Second Chance Brides (40 page)

“It was a surprise to us, too. I wanted to live with my aunt.” Callie crossed her arms and stared across the room.

“I’m so sorry, Callie.” Leah cupped the girl’s cheek. “I can’t imagine how hard it must be to lose your parents.”

The child teared up, and she swiped her hand across her eyes. “I miss them.”

Leah pulled Callie into her arms, surprised she didn’t try to get away. Instead, she curled against Leah and sobbed. Tears pooled in Leah’s eyes as she realized how much this tough little girl needed her, and she cried with her for the pain she’d caused the children. And for Dan. She’d let her own pain get in the way of helping others who desperately needed her.

Leah sat for a long while, praying and caressing Callie. Finally, the child quieted and pulled away. Her face was splotchy, her nose ran, and she looked a tad embarrassed.

“Sorry.”

Shaking her head, Leah ran her hand down the side of Callie’s face. “Don’t be, sweetie. I’m the one who needs to apologize.”

“You just did.” Callie offered the tiniest of smiles.

“I guess I did, but now comes the hard part. I need to go have a talk with Dan.”

“Are you going to marry him?”

She nodded. “If he’ll have me.”

Callie grinned wide. “He will. I think he misses you.”

“Well”—Leah stood—“we shall see.”

A few minutes later, she paused outside the rear door of the livery, shaking like a wood shack in the midst of a tornado. But her storm had passed, and she truly believed good things lay ahead—if only Dan would forgive her.

Dust motes floated through shafts of sunlight, almost looking like snow. She couldn’t see Dan but heard a clanging coming from the front of the building. A tall, brown horse in a stall nickered at her as she passed by. Leah’s heart pounded as if she’d just run a long race. In a way she had, but it had been a mental marathon—a test of the mind and heart. She couldn’t help grinning as her love for Dan overflowed.

But then she stopped as doubts attacked. What if he couldn’t forgive her shamelessness? What if his feelings had changed?

For a second, she wavered. Almost tucked tail and ran.

But then she heard the deep rumble of Dan’s voice—and it pulled her toward him. She stepped out of the shadows in the back of the livery and walked to the front, where the open doors allowed the sun to shine in and illuminate the area. Dan pounded on a loose board and said something to Ben, who stood beside him. The boy noticed her first and stared with wide eyes. Dan straightened and slowly turned. His lips parted when her saw her, and his eyes sparked before he schooled his expression.

She could hardly blame him after the way she’d left him in a lurch. Her hands wouldn’t be still, so she tucked them behind her. “I brought some cookies over to the house. Do you suppose Ben could take a break and go have a snack?”

“Can I, Uncle Dan?”

He nodded, and the boy shot for home like his feet were on fire. Dan laid his hammer down and closed the distance between them. His beard was growing in, giving him a more rugged look than normal. Had he not had the time to even shave the past few days?

He shifted his feet and seemed to have as hard a time being still as she. “What do you need, Leah?”

She closed her eyes, loving the timbre of his voice. So manly. So strong. Just like him. “I’m sorry, Dan.”

When she gazed back up, she saw the confusion in his eyes, and maybe even a spark of hope.

“Sorry about what?” He wasn’t going to make this easy.

“You know. For being pigheaded and selfish as a goat.”

His lips twitched, and he cocked his head.

“What?”

“You’re the prettiest goat I’ve even seen.”

Tears filled her eyes. “I’m really sorry. I let my fears keep me from the man I love and from helping those poor children.” She ducked her head. “I was so selfish.”

His forefinger lifted her chin, and he thumbed the tears away. “I’m sorry, too. For not giving you more warning. I should have telegraphed you and prepared you.” He broke from her gaze and sighed. “I figured you wouldn’t want me with all those kids as part of the deal.”

“Oh, Dan. I do. I want you with all of my heart. The children, too.”

His dark eyes came alive with passion, and he tugged her to him. “Are you sure? It won’t be easy for you.”

She placed her hand on his chest, feeling the fervent pounding of his heart. “I’m positive. I want to be your wife and the mother—or aunt—to the children. I’m already falling in love with them.”

“And what about me?”

She thought to tease him, but he’d been through enough already, and she chose to be merciful. “I have loved you for a while now.”

“Is that so?” He grinned wide, setting her heart soaring. “Yes, it is, Mr. Howard.”

“Then I reckon we need to get married. Could you be ready by a week from this Sunday?”

She toyed with a loose button on his shirt. “No.”

His eyes dimmed a bit. “How long, then? I want to be with you, Leah.”

“I was hoping for tomorrow, after Rand and Shannon’s wedding Sunday afternoon.”

He let out a whoop that made one of the horses whinny and grabbed her up, spinning her in a circle. His lips collided with hers, melding their breath and sending her senses in a tizzy. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and she felt loved.

Safe.

Home.

This was where she belonged. Right here in Dan’s arms.

C
HAPTER
30

M
ark leaned forward on the wagon seat, his head in his hands. The harnesses jingled, and the wagon creaked and groaned and rocked on the rutted road. Though this one had only been a day trip, it seemed to have taken forever. He wanted to be home, yet he dreaded returning to Lookout. He wished he didn’t have to return until after Shannon was married. He would definitely skip church tomorrow because he couldn’t stand watching the wedding ceremony scheduled for right after the service. It would gut him to the core.

Why was he so miserable? He was the one who’d told Shannon he couldn’t marry her. Was he making the wrong decision?

Garrett shoved his arm. “All right, out with it. You’ve been miserable this whole trip, so what is it that’s got you more frazzled than a steer tangled in barbed wire?”

Where did he begin? Everything in his life was jumbled up. “There’s too much to talk about it.”

Garrett guided the horses around a sharp curve that signaled only a few miles left before they’d be home. “Just pick a spot and start there.”

Mark breathed in a strengthening breath through his nose and sat up. “I’ve decided to become a lawyer, so I’ll be quitting the freight business.”

His brother’s blond brows lifted. “I wondered if you’d ever get around to doing that.”

“You mean you’re not surprised? Not upset with me?”

“You’ve been reading those law books for years. What’s the point of that if you don’t plan on becoming a lawyer one day—and then you apprenticed with that lawyer in Abilene, but things didn’t seem to go well there, so I’ve never brought it up.”

Mark winced, but he realized the time had come to tell his brother the truth. “Things didn’t go well there, but that had nothing to do with working for Mr. Conrad.”

“No?” Garrett stared at him, curiosity etched on his face.

He shook his head. “Nope. It centered around a pretty saloon gal.”

“I don’t believe that for an instant. I’ve never seen you go into the saloon.”

“What can I say?” He shrugged. “I got curious, and it was the biggest mistake of my life.”

Garrett slung his arm around Mark’s shoulders. Mark fought back the tears that stung his eyes. He loved his brother and knew Garrett loved him, but they rarely showed their affection other than teasing one another. He cleared his throat, dreading to see his brother’s face. “I killed a man.”

Garrett stiffened for a moment but quickly relaxed. “I’m sure you had a good reason for doing such a thing.”

“I didn’t mean to kill that cowboy. He was roughhousing the woman I thought I was in love with. I told him to stop, and he just shoved Annabelle away and pulled his gun.” Mark lifted his hat and ran a shaky hand through his hair. “I just reacted. I pulled my gun and fired back. I didn’t even think I’d hit him, much less killed him. It was just a gut reaction.”

“Why were you wearing a gun? You don’t normally.”

“I don’t know. Pretty much everyone in Abilene wore one, so I guess I had to. Just to fit in.”

“Did Mr. Conrad?”

He nodded. “Actually, he did. He had a shoulder holster and wore it under his suit coat. You couldn’t see it, but he had his weapon in case he needed it.”

“It must have been a fair fight since you weren’t thrown in jail and didn’t stand trial.” Garrett stared at him. “You didn’t, did you?”

Mark shook his head. “Plenty of folks in the saloon spoke up for me, and that cowboy had a reputation for causing trouble. The marshal actually told me he was glad not to have to deal with the man anymore. But that didn’t make me feel any better. I took a life.” He hung his head in his hands and stared at the dirty wagon floorboards.

“Have you asked God to forgive you for killing that man? Knowing how tenderhearted you are, that must have been eating away at you all these years.”

“Yeah, I’ve asked the good Lord to forgive me a thousand times, but the ache never goes away. I took a man’s life, and there’s no way to make restitution for that.”

“No, but God has forgiven you. It sounds like you haven’t accepted that.”

Mark stared out at the rolling hills. In the distance, three deer munched on the tender grass just outside of a clump of oaks. All he had to do was raise his rifle, and they’d have venison for dinner. But he’d had enough killing to last him forever.

“I think the problem is that you need to forgive yourself. Whoa…” Garrett pulled the wagon to a stop. The horses snorted and shook their heads as if they knew home was close by and they wanted to keep going. His brother turned in the seat to face him. “It was an accident, Mark. You’ve got to let go of this and believe that God has forgiven you. If He has, don’t you think it displeases Him for you to keep hanging on to your misery? Let it go.”

Mark leaned his elbows on his knees. “How?”

“Just do it. Repent, once and for all, and believe God loves you and forgives you. You’re God’s child. If you were a father, and say your child accidentally killed a squirrel or even a dog, would you hate that little one?”

“No, of course not.”

“Well, you’re God’s child, and He doesn’t hate you, either. He wants you to get past this. Turn loose of it, brother.”

Mark nodded. It was time. No amount of feeling sorry could change a thing. He bowed his head. “Father God, I’m so sorry for killing that man. You alone know how much, but please forgive me. And help me to forgive myself and put this behind me. Help me to move forward from this day on.”

“Amen, Lord. Show Mark how much You love him—how much I do, too.” Garrett cleared his throat and swiped at his eyes.

Mark sat up and blew out a breath that puffed up his cheeks. “I do feel better.”

Garrett slapped him on the shoulder and grinned. “That’s great. Now let’s talk about the other thing that’s bothering you.”

“You mean about me quitting the business and leaving you in the lurch?”

“No, I’ve been expecting you to change careers for a long time. I’ll manage just fine—not that I won’t miss working with you. I mean Shannon.”

“What about her?” He’d just confessed the worst thing he’d ever done to his brother, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about the woman he loved.

He blinked, as reality set in.

He did love her.

“Are you just going to let her marry that Kessler guy without a fight?”

Mark looked off to the right, avoiding his brother’s stare. “It’s too late to do anything about that.”

“It’s not too late until she’s married the guy. I’ve seen how you look at her. Don’t tell me you don’t love her.”

Mark shook his head. “It took me a while to figure that out, but I couldn’t ask her to marry me after what I did.”

Garrett looked at him with a blank expression. “What did you do?”

He gazed at his brother as if he’d gone crazy. “I just told you. I killed a man.”

“Really? You killed a man?”

Mark crossed his arms and leaned back against the seat. “Not funny.”

“I’m serious. God not only forgives our sins, but He forgets about them—at least that’s what the reverend says. God makes us pure, white as snow, after we confess and ask His forgiveness. It’s as if we’d never committed the sin.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were studying to be a minister.”

“Ha, ha, now who’s joking? I’m serious. Guess I’ve just been paying more attention in church. I see no reason at all that you can’t marry Shannon if you love her, other than your own stubborn pride.”

Hope swirled through Mark like a flash flood. Was it actually possible?

He did love her with all his heart. But would it be fair to steal her back from Rand, even if she agreed, at this late moment?

“Would it be better for her to marry a man she doesn’t love, when the one she does wants her so badly?”