Season of Blessing (20 page)

C
HAPTER

Thirty-Seven

That evening
when Steve came home from work Cathy hit him up with what had been on her mind for several days.

“Steve, I've decided I want to buy Mark a little car so he can get to his GED classes and to work as soon as he gets a job. That way we won't have to keep taking him everywhere he has to go.”

Steve dropped his keys on the counter. “Cathy, that's not a good idea.”

“Why not? He needs one, and I got one for Rick and for Annie when they started driving.”

“I know, but I've always thought a kid should save up at least half the money before he gets a car.”

“Do you know how long it would take Mark to save that kind of money? And it's an endless cycle. He can't get a job unless he has transportation, and he can't get transportation unless he has a job. I want to help him. He
needs
some help.”

“Cathy, we can get him to class. But how are you going to teach him about the drudgery of minimum wage work if he's not having to pay any bills of his own?”

“He's sixteen, Steve. I don't want him to have bills! Besides, it's not fair for me to buy a car for Rick and for Annie, then when it's his turn tell him that I've changed the rules.”

“What rules? You have a rule that you have to buy him a car?”

“You know what I'm saying. It's not fair if he doesn't get one, when they did. He shouldn't get passed over just because I remarried!”

Steve stared at her for a moment before his face shut down. He turned to the refrigerator, opened it, and scowled inside. “Fine then. You've got your mind made up. I don't even know why you asked me.”

Cathy rolled her eyes. “Come on, Steve. I asked you because I care what you think.”

He slammed the refrigerator door, knocking the bottles inside against each other. “Only if I think what you want me to. Go find him a car, Cathy. I won't say another word about it.”

“Steve, you don't have to get mad. I wanted to talk about this. Am I not allowed to make my case?”

“Of course you're allowed. But you already have your mind made up, and you're not going to take no for an answer.”

“Well, why would you
say
no? I can understand your position if we were starting when Mark was ten years old, and he knew ahead of time that he'd have to save for his own car. But you don't come up when he's sixteen and say, ‘Oh, by the way, I may have gotten cars for your brother and sister, but you're going to have to save for yours.'”

“So even if what you're doing is wrong, you do it just to be fair?”

“Why is it wrong?”

“Because Mark needs to learn responsibility.”

“He will. Rick and Annie have responsibility. They both work and make good grades. Mark will too.”

Steve breathed a derisive laugh. “Are you kidding? I don't even think he's looking for a job. He's been home three months, and all he does is sleep till noon and watch television all afternoon. Then he pulls himself together and goes to class.”

“He
has
been looking, Steve! You're not here all day. You don't know how he's spending his time.”

“Where has he looked? Name one place.”

“I don't know, but he has. He does want to work, Steve. But his record is getting in his way. He'll get a job soon.”

“I'll believe it when I see it.”

She tried to calm her voice before she set him off again. “Would you just come and look at this car I found? I'm not sure if it's reliable enough.”

“So you didn't really need my opinion at all. You've not only made up your mind, but you've found the car.”

“No, I haven't found the car. I found
a
car, and I wanted your input.”

“Fine.” He grabbed up his keys. “Let's go.”

Cathy had hoped to change out of her jeans and tennis shoes and the baggy shirt she'd been wearing to pull weeds out of the backyard. But she knew better than to detour Steve now. She followed him out to the car and got in.

He brooded as they drove to the car lot. She didn't like him when he brooded. It reminded her too much of her ex-husband, when he would use his passive-aggressive silence to keep her in line.

Steve rarely did it, so when he did, it had a greater impact.

She brooded back, not willing to give him the satisfaction of melting into a rambling idiot trying to make up with him.

When they got to the car lot, she led him to the little Civic she had chosen. For Mark's sake, she broke the silence. “It seems to be in great condition. It's four years old. I thought he'd like it.”

Steve was quiet as he looked under the hood, examined the belts, and checked the engine for leaks. He got under the car and checked its underside, as if he would look until he found something wrong.

Cathy bit her tongue and waited patiently for him. Finally, he stood up and brushed his hands off.

“It looks like a good enough car,” he said. “How much is it?”

She told him and he rolled his eyes. “Cathy, don't you think that's a little expensive for a kid's first car?”

“It's not like it's a Cadillac. I just want him to have something reliable, okay? I don't want him breaking down somewhere.”

“You could probably get an older model that might not be in perfect condition for a whole lot less money.”

For a moment, Cathy wondered what this moment would be like if Steve were Mark's real father. Would he want the same thing she wanted for Mark? Would he be more interested in seeing the joy on their son's face than in grinding out some lesson on responsibility?

Or did original parents bicker over these things, too?

She supposed she would never know. “I want to get him this one,” she said. “This is the one I like.”

He breathed a frustrated laugh. “Then why did you bring me here? I thought you wanted my opinion.”

“I did want your opinion,” she said, “about whether it was reliable or not.”

“Oh, I see. You wanted my opinion about its reliability but not about the wisdom of buying him the car.”

“I thought we'd already been through this!”

“We have,” Steve told her. “I'll be waiting in the car while you do your business. You let me know what you decide.”

She stood there at the car, hands on her hips, as the salesman strode toward her.

“So, you want me to write it up for you, ma'am?”

She felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her, and crossing her arms, she shook her head. “No, I think I'm going to have to come back.”

“He didn't like it?”

She shot a look at the car. Steve had a look of granite on his face as he stared out the side window. “No,” she said, “he didn't.”

“Well, what didn't he like about it? Maybe I could show you something else.”

She shook her head. “No, he doesn't want to see anything else.”

Without another word she headed for the car, got into it, and slammed the door. She snapped her seat belt into place and crossed her arms.

He looked at a spot on his windshield. “Are you going to buy it?”

“No, I'm not.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don't want to have to deal with your attitude.”

“My attitude?”

She ground her teeth. “Before I married you, Steve, I could buy anything I wanted for my children. I didn't have to ask anybody's permission.”

“Well, you knew when you married me that we were pooling our finances
and
our children. That was the plan, anyway. I thought you valued my input.” He started the car and pulled off of the gravel lot.

“I do value your input, Steve, except when you're wrong.”

“Oh, that's just beautiful.” He set his mouth, and she was glad she couldn't read his thoughts.

But she spoke hers out loud. “I don't know why you have it in for my children.”

His eyes flashed as he turned to her. “I can't believe you would accuse me of that.”

“I'm not accusing you. I'm just pointing out the truth.”

“The truth is that I have it in for your children? Give me a break, Cathy. I've been nothing but good to your children. Even when Mark was in jail I was the one who was mentoring him. I thought you appreciated that.”

“I do.” She knew he was right. He had made such a difference in Mark's life. “I really do, Steve. But why can't I do things for my children? You do things for Tracy.”

“I'm not going to buy her a car.”

“Well, why not? When it's her turn I'll be just as generous with her as I am with my kids. I don't understand why I can't buy my son a car.”

“Because it builds character to have them pay their own way.”

“Well, that's fine,” she said, “except for the last few years Mark hasn't been interested in paying his own way. And for the last year he's been in jail so he couldn't possibly have saved for his car. He got out with a new attitude, Steve, and he's trying to change his life. I want to help him. Is that so wrong?”

His face softened as he stared at the road in front of him. “No, it's not wrong, Cathy, and I do understand your intentions. And if you want to buy him a car, go ahead. I don't want to stand in your way. I just think that one is a little bit too expensive.”

“I'll pay for it,” she said. “Come on, Steve. I earn plenty of money, and you earn plenty of money. Together we don't have financial problems to speak of. Why can't I splurge a little bit with my son?”

“Okay, now we're down to it.” Steve set his mouth again. “I should have known we weren't really pooling our resources. It comes down to yours and mine. The first time I balk at something you want to buy, you all of a sudden want to take your half back. Is that how it's going to be?”

She grabbed her ponytail and tugged on it. “No! I'm just saying that if I work hard and earn my share, why can't I spend it on my son? I don't know why everything has to be so hard.”

“Everything is hard?” he asked. “I thought we'd done pretty well, Cathy. For the last six months we've done really, really well. Until Mark came home.”

“Are you saying that Mark has caused all this trouble? Because he hasn't done anything. He's been a perfect angel.”

“He's been a good kid,” Steve conceded. “I'm not saying he hasn't. I just think that maybe we were sailing along too smoothly until we had more kids in the house, and now that we've got Annie back home and Rick dropping in and out at all hours…”

“And Tracy,” Cathy added. “Don't forget that you have a child in the mix, too.”

“I know that,” he said. “It's just that we have different parenting styles and different philosophies on what a kid needs as they grow older.”

“Well, we're going to have to find some common philosophies,” she said. “We're going to have to agree on some things before Tracy gets any older. But right now I can't go back and undo everything I've done with my children.”

He banged his hand on the steering wheel. “But you can change a few things now.”

“What if I don't think things are wrong?” she threw back.

He got quiet then. “Look what we're doing to each other.”

“What?” she snapped.

“We're turning on each other, all because of the children. All that premarital counseling, and we thought we could beat those blended family problems they warned us about. But we haven't. They're sucking us under, too.”

“You're changing the subject.” Cathy looked out the window. “I want to buy Mark the car.”

He leaned his head back on the headrest. “Then go for it.”

“I will.”

They didn't say another word for the rest of the way home.

When he went into the house she got behind the wheel, backed out of the driveway, and headed back to the car lot to make a deal on the car.