Scavengers (12 page)

A few of us slapped ourselves upside the head, and then Ginny said, “And we had a little chat with your sister, Holly. She was quite helpful."

"I'll kill her!” Holly swore, grinning at the same time.

"And last but not least, we had Jim hanging out by the gully. His tale was rather confusing.

Actually,he was rather confused. Something about a screaming mute laying on top of someone on the bridge. He wasn't quite sure if you two intentionally sent Lisa on a nosedive or whether it was an accident. You didn't, did you? Tell me you didn't.” She stared at Holly and Laura.

"No, they didn't,” Alison proclaimed, jumping to their defense. “But they should have!"

For that, a round of applause ensued ... and a couple of those manly two-fingered whistles.

I couldn't resist. I leaned over to Claudia and whispered, “Do you still think your true colors are the same as Lisa's?"

"Sometimes it is so good to be wrong,” she replied.

I gloated, and my attention turned back to Kris, who was saying, “And, Alison, you should be proud. You handled yourself quite well."

"Thanks, you guys. At least now I know why the clerk at the porn shop applauded with these guys when I told Lisa off. That one kind of messed with me. Had no clue what her fetish was,”

she said, laughing, and she was not alone.

"That wasn't ‘last but not least.’ What about the cemetery?” Susan asked.

"Ah, your fine hostesses showed up for that one, after you kindly packed their van, of course,”

Ginny recalled.

"You guys were there?” Maggie asked in obvious disbelief.

Kris looked at Claudia, and her eyes beamed when she smiled. “Something's are just too important to miss. You've got big balls, Ms. Kitterman. Keep ‘em that way. We have missed you."

Her comments seemed to soar over the heads of everyone there. A teary-eyed Claudia knew, however, and so did I. We both smiled back, and I felt Claudia squeeze my leg so hard that I was sure my thigh muscles squirted out the hole in jeans’ knee.

"Ah, but you still haven't answeredthe question, ladies,” Laura challenged. “How is that we are sitting in the midst of a resort that's locked up tighter than a drum?"

"Stoolies. More stoolies than you'll ever have, Detective McCallister,” Ginny teased.

"Oh, let's cut them some slack, Gin. My sister and brother-in-law own the place. But for tonight, it's ours."

Holly's face lit up, and she gushed in that Holly-way, “Oh, that is so sweet. All ours! Just think, Laura!"

"Yeah, so please make yourselves at home and help yourselves to the goodies we, um, I mean you guys made,” Ginny said. “There's a thermos of coffee and another with hot chocolate.

Kahlua and brandy for either, if you're so inclined. Marshmallows for roasting. No, hamburgers, I promise. Oh yes, and a thermos of hot water. I assume everyone knows that no party could ever be complete without Claudia's beloved Earl."

Poor Earl's name was tossed about with every accent known to or made up by a group of obnoxious woman.

As everyone got up and started milling about, Ginny and Kris approached us. Kris latched onto Claudia in a hug that seemed to last forever. Gently Kris swayed her back and forth, and although I could not see Claudia's face, I knew that tears were streaming, that she siphoned from the three-year reserve. Quietly, so as not to interrupt, I kissed Ginny on the forehead and then Kris. I was so grateful for what they had done, and at the same time, I knew that their wrath would find us if we dared waste our second chance.

A few moments later, Claudia pulled herself from Kris’ embrace, kissed Ginny, and then said,

“You know, Kate and I have been together for nine years now. And in that time, I think, oh, about fifteen hundreds times or more I've heard the stories about how you two worked her little fingers to the bone when you restored your home."

"Oh, you know Kate and how she exaggerates,” Ginny defended, mindful to throw a wink in my direction.

"Kate? Exaggerate?” Claudia barely, and I mean barely, defended me. “Well, did you or did you not have her scraping the paint from the peak?"

"I don't rightly remember. Ginny, do you?"

"Hmm ... My memory must be failing me."

"Oh for God's sake, you two, you know damn well you had me up there!” I yelled. “Tell her! I am a reporter; that means fact, not fiction like you! Tell her."

They just stared.

"I'll twist your arms. They're big and strong from climbing ladders and hanging on for dear life!

Tell her!"

"Okay, okay, under duress and threat of bodily harm, yes, she was up there. Yes, we did work her little fingers to the bone, which also kept her out of trouble, mind you. She was a wild one, that one."

I shook my head in utter disbelief. Even their truth bordered on total fabrication.

"Well,” Claudia said, “I finally have a way for you two to make up for all the child labor you profited from. Ithink we're going to move into my grandmother's house, and I was hoping you'd give us some ideas, some help."

"You got it, sweetie,” Kris quickly replied.

"I'm sure that would please your grandmother, Claudia. She was a good woman, and she raised you to be a good woman. But let me tell you one thing,” Ginny said, bending in close to her, as if she were about to reveal the precise location of the Holy Grail. “I'm not stupid enough to climb to the peak."

There was no winning with those two. A warped and undying sense of humor was the only defense.

We turned to notice that everyone had staked claim to a blanket and a lawn chair next to the fire.

The marshmallows had been opened and were meeting fiery deaths on metal skewers. Kris and Ginny returned to their chairs. Claudia and I took one of the remaining recliners. Numerous conversations blended into one loud rumble. It was a soothing sound. It felt good to be with them like this in our own little world.

"Hey, how are we doing on scores, anyway, Kris?” Holly asked.

Kris tilted back in her chair and grabbed her treasured clipboard. “Tell me how you did on the last clue. It was worth one hundred and fifty. Everybody complete it?"

All heads nodded, and she gave us our points. She probed until she learned that Alison had come in first, followed by Susan and Maggie, and then Laura and Holly. She added in the extra points.

Claudia and I were the official losers—or so it seemed.

"Well, let's see then. Laura and Holly are in first with nineteen fifty. Claudia and Kate have eighteen sixty-five. Susan and Maggie have seventeen fifty. Alison brings up thefirm rear end with fifteen fifty. The last clue is worth fifty points, plus the extras. Looks like anyone could still win it. Oh, except—"

"Except for me,” Alison said. “That's okay. I had fun. I learned a lot. And besides the winner has to spring for brunch for everyone, right?"

"They sure do,” I readily confirmed.

Then a frustrated Maggie jumped into the conversation. “Anybody care to tell us what the heck a

‘sanguinary humdinger brine’ is?"

"Heck, no! You could still win this thing,” Claudia yelled.

I think it was the first time she had participated in the group since we had arrived, She felt better!Give ‘em hell, hon!

"No way in hell,” she continued. “The only thing I'll tell you is that it doesn't involve meat!” She stuck her tongue out at Maggie.

Maggie was about to respond when the near silence was completely shattered by a loud roar. All eyes turned to where the sound came from, and into the glow of the fire walked a big man with a hockey mask hiding his face and a smoking chain saw revving in his hand. Screams erupted that shook the chairs beneath us.

Kris shot to her feet, screeching, “That isnot funny!"

The large figure turned around and moved away, but the screaming did not subside.

Kris sat down, only to spring to her feet again, as the big man turned back around, revved the frickin’ chainsaw, and moved three steps closer. “Vernon!” she yelled, and the big man backed off again.

She sat down once more, but before she had even completed the motion, the big man turned yet again, revved the chainsaw maniacally, and charged at us. Chairs toppled over. Drinks spilled.

This was definitely not your run-of-the-mill woman-on-woman action.

Kris flew to her feet again, this time howling in a way that seemed physically impossible for her petite frame. “Verrrrrnnnnoooon!"

This time the big man did not move. The white of his hockey mask seemed to glow in the firelight. He revved the chainsaw three quick times, and Kris yelled, “Vernon! I'll get Ruth!"

With that, the big man turned completely around and swiftly trotted away. The sound of the chainsaw grew distant and eventually sputtered to a stop.

Kris surveyed the damage as she straightened the blanket that draped around her. Then to a stunned and prone Laura, she said, “Well, I'll sleep much better at night knowing a fine detective such as yourself is out there protecting us!"

"I wasn't afraid,” Laura yelled back at her and then almost sheepishly added, “Holly knocked me over."

"Then why in God's name are you on top of her?"

"Yeah, Laura, get off of me and quit pulling my hair,” Holly ordered. “Who the hell was that, Kris?” As she awaited an answer, she climbed out from beneath Laura and stood up to brush the dirt off her dark, flared jeans.

"My brother-in-law. I think all resort owners have facemasks and chainsaws. Why the hell they think it's funny, though, is beyond me. He's a retired drill sergeant. I think he just gets of a kick out of still being able to instill the fear of God."

"Laura, you can get up now,” Holly said, offering her a hand.

Laura was reluctant to take it, but she finally did so. She stood and dispensed a dirty look to every other prone woman. Granted, none of us—flattened and clinging to another—had any right whatsoever to laugh at Laura, but that certainly did not mean we did not have the desire—or the need. Surprisingly, it was Laura who released the first laugh. It came as one of those rupturing snorts from the nasal cavities and turned into full-blown body-shaking tear-streaming, breath-seizing laughter. Like a wildfire it spread through everyone, and for a good five minutes we buffeted between hysteria and the need to pee.

Eventually, the little energy we had whittled away to nothingness. It was nearly three in the morning. We straightened up the area and formed another circle around the fire. Conversations confined themselves to couples and never rose beyond a whisper. I heard Susan expressing worry that her muddy capris were not befitting a Sunday brunch. I heard Alison snoring softly. I heard Laura telling Holly how much she loved her. I heard Claudia's gentle breathing as she lay next to me, nearly on top of me on the reclining lawn chair. With each inhalation, I imagined her moving that much more back to me. I stroked her hair, and I felt peaceful in her slumber.

Kris and Ginny remained seated, towering over the group. It seemed their intent was to keep a vigil over us all night—maybe just to protect us from Vernon. They whispered to each other, but I could not eavesdrop from my distance. I could tell, however, which couple they talked about.

Each got the conversation turned to them at least once. When their eyes drifted to us, I merely smiled at them and gently erected a thumbs-up.

The quiet conversations eventually ceased. For a group of women who were to remain “alert to the finish line,” we did an awful job, as each of us succumbed to sleep.

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I couldn't quite fathom how, but I was sure that sometime during the night, the kidney-stealing parking brake had made its way from the car and to the lawn chair beneath me. It was certain it had performed its dastardly deed, as my body screamed in pain, and I was sure my back sported a gaping hole.

Claudia stirred, her head resting on my belly. She looked at me and began crawling her way up my torso. I smiled at her and said, “Morning, Lover Doll."

From behind us Alison's voice moaned, “Oh my God, Kate, you wouldn't!"

Oh, but I would!I peered around to see Alison in the midst of her morning yoga routine. “You're right; I wouldn't. At least not in the presence of a yoga master. You'd talk us into some weird position we'd never be able to get out of,” I said. My mind quickly pondered why initially that had seemed so dreadful. “On second thought—"

Holly neared us with a thermos. “You want some coffee, Kate?” she asked, but at the same time, she poured, knowing there would be no debate. “I don't know what happened to Earl, Claudia.

Sorry. Maybe Vernon got him."

She handed me a cup of lukewarm coffee. Eternally grateful, I teased, “Holly, I love you! You're my kind of girl. Run away with me?"

"Cool. Let's go before grumpy one here gets up,” she said, tossing her head back in Laura's direction. “Claudia, you drive."

"Earrrrrl!” she cried. “Not without my Earrrrrl!"

"Get a grip, Claudia!” I teasingly scolded. “I've got Earl in the car. Remember? Let me up, and I'll go get him."

She released me, and I did my best to stand in the face of immense pain. I saw Maggie folding blankets, and I said, “Hey, Maggie, I need to run to the car. Walk with me?"

She quite pleasantly agreed, and we headed to the front parking lot. When we got there, I unlocked the car and grabbed my PDA from the glovebox. “Pocket dictionary and thesaurus,” I said. “'Sanguinary humdinger brine.’ Got for it."

I sat in the driver's seat, lit a cigarette, slurped my coffee, and watched her tap her way to wisdom. After all, information begets control, does it not? I wondered if Claudia would still believe that with the same fervency.

Maggie soon said, “Sanguinary, involving or causing great bloodshed. Oh, good.” Several taps later, she added, “Humdinger, a remarkable person or thing.” She hit the “thesaurus” button at my urging and got “jim-dandy, dandy, dilly, beaut.” Then she said, “I already know what brine is.

It's a saltwater soak or similar."

"Think of things that come from a brine,” I prodded, half of me wanting just to tell her, but she was the kind of soul who derived self-esteem from what she could accomplish.