Searching for Harmony: A Boston Love Novel (3 page)

Walking through the front door, I dropped my keys on the small table. The kitchen light was on, as was the one in the living room. Sherry came walking around the corner wearing nothing but a long T-shirt of mine that she liked sleeping in.

“It’s about damn time, Preston. What in the hell? You have never gone and stayed at the hospital like this. I mean, what does this family think of you hanging around?” Rolling her eyes, she walked up to me and scrunched up her nose. “Son of a bitch. You stink. Go take a shower and we’ll talk.”

Pushing out a breath, I walked past her. “Nice to see you, too, Sherry.”

“Oh, don’t even lay a guilt trip on me, buddy. I took the time to go pick up dinner, set it all up, get dressed in a skimpy new dress, and—hell, I even lit candles, for Christ’s sake. And for what? Nothing! You decided you wanted to play pity party with some chick who got in a car wreck. What, were you fucking her before the accident or something, you asshole?”

Gripping my hands into fists, I turned and walked up to her so fast she began walking backward until she hit the wall.

“I couldn’t save her eighteen-month-old baby. Her husband died and all she has is a brother who is so fucking freaked out he couldn’t even tell her that her son died. I had to be the one who told her.
Me!
The fucking firefighter she begged to save her son’s life had to be the one to tell her I failed. I failed to save her baby.
Failed!
”

Sherry jumped when I screamed out “failed.” “So don’t stand here and give me some goddamn sob story about what a fucked-up night you had. And no, Sherry, I wasn’t fucking her. I didn’t even know her name until yesterday.”

Spinning around on my heels, I stormed into the bedroom and to our bathroom. Slamming the bathroom door shut, I stripped out of my clothes and walked into the shower. The water was hot and felt good on my aching body.

Closing my eyes, I stood there and tried to block out her screams. Block out the look in her eyes when she found out her son and husband had died.

Sherry’s arms snaked around my waist. Grabbing her, I pushed her against the wall and kissed her. I needed to forget. Even if it was just for a few moments, I needed it all to go away. I lifted Sherry up, and she let me do what I needed to do.

Forget.

Walking into the firehouse, I looked around. Everyone was moving about their business like normal. Making my way to the bunkhouse, I tossed my bag onto my bed and dropped down as I let out a sigh.

Sharp, another firefighter and one of my best friends, stuck his head around the corner and shouted, “Ward, Cap wants to see you right away.”

I stood and said, “Thanks, Sharp. I’ll be right there.”

Giving me a quick nod, he turned to leave but stopped. “Preston?”

Looking back at him, I said, “Yeah, what’s up?”

When he looked away briefly, I knew what he was about to say he had been struggling with probably all day. Mitchel Sharp and I had started here at Firehouse 37 together. Same day, same scared look in our eyes.

“It’s okay…not to be okay. You know that, right?”

Giving him a head pop and a smile, I said, “I know, Mitch. I’ll be all right.”

Nodding, he flashed me a smile. “Hey, if that ball and chain will let you, let’s hit the club this weekend.”

Laughing, I picked up my pillow and threw it at him. “Shut the fuck up, asshole.”

He pointed at me and said, “Truth hurts!”

Before I could say anything else, he disappeared around the corner. Smiling, I shook my head and headed to the bathroom where I splashed my face with cold water, did a few jumping jacks in place, and made my way to the captain’s office.

Sitting in the chair, I stared at Captain Ryan. Sitting back in his seat, he finally started to talk. “Ward, I’ve been in your shoes and I know how you’re feeling. So wipe that fake-ass confident smile off your face and let me see your true feelings.”

My heart dropped as I stared at him. One thing my father always said was, you hold it in. Don’t let your cap see the fear. Fear makes you weak and there is no room for weakness.

“I’m not going to lie, sir, and tell you that I’m not bothered by the events of the other day. He was a child and his mother pleaded with me to save his life and I couldn’t.”

Shaking his head, he leaned forward. “No, you couldn’t. And even if that had been Sharp, Wister, myself—hell, any of these guys—no one would have been able to save that little boy. His father died on impact and how the mother didn’t die, I have no idea. I guess God has plans for her. There was nothing any of us could have done different, Ward. You need to get that into your head right now and don’t forget it. Do you hear me?”

Nodding, I whispered, “Yes, sir.”

Standing up, Cap reached his hand out to me. I followed his lead as I stood and reached my hand out. “I mean it, Preston. Do not dwell on this. Do not go up and see her again at the hospital, because I know damn well you did because I’d have done the same thing. Don’t get emotionally attached. Move on.”

Smiling, I nodded.

“Now, go eat. Wister made lasagna.”

Walking out of the room, I tried to let his words sink in. There was nothing any one of us could have done to save TJ.

Fate was in control, and as much as I wanted to believe that, I couldn’t.

Almost a week after Harmony’s accident, I found myself standing outside the door to her house. Jake had called to tell me Harmony had left the hospital two days ago and was home. I’d only gone back up one other time to see Harmony.

Not sure why I was even here, I turned and was headed back to my car when I heard my name. “Preston?”

Closing my eyes, I tried to push away the drop in my stomach when she said my name. Smiling, I turned and faced her. The bruises on her face were slowly fading, but the bright pink cast was a clear reminder of what had brought us together in the first place.

“Hey!” I said as I walked toward her.

Grinning, she tilted her head. “Did you ring the bell?”

Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, I let out a nervous chuckle. “What? No, I thought I had left my phone in the car.” I began patting all around until I felt my phone. “Nope, there it is. Just in case the station calls or something.”

“Oh, okay. Jake just left.”

Shit. I didn’t really want to be alone with Harmony, and I wasn’t really sure why I didn’t want to be alone with her.

“Are you going to come in or stand out here?”

Coming to my senses, I started up the stairs. “Right, sorry, I just got off shift so I’m a bit tired.”

Harmony’s face fell briefly before she gave me a weak smile and turned toward the house. I followed her in to the living room.

“Want a cup of coffee?” Harmony asked as she made her way into the kitchen. The living room and kitchen were all in one open-spaced room. Looking back at her, I could hear it in her voice. She was putting on a show for me.

“Sure. Black, please,” I said as I looked around. Pictures of Harmony, her husband, and TJ covered the walls. Walking over to the mantel, I smiled as I picked up a picture of the three of them. TJ couldn’t have been more than a few days old.

“Jake will be starting his residency in a few days. I hate that he’s missed so much schooling because of me.”

Nodding, I placed the picture back down and headed to the kitchen. Harmony gestured for me to sit at the kitchen island bar.

“I’m sure it’s fine, Harmony. Jake seems like a pretty bright guy.”

Spinning on her heels, she looked at me. Her eyes filled with sadness. “Fine?” Harmony shook her head and went back to moving about the kitchen. Reaching into a cabinet, she pulled out two mugs. “Oh, Preston, everything is far from fine.”

“I didn’t mean—”

Dropping her head, Harmony cried. I quickly jumped up and went to her. Turning her, I pulled her into my arms. “I have to bury my son and husband tomorrow, Preston, and I don’t think I can do it.” Burying her face in my chest, she gripped my shirt and cried harder. Her legs gave out and I dropped down to the floor with her and held her while she cried on the tiles of her kitchen floor.

Harmony cried until she fell asleep from what I guessed was sheer exhaustion. Looking up, I saw Jake.

“She broke down and I didn’t know what to do but hold her while she cried.”

Jake gave me a sad grin. “Let me show you where to put her.”

Standing up as carefully as I could while I held Harmony, I followed Jake to a room down the hall.

Jake opened the door and stood to the side while I walked into the room. It was fairly bare with just a bed, a dresser, and a small desk in the corner. Jake sighed as he spoke in a hushed tone. “It’s the guest room. She won’t sleep anywhere else but in this room.”

Pulling the covers back, I placed Harmony down and pulled the covers back over her. Her blond hair was pulled back in a ponytail and was spread across the pillow. Reaching down, I pushed a strand of hair back and behind her ear as I stared at her.

Twenty years old and already so much pain and hurt in her life. My heart broke as I watched her sleep for a few minutes more before I made my way out of the room and back into the kitchen.

Jake was leaning against the counter with a somber look on his face. “Trey’s parents couldn’t even give her a few days to get settled back in before they had to do the burial. I’d like to bash their fucking heads together.” Dropping his head back, he swore under his breath before looking back at me. “Do you know I had to threaten to get a court order to keep them from burying Trey and TJ while Harmony was still in the hospital?”

Sucking in a breath of air, I asked, “Why would they do that?”

“I don’t know. Something is so very wrong and I can’t put my finger on it. Trey’s dad is acting really weird. It feels as if they are hiding something, but I can’t put my finger on it.”

Following Jake back to the kitchen, I sat on a barstool and asked, “Could it be he’s just in shock, Jake? I mean, he did lose his son and grandchild.”

Nodding, he agreed. “You’re probably right. I can’t even begin to imagine how they both feel. I called my parents.”

Sitting up straighter, my interest was piqued. “And?”

Shaking his head, he said, “They told me the accident was God’s way of saying Harmony made the wrong choice.”

My mouth dropped open. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Letting out a gruff laugh, Jake shook his head. “Nope. That’s my parents for you. I told them that was the last straw. For them not to even be there for their daughter during a time like this shows the true hearts they have. They said they would think about showing up. I told them not to do me any favors. I wouldn’t be surprised if I started getting bills for school.”

Closing my eyes, I shook my head and said, “Shit. Jake, I’m so sorry.”

Jake shrugged his shoulders and let out a heavy sigh. “My sister means more to me than their money. If that happens, I’ll work something out. I don’t have that much longer to go so I’m not too worried about it.”

My head tried to wrap itself around all of this. My parents were the total opposite of Jake and Harmony’s. There wasn’t a damn thing they wouldn’t do for me, and I knew that they would always stand by my side no matter what.

Clearing his throat, Jake pushed off the counter. “Listen, I know it would mean a lot to Harmony if you would be there tomorrow.”

Swallowing hard, I felt sick to my stomach. “Um, I’m not sure I can make it.”

Jake’s face fell with disappointment as he nodded. “Sure, I understand.”

Standing, I pushed the stool back in. “Where is it at?”

“Colonial Park Cemetery at one.”

Scrubbing my hands down my face, I let out a frustrated sigh. “I’ll try to make it, but no promises, Jake.”

Smiling, Jake held out his hand. “Hey, that’s good enough for me. Thanks, Preston, for being here for her. I know she appreciates it.”

Swallowing hard, I pushed down the feelings that were slowly growing for Harmony. “Of course. It’s the least I can do.”

Jake walked me out to my car and shook my hand one more time. As I made my way to the driver’s side, I glanced back up at Harmony’s house. My heart stopped when I saw Harmony standing in the window looking out. Lifting my hand, I smiled and waved. Giving me a slight smile, Harmony barely lifted her hand before she dropped the curtain and walked away.

Gripping the steering wheel tighter, I turned the opposite way from my apartment and drove for another hour and a half. Pulling down the gravel road, I instantly felt a weight lift off my shoulders.

I put my car in park behind my father’s truck and got out. Taking in a deep breath, I let the smells of my parents’ country home soak in.

“Preston?”

I spun around to see my mother standing on the front porch. “Mom, damn, it’s good to see you.”

Practically running to her, I took the steps two at a time. Reaching my mother, I wrapped her in my arms and held her.

She held me tighter than normal. “Preston. Talk to me.”

Her voice was my undoing. Finally…my tears fell and it was my turn to be held while I fell apart.

Closing my eyes, I focused on the sounds of the birds singing all around me as my fingers rubbed the charm that Jake had given me that morning. The engraving was taken from a picture frame Trey had given me on TJ’s one-month birthday. The photo was of me holding TJ when he was only a few minutes old, as Trey kissed me on the check. My mind drifted back to the day TJ was born.

The moment the nurse placed our baby across my chest I knew my life would never be the same. Tears flowed freely from my eyes as I looked at Trey. Smiling, he wiped his tears away as he gazed down at our son. Turning to me, he gently kissed my lips before whispering in my ear, “Everything happens for a reason.”

Each breath felt as if I was battling for air.

This is just a dream.

Jake took my hand in his and gave it a light squeeze. The preacher talked but I didn’t hear a word he said.

Birds. Focus on the birds, Harmony. This is just a dream.

My memory took me back to the day TJ was born and how happy Trey and I were. The way he looked into my eyes and told me how happy he was. I knew in that moment we had made the right decision to keep our baby.

Jake leaned in and whispered in my ear, “Harmony, do you want to lay a flower on their caskets?”

My eyes snapped open. Two boxes. That’s what they were, two boxes that held the two people I loved more than anything.

This isn’t a dream. This is very real. My baby is gone. Forever. My husband…gone…forever.

Swallowing hard, I turned to look at Jake and that’s when I saw
him
standing about forty yards away. He was dressed in a black suit and I couldn’t help but notice how he wiped his tears away.

Preston.

It was as if he knew I needed something to move my feet and pay my last respects to Trey and TJ. Giving me a weak smile, he turned and walked away. Looking back at the caskets, I grabbed hold of Jake’s arm.

“I feel sick, Jake,” I whispered.

“Harmony, draw from the strength I know you have. You can fall apart later, sweetheart. Just not right now.”

Slowly nodding, I made my way over to Trey’s casket first. Placing a single red rose on his casket, I kissed my fingers and laid them over the rose. “Trey” was all I could manage to get out.

Jake wrapped his arm around my waist and led me to TJ’s casket. My breathing became labored as I stopped in front of it.

It’s so small. My baby is all alone in the dark
.

“Jake, he hates the dark.”

Jake cleared his throat and held me closer. “He’s not in the dark, Harmony. He’s in a beautiful light that has him wrapped up warm and safe.”

Shaking my head, I said, “No. Jake, please tell me I’m dreaming.” Turning to him, I looked into his blue eyes.

“Harmony, sweetheart.”

Nodding and quickly wiping my tears away, I took another rose from Jake and placed it on the small casket. Leaning over, I kissed the casket and let a small sob escape from my lips.

Sounds of people crying surrounded me, drowning out the birds.

Focus on the birds, Harmony.

“Mommy loves you, baby boy. I love you so much and I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you. I’m so sorry.”

Tears fell freely from my eyes as I kept myself from falling to the ground and screaming. As much as I wanted to, I knew it wouldn’t bring him back. I’d never hold my child in my arms again. Sing to him while he fell asleep in my arms. Laugh while he ran from me during a chase.

“Harmony,” Jake whispered as he pulled me up and turned me around. My eyes scanned all the people. I didn’t even know half of them. They were friends of Trey’s from work, or friends of his parents. Everyone looked at me with sad eyes. Trey’s mother stood up and walked up to me and pulled me into her arms.

“Harmony, darling, we are here for you…please know that.”

Dropping my arms loosely at my sides, I nodded and whispered, “Thank you, Anne. I know you are, and I’m here for you and Dan as well.”

Anne pushed a piece of my blond hair behind my ear and gave me a weak smile. The missing piece of my heart was so evident it hurt to even exist.

Looking at Jake, Anne said, “She looks like she hasn’t slept in days. Jake, please make sure she rests.”

I wasn’t sure how I felt about Anne talking about me like I wasn’t standing there. Jake pulled me closer to his side and replied, “Yes, ma’am. I intend on making sure she takes care of herself.”

Nodding, she smiled. “Good. Dan and I are very worried about our sweet Harmony.”

Closing my eyes, my body swayed. Jake took the hint and began leading me away from Anne and all the prying eyes. As we neared the last row of chairs, a young girl caught my eye. She had dark hair and was dressed all in black. Her body shook as she cried. Stopping, I looked at her and she looked at me. Standing, she wiped her eyes and made her way over to me.

“Harmony?”

With a nod, I barely said, “Yes.”

Swallowing, she continued to speak. “My name is Margie. I…um…I worked with Trey. We actually all went to high school together, but I’m not sure if you remember me.”

Staring at her, I could have sworn I had seen her before, I just couldn’t place it.

“You said we went to high school together?”

Nodding, she smiled. “Yes. I was a year younger. Big into cheerleading,” she said with a nervous laugh.

My head began to spin and all I wanted to do was run. Run away from everything and anyone who reminded me of Trey or TJ.

Giving Margie a weak smile, I said, “Thank you for coming, Margie. I’m sure Trey would have appreciated it.”

She broke down sobbing again as Jake quickly led me away. Looking back over my shoulder, I watched as Margie made her way over to Trey’s casket and Anne wrapped her arms around her. I didn’t want to be anywhere near here when they lowered my husband and child into the cold, dark ground.

Margie turned and looked over her shoulder at me before turning back. She just stood there with Anne and Dan as they looked down at Trey’s casket.

Turning and staring straight ahead, I allowed my brother to guide me to his car. The sooner I got out of there, the better.

One month after the accident, I found myself in an unmoving stance at the intersection where the accident happened. My eyes traveled to the road where TJ had been lying on the ground. My chest ached even more than it did the day I found out I had lost Trey and TJ. Pulling the charm out of my pocket, I inhaled a deep breath as I looked at it.

I was tired of everyone telling me I would be okay. Tired of how people looked at me as if I would break at any moment. In my desire to escape the memory of losing Trey and TJ, I found myself staying in a hotel in downtown Boston. It was the only thing I asked of my parents when they called to tell me how sorry they were to hear about Trey and TJ. They offered to help in any way they could, and I knew it was just to stay on Jake’s good side. I didn’t care, though; if asking them to put me up in a hotel kept me out of the house and away from the memories, I’d ask. The thought of going home made me sick.

My phone beeped in my pocket. Pulling my eyes off the road, I turned and blew out a breath as I placed the charm back in my pocket.

“God, please help me,” I whispered.

Shaking my head, I pulled my phone from my pocket.

Jake:
When was the last time you went home?

Pulling my head back in surprise, I responded.

Me:
How did you know I wasn’t home?

Jake:
Preston has stopped by a few times and left a few things at your front door. He stopped by today and they were still there. He was worried.

Letting out a deep breath, I walked away and headed to Trey’s office. Anne had called and said there were a few personal items of Trey’s that they thought I might like.

Glancing down at the text again, his name stood out.

Preston.

I wasn’t sure why I was so afraid to see him. He was a reminder of that day. His eyes haunted my dreams, yet something powerful pulled me to him. I just couldn’t figure out what it was.

Me:
I needed to be alone and away from…memories. I’m headed back home today. I’ve decided to sell the house.

Jake:
Damn, Harmony. I’m here for you, sweetheart. Just let me know what you need.

Me:
Maybe you could help with packing up and sorting through…things.

Jake:
Just let me know when and I’m there.

Me:
Thanks, Jake. I need to run. Love you.

Jake:
Love you, too, Harmony.

Smiling, I pushed my phone back into my pocket. Sometimes I wondered how I lucked out with Jake. He was by far more than just my brother. He was my best friend. I talked to him about everything.

Pulling the door open, I walked into the modern glass building. My heart pounded in my chest as I made my way to the elevator. The security guard, Tom, tipped his hat and gave me a sweet smile.

“Harmony, how are you, darling?”

Nodding, I decided to stop acting like everything was okay and just be honest with how I felt. “I’m hanging in there day to day, Tom.”

“That’s my girl.”

Stepping into the elevator, I turned and smiled at Tom. As the doors shut, I closed my eyes and prayed for strength. With how busy we both were, I hadn’t been by Trey’s office in over six months before he died. The last time I was here, I showed up in nothing but a sexy teddy, trying desperately to rekindle some sort of spark between us. Smiling, the memory of Trey screwing me against the wall that he shared with his father flooded my mind. It had been the last time we had really been together when it hadn’t seemed forced.

During the last four months of Trey’s life, he had pulled away more and more. Our sex life was almost nonexistent. The hugs stopped, followed by his kisses.

Shaking the memories out of my head, I took in a deep breath and concentrated on slowing my heartbeat down.

The elevator door opened as I squeezed my fists into balls and reached deep down inside for the strength to get through this. I had already decided I would just tell Dan to pack everything up and donate it. The last thing I needed was more items of Trey’s for me to go through when I sold the house.

Walking past Kim, the main receptionist, she smiled kindly. “I’ll let Dan know you’re here, Harmony.”

Nodding, for fear my voice would crack if I tried to talk, I kept walking toward Trey’s office.

When I walked up, I was stunned to see who sat outside his office.

“Harmony, w-what are you doing here?”

My mouth opened slightly at the sight of Margie sit`ting at the desk.

“I…um…came to go through Trey’s personal effects.”

Looking away, Margie nodded. “I haven’t let anyone but Dan into the office. Per Dan’s request.”

“Dan?” I asked, shocked that she would refer to the CEO of the company on a first-name basis.

“Mr. Banks, excuse me.”

Raising an eyebrow, my eyes traveled over Margie. “How long have you worked here, Margie?”

Attempting to give me a smile, it came across fake as hell. “A little over six months.”

My stomach fell and I felt sick. “As Trey’s receptionist?”

Smiling bigger, she nodded. “Not at first, but yes, most of the time as his receptionist.”

That’s when it hit me and I remembered where I had seen Margie before.

“Margie McDaniels,” Trey said as he pointed to the cheerleader out on the football field.

Looking back at her, I smiled. “She’s cute. I guess.”

Trey laughed. “You’re not jealous, are you, Harmony? It was your idea to date other people.”

Pushing Trey lightly on the chest, I chuckled. “No, I’m not jealous. I’m glad you’re going to ask her out. Trey, you know I’ll always love you.”

Pulling me into his chest and resting his chin on the top of my head, Trey whispered, “I’ll always love you, too, pumpkin.”

Four days later I found out I was pregnant and Trey never got to go out with Margie McDaniels. A few short months after that, we were married and had both made a promise to each other that we would really make an effort at this marriage for the baby. The love we had for our child was strong enough to hold our little family together.

Snapping out of the memory, it all hit me. Anger rushed through my veins as I started to feel sick. “Tell Dan I’ll be in Trey’s office.”

Margie jumped up. “Do you want me to go in with you? I can help you…um…pack up things if you need help. I pretty much know where Trey kept everything in that office.”

Feeling a lump form in the back of my throat, I whispered, “I’m sure you did, Margie.”

Her smile dropped as I spun on my heels and stormed into the office. Shutting the door, I locked it and placed my hand on my chest and fought to drag in air.

Oh my God. He was having an affair.
Trey was cheating on me.

My mind spun as everything fell into place. The late dinners at work Trey supposedly had with his father. Trey avoiding me when I asked who his new receptionist was. The way he stopped touching me…even kissing me…around the same time Margie came to work for him.

Sliding down the door, I buried my face in my hands and cried.

The memory of Trey talking to me right before the accident popped into my head.

“Harmony, there’s something I’ve been needing to talk to you about.”

Lifting my face out of my hands, I looked through the glass window. “He was about to tell me. He was about to tell me he was sleeping with her.”

Standing up, I unlocked the door as I got a grip on my emotions. Walking forward, I stopped and looked at the pictures he had on his desk. One was of all of us in Florida. Picking up the picture frame, I ran my finger over Trey’s face as my heart broke a little bit more. Setting the picture down, I sat in the chair. I pulled out drawers, searching through them as if I knew what I was looking for. When I got to the bottom right drawer, it was locked.

Chewing on my lower lip, I tried to think where Trey would keep the key. Opening the middle drawer, I reached under the drawer and felt a key taped to the underside.