Second Chance (20 page)

As soon as Sue
slipped into her seat, someone wrapped a coat around her shoulders. Tears
trickled down her flushed cheeks and she quickly wiped them away, feeling the
warm tears smearing her cold cheeks. Her gaze was fixed upon the tinted window,
thinking how shameful she was. When the car started moving, more tears streamed
down her cheeks. She buried her face in her hands and her body convulsed into a
full blown sob.

“Did he hurt
you?” she heard an all—too-memorable male voice ask. She paused, counted to ten
then looked up to see Jae watching her. She sniffled, wiping her nose and eyes,
turning away from him. He was the last person she wanted to see at the moment.
She was so ashamed, she couldn’t face Michael. How could she face Jae? She
wanted to speak but when she tried, she hiccupped.

“Did he hurt
you?” Jae asked again.

Silence.

Sue closed her
eyes and counted to ten. He placed his hands on her and she shrugged him off.
Noticing the coat around her shoulders, she took it off and realized she only
had her dress on. She felt even more ashamed. Michael had told her to wait for
him but while he was in the bathroom, she left. She told the door man to get
her a taxi and when she heard someone ushering her, she thought it was the
doorman.

“Did you make
love to him?” Jae asked.

She heard his
condescending tone and her eyes opened to find him scowling at her. She
hesitated for several seconds, wondering how to answer his question then her
eyes narrowed. He had no right to judge her, no right to be scowling at her, no
right to be angry. “Who I spend my nights with is none of your business!” she
snapped, though the harshness in her tone was somewhat muted by the shakiness
of her speech. She already felt humiliated enough; she didn’t want him judging
her, not now, not ever. All the hate she stored for him along with all the love
she had for him came rushing all at once and she felt nauseous and dizzy. “In
fact, you have no right to even ask me. You gave up that right a long time
ago!”

He grinned that
arrogant grin of his and anger boiled inside of her.

“You think all
this is a joke? Everything’s a joke to you isn’t it? A game, is that right?”
She wiped a lone tear streaming down her cheek. She sniffled. “Go find someone
else to fuck around—this girl grew up!” She headed for the door.

“Suzy…” He tried
to grab her arm and she turned to slap him, hard across the face.

“Don’t touch me!”
she sneered, more tears streamed down her face. She wiped her cheeks. “Leave me
alone…” Her voice cracked some more and the strength she had was gone. “Please
just leave me alone.” She wiped more tears away. “Stop the car,” she ordered as
calmly as her shaky voice could muster. She was breaking down. She felt
nauseous and her head was pounding. Her physical aggression towards him scared
her and she needed distance. “Stop the car!”

When he still
didn’t move, she lunged for the door handle but he grabbed her and hoisted her
onto his lap, hugging her. “Stop, Suzy. Please…stop…” he whispered hoarsely.

“I’m going to be
sick…”

He obtained the
wine bucket just in time for her. He held her hair while she wrenched and
vomited whatever was still in her stomach. When she finished, he helped her
wiped her mouth and held onto to her until she stopped trembling. Her back
pressed against his hard chest while her head rested on his shoulder, facing
away from him. “Suzy…” he whispered in her ear. “I’m sorry…will you just
listen? Just talk to me?”

No answer. Long
ago, she had talked nonstop to him. Just when he didn’t think she had any more
questions to ask, she would come up with one. If she wasn’t asking questions,
she just talked. Something like the shape of a crab or the architectural design
of a building would conjure a comment from her and he found himself listening,
enjoying her enthusiasm in the most simplest of things.

Now, all she did
was fight him. If she wasn’t quiet, she was hitting him. She glared at him with
hatred and gave him a look of hurt. He wanted her to smile at him. He wanted
her to laugh. He wanted his Shorty, his Suzy Sue, and he was afraid he would
never see her again. The woman in his arms was a stranger to him and that
realization made his heart yearn for her. More than anything, he just wanted
her to look at him the way she did long ago. He wanted her love. He wanted her
to say, “I love you” and trace the bump on his nose.

As if reading his
thoughts, she said quietly, “I gave you everything and you didn’t want it. We
didn’t fit, so leave me alone.”

“I’m sorry,” was
all he said.

“Please stop the
car.”

“I will when I
get you back to your accommodations.” He didn’t want to let her go, not like
this.

Her crying added
to the pressure building in her head and she felt as if her head was going to
explode. Sue felt sick. Not knowing what else to do and not wanting to hurt him
any more than she already had, she remained in his arms. In truth, she wanted
to remain there for she needed him so very much.

She stopped
fighting him and when they reached Michael’s townhouse, she allowed him to
carry her to the door. After entering the townhouse, she limped to the
bathroom, locked the door and cried.

Jae leaned
against the bathroom door, his forehead resting on the door as he listened to
her crying. He took a deep breath then pressed against the door to steady
himself. He stood there for a while debating if he should force her to listen
to him.

Last night, he
allowed Michael to take her home, only because her friend Katie had asked him
to. This morning when he checked on her at the townhouse, she wasn’t there.
Curious, he went to Michael’s condo. While he pondered what the hell he was
doing, he saw her coming out of Michael’s building. When he first saw her, he
was furious that she had spent the night with Michael. Then he noticed she was
only wearing the red, strapless dress and heels from the evening before.
Nothing more. It was cold, yet she didn’t seem to notice. She looked dazed and
hurt and all he wanted to do was hold her and pound that son-of-bitch Michael’s
face with his fist.

He should have
taken her with him. She would have fought him but he would have been there.
Once again, he had failed her.

Jae raised his
hand to knock on the bathroom door but paused. He thought again at how she
reacted to him. He looked at the platinum ring on his left small finger, took
it off and looked at the inscription on the inside of the ring. He slipped the
ring back on his finger, then turned and left the townhouse.

CHAPTER
25

Sue sat in the
dark living room thinking about her life. If she was still living in the small
villages in Laos, she would probably be the crazy, spinster woman living in a
hut on stilts. She would scare little children in the outskirts of the village.
But since it wasn’t a small village, she was only the crazy, spinster, shameful
daughter in a big city. If the elders saw her, recognized her, they would point
and whisper to their daughters to warn of the consequences of losing face. They
would warn their sons to stay away from such a shameful woman.

She had spent the
day into the evening nursing her hangover and now she couldn’t sleep. Her crying
had increased her discomfort and after several hours of sleep, she felt better.
Her eyes were still puffy but her congestion had decreased and her headache was
no longer threatening to tear her head to pieces.

Earlier that day,
Katie had called to check on her and she told Katie she was fine. She had
apologized for making a scene at her party and Katie brushed it off, placing
the blame on Tony for giving her the alcohol. After more assurance that she
could handle herself and for Katie not to worry, Katie finally agreed to let
her be. Tony had called as well, concerned at the turn of events the previous
night. She assured him she was fine and after more assurance that she was
functional, he finally agreed to hang up. After that, she didn’t take any more
calls.

She hadn’t heard
from Michael since her embarrassing morning, and she was thankful for that. She
needed time to think and time to piece her broken self together. But as much as
she needed the time alone, she felt lonely and isolated. She even felt angry
that Jae had left.

As much as she
needed distance from Jae, she needed him more than she could allow herself to
admit. She needed to move on and after those encounters with him, how was she
going to do that? Just the thought of him tortured her mind. Now her body was
aching for his touch, for his love and oh how shamefully wanton she felt at the
thought of him kissing her, touching her…
Focus
!

Long ago, she had
thought that since he was her first in everything she had experienced with any
man that perhaps it was those experiences that had made her feel the way she
did. She had thought that if she allowed herself to move on, to gain more
experiences, perhaps, she could learn to love again. But she couldn’t. It had
felt wrong. She felt as if she was cheating, after all she had taken
vows…hadn’t she? She had vowed to love and cherish just one person and that’s
exactly what she had done.

But he didn’t
keep his vows, so why was she keeping hers? Truth was, she hadn’t been able to
tell her broken soul that the vows she took meant nothing to the person she had
vowed them to.

“I promise to
love you and only you till death do us part.”

Those were the
words they had spoken. She had kept them. He hadn’t, so why was she keeping
them? She had asked herself that question many times.

They meant
nothing, nothing to him, so why am I torturing myself
?

After all, there
was nothing engraved in stones or a piece of paper stating they were married,
so why was she keeping her vows?

Because…because…whether
you want to admit it or not…you still love him
.

She shook her
head. Oh, bad mistake. Headache. She grabbed her head and took deep breaths.
Maybe she was crazy after all. Maybe that’s why she attacked Jae. He didn’t
make her keep her vows, didn’t force them on her. She did it to herself, so why
was she so angry at him? She had no right to be. As much as he had no right to
question her about her life, she had no right to hate him. The choices she
made, she made on her own accord.

Forgetting, Sue
shook her head and the motion made her queasy.

I told him to
leave me alone. I told him to go
.

Why should he
stay? He had no reason to.

She told him to
leave her alone, perhaps this time, he would. The thought of that made her feel
even lonelier and no surprise to her, tears welled in her eyes.

Lord, I’m pathetic
!

In the wee hours
of the morning, Sue wrapped herself in a blanket and walked out to the backyard
in her slippers. She had a strong urge to walk out into the cold with only her
pajamas and let the cold engulf her, to let it numb her, but that would be
cruel to Katie.

Snow covered the
entire yard except for a small area by the balcony that was clear. She made her
way to the spot and stood there as she tilted her head to the heavens. She
watched the few stars that scattered sparingly in the darkened sky before she
closed her eyes and drew a deep breath of the cool morning air. She opened her
eyes and searched for constellations as she remembered a time when life seemed
so simple.

No
constellations. In fact, the few stars she thought she saw had disappeared.

She felt
lonelier. Even the sky looked lonely. No sparkles of glittering stars, no
constellations to trace, no person to love. Valentine’s Day had come and gone
and that stupid farce of a holiday just made her more miserable. Even little
kids received some kind of card asking, “Will you be mine?” or “I heart U.”
What did she get? An almost one night stand with someone who didn’t even want
her and an ex-not-legal husband who, like always, tormented her body and soul.
Yes. How lovely.

Damn Valentine’s
Day
!

Whoever created
the holiday and all that lovey-dovey, red, white and pink should be shot!
Apparently, all the singles and lonely individuals were not considered in the
creation of this so-called holiday.

Not bitter are
you?
Sue chuckled softly.
No, not bitter. Just love sick
.

Her frosty breath
hung in the cold air and she tried to make puffy circle rings. After a couple
of failed attempts, the third try yielded a ring, not perfect, but still a ring
and she grinned.
Gosh, I needed that
. She tilted her head toward the sky
and whispered, “Thank you.”

Excited, she
tried again. No more luck. Still, it was something and she stood there until
she could see the first light of the morning. A new day.

CHAPTER
26

“I don’t need to
see it, Michael. Let’s go,” Sue said, already walking away from him. The day
was beautiful and when Michael called, inviting her to lunch, she accepted. As
they walked through Central Park, she soaked in the sun. It was cold, but it
was sunny and she loved it. The park was beautiful, despite the snow. She could
picture the park in the summer with lush green trees and its beautiful
landscape. Unfortunately, today they encountered a prolife display with giant
posters showcasing images of aborted fetuses and Michael was urging her see
them.

“I want to see
it. I think abortion’s wrong,” Michael said, watching how she would react to
that statement. “I think a woman shouldn’t be given the right to kill her
child. Let’s go hear what these people have to say.”

“Don’t bait me!”
she warned.

Whatever the
reason was, Sue grew pale and agitated when he mentioned abortion. He didn’t
think the displays bothered her; she was a physician. It was something else
that bothered her. He decided to pick her temper. Maybe he would get some
answers from her. She was usually pretty honest with him when she was riled, so
he thought.