SEAL's Baby (Navy SEAL Secret Baby Romance) (54 page)

I was back on the defensive again. I
didn’t like her talking about Amber that way. “Callie, if you want to be mad at
someone over this, you should be mad at me, not Amber.”

“I should be, huh?” she turned the car
off.
Man, I’m an idiot
. In the most
sarcastic voice she could possibly muster she said, “Thank you so much for
telling me who I should be mad at.” She sat there stewing for a few minutes and
then she said, “The truth is Kyle I didn’t ‘want’ to be mad at anyone. I was
really excited about having a nice dinner in a nice restaurant with a nice guy
that I was under the impression I was in a new relationship with. But
apparently, you’re not quite finished with your old relationship yet. It was
nice to know that this Dylan guy seemed as surprised about all of this as I
was.”

“I wouldn’t compare myself to Dylan if I
were you…” She shot me a really dirty look for that one.
Damn, I really need to think things over sometimes before I open my
mouth
.

She wiped away the tears on her cheeks,
angrily. “You want to be an asshole about Dylan? Well guess what, I think
you’re the one who started out being an asshole to begin with. They were there
celebrating their engagement. You wouldn’t have gotten just as pissed off if it
had been the other way around and he was stalking your new fiancée?”

I took in a deep breath and let it out
slowly in hopes that it would help me not say something stupid the next time I
opened my mouth. “You’re right, I would have. I was wrong to try and talk to
her in the first place, but I don’t like the way that he’s so rough with her…”
Callie snorted. “Not because I’m in love with her,” I went on, “but I just
don’t like any man putting their hands on a woman like that.”

“That’s good, Kyle, but you know what?”

I didn’t want to, but I said, “What?”

“She didn’t seem to be bothered by it.
She’s engaged to him. She left with him…as a matter of fact, she hauled ass out
of there with him in order to make sure he was gone by the time the law showed
up. In other words, she was protecting him.”

She had a point. I’d already figured out
that’s what Amber does. She was definitely keener on protecting him tonight
than she was me. Her sister said Amber was protecting him when she had the car
accident. She admitted to me she was protecting him when she drove him home.
Maybe his problems and illnesses are as much a part of her lifestyle as they
are his… Maybe I’m an idiot for not just washing my hands of the whole mess
when I have a great girl right here who wants to be with me. “Shit!” I put my
head in my hands. “Callie, I’m so sorry. I was wrong all the way around. I’m an
idiot. I was out to a nice dinner with a gorgeous woman,” I reached for her
hand and she pulled it away. “Callie, I’m not in love with Amber. It’s…it
was…all chemistry and it’s over, I promise. I’m so sorry I ruined your night.”

She started the car without saying a word.
I put on my seatbelt as she drove out of the parking lot and sat quietly on the
ride back to my loft. When we got there, she parked out in front of the
building, but she left the car running. I wasn’t sure what to do or say, so
that I didn’t make things worse. I really did like Callie. I didn’t want to
push her away because I’m an idiot.

“Do you want to come inside?”

“No.”

“Are you going to forgive me?”

“I don’t know. This relationship is still
new enough that if I get out of it now, it won’t hurt as much as if I invest
another few months into it and then you break my heart.”

“Callie…”

“Don’t, Kyle, please. Don’t make me any
promises that you’re not ready to keep. I’m not some needy, pathetic girl who
is going to disregard my own self-respect for a hot guy. You completely
disrespected me tonight and I don’t think you even realize it now.” I opened my
mouth and she put up her palm. “I’ll call you…I’m not sure when. I need some
time to figure out if I’m willing to put my heart on the line or not. That is,
unless you’d just like me to bow out and let you have another go at Amber.”

“No, Callie, I like being with you. I
screwed up tonight, but don’t judge me based on one big fuck-up, please.”

“Like I said, Kyle, I need some time. I
will call you.”

I leaned over and tried to kiss her. She
turned her head. I swiped my lips across her cheek and got out of the car. The
truth be told, once I was inside and I had time to review the night’s events in
my head, she was right. I had completely disrespected her, and I wouldn’t have
respected her at all now if she hadn’t been pissed off about it.

CHAPTER
TWENTY-FOUR

AMBER

“Are you just never going to talk to me
again?” I was trying to get ready for bed and Dylan was following my every
footstep. We’d driven home from the restaurant with me completely silent and
him cussing about Kyle, and then the manager of the restaurant, and the guy changing
lanes in front of us, and then Kyle again.

My head felt like it would explode by the
time we got home, and I just wanted him to leave me alone. I didn’t say
anything. I just left the bedroom and went out to the kitchen to grab a bottle
of water. I leaned up against the counter and twisted it open. Dylan followed
me. He wasn’t going to let this go no matter how badly I didn’t want to talk
about it tonight… I just don’t have the energy to fight anymore. I cringed
every time I thought about him knocking Kyle to the floor in that restaurant.
If he’d been completely well, he would have given Dylan more of a run for his
money. I guess it didn’t make me a very good fiancée to wish for that. I looked
down at my arm where Dylan grabbed me earlier, though, and thought about how
badly he did need his ass kicked. He thought he could do and say whatever he
wanted. He was better sober, but he could still be the world’s biggest ass. I
looked back up at his face. He was staring at my arm now and he at least looked
like he regretted that.

“I just need some quiet time tonight,
Dylan. Is that too much to ask?”

“I can’t let it go until we talk about
it.” His fingers reached out and brushed the bruising area on my upper arm
lightly. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m sorry.”

I pulled back slightly. “I know… You never
mean it and you’re always sorry.”

“That’s not fair, Amber. You act like I
beat you up or something.”

One of these days, he and I really needed
to have a serious talk about abuse. I didn’t have the energy for that tonight,
either. “I didn’t mean it that way. Can we just let it go for tonight, at
least, Dylan? We could talk until we were blue in the face and things would
never change, anyways.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? I’m not
capable of change?” I could see him getting angry all over again. It was so
easy for him. “Or maybe that’s what this guy Kyle is about? You’re bored with
me? You need a change?” I didn’t answer him. I really didn’t know the answers
to that. All I knew was that in the nine years I’ve known Dylan, no man had
ever come along that made me even for a second consider leaving him until Kyle.
I can’t even describe what he did to me, but I did know that I couldn’t be in
the same room with Kyle and not want him…

“Let me ask you something, Amber: why are
you still with me?”

“Dylan, don’t do this, please. My head
hurts.”

“Seriously, I’m not trying to be an ass,
Amber. Damn it, I have feelings, too. I shouldn’t have hit that guy, especially
in a public place the way I did. I’m sorry I embarrassed you, and I’m sorry I
hurt you, but you have to look at it from my point of view, Amber. I found you
all cozy with him in that alcove… I saw red. You slept with this guy.”

I started to open my mouth and he
continued, “I know, we weren’t technically together at the time, but that’s not
the point I’m trying to make. I’m not accusing you of anything, but I know you,
Amber. I’ve known you since you were fourteen years old. I’ve loved you since
we were fifteen. You never cheated on me, you never slept with anyone else. I’d
stake my very life on that. So, the fact that you slept with this guy tells me
that he meant a lot to you and that thought makes me sick to my stomach. Amber,
I never wanted to spend my life with anyone but you.”

“Don’t stand there and try to tell me that
I’m the only woman you’ve ever been with Dylan because I’ll call you a liar to
your face.” I know that two wrongs don’t make a right, but he hadn’t put me in
a position to want to let him get away with anything tonight.

“I’m not.” Not only was he readily
admitting to it, he didn’t look the least bit sorry about it. It’s my fault as
much as it is his. I knew he was screwing around and for the longest time I
just wished he’d fall in love with one of them and go away. “When I was using
and drinking… Shit, Amber, you knew I was screwing around. But you are the only
woman I ever wanted to end up with, even then. I’m not pointing a finger at you
here. Like I said, you had the decency not to cheat on me while we were
together, but you told me yourself that you were in love with him – and that
kills me. It makes me physically hurt inside. And, I have to ask you this: why
are you still with me? Why didn’t you just leave me while I was in rehab and be
with him?”

It was a valid question. I didn’t quite
know how to answer it without telling him it was because I felt guilty and
obligated, so I said, “I don’t know how not to be with you.”

He laughed, but not happily. Maybe that
was as bad as saying, obligated. “Wow…kick me in the stomach, why don’t you?”
The hurt look on his face made me feel like shit. Once again, I was reminded
that this man loves me and he has for a very long time.

“I’m not trying to hurt you, Dylan. You
asked me to be honest. I do love you. I’m just not as in love with you as I
used to be. It feels like we just keep growing further apart. I don’t want that
any more than you do, but if we go on like we are, it won’t get any better. I
haven’t stopped loving you, Dylan. I still love you like…” I was going to say
“a best friend,” before he interrupted me and said,

“Like what Amber? Like a brother? A
friend?” Obviously, not what he wanted to hear.

“I don’t know how to explain it.” I was
tired and frustrated and pretty sure I’d forgive him like I always do and we’d
move on. So, I said, “I love you enough to make this work. I love you enough to
be your wife and have your children and do my damnedest to make a good life
with you. I love you enough that I still have hope I will fall back in love
with you…”

He kind of laughed again. I hated how sad
his eyes looked. I honestly didn’t want to hurt him. Dylan has had his problems
and those problems have led to some terrible behavior, but at the end of the
day, I still believed that he was a good man. “So, where do we go from here?”

“We pick back up where we were before the
whole restaurant fiasco?”

“Are you still in love with him?”

“No.”

“Honestly?”

“Honestly, Dylan. Until tonight, I had put
him out of my mind completely.” That was mostly true. I’d forced myself not to
think about him. I have no control over who I dream about.

“I love you, Amber. I don’t know what to
do without you.” The tremor in his voice when he said it pierced my heart.

He opened his arms and like I always did
at the end of the day, I folded into them. “I know. I’m not going anywhere,
Dylan, okay?”

He nodded. I could feel his heart slamming
into his chest and his arms trembling slightly. After a few minutes, he pulled
back and said, “Take a year off, Amber.”

“What?” I was confused. “A year off of
what?”

“Take a year off from the clinic. I’ll accept
the job with the PRCA judging and we can just spend the next year on the road,
just you and me, babe. We can get back to where we used to be. By the time we
come home, Dad will have our house built and we can have our wedding and start
thinking about starting our family. We need this, baby… Please, Amber, do this
for me.”

“I’m not going to see Kyle, Dylan…”

“I know, baby. I know you won’t cheat on
me. It’s not that, it’s not him. This is about you and me. We need this.”

“I don’t know if I can get a year off…”

“Then quit. You’re so smart, baby, you can
get another job. Hell, you could work with the trainers if you want to work
while we’re on the road. Please, do this for me.” I surprised myself, I was
actually thinking about it. Maybe Dylan was right and this was exactly what we
needed. Maybe being far away from Kyle where I wouldn’t bump into him at
restaurants was exactly what I needed.

“Okay. I’ll talk to Dr. Bowen tomorrow.”

He held me back and looked at my face. He
looked skeptical or shocked that I agreed. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, I wouldn’t play with your head about
something like this. You may be right – this may be just what we need. We’re
much too young to be in such a rut.”

He startled me then by grabbing me up in
his arms and swinging me around. He squeezed me so tightly that I could hardly
breathe. When he sat me down and I looked into his eyes, I saw that they were
filled with a joy I hadn’t seen there for a very long time. When he was
drinking and using drugs, they were dead. Afterwards, they just seemed lost.
Tonight, he looked like that boy I fell in love with all those years ago.