Seasons of Sorrow (26 page)

The drive to her house was quiet. They spoke very little, but it didn’t feel awkward or tense. Instead it was a companionable silence, as though they had a tacit agreement to merely enjoy each other’s company. Greg held her hand the entire way.

When they reached her house he helped her out of the car and followed her inside. Charlotte dropped her clutch on the table behind the sofa. She walked into the kitchen, aware that Greg was still following behind her in silence. Something changed in the air as she went to the Keurig and started the process of making a cup of coffee for him.

After the brewer was set, she stood at the counter, her back to Greg, waiting. Then he was behind her, only inches away. Charlotte felt his breath on the nape of her neck just before his lips touched the skin where her neck and shoulder met. Greg gave her a small, almost biting kiss. Charlotte sucked in a harsh breath.

He lifted his head slightly, turning his face so his lips barely touched the side of her neck.

“Do you feel that, Charlotte?”

She licked her lips, her flesh breaking out in chills from the sensation of his mouth so close to her skin.

“There’s something in the air between us. It’s so thick and strong that I can practically see it. It’s almost tangible.”

He rubbed the edge of his jaw along the skin he kissed before, making Charlotte shudder. She had no idea how sensitive the skin of her throat was, but Greg was exploiting it, using the slight stubble on his chin to scrape her gently.

“Yes,” she answered shakily. “I feel it.”

“Do you ever wonder?” he asked, his voice dark, sensuous, and full of promise.

Charlotte was distracted by his hands as they curved around her hips, his fingertips pressing in just above her hipbones. As he squeezed gently, a throb began between her thighs.

“Wonder about what?” she asked, letting her head fall back until it rested against his shoulder.

“Wonder how you missed this? How you couldn’t feel it before now? All those years, we were only inches away from each other so many times, but this spark never became a flame.”

Charlotte tried to focus on his words, but all she could think about, all she could feel, was the tips of his fingers as they drifted from her hip, up the center of her abdomen, to the bare skin between her breasts. He traced up her sternum, then down from between her collar bones until it disappeared behind her dress. The motion of his hand forced her wrap neckline to gape slightly, revealing the lacy black bra beneath.

At the touch of his hand on the bare skin between her breasts, Charlotte gasped, “I don’t know.”

Greg stepped forward so that her hips were pressed between the counter and his pelvis. “Know what?”

Charlotte struggled to remember what they had been talking about as the hand between her breasts tugged lightly at the neckline of her dress, revealing more of her lingerie.

“I don’t know how I missed this,” she answered. “Greg, please.”

In one motion, he turned her and lifted her so she was sitting on the counter. His big hands gripped her hips, holding her still when she wanted to squirm. Greg looked into her eyes before slowly lowering his head. Charlotte panted as his lips trailed from the space between her collar bones down her breast bone, in the same path his fingers had taken earlier.

When his lips reached the gap he had created in the neckline of her dress, he turned his face and lightly nipped the inside curve of her breast.

Charlotte gasped and her head fell back and hit the upper cabinets behind her. At the sharp sound of the back of her skull hitting the wood, the spell that Greg wove was broken.

“Oh God, Charlie, are you okay?” he asked, standing up straight so he could tilt her head forward and look at the back of her skull.

Embarrassed, Charlotte tried to push him away a few inches, to gain a little space. “I’m okay. It isn’t that bad. It sounded worse than it is.”

Greg allowed her to push him away slightly, but there was still not enough space between them.

“Let me see, Charlotte.”

She sighed and sat still so he could comb his fingers through her short hair, looking for a knot. He was as solid as a marble statue, so there was no use fighting him.

He straightened and gazed down at her. “No bump. I think you’ll survive.”

Sure she was blushing to the roots of her hair, Charlotte pushed against his chest firmly, wanting to get off the counter so she could get some space between them.

Greg merely stood there, watching her, his expression shuttered.

“Greg, I’d like to get off the counter now,” she said softly.

He remained between her thighs, still watching her. Finally, he spoke. “Char, I didn’t plan for that to happen,” he said. “It’s hard not to act on my feelings now that I’m actually able to express them. I saw you standing here, like I’ve seen you do a thousand times before, and it hit me that I could touch you if I wanted, that I didn’t have to hide any longer. After that, I couldn’t stop myself.”

Charlotte ducked her head, unable to meet his eyes. She kept thinking that she should need more time, that it was too soon to have these feelings, to
need
him so desperately. Her entire life was chaos and she wasn’t exactly emotionally whole.

Greg put a finger beneath her chin so she had to meet his eyes. “What are you thinking?” he asked.

Charlotte tried to swallow the lump that was forming in her throat. “Greg…” she protested.

His grey eyes were warm and searching. “Charlie, don’t you realize that you can tell me anything? Nothing you’re thinking could shock me or make me want you less.” He paused. “You’re safe with me.”

“I shouldn’t feel like this, Greg,” she said. Before he could respond, she continued, “I’m still…damaged. After I lost Adam and Derek walked out, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to feel like this again. It’s only been a few months. It’s too soon.”

“Who told you that?” Greg asked.

Charlotte blinked at him. “No one.”

“Then why does it have to be that way?” He cupped her face. “Charlie, I want you to listen to me carefully. Grief isn’t a step-by-step process. Every person grieves differently and every person heals on their own time. Don’t put limitations on yourself because you
think
that’s the way it should be. Only you can decide when you’re ready to move forward with your life or fall in love again. You have to do what is best for
you
,” he said earnestly.

He was saying something similar to what her grief counselor had said many, many times. It was so difficult to let herself think that way, though. It had only been a little over eight months since her life had exploded around her, leaving nothing but ruin. How could she even be contemplating beginning a romantic relationship with Greg?

Greg rested his forehead against hers. “Think only of how you feel and what you want for a second. Is this moving too fast for you?” he asked.

“Greg, I don’t want to hurt you,” she began.

“Forget about how I feel about the situation. After ten years of waiting another year or two will seem like nothing,” he joked. “How do you feel about it?”

Charlotte sat still beneath his hands and tried to think. It occurred to her that it felt right to be with Greg, that she was the happiest she had been in a long time when they were together. He understood her, and he helped her open up. The transition from best friend to lover felt natural, as though it were time for things to evolve.

She met Greg’s eyes. “I’m happy with you. Right or wrong, I’m myself when I’m with you. I feel safe and I need that right now.”

His mouth curved up at her words. “I’m glad I make you happy.” Then he stepped back and helped her off the counter. “Now, walk me to the door. It’s time for me to go home.”

Charlotte started to argue but he placed a finger over her lips.

“I know you’re not ready, Charlie, and, to be honest, I don’t think I am either. My only plan tonight was to take you out, maybe steal a few kisses, and then go home. I don’t want there to be any regrets between us.”

She was experiencing déjà vu. He’d said similar words to her the week before. Then he’d left her alone and frustrated, both physically and emotionally. Still, he was right. Though she was beginning to accept that it wasn’t a betrayal to the memory of her little boy if she felt something beyond friendship for Greg, Charlotte needed to come to terms with it.

Greg took her hand and walked to the front door, pulling her along behind him. Then he kissed her lightly on the lips.

Before he walked out the door, he said, “Lock the door behind me, and I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Charlotte complied with his demands without thinking or arguing. The evening, while one of the best of her life, had also been emotionally exhausting, especially the last few minutes. After she saw his car drive away, she took her clutch upstairs with her and started getting ready for bed.

Twenty minutes later, she was sitting on the chaise in her bedroom, pretending to read her Kindle, something she had been doing a lot lately. She tried to read, but inevitably began thinking of other things. In reality, she was staring at the wall of her bedroom, replaying the events that happened in her kitchen earlier.

Her cell phone rang and she saw it was Greg calling.

“Hey, did you forget something?” she said when the call connected.

“Yes and no,” he answered.

“What?”

“I just wanted you to know how damn hard it was to walk away from you tonight,” he said.

Charlotte blinked.

“I know how you tend to stew,” he continued, “and I want to be very clear that you did nothing wrong. In fact, you did everything right.”

“Okay,” she said. While she hadn’t been thinking that way, she appreciated the fact that he knew her so well and cared enough to call.

“And I also wanted you to know that I don’t think I’m strong enough to walk away from you a third time, so, the next time I put my hands on you, please say no immediately if you still aren’t sure.”

Charlotte chuckled at the pained note in his voice. It was probably slightly cruel for her to enjoy the knowledge that she wasn’t the only one uncomfortable, but it did make her feel better.

“I had fun tonight, Greg, from the beginning of our date to the end.” She took a deep breath and said the next sentence quickly because there was no way she could get it out otherwise. “Especially the end.”

“God, you’re trying to kill me,” Greg said hoarsely.

Charlotte laughed outright. “No. I just want you to know that this isn’t one-sided, Greg. I feel something for you. It’s too complicated for me to understand right now, but I do know that I want to explore it. So please don’t give up on me if I seem hesitant. It’s been ten years since I’ve dated. I don’t think I remember how.”

She could practically hear Greg’s smile through the phone line. “Trust me, you haven’t forgotten a damn thing.” He cleared his throat. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” Charlotte answered.

“Good night, Charlie.”

“Sweet dreams, Greg.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

T
wo weeks later, Charlotte was ready to explode. She and Greg had five dates and, each time, he picked her up, they did whatever it was they planned to do, he walked her to her door, kissed her silly, and left. They talked on the phone almost every day and texted all the time.

She felt like she was going insane. It felt like high school all over again. Her hormones were screaming from frustration. Though she was still nervous when she thought about sex with Greg, she was physically ready. God, was she ready. Never had she been this obsessed with sex.

Charlotte thought a lot about what Greg had said the night of their first date, when things had gotten hot and heavy. He asked her if she ever wondered how she could have missed the spark between them. Late at night, when she thought of the past, Charlotte had to admit that she knew the heat was there between them. Even then, she thought he was incredibly attractive. She had just been in denial. First, because she thought he was dating Brandy. Then, because she met Derek and she fooled herself into believing he was the right man for her.

She relived that New Year’s kiss all those years ago in the dark of night and realized that she had been a fool and a coward. When he kissed her, Charlotte had felt it. At the time, it had been the most amazing kiss of her life. Instead of talking to him about it, Charlotte buried her head in the sand and married Derek. The exact reaction Brandy said she usually had when things got tough. Still, she couldn’t regret it completely because she had Adam with Derek and he was the best thing she’d ever done.