Season For Surrender (A Danby Family Novella Book 2) (8 page)

He paused in front of her chambers and
kissed her on the forehead. The kiss, tender and reassuring, was every bit as
wonderful in its own way as the passionate kiss she’d shared with him moments
ago. Stepping away from her, he bowed. “Until tomorrow. I mean later today.” His
grin was infectious.

“Tomorrow,” she agreed and forced
herself to go into her room and shut the door. After undressing, she settled
into the fluffy covers to try to sleep. Her thoughts kept returning to Nick. He
was the most honest man she’d ever met. The care and sensitivity he’d shown her
in the past several days was like a salve on her wounded soul, yet would she
feel the same way about him when they were undressed, flesh to flesh, and he
wanted to truly make her his? Could she stand to lie with him? She just wasn’t
sure, and the doubt took away a little of her happiness.

The next morning Nick sat in his office
trying to think about his estate and not Lillian when his butler knocked and
announced Drew. Nick set down his quill as Drew strolled in, plopped into the
chair opposite Nick’s desk and gave Nick a puzzled look.

Nick leaned back with a sigh. “I assume
you’ve something to say to me or you wouldn’t be at my house at eleven in the
morning instead of home with your wife.”

“Perceptive as always, cousin.” Drew
tapped his fingers on his knee for a moment before speaking. “If you married
the Lancaster chit out of convenience why did you make her stay the night with
you last night?”

Nick felt his jaw drop open. “I did no
such thing. Besides, how did you know Lillian stayed here?”

“Charlotte made me go to the theatre
this morning to see if your wife cared to come for tea. Her seamstress informed
me, with a severe frown, that you’d forced her poor mistress to stay at your
home. Seems the woman knows that the two of you are married―only in
name.”

Nick leaned forward, his right eye
twitching with irritation. “Not that it’s any concern of yours, but I asked
Lillian to stay so I could teach her to dance. Nothing else.” Drew didn’t need
to know about the kiss.

Drew’s smug smile grew wider. “Is this
part of your grand plan to never love your wife?”

Nick wanted to put his fist through his
cousin’s arrogant face. “Yes.”

Drew guffawed. “You need to seriously
reconsider your plan. At the rate you’re going, doing all these little nice
things for her, the woman will be in your blood whether you like it or not.”

Nick stiffened. He’d lain in bed,
thinking the exact same thing. She’d enjoyed his kiss and said she’d wanted to
try another today, but he couldn’t allow his guard to lower with her again. He
may never get it back up, if he did. He stood and motioned to the door. “You
can go. I appreciate your concern, but Lillian is leaving this morning.”

“That’s a bad idea. If you send her to
her home people will talk. I meant to discuss that with you yesterday but never
got the chance. Since she’s already here, if you want the wedding to appear
genuine, and none of the gossips to assume the worst about her, I’d have her
stay with you at least a week.”

“A week?” Nick’s pulse jerked. The
damned thing was it was excitement, not concern. It should be concern. He’d
never be able to resist Lillian if she was in his house for an entire week. “Do
you really think the gossip mongers would assume there was something wrong with
her?”

Drew stood. “Of course they will.
Remember Lord Sothby’s wife?”

Nick recalled her moving out of her
husband’s home the day after their marriage. The woman had been shunned from
society. It didn’t matter that Lord Sothby was whispered to have gone quite mad
and kicked her out after accusing her of trying to kill him. She was the woman
and therefore the one who was to blame. Nick gritted his teeth. He’d not
considered what it might look like if Lillian left. She had to stay for her
sake, at least until enough time passed that people would assume they’d simply tired
of each other. He would acquire a lovely townhome for her when the time came
for her to depart. They would have to suffer each other, though after last
night’s dance and kiss he knew very well being around Lillian was only
intolerable because it made him want her that much more. What was he going to
do?

“She’ll stay,” he muttered. “She’ll have
to. I’ll simply avoid her.”

A wicked gleam appeared in Drew’s eyes.
“Good luck with that.”

“Sod off,” Nick growled. “You can go
home now.”

“I think I’ll stay and watch you try to
ignore your wife.”

“Get the hell out,” Nick growled right
as Lillian stepped through his study door.

Her face turned scarlet. “I guess
goodbyes are not in order.”

Once Lillian begrudgingly accepted the
need to live in his home at least a week, Nick set about avoiding her. He did
exceptionally well the entire day but by dinner, he was a tight coil of
suppressed needs. When she entered the dining room in a gown of emerald green
cut low enough to make a concerned mother cry foul, Nick dropped his fork with
a clatter and picked up his wine glass. He downed the contents with one long
gulp. “
What
are you wearing?”

Color blossomed on Lillian’s cheeks and
she lowered her gaze. Nick felt like an ass for causing her embarrassment.

She toyed with the rim of her wine
glass, her gaze still down. “It seems Madame Marmont has a love for revealing
dresses.” Lillian glanced up and the concern in her eyes twisted his gut. She
leaned towards him. “I’m sorry. I tried on every dress Beatrice sent here from
Madame Marmont and they’re all like this. Some are worse. I could put on one of
my old dresses.”

“No.” The word was sharper than he
intended. When she flinched in her seat, he winced. “I’m sorry. You’re just so
beautiful. It makes it hard.”

“Hard for what?” She licked her upper
lip which made it difficult for him to concentrate.

“To resist you. I―” He forced
himself to stop talking. Thoughts pounded his skull like a hammer.
I want
her. I like her. I need her.
“I wish to get to know you better,” he
blurted.

Her spoon slipped from her fingers and
clanked against her plate. “What for?”

What for, indeed
.
Becoming better acquainted would mean time spent together and maybe the next
kiss she wanted to try and then another and then
God help him
. He yanked
on his suffocating neck cloth. “For appearances sake, of course. It wouldn’t do
to appear as if I don’t even know my own wife.”
Liar.
He wasn’t sure of
the total truth, but that was definitely not it. “It might be wise if we try to
learn things about each other a husband or wife would know. We can approach it
as friends.”

“Only as friends?” She licked her lips
again.

Was she asking him for that next kiss
without actually saying anything? He had a sudden vision of sweeping the dinnerware
off the table and laying her naked against the wood to undress her and kiss her
from head to toe. Jumping up, he nearly toppled his chair. “I think I’m done
with dinner.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “You’re not
sure?”

He was positive he no longer wanted
food. All he wanted was her. “Quite. Why don’t you join me in the study after
you’ve finished. We can talk.” Once he had a moment alone, he would be better.
More in control.

A moment was truly all he got. He’d no
more than poured himself a drink and sat down when she came strolling into his
study looking utterly disarming and charming with her hair arranged so that her
long, slender kissable neck was revealed. His pulse pounded in his ears. “Why
don’t you sit there?” He pointed to the settee, the farthest seat from him. The
better to keep his hands off her.

Without questioning him, she sat. “What
would you like to talk about?”

Good question. He needed a safe topic
that could in no way make him want her more. “I know a bit about your father
but I know nothing of your mother. I assume since you never speak of her that
she’s dead.”

A tremulous smile flitted at the corners
of her mouth before she sighed. “She is. She left when I was very young and for
a long time I didn’t know if she was dead or alive. I used to dream she would
come back for me and we would go away together.”

The naked hurt in her eyes twisted his
gut. Driven by the need to soothe her, he rose and made his way to her. Once he
was seated, he turned to her. “I imagine that’s very painful for you. My mother
can be a thorn in my side, but I think I’d rather miss her if she was gone.”

Lillian shrugged. “I try not to pity
myself.”

“Are you always so brave?”

“Brave?” She laughed. “No. But when
you’ve seen what I’ve seen and lived as I’ve lived, you learn there are things
much worse than a mother who abandons you. I’ve seen children beaten black and
blue by their mothers. Children starved, sold, belittled and made to cower in
fear at the very sight of the one person who was supposed to love them and
protect them always.”

A pulsing knot formed in his throat. She
was the child she was describing, yet it had been her father who had done many
of those things to her. Lillian was brave and kind, and she’d already shown she
had a generous heart. Damnation. Talking to her wasn’t supposed to make him
want her more. Her goodness drew him to her like a starving man in need of
sustenance.

Unable to help himself he held his hands
in front of her. “May I touch you?”

She jerked her head in a nod. His sweet
Lilly, so warm yet so afraid. He slipped his hands slowly up her arms and
cupped her face. “Do you still want to try a kiss again?”

“Yes.” Her voice was a husky whisper.

With gentle care he pressed his lips to
her warm soft ones. The kiss was the most provocative he’d ever experienced. He
moved his lips over hers then pulled back to trace the soft fullness of her
mouth with his tongue. She shuddered underneath his caresses. The desire to
protect her and keep her with him forever took hold. As her lips parted for him
and he entered her hot, moist mouth something intense flared through him.

He ended the kiss and pressed his cheek
to her forehead. They sat for a moment, entwined in each other’s arms and
panting. Gathering his will, he gently pushed her away and stood. If he didn’t
go now he was going to beg her to stay. The fact that he shouldn’t, that he
didn’t deem himself worthy of her was becoming less and less important every
moment that he was with her. “It’s late.”

She rose and moved towards the door.
Almost out in the hall she glanced at him, all rosy cheeked and sinfully
disheveled. “Will I see you tomorrow or do you need to work?”

He should say no. Claiming to want to be
her friend was preposterous. He wanted so much more. He longed to teach her all
the things a loving parent would have or would have ensured a tutor or nanny
did. “I’ll work early. Meet me at ten in my study.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said with a
beaming smile that confirmed his worst fear. Lillian already had a place in his
heart. The question was whether he was so selfish he’d give into his desire and
try to win her, or whether he could let her walk away as he’d vowed.

On Friday Nick sat outside in the
unusual warmth of the winter sun and waited for Lillian to come out. They were
to paint today. He’d strategically planned this. They would be too busy
painting to touch or even talk. If he could just stay strong today, he had a
chance to keep to his vow to never fall in love with his wife.

He turned his face toward the sun and
stared at the bright blue sky. The color reminded him of Lillian’s eyes. Then
again, everything reminded him of Lillian. He was exhausted from trying to keep
her from further capturing his affections. The more he pushed to harden his
heart the softer it grew.

Tuesday had been a most enjoyable day
cozied up in his library with her and a winter picnic of wine, bread and
cheese. They’d sat pressed close on his settee while he tried not to notice how
Lillian smelled like lilies and how warm and soft her skin was. Breathing deep
had helped.

He’d entertained her with childhood
stories and his family’s history while they ate. He smiled, thinking how she’d
traced circles over the top of his hand the whole time he talked, though she’d
clearly been unaware of the intimate way she touched him. Thank God, she’d not
noticed just how much he wanted her.

Wednesday had been a little easier to
resist her. They’d toured the portrait gallery, and he’d told Lillian the best
kept family secret of how his grandfather won over the duchess to become his
bride. Then he’d been called away for business, which probably explained why
the day had been less difficult to resist his charming bride.

Thursday had been hell. The day had
started with Lillian asking him about Amelia. He’d told her the whole sordid
story, and she’d tried to convince him Amelia’s death wasn’t his fault. Then when
he’d attempted to teach her how to fence he’d discovered Lillian had a deep
aversion to swords. After a bit of coaxing he learned Derwent had sometimes
used a sword to slash her clothing from her body. Nick wanted to kill Derwent.
Yet Lillian’s admission further proved her bravery and his admiration grew.

When the iron gate to the garden creaked
Nick opened his eyes and stood. Lillian strode toward him with her head held
high. He struggled to ignore how happy he felt with her near. “Are you ready to
paint?”

“I suppose. Please remember, I’ve never painted.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t criticize you.”

After a few basic instructions Lillian
picked a simple object and worked for a bit in silence. Unable to resist stealing
a glance at her easel, Nick suppressed his laughter. “That’s lovely.”

“Liar.” Amusement filled her voice. She
looked up and smiled, the glow of her happiness warming him. Cocking her head,
she said, “I hear the amusement in your tone.”

“I vow I’m not laughing at your, um,
say…are those flowers or trees?” Paint pelted him on the cheek. Her wicked grin
made him chuckle. “You’ll pay for that.” He flipped the edge of his brush. A
dollop of green paint landed on her nose. Within minutes they lay in the grass
laughing and covered with paint.

Their gazes locked and the truth slammed
him in the chest. He wanted to make Lillian fall in love with him because
damned if he wasn’t already in love with her. However much he didn’t deserve to
be happy after the way he’d used Amelia, he wanted happiness with Lillian. He’d
dedicate his life to bringing her joy, if only she would let him.

He prayed he wouldn’t regret what he was
about to ask. “Stay with me, Lillian.”

She frowned. “I thought you said you had
to work this afternoon.”

Nick sat up and drew her to him. When
she didn’t pull away hope filled his chest. “I mean forever.” She tensed in his
arms, but he forced himself to continue. Everything hinged on this moment. “I
love you.”

Her wary look twisted his insides. He
had to make her understand. “I’m sorry. I truly am. I know we had a bargain,
but you’ve changed me. Meeting you has changed me. I’m a selfish ass. I want
you. Every part of me loves you and I swear I’ll never do anything to hurt you.”

“Oh, Nick.” Tears glistened in her eyes.
“Being with you has changed me too. You’re the best man I’ve ever known.”

“Then don’t go.” He didn’t give a damn
that he was begging.

When she struggled out of his arms and
stood, hollowness filled him.

Tears slid down her cheeks and left
tracks in her paint-caked skin. “I think my heart is dead,” she choked out. “I’m
scared.”

He surged to his feet and pulled her
against his chest. “I’m scared too. Together, we’ll be brave.”

She shoved away while shaking her head.
“I can’t think with you near. I need some time.”

He struggled to control his pleased grin.
“Take as much time as you need. I won’t bother you at all for the rest of today
or all day tomorrow until the evening. I have a surprise for you, so I’ll need
to see you at seven.”