Seaside Dreams (Love in Bloom: Seaside Summers, Book One) Contemporary Romance (24 page)

“I don’t need a break, Caden.
You
need a break. I want to be there for you and for Evan.” She crossed her arms and turned away. “I thought you were all about commitment.”

“I am. I always said that Evan was my top priority. I never hid that from you.” He touched her shoulder, and she pulled gently from his reach. “I’m sorry, Bella, but I think Evan needs me around right now.”

She turned to face him again with damp eyes. “So this is what you do? The going gets tough and you…
end
things?” Her shoulders rounded forward.

“That’s not a fair statement. The going gets tough and I…Hell, Bella, I think I’m doing the right thing for Evan. We’re adults; he’s a kid. He needs guidance and attention. I didn’t say I wanted to
end
things. I said
take a break
.” He didn’t even know what he meant. He wanted to be with her every second of every day. But he needed to be there for Evan and make sure he got back on the right path without feeling cast aside, and how the hell could he do that if his heart was drawing him out the door?

“I
want
you, Bella. I just—” He’d kept his eyes off of Evan for too long, and look what almost happened. He needed to remain strong. For Evan.

“Please don’t say any more.” She turned away again, and when she spoke, it was with the same compassionate tone that had reeled him in when he’d first gotten to know her.

“I understand, Caden. I really do. But please, just go. It’s too hard.”

He stood behind her, desperately wanting to wrap his arms around her and press his cheek to hers. He wanted to tell her everything would be okay, but how could he, when he first needed to make sure his son was okay?

He lifted his hands to touch her shoulders—to comfort himself as much as to comfort her—then he lowered them to his sides without ever touching her, feeling impotent and sad.

So fucking sad.

BELLA HAD BEEN lying on her bed staring up at the ceiling for hours, vacillating between thinking that Caden was doing the admirable and right thing and thinking about how the right thing felt like hell. Then guilt swallowed her whole for the latter thought. She’d pretended to be asleep when Jenna and Amy came over and peered into the bedroom. She’d ignored Jamie when he called through the bedroom window, and she’d ignored Pepper’s barking when she heard Leanna returning to her cottage and calling across the road to Amy, explaining that she’d forgotten something.

She tried to doze off. A laughable thought. She had a meeting with the school board in a few hours, and she wanted to be rested, but she couldn’t have slept if her life depended on it. She didn’t want to think or feel. She wanted to pretend today never happened.

Damn it
.

She didn’t want to be this person, either. A woman who pined over a man who was only doing what was right for his child. A woman who pined over a man at all. She’d had a plan this summer, damn it. Her decisions were supposed to be made based on what she wanted, separate from any man or relationship.

What the eff?

Why did I cave?

When did that happen, exactly?

She caught sight of the bookmark Caden had given her and she groaned aloud. How was she supposed to just push aside her feelings for Caden—and Evan?

Eff this
.

She tore off her clothes and wrapped herself in a towel, stomped to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of Middle Sister wine, slipped her feet into a pair of flip-flops, and left her cottage.

A break! An effing break.

It was well after midnight and the lights in all the cottages were off. She went to Jenna’s bedroom window, put her mouth up to the screen and shielded it with her hands.

“Jenna,” she whispered loudly. “Jenna, get your ass up.”

She heard Jenna grumble in her sleep. “Jenna Ward, I need you.”

“Bella?”

Bella heard feet shuffling across the hardwood floor. Jenna’s face pressed against the screen.

“Are you okay?” Jenna asked in a sleepy voice.

“No. Chunky-dunking. Now.” She left no room for negotiation. “Hurry.”

Jenna’s face disappeared into the darkness. “We came by earlier,” Jenna said as she shuffled around the room. “You were zonked.”

“I was wallowing,” Bella said through the screen.

Jenna’s front door creaked open. She tiptoed across the grass in her towel and matching flip-flops. Her hair was pulled up on top of her head and secured with a plastic clip.

“Are you still upset over Vera and Evan?” Jenna looped her arms into Bella’s and wiggled her toes. “Like my nail polish? Amy’s are red. Mine are blue. We’ll paint yours tomorrow. You got stuck with white.”

“Nope. I’m not getting stuck with anything I don’t want.”

They walked across the quad and between Tony and Leanna’s cottage, then crossed the gravel road to Amy’s cottage.

“It’s just nail polish. What were you wallowing over?” Jenna asked as they went around Amy’s cottage to her bedroom window. “Jamie said Evan apologized and explained everything to them. Apparently, he shed a few tears, too. Poor kid. Being a teenager is so hard.”

“Ames,” Bella called through the screen. “Amy! Get your skinny ass up.”

“What?” Amy pressed her nose to the screen and shielded her eyes, peering down at them. “Chunky-dunking? Oh goody! Hold on!”

They made their way down the gravel road, taking swigs of wine and passing the bottle from one to the next.

“Bella wasn’t sleeping when we went over; she was wallowing,” Jenna explained as she fumbled with the lock on the pool gate. The heavy metal chain clanked against the metal pole.

“Shh. Do you want to wake Theresa?” Bella grabbed the chain and held it still while Jenna inserted the key into the lock. “I’m wallowing because Caden said he needed an effing break.”

Amy and Jenna gasped in unison.

“Tell me about it.” Bella closed the gate behind them. “We’ll talk after we’re in the water. I need to clear my head.” She and Amy walked to the far end of the pool by the stairs while Jenna dropped her towel on a table by the gate and hurried from one end of the pool to the other, nude, with her mammoth, bright white breasts swaying from side to side.

“Jenna!” Bella whispered. “Jesus, woman.”

“Why does she always leave her towel up there?” Amy asked.

“God only knows. It’s probably an OCD thing.” Bella watched Jenna tiptoe onto the first step and lift her feet in quick succession, sucking in air between her teeth.

“Chilly. Chilly. Chilly chipples.” Jenna laughed.

Bella set the bottle of wine on the table and draped her towel over a chair, then walked down the steps, passing Jenna, and went shoulder deep into the cool water. “God, I needed this. Just get under, Jen. I swear your boobs are like headlights. Get in before you wake Theresa and we all get in trouble.”

“Okay, okay.” Jenna spoke in a harsh whisper, as was their practice when they chunky-dunked. She went down one more step; then she went back up to the top step again with her fingers daintily spread out to her sides. “Cold. Cold. Cold.”

Amy put her towel on the chair and crossed her arms over her small breasts. “Come on, Jenna. We’ll go in together.” She took Jenna’s hand and they both sucked in air as they descended the steps and finally sank up to their chins in the water.

“Brr.” Amy crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t remember it being this cold.”

“It always is,” Jenna said.

“It’s not that cold, wussy girls.” Bella dove under the water and swam like a dolphin to the far end of the pool. Jenna and Amy sidestroked across the pool.

“Bella, spill the beans. What the heck happened? I thought you and Caden were fine. More than fine.” Amy held on to the side of the pool and reached for Jenna’s hand, then pulled her over. They were in the deep end, and in the dark, the water beneath them looked pitch-black.

Bella kicked her feet to stay afloat and to stay warm. Her body was so cold her limbs were shaking, though she’d never admit it after giving them a hard time.

“He said he needed to focus on Evan. That if he had been, this mess wouldn’t have happened.” Bella swallowed past the lump that lodged in her throat. “And I told him that I didn’t want a break, that I’d be there for him and Evan no matter what.”

“Of course you would.” Amy’s teeth chattered.

“Does he blame you somehow?” Jenna asked.

“No.” Bella huffed a breath. “I guess Mr. Commitment doesn’t keep commitments to women.” She dove under the water to keep from crying and swam the length of the pool to the shallow end.

Jenna and Amy moved along the edge of the pool, hanging on to the concrete edge all the way to the four-feet-deep area, where Jenna could stand.

“That doesn’t make any sense. He’s all about commitment,” Jenna said.

“Don’t kill me, Bell,” Amy began, “but this does kind of mean he’s really committed, at least to Evan.”

“I know that. But it sucks, right? I just don’t understand why he needs a break from us to do it.”

“Yes, but
break
? Or
break up
?” Now Jenna’s teeth chattered, too.

“Break.”

“Then you’re not really broken up.” Amy swam closer to Bella. “He’ll be back. Just watch.”

“Then does that make me pathetic if I want him to come back? Desperately?” Bella held her breath, fearing a
Yes.

“No,” Jenna said. “It means you love him.”

“I do, but you know what? Maybe Leanna was right about fate.” Bella cleared her throat to gain control of her emotions as she tried to spin the situation to her liking. “Maybe this happened so I can make my decision about where I live without the influence of our relationship.” And in that second, she made a decision.

“Yes, I’m sure that’s what it is,” Amy said.

Bella wished she had as much faith in that scenario as she claimed.

A light clicked on in Theresa’s house.

“Shh,” they said in unison.

“Bella, come over to the edge.” Jenna grabbed her arm and dragged her into the darkest corner of the pool. “Shh.”

They clung to one another in the cold, dark corner of the pool until the light went back out.

“We’d better get out,” Amy whispered.

They scrambled out of the pool, and Jenna’s white ass wiggled all the way up to the far end of the pool, while Bella and Amy were wrapped in towels and ready to go in seconds.

Bella snagged the wine and headed for the gate. “Jen, if a car drove in, they’d see you in all your glory, running from one end of the deck to the other.”

“Hush up,” Jenna said as she wrapped her towel around her and reached for the gate. “I always leave my stuff there.”

A flashlight shone in on them. Theresa stood at the entrance with a stern look in her eyes. She wore a pair of men’s pajamas beneath a maroon robe, tied around her middle, and on her feet were indoor-outdoor slippers.

“Are you effing kidding me?” Bella mumbled as she slid the bottle of wine beneath her towel.

“Ladies.” Theresa stared at Bella.

“Hey, Theresa.” Bella feigned a smile. “We were just…closing the umbrellas. We thought it was supposed to be windy tonight.” Water dripped from the ends of her hair onto her shoulder. She reached up and touched the drip. “And my shower pressure is just awful tonight, so I used the shower.”

“Yeah. We all did.” Jenna took a step behind Bella.

“Is that right?” Theresa pulled the gate open, allowing them to pass through. She shined the flashlight on Jenna’s wet footprints, which led from one end of the pool to the other. “Because I’d hate to think you were breaking the rules and swimming. That’s dangerous in the dark, and we can’t have such risks being taken in the community.”

“Oh no. Of course not.” Amy swatted the air.

“Good.” Theresa closed and locked the gate. “Because I know how enticing it can be to swim after dark.”

Jenna sidled up to Theresa and whispered, “Do
you
want to go skinny-dipping?”

“Jenna!” Bella pulled her away from Theresa. “She’s kidding.” She dragged Jenna up the hill toward Bella’s cottage, feeling the heat of Theresa’s stare following them up the road.

“I think she knows we were swimming,” Amy whispered. She clung to Bella’s towel.

“Gee, ya think?” Bella glared at Jenna.

“And the toilet, too. Of course she knows it was us.” Jenna’s eyes widened.

Amy gasped. “Maybe she likes this whole game as much as we do.”

“Or maybe she’s plotting her sweet revenge,” Bella suggested.

This was exactly what Bella needed. A distraction. Or many. She was either going to collapse into a pit of sorrow or sidetrack herself with her girlfriends. She tightened her grip on Jenna’s arm and reached for Amy’s hand. If only they could remain glued to her side until the pain subsided.

Or she died.

Whichever came first.

THE NEXT FEW days were a blur of merely making it from one minute to the next, each moving slower than the last. Caden did everything he could to try to ignore the emptiness that threatened to suck him under at any moment. He went for morning runs after staying up at night, fighting the urge to call Bella to try to win her back. Every time he drove by Seaside, it took all of his willpower not to pull into the development, bang on her door, and forget trying to give Evan his full attention. Each day after his shift, he spent time with Evan, and while he tried to enjoy their time together and he knew he was doing the right thing for his son, without Bella, he felt like a piece of him was missing.

“Dad. Dad!”

Evan’s frustrated voice pulled Caden from his thoughts. Evan stood on the front porch with one hand on the doorknob. His eyes were clear, and although his tone was frustrated, the old familiar ease that had once surrounded Evan with every breath had returned almost completely, confirming to Caden that he’d done the right thing. At least where Evan was concerned.

“Are you ready to leave? Should I lock the door?” Evan asked.

Today was Friday, and they were going to Boston for the day. “Sure, buddy. I’m ready.” Except he was anything but ready. He’d invited Bella on the trip, and he’d been looking forward to showing her around his old stomping grounds and introducing her to his friends and to his parents.

“I can’t wait to get there,” Evan said as he climbed into the car. He no longer had his phone, since it was turned in to the police as evidence. He was chattier without it, and while Caden usually enjoyed their talks, he was too sidetracked to hold much of a conversation. He tried to push aside his thoughts of Bella, but their sharp edges refused to be ignored.

“Me too, buddy.”

“I told Vera I would come by Sunday and clean up around her garden. Is that okay?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll bike over.” Evan turned on his iPod and pressed an earbud into his ear.

Caden touched his arm, and when Evan pulled out the earbud, he said, “I’m proud of you, Ev. No one forced you to apologize or offer to help Vera. That says a lot about the person you are.” He was thankful that both Jamie and Vera had accepted Evan’s apology. Evan had told them everything, just as he’d told Caden and Chief Basset. Vera was very gracious with him, and although Caden still felt the hint of a fissure between Jamie and Evan, Jamie had said he had forgiven Evan, and Caden could tell that he was working on letting it go. He knew it had to be difficult. Hell, it was difficult for Caden at first, too, and Caden was his father. But love heals, and he knew their friendship would, too.

Evan shrugged. “I guess.”

“And I think telling TGG about what happened was the smart thing to do. It’s a small enough town that people will hear about what went down, and this way it’s not a skeleton in your closet.” They’d just come from TGG, where Evan was accepted as an apprentice for five hours each week, even after his confession. It was a start, and it was something that Evan was excited about and proud of.

“I know, Dad. I get it.” He pushed the earbuds back in and looked out the window, leaving Caden to indulge in his painful thoughts until he felt as if he were drowning.

Two hours later, they pulled up in front of Caden’s parents’ house. The one-story rambler was nestled between two similar homes on a quiet residential street. He climbed from the car, remembering the night he’d brought Evan home for the first time. He remembered his mother’s hand covering her mouth, her eyes filled with tears, as she reached for the sleeping baby. Now, as he walked up the front stoop with Evan beside him, he remembered how difficult it had been to hand him over—even to his own mother. In those few short hours between Caty placing Evan in his hands and Caden arriving at his parents’ home, Evan had already become his world.

“Leave your skateboard on the porch,” Caden said out of habit before they walked inside.

In a few short years, Evan would be off to college, and before he and Bella broke up, Caden had allowed himself to think of a future with her. He’d imagined lazy weekend mornings in bed and evening walks holding hands. He’d pictured them visiting Evan in college the way his parents had visited him, and one day, being the grandparents waiting on the stoop for Evan and—he hoped—his wife to hand them their first grandchild. And now sadness burrowed deep inside him.

“Hey there, bucko.” Caden’s father, Steven, was a burly man with thick arms and a belly that could use a little less of Caden’s mother’s home cooking. Steven embraced Evan and smiled over his shoulder at Caden. Caden had called his father Wednesday and filled him in on everything that had happened.

“Hi, Grandpa.” Evan pulled out of his grandfather’s arms, but before he could escape to follow the aroma of fresh-baked bread toward the kitchen, Steven ruffled his hair. Evan reached up to do the same to him and laughed when his grandfather playfully swatted his hand.

“Go say hi to Grandma.” His father held Caden’s gaze for a beat before embracing him.

Caden closed his eyes and reveled in the comfort of his father’s arms. He’d always been Caden’s rock, his sounding board.

“He’s giving you a run for your money, isn’t he?” Steven searched his son’s eyes and furrowed his brow. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m good, Pop,” he lied.

Steven slung an arm around his shoulder and guided him toward the kitchen. “I’m not sure I’m buying that, but come say hello to your mother.”

What his father really meant was,
Let’s see if your mother believes you
. Caden felt as transparent as Saran Wrap.

They found his mother pulling a hot loaf of bread from the oven. She smiled as they entered the cozy kitchen. Amber Grant was tall and thin, with auburn hair and hazel eyes that could stop a clock. Baking was a weekly ritual, and because of that, the house always smelled warm and inviting.

“Caden. You didn’t tell me that Evan grew an inch.” She set the pan on the top of the stove and took off her oven mitts. Her hazel eyes roved over Caden’s face before she patted his cheek. “You okay, honey?”

“Fine, Ma. It’s good to see you.” Caden embraced her. “Did Ev grow? I guess since I see him all the time, I didn’t notice.”
Par for the course these days, but I’m working on that.

“Oh, honey.” She swatted the air. “There was one summer when you grew five inches and your father didn’t notice until I mentioned it. I think it’s a man thing. You men have busy minds or something.”

Or something
.

“Dad, Austin wants to meet me by the school. Do you mind if I skateboard over?” Evan asked. “I think we’re gonna hang out with everyone for the day, but I can be back by dinner.”

“Don’t you want to spend some time with Grandma and Grandpa?” Caden asked.

“Let him go, honey. We’ll catch up over dinner. Besides, I’m sure his friends are excited to see him.” His mother sliced a piece of bread and wrapped it in a napkin. “Here, Ev. Take this so you’re not hungry.”

“Thanks, Grandma. Okay, Dad?”

“Sure.” For a fleeting second, worry passed through Caden. He knew these boys, and he trusted Evan. Caden took his phone from his pocket and handed it to Evan. “Just call here if you need me. Be back by six, and behave.”

Evan rolled his eyes. “I know.”

Caden’s mother sliced the bread and brought it to the table.

“Sit down, honey. Would you like some tea?” she asked.

“Sure.” He wasn’t the least bit hungry.

His father scrubbed his face with his hand and leaned back in his chair with a loud sigh. “So, parenthood is getting dicey.” Steven had spent thirty years running the construction division of Eastern Pipeline, a company that ran underground piping for commercial buildings. He worked hours outside in the freezing cold and sweltering heat, and when Caden was growing up, he had no patience for laziness, procrastination, or disrespectful behavior.
Laziness has no place in a father’s world, and one day you’ll be a father, so get off your butt and get working—
on his homework, in the yard; what he was doing didn’t matter. It was the message that mattered, and not only had Caden heard it loud and clear, he’d lived by it.

“You could say dicey. I might use a different word.”

“Caden, is there anything else that’s happened since the break-in? Has Evan admitted to being involved in any of it?” His mother nibbled on a piece of bread, her thin brows knitted together.

“No. He came clean, and there haven’t been any new developments. He’s about a hundred times calmer since all this came out, and without his phone, he’s out of the loop from all that stuff. He also blocked the kids who were involved from his online activities.”
Thank God
.

“What do you hear about the other kids?” Steven asked.

“They admitted to what they did. All of it, and surprisingly, they didn’t try to implicate Evan. But they did admit that they thought if he helped them, I’d look the other way to protect him from getting in trouble with the law.”

His father crossed his thick arms over his chest and looked down his nose at Caden.

“Pop, I took Evan straight to the station once I heard everything he had to say. I wouldn’t have looked the other way.”

His father nodded. “Good, because kids don’t learn a damn thing if they’re not held accountable for their actions. But then again, I hope you didn’t come down on him too hard with this, because he did snitch, and that takes balls.”

“Steven,” Caden’s mother snapped.

“Sorry. That takes…Aw hell, Amber, that’s the only thing that fits.” His father covered his mother’s hand with his and squeezed.

She shook her head and slid him a loving look that Caden had seen pass between them a million times. As much as it warmed him to see how much they loved each other, it made his heart ache for Bella.

They passed the afternoon with small talk. His parents brought him up to date on friends around Boston, and when his mother hadn’t asked him why he was wearing a broken heart on his sleeve, he felt like he’d dodged a bullet. He knew she’d seen right through his feigned smiles and off-the-cuff answers.

His father liked to be busy, and after they’d exhausted easy conversation, he helped his father mow and edge the yard. Neither Caden nor his father needed much conversation. After that, they ran errands, another favorite pastime of his father. They went to the hardware store, the pharmacy, and finally, the grocery store to pick up a few last-minute items for dinner.

They were heading back to the house when his father pulled over at the ballpark where Caden had played as a kid. He left the car running and sighed. A combination so familiar, it sent a cold rush of air through his chest. When Caden was young and his father wanted to talk with him about something serious, he’d pull up at the ballpark and begin with a sigh.

“What’s up, Pop?” He wasn’t a kid any longer, and the longer the day stretched on, the wider the miles felt between him and Bella, making him feel agitated on top of feeling so fucking sad that he wanted to punch a hole in something.

“Son, obviously whatever’s gotten under your skin isn’t just Evan, because if it was, you never would have let him ride off to see his friends. You want to talk about it?” His father slid his warm brown eyes Caden’s way. Looking at his father’s face was like looking in the reflection of a time machine. They had the same angular nose, the same thin brows and cleft chin, and he knew that in twenty years, Evan would be thinking the same thing about him.

“Not really.” His father couldn’t fix his relationship with Bella. Nothing could, because he’d done the right thing for Evan, no matter how difficult it was for him.

“Fair enough. How about you give me a glimpse into what’s going on anyway, or I’ll have to deal with your mother hounding me until the next time you drag your ass out here. You look about as distraught as you did when you lost George. I know you’re going through a lot with the move, a new station, and Evan, but...” He rubbed his chin.

“It’s nothing I can’t handle.” Caden clenched his jaw against the acidic taste of the lie.

“Okay, play it your way.” He put the car in reverse. “You mother thinks this has to do with a woman, and, son, if she’s right, then good luck to you.”

Caden wanted to tell his father all about Bella, that he loved her and that he’d made a mistake by saying he needed a break, but saying the words would only make it harder to digest.

“I have a feeling I’m shit out of luck, Pop.”

His father huffed out a low laugh. “So, this
is
about a woman. Well, then, let me clue
you
in on something. I dated a few women before I married your mother, but when I met her.
Pow!
” He flicked his fingers forward, as if he were casting a spell out into the world. “Our eyes met and I could think of nothing but her every minute of every day afterward. Still can’t.” He shook his head and a smile spread across his face. “That’s how you know it’s real love, son. There’s no ifs ands or buts. There’s only life with her or hell without her.”

Hell. That sums it up perfectly
.

His father had never led him astray, and as they drove up to the house, Caden decided to open up to him.

“Well, Pop. I’ve got Evan. I have more to think about than just how I feel about her.”

“Caden.” His father paused as he pulled into the driveway and cut the engine. He turned to face Caden with a serious look in his eyes. “You’ve done a great job of raising Evan for all these years. Everyone who knows you recognizes how much you’ve given up for him, and despite this crap of hanging with the wrong kids, he’s a damn good kid. That’s because of you, Caden. All because of you. But, son, you must know that a man who never puts his own needs first can’t be the best parent all the time.”

Caden sat up a little taller, defending the fine job he’d done of raising Evan, despite his recent trouble. “I think I am a better parent for putting his needs first.”

“You probably are a better father than you might have been if you hadn’t done that, but, son, any way you cut it, a happy man is
always
a better father than an unhappy man. And for the first time in years, you’re carrying around a banner with a frigging frown on it. Christ, Caden. You seem like you’ve lost George all over again, and I guess in a sense, if this woman is that important to you, then maybe you have.” His father reached across the seat and settled his hand on Caden’s shoulder. “Think about it. That’s all I’m saying, son. If I can sense the unhappiness, so can he.” He pointed to Evan riding his skateboard toward the car.