed had given them both too much pain. The abstinence had wreaked havoc with Russell, when all he'd wanted to do was express his love in that special way only having sex could, and now his cock betrayed him. It hardened fast, what with Toby's groin pressed so tightly there, and he sucked in a short breath at the intensity of his need. His balls joined the party, tightening then throbbing, wanting attention as much as his cock.

"Someone's pleased to see me,” Toby said, the skin beside his eyes crinkling with his smile.

"Yeah, well...it's been a while. Sorry."

"Why be sorry? We've always had,” Toby skimmed his hands down Russell's arse, “a healthy sexual appetite."

Oh, God. He gets me every time.
“Yeah, but we haven't exactly been in a position to—"

"We'll get into a position all right. You up for that?” Toby tilted his head.

Toby stared so deeply into his eyes Russell thought he'd lose all sense of where he was. “Yeah, I'm up for that."

Russell mimicked Toby, cupping his lover's arse, kneading the taut flesh. It felt so good beneath his palms, but the sudden remembrance of how raw his skin had been cooled his ardour. “Your skin. Sorry, I'm...I don't want to hurt you."

"It's nearly better. Just old bruises and pink marks left. Touch me. Feel me."

Toby's breath feathered Russell's cheek as he dipped his head and peppered kisses along the column of Russell's neck. A rash of goose bumps spread out over Russell's skin. Fuck, he'd missed this. Missed their closeness and the sensations that spiralled through his body every time Toby touched him like that, his hands skating over Russell's arse.

Russell smoothed his hands up and caressed Toby's lower back, either side of his spine. The skin was raised in places now, knobbles from the contusions Frost had inflicted a constant reminder of what they'd been through. Russell hated that they marred his own skin, but Toby didn't seem fazed, was just content to be alive, extra markings or not.

Raising his hands, Russell traced his palms up his lover's back, rediscovering his body all over again. Memorising each new lump, each new crevice. He brought his hands up further, trailing them over Toby's shoulders and down his arms. Toby's lips and tongue did things Russell had only dreamed about this past fortnight, licking and kissing, his mouth suckling and loving. And shit, it felt good.

With their hands exploring one another, Russell lowered Toby's jogging bottoms, and Toby stepped out of them, kicking them aside. Russell dipped his head and licked along Toby's collarbone, tasting the skin as if for the first time. He savoured the salty tang, trailing a path to the dip below Toby's Adam's apple, circling his tongue in the hollow. His fingertips brushed over Toby's biceps, the tribal tattoo ruined by an angry, raised red scar. But it didn't matter, he loved Toby just the same—the inside counted for so much more than the outside. The
self
, the part of his lover that felt and longed and hoped and loved.

Toby's erection pressed against Russell's, showing his need was just as vibrant. This...
this
part of their lives had always been so right, the way they knew which buttons to press and what the other liked. Fondling like this, taking the time to just explore and revel in their discoveries had become an important part of the way they had sex. It wasn't just about the fucking, although they did a fair bit of that as well.

Images of previous fast fucks skittered through Russell's mind, and his longing heightened, his desire pushing up to painful levels. His cock throbbed,
ached
with the need to be touched. His balls tightened further, the desire to release what they held building with every second. Arsehole clenching, Russell sucked in a breath then let it out, the hot air fanning Toby's neck and cooling as it puffed back over his face.

Toby placed his hands on Russell's chest, gently pushing him against the wall beside the door. The cold contact sent shivers down his spine, and Toby grasping Russell's wrists and lifting them above his head brought more, the anticipation of what Toby was about to do intense and all-consuming.

"Lace your fingers,” Toby whispered against Russell's temple. “Hold them up like that. And don't touch me. Let
me
be the one who touches."

Russell did as he was asked, the position of his arms reminding him of Frost's basement. He quickly shut the thought out, telling himself he could do this, combat this phobia of raising his arms like that. Toby had done this on purpose, he knew, showing him that they had nothing to fear now.

Blowing out a long, steady breath, Russell focused on Toby, who licked and kissed down Russell's chest as he lowered to his knees. The thought of Toby sucking his cock...fuck, he wasn't sure he'd be able to hold off for much longer. The fierce longing inside him grew, making him jut out his pelvis. Toby dragged Russell's boxers down his legs, leaving them pooled at his ankles. Hands warm on Russell's waist, Toby kissed and teased Russell's hipbones, lips and breaths an agonising appetiser. Russell jerked his cock toward his lover, the motion reflexive, his body taking charge. He longed to sink his fingers into that black head of hair, guiding that mouth to cover his tip, sinking himself inside.

Toby had other ideas, nipping the skin below Russell's hipbone, fingers kneading the backs of his thighs. Russell's cock strained, bobbed against his lower belly, and he flexed his fingers to stop himself lowering his arms and fisting himself.

Pre-cum glistened, a perfect globe of liquid sitting in his slit, and the thought of Toby licking it off had Russell groaning in frustration.

"Suck me,” he breathed, his chest and muscles tight with expectation. “Please...I need—"

Toby plunged Russell's cock into his mouth, the wet heat burning into his skin, bringing a rush of sensation. Russell lowered his hands—fuck, he couldn't
not
touch Toby—and fisted his lover's hair, the feel of it soft on his palms. Toby eased his head up and down, the sheath of his mouth tight and unforgiving with suction. Pleasure spiralled through Russell's groin—cock pulsing, balls aching, arsehole puckering, again, again, again—and he gasped out a succession of breaths to try and control his need to come.

"I'm close...fuck, I'm close."

Toby sucked harder, faster, his tongue pushing against Russell's cock, the soft yet hard pressure of it exciting him further. He let go of Toby's hair, one hand slamming onto the doorframe, his fingers gripping it hard, the other splayed against the wall, fingernails scratching for something to hold on to. His hips jerked, sending him deeper into Toby's mouth, and Russell gained his own rhythm, his lover keeping up with the pace. Russell fucked Toby's mouth, watching his length slide in and out, the skin wet, the vein pulsating. Toby's fingers dug into Russell's skin then he raised his hands, gliding them up to Russell's waist and holding him firmly.

Russell's gaze slid down, away from the sight of those lips clamped around his width, to Toby's cock, hard and bobbing every time Toby sucked Russell inside. His fingers itched to curl around his lover's shaft, but the sensations pouring into his cock meant he wouldn't have time to change position.

"Shit, I'm coming!"

His knees sagged, a jet of cum speeding out of him, and he bucked, the spasms of orgasm taking over his body, taking control. He gave in, let the ecstasy roll over him, claim him in that moment of bliss he'd been working toward. Toby swallowed what Russell gave him, pumping him with tightened lips and a more forceful tongue. Another jet of cum filling Toby's mouth had Russell keening, his fingers plucking the wall and doorjamb, his eyes half closed. His torso jolted forward, sweat-slicked back peeling from the wall, and then he leaned back again, pushing his cock forward to send another stream spitting out of him.

Toby groaned, stuttered
ah-ah-ahs
that told Russell he was about to come himself. Spent, Russell pulled out of Toby's mouth and stepped out of his boxers. He sank down the wall, turning just before he reached the floor, facing the wall with his arse nestled against Toby's cock. Bringing his hands up, he pressed his palms to the cool surface and waited.

"Get inside,” he said, cock still throbbing with aftershocks. “Need you...inside.” He sucked in a steady breath to calm his fast-beating heart and felt Toby ease back a little.

The sound of a drawer opening reached him—Toby getting the lube—and a short moment passed before a douse of fluid cooled the skin around his arsehole and the tube clattered to the tile.

"Fuck, I want you,” Toby breathed. “I need to...fuck you hard. I've missed you."

"Missed you too. Just shut up and fuck me."

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Toby smoothed the lube around Russell's arsehole, his thumb gliding over the pucker then dipping inside. The scent of sex heavy in the air, he took a deep breath through clenched teeth and hissed it out again.

"Going to fuck you hard,” he whispered. “Love you with my cock."

His nipples hardened, and his balls ached, heavy and pendulous between his legs. Using his free hand, he picked the lube up off the floor and held the tube above Russell's arse. Squeezing, he drizzled more lube down the cleft, watching it drip as the heat of Russell's body warmed it. He pulled his thumb out until just the tip remained inside, catching the lube to scoop it up and inside Russell's channel.

"That feel good?” he asked. “Is that what you've been waiting for?"

Russell nodded.

"D'you want me inside you. My cock inside you?"

He nodded again. “Please. I've missed you...this."

Toby's cock throbbed with his need for release, but he could wait a little longer. He loved this part where he primed his lover's hole, ready to take him inside. Russell's tight sheath clenched every time Toby eased his thumb in and gave every time he pulled out.

Finding the sensitive nub inside, Toby circled it, adding pressure and using his fingertips to fondle Russell's balls. “This feels so fucking good. Your tight arse, your smell, your body..."

A sharp intake of breath told him Russell was turned on, and Toby leaned to the side, taking in the sight of the other's cock. It was growing hard again, the shaft moving upward.

"You ready for me again? Fuck, yeah. You want me...” Toby slid his cock into the valley between Russell's arse cheeks, rubbing his shaft up and down at the same time as thumb-fucking Russell's hole. Toby watched his cock rise and fall, the soft skin enclosing it cushioning him. His tip glistened with lube, the clear pre-cum in his slit dripping down to his corona.