Sculpting Grace: A Light Romance Novel (Art of Grace Book 2) (20 page)

"But really, what do I do?" I asked, looking up at the dark rafters of the warehouse's high ceiling.

Onyx groaned and reached up to rub the bridge of his nose with two fingers. "Tell me your problem again? In summary," he quickly added, as I opened my mouth to launch into it all again.

I closed my mouth for a second as I tried to best pick and choose my words. "What if I rush into this, like Carter wants, and it all ends up going wrong?" I finally said.

"How would it go wrong?"

I tried to find the right way to describe the nebulous vision of Barry, my ex-husband, hovering in my mind. "I don't know. One of a million different ways. I just keep on thinking about how I was so certain of everything with Barry, and then it ended up being the worst decision of my life. If you'd asked me before the wedding whether I had any regrets or uncertainty, however, I wouldn't have said yes. If I was that confident on something that turned out to be a disaster, how can I ever trust my own judgment again?"

Another groan came from my therapist. "This really isn't what I had in mind," he repeated again, sounding as if he'd found a new regret to add to his own list.

I hauled my feet off the couch, swinging around to sit up. "That's it. I'm going."

"No, wait," he finally said, although he shook his head as he spoke. "Look, you know that I hate Carter a bit, right? He's a smug, stuck-up caterer to the wealthy who always wants to be right, always turns things into the competition, and always needs to get the last word in."

"Well, he's also-" I started, but Onyx held up a hand to forestall me.

"But even though I hate saying anything good about the man, he's not your ex-husband," he went on. "Nothing like him. You realize that, right? Carter's got many faults, but none of them are shared with Barry. Barry lied to you, cheated on you, took the coward's way out. And if there's one thing that I know about Carter, it's that he doesn't lack in courage." He sighed. "I hate saying it, but he's not a coward."

I nodded, knowing that Onyx's words were true - but still feeling that lingering spectre of fear and self-doubt. "But what if he changes-"

"Becca, everyone changes - including you," Onyx cut in. "Can you honestly tell me that you're the same woman who first agreed to marry Barry, all those years ago?"

"It wasn't that long ago," I replied instinctively, even though this was (mostly) beside the point. Onyx was right, even though I didn't want to admit it - I'd certainly changed and grown in the last couple of years, going through the divorce from Barry and emerging out the other side. I didn't know if I'd made myself better, but I certainly felt more aware of how the world worked, less naive and helpless, than I might have been a few years previously.

Onyx wasn't letting me escape the question. "You're different. You've changed, and I'd call it growth. Carter will grow too - but that doesn't mean that he'll grow to dislike you."

I was still sitting up on the couch, and Onyx now rose up from his chair and moved over to sit down beside me. He looped his arm around my shoulders, giving me a comforting squeeze.

"It's scary, moving forward," he assured me, his arm exerting warm, gentle pressure on me as he tugged me in towards him. "But the other choice is to stand still, and that just leaves you where you are now. Are you happy, staying where you are now?"

I didn't need to think twice about that question. "No, I want to move forward," I said with a nod.

"Good. Then take your fear, acknowledge it, and then put it aside, so that it can't control you." He gave me one last squeeze around the shoulders before his arm slipped down to between my shoulder blades.

"Thanks," I told him, leaning my head against his shoulder. And then, a minute later, without lifting my head: "What are you doing now?"

"Undoing your bra," Onyx replied, as the strap in question popped gently loose.

"Why?"

"Because I know that, even though you've been releasing a lot of emotion, you've still got some physical knots. I'm going to massage those out."

"Oh. Okay." I sat there for a minute as his hands worked at the muscles in my back that had previously been blocked by the bra straps - and then sat a little more upright as his hands slid around from my back towards my front. "And now what are you doing?"

"Making you feel better," he replied, as his hands cupped my chest, still warm and squeezing in a way that felt amazingly comfortable and relaxing. I felt heat inside my own body, answering the pressure against my breasts.

"Really. Because it seems like you're going for seduction, instead."

"Seduction will help you feel better," he assured me, his thumbs straying towards where my nipples poked out into the soft cushioning of my bra.

His hands really did feel amazing on me, but I reached up to gently pull them away. "Thanks for the offer, but it's not what I need right now," I told him, although I heard a little internal scream from my ovaries at turning him down. "Especially not if I'm going to work things out with Carter."

"I mentioned his competitive spirit, didn't I?" Onyx returned, his hands dropping down to my hips, curling around my butt and urging me towards his lap. "If you really want to fire him up, you could mention how amazing I was, how I rocked your world."

I didn't doubt that he could manage that goal. If Lizzie's shell-shocked exuberance was any indication, Onyx knew every button to push on a woman's body - and my limited experience with him offered no reason to doubt this assumption. And it's not like I had anywhere to be... all I still had to do tonight was go home, feed Salem before he started clawing at my furniture to protest the injustice of his dinner being late, and then wallow in my own misery and try to figure out some sort of plan for moving forward.

Hating that I had to do it but clinging to my last remaining shreds of self-control, I pulled Onyx's hands away from my body, struggling up to my feet. "Sorry, but I'm going to have to leave you to your own devices," I said, standing up and tugging my bra back into place. "I need to get going."

Onyx sighed, but he didn't push the issue any further - something I appreciated. The man never missed a chance to try and lure me off to bed, playing with my desire like a cat plays with a mouse, but he didn't ever stretch to harassment. His eyes, however, did linger on my chest, watching as I corralled my tits back into place.

"Until next time," he said, as I bent to pick up my purse.

I paused to point a finger at him. "And no more seducing my assistant!"

"I really ought to move on to her boss, you're right," he fired back, giving me another smile that chipped away further at my determination to leave. "But I still don't see why you're upset."

I'd meant to walk away, but I felt my mouth start to open to answer this. Before I could say anything, however, Onyx scooted in closer, holding up a finger against my lips.

"Personally, I think you're upset because you'd like for there to be something more than just desire between us," he murmured softly to me, his finger drifting downward, sliding ever so lightly along my shoulder. "But you can't claim today what you won't have until tomorrow. You either make a choice and commit to it, or don't complain when the window of opportunity closes."

His finger came up beneath my chin, lifting my lips up to meet his. He kissed me as I stood there on the verge of leaving him, drawing my breath out of my lungs and making my heart pound furiously with desire inside my chest. My hands instinctively came up and grabbed twin fistfuls of his shirt, keeping him against me, and I felt my body mold itself against his hardness. His tongue moved to taste me, and I let it inside. All my thoughts vanished, replaced with nothing but pure need and desire, red and pulsing and growing inside of me.

Onyx held me for a minute longer, but then released me, his hands drawing back. I felt a surge of reluctance for a moment as he pulled away, before I took a deep breath and managed to shakily regain my balance.

"Okay, now I really need to go," I managed, still not quite able to turn away.

I saw a flash of white as the artist smiled back at me. "I'll see you soon, Rebecca. But not, hopefully, for another counseling session," he added, and I grinned back as I headed for the door.

It wasn't until I'd left the warehouse and, as the sun set, had walked half the distance back to my truck that I realized that Onyx's words didn't just apply to my relationship with him. They also aptly described my problem with Carter, as well - I wanted to claim him as mine, even though I wasn't yet ready to commit fully to him.

I stopped halfway down the sidewalk for a moment, this realization growing in my head. I'd created the idea of the two of us together in the future, but I hadn't yet decided that I wanted to commit to it now.

And instead, I'd left Carter hanging, on the hook.

I pulled out my phone as I climbed into my truck, dialing his number.

Chapter Twenty-Four

*

"Come on, Carter, just pick up one of these times!" I growled at my phone before tossing it back at my purse, sitting on the passenger seat of my little powder blue truck.

I'd tried calling the man three times, hoping that he'd finally hear his ringing phone and pick up, but luck evidently wasn't on my side. All three calls eventually went to voicemail, although I didn't bother leaving him a message.

Talking about our future together, after all, didn't seem like the kind of thing to do on an answering machine.

Now, feeling frustrated, I finally put the keys in the ignition and headed home. I knew better than to try and call him while I drove, although I felt the tug of temptation, even though he hadn't answered on the last three attempts.

Halfway home, as I sat at a red light, a disheartening thought occurred to me. What if he had been ignoring my calls on purpose, making sure to not answer so that they'd go to voicemail instead? Maybe Carter was just sick of talking to me, and wasn't ready to listen to anything that I had to say.

I pulled into the parking lot of my apartment building with this uncomfortable idea still squatting inside my brain. I really hoped that Carter was just busy. Maybe he'd decided to go to a movie and was thoughtful enough to turn off his phone? Maybe, as soon as he stepped out of the theater, he'd see the multiple missed calls from my number and would call me back...

I headed upstairs to my apartment, where even an enthusiastic greeting from Salem didn't calm me down.

"Yes, hello, I know that you only love me because I provide you with food," I growled down at the cat, who meowed back up at me at the mention of his dinner. I grabbed the can of wet food from the fridge and dumped a dollop into his bowl, which immediately captured his attention.

"Yeah, I see where your loyalties really lie," I told his tail as he buried his face in the bowl and filled my kitchen area with slurping and chewing sounds. "You're disgusting."

I turned my attention to the fridge, wondering what I could make to feed my own empty stomach. I didn't see much in the way of food, although I did spot a full bottle of chardonnay sitting in the back corner of the refrigerator, chilled and ready for consumption.

"What do you think?" I asked Salem as I pulled the bottle out, twisting off the screw top and pouring myself a glass. I didn't have any clean wine glasses, so I grabbed a mason jar instead, trying to estimate one serving of wine. It wasn't classy, but then again, wine from a bottle with a screw top wasn't classy, either.

Salem, however, just blinked up at me, perhaps hoping for another serving of food. Instead of obeying his mental commands, however, I plopped my butt down on the floor and tugged him into my lap. His efforts to escape ceased as soon as I began rubbing him behind the ears, and his eyes squeezed shut into slits as his purr filled the interior of my apartment.

"At least I know how to push your buttons," I told him, as he purred and wriggled deeper into the space between my legs. I took one hand away from his back so I could lift my mason jar of wine up to my lips, and he turned to glare back at me, as if wondering why I'd dared to stop giving him my full attention.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," I said, swallowing the cool mouthful of wine, feeling the welcome burn of alcohol, and rubbing him at the base of his spine, just above his tail. His purring jumped up to a higher volume as he stretched out.

My stomach growled up at me again, despite the wine that I'd deposited in there. After maneuvering Salem's lumpy, protesting bulk off of my lap, I climbed up to my feet and pulled open first the refrigerator, and then the attached freezer drawer.

"Frozen pizza. Sure, that sounds like a fitting dinner," I said, grabbing the box in question and giving it a yank to free it. I frowned at the instructions on the back, cranked the oven's temperature knob up, and ripped the cardboard box open to extract the frozen disk from inside.

As I waited for the oven to heat up, I pulled my phone out of my purse and tried Carter's number again. This time, when the ringing eventually clicked over into his voicemail, I decided to leave a message.

"Carter, it's me – Becca. Give me a call back when you get this." There. That sounded cool and confident, right? Carter's voicemail inbox didn't give me the option to delete the message and try again, so it would have to work.