Seasons (32 page)

I just nod my head in confirmation. “We’re having a baby, baby,” he whispers, reaching down and wiping the tear away before kissing me sweetly. Reaching up, I gently pull him by his hair deepening the kiss. He palms my ass with both hands, lifting me onto the bathroom countertop. He makes his move for my neck, and I’m completely lost. A blur of hands and ripping clothes, and then he’s inside of me. It isn’t lovemaking Chris or fuck me until I’m blue in the face Chris—some new guy has shown up. Some in between version I named ‘fuck me sweetly’ Chris, and he might just top the other two.

*   *   *

At my eight-week appointment, everything with the baby is on track. We get pictures of our little grain of rice and they play the heartbeat track on the sonogram, even though the tech informs us she isn’t really supposed to. This should all make me feel better, and I wish it did. I have been crazy and emotional since finding out. Chris has been wonderful, putting up with my mood swings that are so bad that half the time, I can’t even stand myself.

Less than a week later, I’m at my desk in my office working hard on a big case when the first pain hits me. I take a deep breath and try to pretend it’s nothing. But it doesn’t go away—it gets worse. I nearly fall out of my seat in pain, “Nooooo!” I cry. “Not again.” I force myself up and grab my bag. I rush past reception. “Hold my calls, and cancel anything I have for today,” I shout over my shoulder as I run out of the office. I drive as fast as I can to my doctor’s office in a panic.

After drawing blood and another ultrasound, Dr. Marquette confirms that everything is still on track.

“Why do I have these God-awful pains then?”

“Some women with their first pregnancy can have very painful uterine stretching. Unfortunately, it’s normal.”

“But this isn’t my first pregnancy.”

“Ms. Madden, I know this may sound crazy, but it’s actually a good thing. Those pains tell us that your uterus is expanding. As long as you aren’t bleeding, there is no need to worry. Your hormone levels are on track, and the ultrasound is what we would expect to see at this point. There is even a tiny heartbeat. Take a deep breath, go home, and relax. Everything looks fine.”

Involuntarily, I do take a deep breath. I can breathe again. Everything is fine. I’m not totally convinced, but I do feel slightly better. The next few weeks, it gets easier and easier to believe things will work out. We celebrate when we make it to twelve weeks. Before we know it, I’m waddling around like a big fat penguin. Chris has become a feeder. He was always a feeder being a chef, but now it’s as if he’s trying to fatten a prized pig or something.

We have decided not to find out the sex of the baby until it’s born. We are just happy to be having a baby finally. A few weeks ago, Melanie and Austin welcomed a little princess into their crazy brood of children. Mel couldn’t have been happier.

Lying in bed looking over a file for the next day, Chris tells me about his new menu while he rubs my feet. Heaven.

“I’m thinking about adding a new lamb dish. I figure we’ll try it out as a special and see how it runs before we add it permanently.”

“Sounds smart,” I say only half listening. I’m distracted by my feet. “I have pigmy feet,” I whine.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I could mobilize a Flintstone vehicle with these things. When did they get so fat? And my legs look like a couple of great oaks.”

Chris laughs, and I shoot him a death glare cutting off his chuckle fest. “You are pregnant, and you are beautiful. I know you are uncomfortable, and if I could, I would take it away for you, but in a couple weeks, we will be a family of three.”

“I know. It’s exciting and terrifying all at the same time.”

“Yup. We should make the most of our last alone time before the baby comes,” Chris says, walking his fingers up my thigh.

They say sex helps to start labor, and whoever
they
are, they must be right. In the middle of the night, I’m awakened to a horrible pain and a gush of water. “Chris, Chris, wake up,” I pant.

“What’s wrong?”

“I think we’re going to need a new mattress.”

“What? Are you uncomfortable? Where is your pillow thingy?” he asks sleepily.

“No, no, no. I either just peed or my water broke. Argh,” I groan as pain rips through me.

“Holy shit,” he says waking up and bolting out of bed.

*   *   *

People like to tell you horror stories of their horrendous deliveries. Going into labor, I was terrified of all the things that could go wrong, but an epidural and a few pushes later, I delivered the most beautiful baby girl I’d ever seen with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. Abigail Hope Madden had a full head of dark hair and light eyes. Watching Chris holding her, rocking her ever so gently with tears in his eyes, made me fall in love with him all over again.

“Hi, baby girl. We’ve been waiting for you,” he tells her kissing her tiny forehead. When we lost the first baby, people would say stupid things like
everything happens for a reason
, which just made me want to punch them in the face. Seeing them together for the first time, I think maybe it’s true because
this
is our baby and she’s perfect.

*   *   *

Life with Abby has been chaotic and wonderful. I’m exhausted most of the time, but happy. Chris has been wonderful, taking shifts getting up for nighttime feedings. Not shocking in the least, he dotes on Abby every second he gets. That baby never once fusses when she’s in his arms either. You can feel the love there. It’s like an actual tangible thing in the room—it’s so strong. Healing from the birth happened pretty quickly, I think, not that I have anything to compare it to, of course. The only thing that remains is an ache in my hip that was there while I was pregnant, also.

Before I had Abby, I thought I would be anxious to get back to work as soon as I could. The truth is, I’m dreading going back to work next week. I don’t want to miss anything. Mom is coming up to help make the transition easier for a few weeks. We are lucky that Chris works in the evening and I work during the day with only a few hour overlap. Mom will be watching her for us until I can find someone I trust to watch her those few hours a day.

“Good morning, my little ray of sunshine.” Abby rewards me with her first cooing noise. “Oh, are we talking now sweet girl?” Picking her up, we move to the changing table, and I continue chatting with her. “You’re going to spend the day with Daddy today. Mommy has a doctor appointment.”

“Oh, that’s right. Wow, has it been six weeks already?” Chris says coming in the nursery and taking Abby when she’s changed. I watch him bouncing her and start to hum. “Good morning, Princess Abigail.”

“Yeah, I need to get ready. I hate to leave her. You sure you two will be okay? You could come with me?”

“We’ll be fine while Mommy goes to the doctor, right?” As if on command, Abby coos again making us both laugh.

“All righty then, I guess she agrees. I’m going to go get in the shower,” I say kissing both my babies before leaving the room. I pause just outside the door when I hear Chris talking.

“What should we do today, baby girl? We could listen to music, or I could tell you stories. Some snuggle time might be nice.” Abby coos again, and my heart melts listening to them. He really is a natural with her.

*   *   *

After a quick check-up to make sure everything looks all right, Dr. Marquette informs me all seems well. “Is there anything concerning you or any questions you have for me, Ms. Madden?”

“I don’t think so…Oh, you know what? I have had this ache in my hip since before the birth. Is that normal? I figure it’s just from the strain of carrying the extra weight when I was pregnant.”

“It is very possible that it’s just some inflammation from the strain on your joints before and during labor. I would probably get in to see your general practitioner just to be safe. Have them give it a look-see.”

“Oh, okay. Yeah, I’ll make an appointment.”

“Other than that, everything else is going okay? How is baby?”

“Abby is amazing.” I grin like a fool thinking about her. “I had to stop nursing, unfortunately, but she’s doing well on the formula, and she cooed for the first time today,” I boast.

“She must be a smart one,” Dr. Marquette says.

“Well, it seems like all is well then. Congratulations again!” she says reaching out to shake my hand before exiting the room.

*   *   *

When I return home, it smells amazing! There is low music in the kitchen. Walking toward the kitchen, I hear Chris talking to Abby. “Presentation is everything. You want your food to taste good, but it also has to look good.” Oh Lord, he’s lecturing her in the culinary arts already.

“The trick to good cooking, baby girl, is finding a man who knows how to cook,” I tease as I lift Abby out of her bouncy seat. “I missed you, sweet pea,” I tell her. “How was she?” I ask Chris.

“Sweet as ever. We’re lucky. As long as she’s fed, she’s a happy camper…just like her mom.”

“Ha, yep.”

“How did the doctor go?”

“All good. Just have to go to the general doc to look at that ache in my hip. But I’m cleared to go back to work…and for other things.”

“Oooow, I like other things. I’m not sure if I’ll remember how to do them though, it’s been so long.”

“I know, tell me about it. I’ll go put her down for a nap and come back for some grub. I’m starving.”

“Sounds good, it’s almost ready. If you want, we could just skip lunch and do
other things
instead.”

“Finish cooking. I’m too hungry to think about anything other than food right now, but there will definitely be time later for
other things
.” I smirk.

When our bellies are full, we go to take a nap also, simply because we can. I’ve enjoyed my time off work and spending time lounging with Abby. There have been quite a few nice days where we have spent the day outside in the park or going for walks. I’m still happiest outside in the fresh air. Winter is now quickly approaching though, and every day is getting colder making it so we stay inside a lot.

Chris and I snuggle into our bed for a nap, and I flip on the monitor on my nightstand so I can hear Abby. We mean to take a nap, but the knowledge that we can have sex is on both of our minds. Cuddling quickly turns into petting, and the next thing I know, we’re both naked. I’m nervous, like I’m a virgin or something. It has been nearly two months since we have had sex, and things have changed down there a bit. Chris can sense my unease, so he makes love to me slow and gently. At first, it’s painful, but after a moment, I adjust to him again like two puzzle pieces meant to connect. We have always just fit.

“I missed that,” I tell him as I lie on his chest.

“Me, too,” he says, running his fingers through my locks and down my back.

Less than thirty seconds later, there is a cry from the monitor. “I got her.” I smile.

*   *   *

My mom comes in the night before I go back to work. I have a pit in my stomach at the thought of leaving Abby all day to go back. We get Mom all settled into the spare bedroom, and the next morning, I show her where everything is for Abby. I have lists for her of what Abby does and doesn’t like and her schedule.

“Brynn…”

“Mmm?” I respond distracted.

“You realize I raised two children, right? Which means I had two babies? Little Miss Abigail and I will be just fine, isn’t that right, princess?” she asks Abby.

“I know. You’re right. I just want to make sure you know where everything is here.”

“I know it’s hard leaving them for the first time, but you’re going to be late on your first day back to work.”

“I’m going, I’m going,” I say taking Abby. “Now you be a good girl for Grandma, sweet pea. I will be home later. Mommy loves you!” I tell her handing her back to mom. “If you need anything, my numbers are next to the phone, don’t hesitate to call. I almost forgot I have to leave a little early tomorrow for a doctor appointment.”

“Not a problem, now get! I want to start bonding with my beautiful granddaughter.”

“Okay,” I say making an exaggerated sad face. “I’m going.”

“See you when you get home.”

“Bye,” I say, but continue to stand there.

“Brynn, here is your purse. Get your butt out that door,” she says shooing me away.

Sighing, I say goodbye again before rushing off to work.

The first day back goes all right. I don’t get as much done as I probably could since I call mom to check on Abby every fifteen minutes or so. The next day, I go into work early so that I can take a long lunch to go to the doctor. I grab something from a vendor to eat on the way to the doctor. Of course, I spill mustard down the front of my blouse on the way. Wiping it off as best I can, I button up my jacket to cover most of it.

“Brynn Madden?” a short older woman in blue scrubs calls as she walks into the waiting room.