Scarred (Damaged Souls) (10 page)

“Could you not lie like that? It’s freaking me out. You look like you’re supposed to be laying in a casket or something.” Sloan said half joking half serious,
especially after the dream he’d just had.

“Oh, sorry. I’m not exactly sure which way I should lay.” Lexi said, tensing as he got into the bed.

“Well you could always face me and maybe we could talk for a little while. I won’t bite.” Sloan teased.

“Okay.” Lexi said softly as she turned towards him.

They laid there a moment, staring at each other in the soft glow of the moonlight streaming through the window. Sloan reached out and clasped her right hand that lay on the pillow. She didn’t recoil from his touch, which he took as a good sign and he gently started stroking his thumb over her small fingers.

“What…what were you like with girls? Before the war, I mean?” Lexi quickly asked before she lost her nerve.

“A flirt, I guess.” Sloan shrugged.

“Oh there has to be more to it than that.” Lexi pushed, like he always did to her.

“I don’t know. I guess getting girls always came easy to me, so I didn’t really think about it. I was overconfident and maybe even a little cocky.” Sloan said, wistfully remembering how he took his looks for granted back then.

“You know, you could still be that way. You think you scars are a deterrent, when they’re actually anything but. As far as I know, most women think scars are sexy.” Lexi tried to assure him.

“So…does that mean you think I’m sexy?” Sloan grinned, making him look sexy and devilish in the moonlight.

“Oh hush!” Lexi blushed hard and was thankful for the dark room.

“So where did you get those remarkable green eyes?” Sloan asked seriously.

“My mom.” Lexi said softly.

“What was she like?” Sloan continued on, hoping that she wouldn’t reclose the vault.

“She was beautiful and kind. But she was the type of woman that let men take advantage
. She never stood up for herself, though she did stand up for me when my father decided to take his anger out on me instead of her. But then he’d only beat her worse for it. So I learned about relationships through my fucked up parents. So I kept finding guys like my dad and since I was so much like my mom it ended up being a destructive combination.” Lexi finished sadly, followed by a big yawn.

“I hate what you had to go through.
You deserve so much better than that. But anyway, I should let you get some sleep I know you must be tired. And we’ve got a big day tomorrow.” Sloan said before yawning himself.

“Yeah, it’s like Christmas. I can’t wait to make this place my own.” Lexi said with pent up excitement
.

“Goodnight, Alexis.”

“Goodnight, Sloan.”

They quickly fell asleep
, still clasping hands. Mental and emotional exhaustion taking over.

Ch
apter 8

“Everything”

Sloan woke up slowly opening his eyes, squinting at the bright morning light coming in through the window. When his eyes finally adjusted and focused, he gazed on the best vision he could think of to wake up to.

Lexi was still asleep across from him. Her hand was still wrap
ped tightly in his, her face serene and trouble free in sleep.
I love you,
Sloan thought to himself and then froze as he realized what he had just admitted to himself. But he knew it was true. He loved Lexi with every fiber of his being. He wasn’t sure when the feeling had snuck up on him, but he knew he couldn’t turn back now.

“I love you.” He whispered to her, wanting to say it out loud even if she didn’t hear it.

Lexi’s eyelids started to fluttered. Sloan’s breath caught when her sleepy green eyes finally opened and focused on him. A soft smile touched her lips and a slight flush spread across her cheeks, tinting them pink as she realized he had been watching her sleep.

“God you’re even more beautiful in the mornings! You’re the best sight to wake up to ever.
” Tank whined in response on the floor next to them. “Sorry buddy, but there’s no contest.” Sloan grinned at Lexi as the blush deepened across her cheeks. “And I told you I’d behave. I didn’t cross the pillows even once.”

“No you didn’t. Thank you for being
such a gentleman.” Lexi said shyly.

“I have to admit that sleeping next to you was one of the most peaceful nights I’ve had in longer than I can remember. Thank you for letting me stay.” Sloan said sincerely.

“You’re welcome. Well if we’re both being honest, it was the best sleep I’ve ever had too. You make me feel safe. Tank, too.” Lexi looked away bashfully.

“Good. Then you won’t mind when I show up at your door tonight, because I need a little more of that kind of sleep.”
Sloan grinned devilishly, leaned over to quickly kiss Lexi on the nose and then jumped up out of the bed. “Are you ready for a big day? Walls are coming down today, so bring out those muscles!” Sloan said with eagerness.

“
Yep, I’m ready. Point me in the right direction Master Renovator and I’ll gladly get this party started.” Lexi said hopping up from the bed, making Sloan chuckle in surprise at this playful side of Lexi.

“I’ll let you get dressed. Put on something comfy that you don’t care about getting dirty or ruined.” Sloan suggested before he left to give her some privacy.

Lexi was amazed at how such a rough night, filled with heartbreaking emotions, stunning confessions and then a peaceful sleep could make her feel so hopeful, happy and uplifted. And knowing that they were going to start the long and arduous task of making the house her very own, added to the feeling of optimism coursing through her.

Renovating the house was like a metaphor for her life. As she was tearing down the walls of the house, she was tearing down her walls of self-abasement and low sel
f-esteem. And as she rebuilt them, she’d make the house and herself stronger, more beautiful and with added value.

With more pep in her step than she’d had in a long time, Lexi
walked to the bathroom, did her business and then quickly brushed her teeth and washed her face. Heading back to her bedroom she grabbed a pair of gray cropped yoga pants and a loose-fitting gray and white stripped tank with a little red pocket on the left breast quickly putting them on, and then she pulled on her red canvas tennis shoes. Last she tied a red handkerchief around her head as a knock sounded at the door.

“Come in.” Lexi called out.

Sloan opened the door, carrying in the sledgehammers, two masks to protect their lungs from unhealthy dust and a couple pairs of gloves to protect their hands from blisters. He stopped in his tracks as he took in Lexi’s outfit, admiring her ridiculously luscious ass and wide hips encased in the tight pants.

“Do
you always make even the most mundane activity fashionable?” Sloan said, swallowing hard, wanting nothing more than to strip her naked and worship that ass.

Lexi flushed with pleasure, not used to compliments.

“I don’t know. I guess it’s because my ex always made me dress like a slut when we went out, trying to show me off. But when I was at home I’d hide in big baggy clothes to avoid his criticism. In public he pretended to be sweet and then he’d get me behind closed doors…well you can imagine.” Lexi said not wanting to dwell on the past when she was feeling so great. “So anyway, now that I’m on my own, I’m just enjoying wearing the styles I’ve always wanted to, indoors or out.” Lexi finished.

“
That guy better not ever cross my path.” Sloan gritted his teeth in anger. “I love the way you dress. All natural sexy mother earth. Don’t change a thing.” Sloan said sweetly.

“Thanks.” Lexi smiled and looked down at her feet bashfully.

Something in their relationship had shifted overnight. After her breakdown and subsequent confession of her past, his nightmare that showed his broken and vulnerable side and sharing a bed together, lifted a million pound weight off their shoulders. Making them feel more relaxed around each other. And with the secrets out of the way, both seeing each other at their worst, nothing was left to focus on but the intense feelings they had for each other.

They spent the next hour breaking down the beds in both of the upstairs rooms and emptying out the rooms and bringing everything downstairs. After they were done they stood in front of the first wall they were planning to tear down.

“So I have an idea.” Sloan said pulling out two fat permanent markers from his pocket. “Let’s write or draw the things and people who have hurt us on the wall that we’re tearing down. Then when we’re done, we can shout and scream and beat the shit out of the wall with the sledgehammers till there’s nothing left. What do you think?” Sloan proposed.

“
Honestly that’s the best idea I’ve heard in a long time. I literally was thinking earlier that stripping down this house and rebuilding it was like a metaphor for my life. It’s like you read my mind. A trained therapist couldn’t have come up with a better healing exercise! Let’s do it!” Lexi said in excited anticipation.

Sloan handed her one of the markers, and they both popped the caps off their markers and stepped
up to the wall. They held their hands up to the wall ready to write and paused to look at each other.

“Ready?” Sloan asked.

“Yes.” Lexi answered.

“Don’t hold back.”

“I won’t.”

They took a deep breath and started to write or draw whatever they were feeling. Sloan wrote down everything that had affected him during his tours in Afghanistan
, every friend he knew that died and his parents’ names and the disappointment and anger he felt for them. Lexi wrote down her father’s name along with every man that had made her feel less than human. She drew her scarred legs, and taking a shaky breath, she even wrote her mother’s name. Finally admitting how angry she was at her mother for never being brave enough to leave her father before he eventually took her life and teaching her impressionable daughter that it was okay to have shitty abusive relationships.

T
hey both took a few steps back when they were finished and read each other’s section of the wall. When they were done reading the other’s, they looked at each other with glassy eyes, barely holding back the tears and emotions they felt. Sloan grabbed a sledgehammer, one of the masks and a pair gloves and held them out to Lexi. She took them gladly, ready to close this chapter of her life.

Sloan reach
ed for his hammer as well. They pulled their masks over their faces, put on their gloves and then took wide stances to support the weight of the hammers.

“On three. One…two…three!” Sloan shouted out.

They both swung their hammers and hit the wall with a resounding crack, screaming out whatever they felt in that moment.

“You don’t
fucking own me!” Lexi yelled.

“You didn’t break me!” Sloan shouted.

“You will never lay a hand on me again, you worthless piece of shit!”

“I’m so sorry Vick!
”

Tears finally started to stream down their faces as they yelled expletives and hurtful things at the wall, followed by something positive and then they’d hit the wall again.
The wall quickly began to crumble under their assault.

When no words were left
to shout and their written words were in a heap on the floor, they continued to swing, demolishing the wall and healing with every invigorating stroke of their hammers. And as the last of the wall came down, they both took deep breaths.

Sloan pulled off his mask
and Lexi followed his lead. They looked at each other in silence, spent from spewing out years of pain. Yet they were filled with energy and hope for things to come.

Lexi saw a look in Sloan’s eyes that she had never seen on a man’s face when looking at her. The look made her breath catch and her heart pound
ed in her chest. With hesitant steps, she walked towards him and for the first time in her life she actively initiated a hug with a man. Her trembling arms wrapped around his waist and she placed her head on his chest, hearing his heart pound quickly.

Sloan was shocked by the
deliberate affection Lexi was bestowing on him. He gladly wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tightly to him. She lifted her face off of his chest to look up at him.

“Sorry. I just thought with letting go of the past that maybe I could try touching a man without freaking out
too.” Lexi explained her sudden bout of affection.

“Don’t apologize. I’m honored that you would trust me enough to open up.” Sloan looked down at her.

The look on Sloan’s face let Lexi know that he was going to kiss her any second. So she took a step back, releasing his waist and looked away at the rubble of the demolished wall on the floor.

“Baby steps.” She said softly.

“That’s okay, I can wait.” Sloan said with confidence.

“Don’t give up on me.” Lexi said looking down at her feet.

“Never.” Sloan said fiercely.

~~~

A couple hours later they sat at the kitchen table dusty and tired, eating sandwiches and chips. After clearing the debris from the first wall, they had moved on to the second wall that separated the second upstairs bedroom from the bathroom. They’d worked together to throw the rubble from that wall into large garbage cans and carried the heavy bins out to a dumpster Lexi had ordered for the renovation and met with the delivery guys, who brought the wood, drywall and table saw.

“So I know that I can do most of the work myself, but I need to hire some guys to help, espec
ially an electrician and a plumber. But if we get more guys in general the work can be done much quicker. Doing it by myself will take all summer long. But it’s up to you.” Sloan suggested, finishing up the last of his sandwich.

“Sure. I figured as much and was planning to pay for the labor with any contractor I hired on. I trust you. I don’t think that you’ll spend money frivolously. So whatever you need.” Lexi agreed.

“Alright. Do you think that you could talk to your realtor about the names of good men in the area? I’ve lost all my contacts from when I was a contractor before. Besides most of them were from Carolina.” Sloan asked.

“Oh yeah. I’ll call her after lunch.”

“And ask her about roofers. The shingles need to be replaced. Hopefully there’s no real damage up there from the leaks that have come through to the bedroom ceiling.” Sloan stated.

“Okay, I will. So…I was wondering…umm…uh…”
Lexi started haltingly.

“What is it? You can ask me anything.” Sloan encouraged.

“Well I was wondering if you would sit for me. You know…while I paint you?” Lexi asked looking down at her empty plate.

“Really? Me?” Sloan asked in surprise.

“Yes, of course. You have an interesting and stun…stunning face and presence.” Lexi stuttered out bashfully.

“Sorry, I just don’t think of myself as attractive anymore. Some days I feel like myself and I don’t think about the scars, but if I look in the mirror, pass my reflection or someone looks at me, especially those that knew me before when
I was in Carolina and I feel like Frankenstein’s monster.” Sloan said self-consciously.

“Oh Sloan, you couldn’t be farther from the truth! I would love to show you, if you’ll let me paint you.” Lexi exclaimed.

“Okay. When?” Sloan gave in, not able to deny her anything.

“How about tomorrow?
We can take a break from the renovation, because it may take all day and I need the light from the sun, since there isn’t any good lighting in the house yet. Plus, I have a feeling I’m gonna be a little sore tomorrow to be of much help.” Lexi proposed.

“
Alright, and maybe during breaks in painting I can call around to the local construction workers in the area.” Sloan said softly, before clearing his throat uncomfortably. “So for now, I’ll work on putting up the new wall for the bathroom. I’ll extend the wall a bit to make room for the new shower. And I was thinking, instead of a bathroom door that swings open and close traditionally, we could do a wood framed frosted glass door that slides into the wall. It’s called a pocket door. What do you think?” Sloan asked.