Screwing the System (19 page)

“You’re way too young for the bitterness to kick in. Trust me.”

Cosmo squinted up at Alasdair, probing the depths of those eyes, hearing the edge to Alasdair’s normally warm voice. “What did it for you, then?”

“What do you mean?”

No, he was just playing dumb. “Made you bitter. Would have thought you’ve got everything you want with the fancy house and the garage full of cars and bikes.”

Alasdair stared for such a long time Cosmo had just about given up on a reply when he spoke again. “Just life. It might look like I’ve succeeded, but I’ve still been shit on from a great height. No point expecting any differently.”

“Jesus, and I thought I was the one on a self-pity trip right now. Come on. Let’s get back. These trainers are bloody killing me.”

“Told you so.”

“Smug git.”

The run back was slower, Alasdair keeping pace with Cosmo’s mud shuffle, but their conversation kept running through Cosmo’s head. There wasn’t any point trying to crowbar information out of Alasdair, but perhaps if he volunteered some himself, the man might return the favour.

“I flunked out of school. Not a single GCSE. Never turned up to any of the exams.”

“That’s not what it said on your application form.” Alasdair’s tone was neutral. Perhaps he’d already investigated and knew everything there was to know about his background, including that time he snogged Darren Whatley, captain of the football team, behind the bike sheds. Cosmo wouldn’t put it past him, what with the obsessive control freakery.

He wouldn’t know the reason Cosmo hadn’t gone to school, though. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to learn, but it was well rough at my school. I was a late developer, Nan says, so I didn’t pass the twelve plus. Went to a really shitty secondary school.”

“Ah.” Alasdair somehow managed to convey complete understanding with that one word.

“I suppose you passed it, then? Got to go to a decent school?”

“That’s right.”

Yeah, it would be. At the time, Cosmo hadn’t known enough to be jealous. It was only years later when he realised that not all schools were as crappy as his, he came to resent his ill fortune to have been born in the only county still practising the outmoded selection system. Not only was his school crammed with the less intelligent kids, but there was a class divide too. No middle-class parent with money to spare would dream of sending their child to a rough and ready secondary modern school. No, if they didn’t get into a grammar school, it was private all the way for them.

“Bet you didn’t have to fear you were going to get your head kicked in every day, just coz you were gay.”

“I think you’re overestimating my bravery. I wasn’t out at school.”

“Me either, but Ryan Jenkins caught me looking at him in the showers one day, and he fucking freaked. After that, the whole school knew I was a cocksucking poofter.”

“Why did you look, then?”

“He was fucking gorgeous. Ripped and hung like a donkey. Trust me, you’d have been looking. Shame he didn’t only
have
a huge prick, he
was
one too.”

Alasdair chuckled, and wasn’t that an amazing sound? One of these days he’d have to record it, so he could play it back whenever he was on his own and feeling down. Like hot buttered Prozac, that sound was.

“So anyway, after that, I decided I’d be better off out of school. It’s not like the teachers could control the classes, anyway. Learnt more from watching documentaries on the telly at home.”

“And was your mum happy about you staying off school?”

“What mum?” And bloody fucking hell, feel that bitterness come pouring in again. “Thanks for reminding me of that.”

“I’m sorry. I had no idea. You only told me about your dad leaving.”

Cosmo relented at the compassion in Alasdair’s voice. He snuck a glance sideways to see Alasdair grimace. Not Alasdair’s fault for putting his foot in it if Cosmo hadn’t yet told him the full story, was it?

“It’s not like she’s gone and carked it or nothing, but she might as well have done. She’s pretty fucking useless. Dead tarty and dead stupid. It was Nan who brought me up, really.”

“She sounds like an interesting woman. Maybe you should introduce us someday.”

“She is interesting.” But Cosmo wasn’t going to get drawn on the idea of them meeting, not after Alasdair had said he “didn’t do the family thing.” It was a relief, really, because the idea of the two most important people in his life getting together for a cuppa made him shudder. What if they hated each other? Cosmo pondered Alasdair’s possible range of reactions to Sylvia with her chain smoking, her pink hair and her dirty laugh.

No, he wouldn’t ask Alasdair again. Not yet. It was one thing to trust Alasdair to know how to make him soar with ecstasy, but it was quite another to trust him with the woman who’d given him all the love he’d known in his life so far.

Because if Alasdair looked down his nose at her, Cosmo would never forgive him.

Chapter Fifteen

The text came through on Friday morning when Alasdair was over at the hotel, drinking coffee with Roger. Although the wood of Roger’s desk absorbed some of the noise from the phone’s vibrations, it was still loud in the otherworldly hush of Dashwood Hall. He wouldn’t normally take his phone out of his pocket when in a meeting, but Cosmo had been busy texting him all week with confusingly spelled questions about things in the house, and he liked to humour him.

Plus there was always the chance Cosmo would be feeling flirtatious. Would this be another dirty text, or one asking how to operate the washing machine?

Roger raised an eyebrow and nodded at the phone. “Well? Are you going to pick that up?”

“Excuse me.” Alasdair picked up the phone. He must be coming across like a jumpy teenager, but it couldn’t be helped. Cosmo seemed to have that effect on him.

Ur pools bin flld. Goin 4 a swm. And my rslt just come thru. Am in the clr! U cn do me raw 2nite. Cnt w8! Xx

“Ali? Not bad news I hope.”

“What? Oh no. Good news. Very good news.” Alasdair did his best to tone down his smile.

“It must be. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you react like that before. Someone special, is she?”

It was safer just to give his mysterious smile than to answer that one.

“Hmm, I’m guessing this is why we haven’t seen you at the club all week. They do let you sign in guests, you know.”

“But not all guests would be equally approved of.”

“Ah, I see. I didn’t realise your tastes ran that way.”

Alasdair stared. For all the times he’d recently been overcome by the urge to tell Roger he was gay and just have done with it, now the moment was here his guts had tied themselves up in a tangle. If he lost his friend because of it, would he end up blaming Cosmo? Not that it would be Cosmo’s fault Alasdair’s only friend was a homophobe. Or that Alasdair spent far too much time working rather than socialising.

But as Roger continued, the pressure inside him eased a little. “I remember slumming it when I was at university. Some of those girls were right goers, but they weren’t exactly the sort you’d introduce in polite company.”

“You could say that about me too.”

“You’re a right goer, are you?” Roger’s eyes twinkled. “I had my suspicions.”

“I’m hardly respectable. I know some of your friends think I’m little better than a binman.”

“Some of my friends are awful snobs who’ve never done an honest day’s work in their lives. Just ignore them, Ali. They can’t help the way they were raised. You’re a better man than them. Honest. Authentic. I appreciate that about you.” The respect in Roger’s voice pulled that snarl inside him even tighter.

Honest? Not really. Not when he was hiding some of the most important parts of his life.

The afternoon seemed like it would stretch on forever, waiting for Alasdair to get home. Cosmo had never done it bareback before, and the very idea made his arsehole twitch in excitement. Would it really feel any different for him? Fuck knew, but he couldn’t wait to find out.

There was one other thing occupying his thoughts, though. He sat on the bed and gazed out through the ivy-framed window. The swimming pool glittered in the watery sunlight, gleaming like an aqua jewel set in the green grass. He’d run downstairs and jump in now, if it weren’t for the fact he didn’t have any swimming trunks and Bert was still mowing the lawn. Alasdair had one of those sit-on mower things, and it had still taken Bert all morning to cover the enormous garden.

But finally Bert drove the mower back into the garage, and once Cosmo had watched his car pull out of the driveway, he ran downstairs, shedding clothes on the way. The April air was chilly on his skin as he ran across the lawn, but that was nothing compared to the shock of the water when he stepped onto the shallowest step.

“Shit!” He hopped up and down on the spot, but there was only one way of dealing with water this cold. Get in quick and start swimming. He took a few deep breaths and did just that.

An untold amount of time later, when Cosmo had swum till his muscles ached all over, he heard a voice through his water-clogged eardrums.

“Thought I might find you in here.”

Cosmo rested his arms on the edge and looked up at Alasdair’s bemused expression. “You should give it a go. The water’s lovely when you get used to it.”

Alasdair knelt down and kissed him, dipping a hand in the water. “It’s bloody freezing. You’ll give yourself a chill, swimming in that.”

Cosmo scoffed. “It’s fine. Nice and tingly. Seriously, come on in.” He contemplated splashing Alasdair but didn’t yet know whether his sense of humour extended into slapstick.

“No way. You’re the masochist. Not me. Speaking of which…” Alasdair’s hand snaked down Cosmo’s body and pinched his nipple.

“Ow! Sadistic bastard.”

“Damn right. Now get out of that pool, boy. I’ve been thinking about tapping that arse of yours all afternoon. Have you got the plug in yet?”

Shit
. “No. Not yet. Didn’t think it would be a good idea in the water. Sorry. Wasn’t expecting you home for a while.”

“I finished up early.”

“You? Early? That’s like, unheard of, isn’t it?”

“I know.” Alasdair gave a rueful smile. “Mavis thinks I must be coming down with something.”

“Well, so long as it isn’t Bieber Fever, I’m sure we’ll be fine.” Cosmo pushed up out of the pool, enjoying the slap Alasdair landed on his behind before he straightened up.

“Come on, boy. Inside. I want you in the den. Now.”

“Yes, boss.” Cosmo grinned before streaking across the grass, Alasdair in hot pursuit.

They did it over the back of the sofa, Alasdair pushing in on a grunt Cosmo could feel reverberating through him. Did it feel different? Maybe, a little. Alasdair seemed to appreciate the difference more, though, moaning something semi-coherent in Cosmo’s ear before nipping his lobe.

If anything, the sex was wilder than ever, the room filled with the slap of skin on skin, of grunts and gasps. And when Alasdair came, wet and warm inside, Cosmo’s orgasm slammed into him, knocking his breath away.

“Mmm, it’s been too long since I’ve done that.” Alasdair nuzzled into Cosmo’s neck, the rasp of his stubble almost distracting Cosmo from the words.

“You’ve done it bareback before?”

“Long time ago.”

Cosmo did a quick bit of mental arithmetic, but even with Alasdair being forty, he reckoned AIDS must have been around when he first started screwing other blokes. “So were you reckless or was it someone special?”

Alasdair’s teasing mouth stilled, his body stiffening around Cosmo’s. He pulled out with a harsh jerk, making Cosmo wince. “Don’t want to talk about it.”

For fuck’s sake, Cos. Way to kill the afterglow.
He forced his legs to move and turned around, conscious of the dribble of jizz working its way out of him but not in the mood to enjoy it like he’d hoped. However, the snarky comeback he’d been planning stuck in his throat when he saw Alasdair’s expression. Shit. The man was really cut up about something. That was full-on brooding and no mistake.

Possibilities chased themselves through Cosmo’s mind. What if Alasdair had been raped? Or worse yet, what if he’d raped someone else? No. He wouldn’t. Cosmo was certain.

But then again, how much did he really know about this man he’d shacked up with? He’d never even met any of his friends. Well, not unless you counted Freddie and Cerys. Relief flooded through him. Yeah, Cerys had vouched for Alasdair. That meant something.

Alasdair was staring at him as if he could read his thought processes. Cosmo plastered on a smile and wiggled his hips. “Mmm, feels weird. Kind of…sloppy. But I like it.”

That called up a grin. “Filthy boy. Come on,” Alasdair said. “That was over way too quickly. I still want to play.”

“Oh yeah? Have anything particular in mind?”

Alasdair cocked an eyebrow. “How’d you like to make friends with Mr. Cane? He loves naughty boys. Likes to kiss them all over their cute little arses.”

Cosmo’s buttocks clenched. “I don’t know. Will I be able to sit down tomorrow?”