Second Chance Ranch (7 page)

“You were pregnant and handled it alone?” He grabbed his ball cap and pulled it off before driving his fingers through his hair. “I don’t buy it. Maybe the kid wasn’t mine.”

His words stabbed deep in her heart. She lifted her head and met his defiant glare. “I forgive you for saying that.”

He blew a breath as he fit the cap back in place. “So why didn’t you tell me?”

“I tried to once, but couldn’t go through with it. I wasn’t going to ruin the life you’d dreamed about for so long.” Her stomach turned at the memory of their moonlight talks back in high school filled with the big what-ifs of life. They’d shared their innocent dreams, their eager anticipation of finding out what the world held for them. The promises they’d made to one another, promises carrying as much weight as the breath they’d been delivered on in the heat of the moment. “You couldn’t wait to get out of Hawk Ridge. I didn’t want to drag you back. I didn’t want you to resent me.”

Zac stood silently, digesting the secret she’d held alone for so many years. The Zac of years ago would have thrown a tantrum and denied the claim. Jen didn’t know what to expect out of the Zac that stood before her today. “I didn’t want you to resent us.”

“So you just took the decision out of my hands because you didn’t think I could handle it?” his tone strung so tight it cracked. “Wasn’t that just martyr-ly of you.”

“I didn’t know what to think, Zac,” she snapped and began to pace across the porch. “I didn’t know what to do. I was eighteen years old. I was scared. I had no one to turn to. I prayed and prayed for an answer and then prayed some more…and still, I wasn’t sure.” Her emotions collided as memories boiled to the surface. “Being a martyr had nothing to do with it. I didn’t want to disappoint you, I didn’t want to disappoint my dad.” She stopped back at the railing and looked out along the pine-covered slope. “But that’s exactly what I was — a big, fat disappointment.”

She fought the tears, yet they spilled down her cheeks anyway. “I couldn’t go home. I couldn’t run to you. All I could do was ask God for direction, and I didn’t get a whole lot of that either.” Brushing at her cheek, she confronted the last demon on her list. “If your parents found out, they would’ve made you do the right thing. I couldn’t let that happen.”

He turned from her and planted his hands on the railing, dragging in a deep breath. “You more than anyone—” he stopped, the veins in his neck protruding along side muscle and tendons. “I thought you believed in me. I thought you knew me.”

Jen leaned closer, trying to catch his soft words. Her own thoughts jumbled together…a couple of months out of Hawk Ridge, he’d found the life he’d dreamed of...and it hadn’t included her. “I knew you; I knew me. I knew we weren’t old enough to take responsibility for a new life. I did the best I could.”

“You decided for the both of us.”

“You’d moved on.”

He straightened, his movements stiff and pained. Folding his arms across his chest, his biceps strained within the confines of his sleeves. “How do you know what I felt?”

“I had a pretty good idea.” Jen didn’t want to dig any deeper into the memories she’d kept closed away for so long. She certainly didn’t want to open the door and let them spring out all over Zac. She wasn’t ready for that yet.

“You always thought you knew it all,” he said with a rawness that tore between them. “You never had a clue.”

CHAPTER FOUR

The last few bites of his sister-in-law’s savory chicken potpie stuck in his throat like paste on a pinata.

“Good to have you home, Zac.” Melanie passed a bowl of seasoned zucchini to him as the family sat around his parents’ kitchen table. “After two years of being a part of this family, I’m looking forward to getting to know at least one of Gabe’s brothers.”

“You got the prize out of this litter, Mel. You might think you want to get to know them, but really, you don’t.” Gabe grinned with pride.

Zac grabbed his glass of water and took a long drink. Gabe’s wife, Melanie, knew how to make meals tasty and heart healthy. Even six months pregnant with twins, she insisted on cooking for the entire family whenever Gabe gave the go ahead. For a man who swore he’d never get married, Gabe hit the marital jackpot when Melanie and her son had literally crashed into his life.

That crash didn’t compare to the explosion Jen had detonated only hours earlier. He set the glass down and picked up his fork, stirring a piece of crust with the tines. He prided himself on knowing what he wanted in life and going after it. How was he supposed to deal with this foul ball? The familiar dinnertime banter surrounding him should have bolstered his mood, but instead, left him feeling like a complete and total alien.

He’d fathered a child. Did he tell his family? What happened next? He herded a small group of peas with his fork to the center of his plate.

“Don’t you listen to him, Melanie.” Grace Davidson buttered her dinner roll in complete oblivion to her son’s dilemma. “Nick and Zac are fine men. They’ve been about their business and visit when they can.”

Grace nudged him with his elbow when he didn’t respond. With a frown, Zac stabbed a pea, sending it spinning across his plate. “I get home when I can. I’m here; Nick’s not. Pick on him.”

“Oh, dear, we’re not picking on anyone.” Grace shooed Gabe’s anticipated retort away. “It’s always nice to be remembered by your children. When they have the time.”

“Grace, the boy is home, quit nattering at him.” Martin swallowed and pointed at her with his fork. “Pass the potatoes.”

“I’m not nattering at him. I simply—”

“Dad, it’s alright.” Zac nodded at Martin and grabbed his plate. He had no business ruining the conversation at the table with his mood and he certainly didn’t want his mother wheedling it out of him. “I’ve been away awhile, but now I’m home. Excuse me, I need some air.” Placing his dishes in the sink, he grinned at Melanie as he slapped Gabe on the back. “I can see why my brother has picked up a few pounds. Great meal. Thanks.”

“Hey,” Gabe protested. “It’s all muscle.”

“That’s what you’ve been telling me for years, bro.” Zac pulled open the door and gave his brother the once over. “Looks good on you.”

A hint of fall nip greeted him as he stepped out onto the porch that ran the distance of the house. The slight wind carried the scent of pine and timber, wrapping him in the peace of home. No matter how far he traveled or how long he stayed away, the homestead kept a power draw on him. A draw he fought no more.

He stepped over to a pair of wooden rocking chairs. The chairs had been there ever since he could remember. A small table now sat between them and a three cushion glider added additional seating. He sank down into the floral print of the chair closest to the railing and propped his booted feet up on the handrail, staring across the drive at the corrals and old, black barn. Little had changed, yet everything had changed. What had Jen been thinking? If he’d given her a car and she’d chosen to sell it because they’d broken up, he wouldn’t have thought twice about it. But a child? They created a child together and she gave it away?

My child. She gave away my child.

Anger, confusion, despair all clamored for attention in his brain. All rational thought escaped him and he bowed to the whim of emotions. A mixed-up, turned-around, unfathomable churn of emotions.

“Zac?”

He jumped at the soft voice. Not two feet away, Melanie stood beside him, her brows drawn together as she studied him.

How could a woman so obviously uncomfortably large move so quietly?

“Zac, are you awake? Is it okay if I join you? Gabe won’t let me do the dishes, so I thought I’d better just get out of the way.”

“Sure. Have a seat.” His feet hit the porch with a thud as he shifted in his chair and faced her. Talking was the last thing he wanted to do. “Too much action in the kitchen?”

She sank onto the glider, stretching her legs across the cushions. “Way too much. Grace moves around that table like war planes at two o’clock. I could’ve stayed in the corner and listened to her tell Gabe he was washing dishes all wrong, or I could come out and cool off in the early fall evening air. I think I chose wisely.”

“For your sanity, I think you did, too.” Zac grinned in the deepening dusk. He really liked Melanie. She had a way of cutting to the heart of the matter without caring if the other person wanted to hear her opinion or not. You knew where you stood with her.

Yep. He liked her a lot. “What does Jason think about being a big brother soon?”

“He’s a coward about it, just like Gabe. The thought of gaining two sisters at once is a bit intimidating.” Melanie laughed. “Before I married Gabe, Jason didn’t really know what family life was like. He had no idea having a dad and grandparents could be so much fun. And now, he’s about to have siblings. ”

Her smile faded as she looked across the yard toward the mountain peaks. “Jason never knew his father. He’d abandoned us when I got pregnant. We weren’t married - hadn’t even discussed the option. My parents and I didn’t see eye to eye on how I should handle the situation. I kept my final decision from them for years. Jason didn’t meet my parents until a couple of years ago.”

The conversation hit close to home. Same circumstances; different ending. “Why did you do it then? Keep the baby, I mean?”

At her silence, Zac realized he’d stepped over some serious privacy bounds. “Sorry, Melanie, I didn’t mean to pry. Forget I asked.
Please
forget I asked.”

“It’s okay, Zac. Really.” She shifted on the settee and stuffed a throw pillow behind her. “It wasn’t an easy decision to make. I knew I wasn’t going to terminate the pregnancy like Paul wanted me to do. My parents decided adoption was the only course I could consider. No one asked me what I wanted to do. Good thing too, because I didn’t have a clue. So, I prayed.”

The sounds of the night closed in around them and the wind blew just hard enough to keep the mosquitoes away. Zac leaned toward her, not wanting to miss a word. Never before had he thought about unplanned pregnancies or what women did about them. Now all of a sudden, the information and circumstances were coming at him from every angle. Voices sounded from the kitchen along with cabinet doors closing and footsteps crossing back and forth. The dishes were almost done.
Please, Lord, I want to hear the end of the story.

“I didn’t think God heard my prayer for the longest time. I didn’t gain any great wisdom or see a path to follow. I prayed throughout my pregnancy for direction and all I got was help, support and assistance from everyone I knew. I didn’t recognize it at the time, but God had answered my prayers all along. I went into labor and delivery thinking I’d talk to someone at the hospital about giving up my baby.” Her voice trailed as she smiled at him, a smiling full of joy and compassion. Zac stared, too engrossed to realize how close he’d leaned toward her until she sat forward practically nose to nose with him.

“When they placed him in my arms, I knew I was never going to let him go.”

Her whispered words seemed to draw him into her secret circle of understanding. She’d shared her deepest maternal instincts with him and they touched his very soul.

“If I had made arrangements for an agency to take him away before I ever got to hold him, my life would be completely different right now. I wouldn’t have a terrific son, or a wonderful husband, or about to be blessed with the gift of twins.” She rubbed her palm over her enormous belly and leaned back against the pillow again. “I might have had an easier life, but then, I would have missed out on this one.”

An easier life
. The light of understanding clicked on in Zac’s brain. Jen had always like things stacked neatly, all her options in a row. When they were kids, she’d hated anyone messing up her plans. A child was definitely a messy thing. He glanced at Melanie as she rocked gently on the glider, her hand rubbing her enormous belly. Zac frowned and leaned back into his chair, focusing across the corral at the shadows of the mountain peaks. But neat and tidy were nothing compared to rigors of life. And, if the pregnancy had inconvenienced her, why did she go full term?

That thought almost caused him to roll off his chair. Jen would never have considered abortion. No matter how the circumstances were spun, he’d never think of Jen as being heartless. If anything, she cared too much.

Still, the thought rolled around in his brain. She’d practiced for years as a pediatric oncology nurse. She’d nurtured and cared for children on the brink of death. So, she could care for children as long as they didn’t follow her home at night? That didn’t make sense. Frankly, nothing made sense about anything anymore.

He began to rock back and forth, the porch boards creaking in an even rhythm as a knot tightened in his gut. How would he have felt if the responsibility of raising the child had fallen on him? He couldn’t see it, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t have risen to the challenge. Resting his feet back on the railing, he crossed his hands over his stomach and tapped his thumb on his belt buckle.

Something told him there was more to the story, but the obvious spoke louder. The hurt of Jen dumping him in college still stung, even though he’d managed to stuff that hit away and rarely gave the scar of heartache a passing glance anymore. Up in the sky the stars dotted the heavens, the picturesque scene lost on Zac as his mind struggled to grasp some sort of understanding of the situation.