Scattered Thoughts (Betrayed by Love Book 1) (28 page)

“Cut me some slack, Val. I ordered a drink didn’t I?”

We hung out on the beach all afternoon, talking, and laughing, as Valerie ordered drink after drink. I’d wanted to tell her about Spencer’s affair but I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it. She’d be mad I hadn’t told her sooner, and I didn’t want to spoil our time together.

“What’s going on with you, Bella? Something is clearly bothering you. Now tell me what it is so I can finally enjoy my vacation.”

I should just tell her. Maybe it’d even make me feel better to get it off my chest.

“I’m waiting,” she snapped.

Liquid courage, that’s what I needed. “Let’s get another drink. Then we’ll talk.”

“Now you’re speaking my language.”

The tiki bar was crowed. Val had worn her bikini to the bar, not bothering to cover up, her gorgeous, sun kissed body glistening in the late day sun, so it hadn’t surprised me that she was able to get our drinks quickly. She handed me a metal bucket full of ice and Corona and we made our way back to the beach chairs we’d just left. “You have your drink. Now talk.”

Pulling a bottle of beer from the bucket, I took a long drink, the ice cold liquid hitting just the right spot.

“Talk!”

Wow, was she demanding. I took another drink. “Oh, Val, I don’t know where to start.” I stared out over the water, searching for the right words. “My life is spinning out of control.”

“Seriously, Izzy?” she snapped. “You’re the most in control person I know.”

“Not really.” I kept drinking. “I’ve lost control of everything. My marriage, my home, my career…”

“What? Your marriage? What are you talking about?”

“It’s over, Val. Spencer and I got a divorce.”

“When did that happen? And why haven’t you told me?”

I was drinking faster now. I opened my mouth and the words rushed out. I’d finally said it. The dam had been broken. “I started having nightmares, and then the attacks started, and I lost my home and Alec and maybe my job too.” I rambled on and on. I finished the first beer and immediately pulled another one from the bucket.

“Izzy, I can’t believe you haven’t told me any of this.”

“I’m sorry. I just couldn’t talk about it. I’ve been so confused.”

“What happened with Spencer?”

“He cheated on me.”

“No way! Not Spencer.”

“It’s true, Val. There are pictures to prove it.” The liquid courage was really starting to kick in. I pulled another beer from the bucket.

“Who is she?”

“He wouldn’t say.”

“What do you mean, he wouldn’t say!”

“All he said was she didn’t matter, that he’d made a mistake.”

“That’s bullshit. I can’t believe he didn’t tell you who he was seeing.”

“He’s right, Val, it doesn’t matter who she was. He cheated. Our marriage is over. That’s all I need to know.” Her eyes narrowed and her mouth formed into a thin hard line. She chugged the wine in her glass until it was empty and I knew I’d hit a nerve.

“Where are you living?” she asked after a while.

“Well, after we found out the attacks were really attacks, and not just dreams like I’d thought. Alec moved me to this amazing beach house, but we had a fight and I left.” I took another drink. “Now I don’t know where I’m going to live.”

“I don’t like him, Izzy. I know he comes across as this charming gentleman but he’s controlling and abusive.”

“How do you know that?”

“You know he was married before, right?” I nodded, wondering what she was getting at. “Did he tell you why she left?”

“Not really.” That wasn’t my story to tell, so that was all I was willing to say. “That doesn’t answer my question, Val. How do you even know Alec?”

A grin crossed her face. “Let’s just say I know Charlee.” She pulled a beer from the bucket and took a long drink. “Did you know he used to tie her up and hit her? And he never took no for an answer, especially when it came to sex. You’re lucky you got out when you did, Bella.”

Her words rolled around my mind and before I knew it, tears had pricked the corner of my eyes.

“Oh, don’t cry! You’ll ruin my buzz.” She took another long drink of beer. “It sounds like we both have fucked up lives.” A seemingly satisfactory smile crossed her face as she said it. Sitting back in the lounge chair she stared out at the water. I followed suit, slowly sipping the last beer.

“Drink up,” Valerie said after a while. I’ll be back with another bucket and I want that gone.”

“Val, I’ve already had too much.”

“No, no, no. You’re not quitting on me. Now drink.”

Reluctantly I took another drink, knowing full well resistance was futile. The more I drank the chattier I became. I told Val how I felt when I saw the pictures. I told her about the divorce, about all the time I’d spent with Alec, and about the amazing sex. She asked me question after question about Spencer, Alec, my job, never once stopping to talk about herself. It was definitely not typical Val. Not typical at all.

My head was pounding when I opened my eyes. A bright light was seeping through the crack in the drapes. The realization of what happened last night slowly sank in. I’d told Val everything—the nightmares, the pictures,
and
the sex with Alec. I shivered at the thought of what else I might’ve said.

I spotted a carafe of orange juice on the bedside table with a note. My legs were weak and unsteady as I climbed out of bed.

Bella,

Thanks for a great vacation. I had to jet. The room is covered for the rest of the week.

See you soon, Val

“What time is it?” I asked out loud, looking around for my phone, finally finding it on the chair next to my clothes. I unlocked the screen. I couldn’t believe my eyes, it was twenty after one. How much did I drink last night?

After a check of my email, and voicemail, and text messages, there was still no word from Alec. I poured myself a glass of juice and drank it down, the tangy liquid instantly quenching my thirst.  It didn’t do much for the queasy feeling in my stomach, but I hadn’t expected it to. Making things right with Alec was the only thing that was going to ease that feeling.

Digging the bottle of Advil out of my bag, I popped four pills into my mouth before sending Val a quick text thanking her for the room. My body was achy and stiff, and a soak in the tub sounded enticing.

After filling the tub I climbed in, the warm water quickly enveloping me. I closed my eyes, doing my best to push the uneasy feeling surrounding last night out of my mind, but it didn’t take long for thoughts of Alec to take its place. I wondered if I should call him and tell him where I was staying but quickly reconsidered. It’d been almost a week since I’d heard from him. He’d probably moved on already, something I would need to do soon.

My phone rang, sending me scrambling out of the tub. By the time I reached it the call had rolled to voicemail. Praying it was Alec, I held my breath and scrolled through the call log.
Spencer
. He was the last person I wanted to talk to right now but considering all the break-ins I knew I had to find out what he wanted.

His voicemail didn’t provide many clues to the reason for his call. He’d said he wanted to talk, that it was really important. Reluctantly, I dialed his number.

“Izzy, thanks for calling. I was afraid you wouldn’t.”

“You said it was important. What’s up?”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. What makes you ask?”

“No reason really, I just care about you.”

I was not in the mood for his considerations. All I wanted was to find out why he called so I could get on with my life. “You said we needed to talk, Spencer. What is it?”

“Getting straight to the point as usual, I see.” The tone is his voice changed. “I need to tell you something, Izzy, and I don’t want to tell you over the phone. Can we meet somewhere?”

“Spencer, I’m not sure—”

“Please, Izzy. It’s really important.”

“Alright,” I sighed. “I’ll be in Pensacola for a few more days.” I didn’t elaborate beyond that. My life was none of his business anymore.

“Can we meet tonight?”

“Sure. I’m staying at the Margaritaville. Come whenever you want.” Alec assured me Spencer had been cleared, so I wasn’t worried about telling him where I was staying anymore.

“Thanks, Izzy. I’ll be there at five.” I glanced at the clock. It was after two and I looked like hell. I’d definitely need to change that before Spencer arrived. The last thing I wanted was for him to know how far out of control my life had become. I quickly dressed and headed to the lobby in search of food.

The tomato soup was just what the doctor ordered. Plus, the saltiness of the crackers seemed to have calmed my stomach. I paid the bill then headed to the hotel gift shop in search of clothes. I’d only packed a few things when I left and most of what I’d brought was being laundered.

They had a small selection of summer attire, mostly touristy t-shirts and stuff, but I managed to find two sundresses I liked. After paying for them both, I hurried back to my room to get ready.

Spencer called from the tiki bar to let me know he’d arrived. I took a deep breath to steady my nerves before heading out to see him. I hadn’t laid eyes on him since graduation, and it felt strange to be seeing him now.

My eyes ran from one end of the bar to the next, but I didn’t see him.

“Izzy, I’m over here.”

“Spencer?” He was almost unrecognizable. He’d lost a lot of weight, not to mention his hair was overgrown and he was sporting a goatee. He opened his arms for a hug. I didn’t want to be rude so I moved closer, allowing him to wrap his arms around me. The feeling of him next to me was familiar, maybe a little too familiar, and I pulled back.

“You look great, Izzy.”

“You too,” I said cautiously, still unsure why he was here.

The waiter approached as soon as I sat down.

“What’ll be?” he asked.

“Just a Coke, please.”

“Sure thing.” He placed a paper coaster in front of me. The Coke quickly followed.

Spencer reached for the glass in front of him. He’d always been a bourbon drinker and I couldn’t help but notice the drink in front of him was clear.

“Is that a new drink?”

“Actually, it is,” he said, a forced smile crossing his face. “It’s called water.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm but I wasn’t in the mood to deal with one of his tantrums.

“What’s going on, Spencer?”

“Izzy, um… I don’t know where to start.” He stared down at the bar.

“From the beginning.” I reached out and touched his shoulder but pulled back almost immediately.

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I’m an alcoholic, Izzy.” He sat up and looked right at me now. “I made some terrible decisions. I let alcohol control my life. I hurt you. I hurt my family.” He looked down at his hands. “I hurt us.”

His confession surprised me and I wasn’t sure what to say. “Do you have it under control now?” I asked finally.

“I’m working through a program. It’s helping.” He reached out and touched my hand.

I froze, my whole body tensing at once, but I didn’t move. Instead, I sat and listened as he told me about the program, and about how it had taken the divorce to make him realize he had a problem. He admitted that in a small way he was thankful I left because it forced him to re-evaluate his life and take responsibility for what he’d done.

“I’m not happy I hurt you, Izzy. I’m torn apart about that. But I’m happy to be getting my life together.” We sat in silence for what felt like an eternity, neither of us saying a word.

“There’s more,” he said finally.

“Ya know, Spencer, we’re already divorced, so you can pretty much tell me anything now.” I laughed as I said it, trying to lighten the mood between us. I was touched by his honesty, and thankful he was getting the help he needed. It was at that moment that I realized I’d always love Spencer, just not in the same way as I did before.

“The woman in the pictures, Izzy…” his voice trailed off.

“We don’t have to talk about her. You were right, who she is really isn’t important.”

“No. I have to tell you.” He took a deep breath. “Izzy, there’s no easy way to say this. The woman in the pictures, the woman I had the affair with… it’s Valerie.”

I spit Coke all over the bar when her name came out of his mouth. “Valerie who?”

“You know who I’m talking about, Bella.”

My head was spinning. Valerie. My best friend Valerie? The Valerie that just left here? It couldn’t be her. Could it? The pieces of the puzzle finally came into focus. “You’re the man she cheated on Cody with.” My voice was weak and my words were barely audible, but I managed to get them out.

The waiter walked by. “I’ll have a Corona now please, and a shot of tequila,” I said quickly. I couldn’t even look at Spencer. I wanted to run away screaming. Why hadn’t he told me? Why hadn’t she?

When the waiter returned with my order I grabbed the shot glass and slammed it back as fast as I could. A long drink of beer followed.

“Izzy, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t, Spencer. You cheated on me with my best friend!”

“I didn’t mean for it to happen. I ran into her when I was on a business trip. We got drunk and it just happened.”

“It just happened. That’s the best you’ve got!” I was drinking faster now.

“What do you want me to say? I screwed up. I know that. Nothing will ever change that.” He put his elbows on the bar and buried his face in his hands.

“Why are you telling me this? Why now?”

“Keeping it from you was killing me. Plus, you have a right to know.”

“You’re concerned about my rights all of a sudden?” I chugged the rest of my beer and ordered another one. “You should’ve told me earlier if you were that concerned about me,” I shouted, the liquid courage getting stronger with every drink. “I feel like such a fool. I just spent the weekend hanging out with the woman who was fucking my husband!”

Grabbing my beer, I stood to leave. I had to get away from him. I couldn’t deal with any of this now.

He grabbed my arm. “She was here?”

“Yes, she left this afternoon.”

He ran his free hand over his face. “She’s bad news, Izzy. You should stay away from her.”

“That’s the pot calling the kettle black, now isn’t it, Spencer.” I pulled my arm free and moved away as fast as I could, leaving him to pay my tab. He owed me at least that much after the bomb he just dropped.

Tears started to fall as I hurried down the hall to my room.
My best friend. My husband.
I felt so betrayed.

Collapsing on the bed, I sobbed uncontrollably. My life was crumbling around me, my husband, my home, the psycho, Alec,
and
my best friend. It was too much to handle. “Why, why, why?” I cried into the pillow. “Why is this happening? What have I done to deserve this?” I cried so hard I got sick, barely making it to the bathroom before the contents of my stomach came spewing out.

When the vomiting finally stopped, I climbed into the shower. As I stood under the hot water, I wished it could wash away all the memories of what had happened that year. Replaying the conversation Val and I had about Spencer’s affair brought another bout of clarity. She’d acted so surprised, but it was all an act. Her outrage made sense though. Of course she would be mad hearing Spencer had said she didn’t matter.

I remembered what she’d said about her lover’s wife, about Spencer’s wife, about
me
. “His wife cared nothing about his needs. He was miserable.” The words cut me to the quick and the tears started falling all over again.

The water ran cold, and reluctantly I climbed out of the shower. I’d slipped on the hotel robe and was wrapping a towel around my head when my phone started to ring. My heart skipped a beat as my breathing stilled. “
Alec
,” I gasped, when my breath returned. I prayed it was him calling to take me back, to take away the pain I was feeling at the hands of my
best friend
. Only it wasn’t him. It was
her
.

Without giving it a second thought I sent Val’s call to voicemail. Nothing she had to say interested me anymore.

Collapsing on the bed, I turned the television on, flipping through the channels, looking for anything that would take my mind off of all that had happened recently. Nothing worked. Everywhere I looked I was reminded of Alec or Valerie or Spencer. I needed to get out of there.

After booking a room at the Crowne Plaza for the night, I called housekeeping to see if they could put a rush on my laundry. When I got off the phone I started packing up the rest of my things, beyond ready to leave the suite I’d shared with Valerie behind.

Housekeeping said they’d deliver my laundry as soon as possible so the knock at the door hadn’t surprised me. I swung open the door. “What the hell do you want?” I asked the second I saw her, the cold-hearted bitch who slept with my husband, well, ex-husband.

“I want to talk to you.”

“Nothing you have to say interests me. Now leave me alone.” I tried to close the door but her foot was in the way.

“I’m sorry, Bella. I wanted to tell you.”

“I bet you did, Val. I bet you couldn’t wait to tell me all about how you were fucking my husband.” I pushed hard on the door but it wouldn’t budge. “I bet you’re the one who sent me those pictures too.”

“You had a right to know.”

“And you had an obligation as my friend, my best friend, NOT to sleep with my husband.” My outburst surprised us both. She took a step back, and I slammed the door shut.

Val’s fists pounded on the door. “Open the door, Izzy.”

There was no way I was opening the door for her. Instead, I did a quick check of the sliding glass doors. Locked. They were all locked. Then I pulled the drapes closed.

“Izzy!” She was screaming by then. “Damn it, Bella! Open the door.”