Second Chances (16 page)

“But you said you'd. . .” I cut her off because I know what she's going to say. “I've had sex, Haylee. This is completely different. I never cared about the girls I slept with before.”

“So I'm kinda like your first too,” she says, and a huge smile spreads across her face. This girl is amazing. She should have turned and run away from me so many different times already and instead she's offering me the most intimate expression of love. 

“I guess so,” I smile back at her and she uses those fingers of hers in my hair to pull me back down to her.

“I'm not. . . gonna change. . . my mind,” she whispers between her kisses.

When I pull Chase in my window, I am beyond happy to see him again and something starts to burn even stronger inside me. I feel it everywhere and I want him in my bed in the worst way. 

I'm terrified of what the future holds. I'm scared to death that for some unforeseen reason, Chase will never come back to Wake Forest. I know a lot of that is rooted in the past but I can't get rid of the feeling. I'm worried that things will be difficult for him when he gets back to California and he'll start using cocaine again. I know I have to trust what he's said when he tells me that he's done, because I see in his eyes that he means it. He's seen what it can really do. For once in my life though, I'm going to just take what I have in this very moment and make the best of it.

I feel so powerful when he makes the comment about liking my shorts. He makes me feel beautiful inside and out. I feel the sting of rejection though, when he stops me from taking my shirt off. I'm afraid that, in my inexperience, I've done something wrong, or that he doesn't want me that way. He finally makes it clear that he's worried about me regretting the decision to have sex for the first time tonight, but that isn't going to happen. I am sure of that. I love the feeling of his bare chest against mine. He's so firm and hard, and I am small and soft in comparison. I've never been more aware of the physical differences between men and women, and how much I love his utterly male body. He lets his mouth travel down my neck and over my collarbone. I'm suddenly aware of the warmth of his breath on my nipple and how amazing it feels, then he flicks his tongue over it and my body flinches of its own accord. 

I glance down and am met by his piercing blue eyes and his panty-melting smile looking back up at me. “You did that on purpose,” I accuse. He doesn't deny it as he smirks and returns his mouth to my breast. Then his hand is on my other nipple and I'mtransported somewhere else altogether. I'm acutely aware of him ever so slowly working my shorts and panties down, his warm, moist lips trailing tiny kisses as he goes and then suddenly my body feels cold in his absence. He is standing beside the bed as he pulls down his own shorts and boxers in one swift movement. I let my eyes wander from his beautiful face, down his perfectly sculpted chest, and narrow waist to his frighteningly large, painful-looking erection. It seems physically impossible for that to fit inside of me.

“You are
so
beautiful, Hayles,” he says, his voice thick with emotion, before he climbs back into the bed with me. The heat of his skin back in contact with my own has me sighing inside. I could spend the rest of my life naked, here in this bed with him, and be blissfully happy doing it. . 

He's worried about whether or not I really want to do this, and I do my best to assure him that I am, in fact, very ready. He's also scared of hurting me, but I'm not worried about that even a little bit. Women all over the world lose their virginity every day and go on to have sex for the rest of their lives. It can't be that bad, and I can't imagine sharing this with anyone other than Chase. I've loved him for so long.

I pull him back down to kiss me then, and I can feel in his kisses that he has finally relaxed. His lips are softer, but still filled with need and his hand trails down over my breast and stomach, tickling slightly on the way until it's between my legs. He takes his time letting his fingers explore all around my sex before he finally slips one finger inside of me. I gasp. Holy shit! I've never felt a sensation as powerful as this. He hesitates then to see how I'm handling it. My eyes are closed, but my mouth hangs open and I'm sure I'm panting. Slowly he begins moving his finger in and out of me and I think I'm going to explode with sensation. If just a finger feels this incredible, I'm afraid I'm going to wake my mom up for sure when he actually puts his dick inside me. He adds another finger and I can't hold still any longer. My hips buck upward to match his rhythm, and I probably should feel awkward, but I don't. I desperately need more of him. 

“Chase. . .” I gasp. Something's building low in my belly and I want him to move faster. I need him to move faster.

“I got ya,” I hear him whisper and then the building sensation explodes inside of me. My whole body is contracting and I can't stop the noises that are coming out of my mouth. He places his other hand gently over my mouth to muffle the sound. As I start to drift back from the other planet I've just been on, he wraps himself around me and kisses up my neck settling back on my lips. My chest is heaving up to meet his and he pulls back to look down at me. 

“That was so fucking hot, Hayles,” he pants and I notice that his chest is rising and falling rapidly as well. His eyes are half-lidded and he looks so incredibly sexy. He slides over to the side of the bed and reaches down toward the floor. My brain isn't working at its normal speed, but I finally realize he's reaching for his shorts to grab a condom. He rises back up and tears the foil packet with his teeth. I cringe slightly at the level of skill he does that with. I need to change my train of thought . . . I look down as he sits back on his heels and rolls the latex down the length of his impressive cock. Okay, I am officially distracted from whatever I'd been thinking before. He leans back down and gives me another powerful kiss. 

He reaches one hand down and I feel him nudging at the entrance to my sex. I probably should be nervous, but that just isn't one of the emotions that I am feeling. 

“I love you, Haylee,” he says with his eyelids at half-mast. He'd used my full name, which he almost never does. 

“I love you too,” I barely have the voice to whisper. He begins to ease inside of me and his eyes are riveted on mine. “Please tell me if it's too much.” I nod slightly and I feel him push in just a fraction further. There's a brief stinging sensation, but I fight to keep anything different from registering on my face. I can see the restraint in his taut muscles. “It's okay. . . I'm okay,” I assure him. He slowly slides the rest of the way inside. I moan and my eyes roll closed. There's a wonderfully full feeling inside of me and I've never realized that I felt empty before. I open my eyes again to look up at him. His face is still tense and his muscles are knotted. He's still holding back. 

“Let go, Chase. . .I'm okay,” I whisper and he closes his eyes and grits his teeth as he begins to withdraw. I let my eyes close again as well and this time as he slides back inside me, it's quicker and a deep moan reverberates from inside his chest. 

“You feel so good, Hayles,” he murmurs as he begins to pick up speed. My body is beginning to adjust to him, stretching to allow him even deeper inside of me. His movements are quickening and I am lost in a sea of new sensation. I reach my hands up and cling to the hard muscles of his shoulders, and my hips are once again lifting up, as if on their own, to meet him. With one hand, he lifts one of my legs up around his waist and my other leg follows suit. I dig my heels into his backside and he's slamming into me now. Every part of my body feels like there is an electric current flowing through it and that tightening sensation is building low in my belly again. Our bodies are literally joined but somehow I still want desperately to be even closer to him. Keeping his rhythm, he brings his torso closer so that our bodies are touching in so many places, as if he'd read my mind. 

Suddenly, my body lets go of that building sensation, and I start to cry out, but he quickly covers my mouth with his and swallows the sounds of my pleasure. I feel my body contracting around him and his breathing is furious and erratic. “Oh God,” he gasps as he slams into me twice more and then, buried to the hilt, his whole body goes rigid and he groans out my name. I've never before felt so full of love in my life. I'm panting and still feeling the tremors inside of me, as he relaxes and smiles down at me. 

His eyes almost look like they're glowing in the moonlight and the look on his face actually steals my breath away. He leans down and kisses me long and hard, our bodies still connected. 

“God, Hayles, that was. . .” he's still struggling for breath, “. . .that was incredible.” With one hand he smoothes the hair back from my face. I have nothing to compare it to, but what I just experienced was so far beyond anything I could have ever imagined.

He withdraws from me and quickly, and far too expertly, removes and disposes of the condom. He's back beside me in no time, pulling the sheets up to cover us. He lays on his back and pulls me tightly against his side. My head rests on his chest, which is still rising and falling rapidly, and I wrap my arm around his waist. 

“Was it different?” I whisper as I tilt my head up to look at him. 

“Doesn't even compare,” he tells me, rubbing small circles with his hand along my upper arm. “Are you okay?” I can see the concern return to his face as he comes down from the high.

I nod my assurance. “I promise, I'm more than okay.” 

He squeezes me even tighter to him and I revel in the feeling of the entire length of his body pressed against mine with no clothing as a barrier. “God, Hayles. . .that was. . . Shit. I love you so much.”

I press a kiss to his chest and smile up at him. “I love you too, Chase. There is a reason I was meant to wait for you.”

He smiles at my words. “Why's that?”

“Because it was perfect.”

I sleep the whole night wrapped in Chase's arms and I curse the rising sun the next morning. I just want to stay right here in my bed holding this perfect man forever. I lift my head and find that he's awake and smiling down at me.

“Morning,” he whispers through a lazy smile and touches his fingers to my cheek. His other arm is tucked behind his head, propping him up a bit.

“Morning. How long have you been awake?” 

“I don't know but I've got the perfect view right here,” he says with a smirk and I glance down to find that somehow during the night I've tossed the sheet away from my back and legs and he's admiring what he sees. It's probably because I'm so warm tucked here beside him.

“Better remember that,” I tease him, flicking my head in the direction of my backside.

“No worries there. It is permanently embedded in my mind. And I promise you that you have nothing to worry about. I only want you, Hayles. I love you,” as he bends down and kisses the top of my head. I'm suddenly aware of all the nasty early morning occurrences, like bedhead and morning breath.

“Have you heard my mom at all?” I whisper, careful to make sure my mouth isn't aimed at him. He shakes his head. I trace my fingers over his tattoo and marvel at the smooth strength beneath it. I lift up and press my lips in a tender kiss right over my initial and I can feel his heart pounding beneath me. The daylight spills in through the curtains and a dark spot catches my eye along his side as I settle back beside him. I pull back a bit from him as I look down and discover another tattoo along his right ribcage. I can't believe I haven't noticed it before. I think back to the times I've seen him shirtless. When we are boarding, he usually has a life vest on that would cover it, and when he took his shirt off last night, it had been much darker. I guess I was just distracted by lust at the river or something.

“What's this?” I ask softly, now trailing my fingertips over the beautifully scripted writing that is etched into his skin. He picks his head up and glances down to where my fingertips trace the words. I can't make out what it says while I'm so close to him. 

“It says, '
There's only one certainty in life: how you come into the world. Where you go from there is up to you.
'” His voice is like velvet sliding across my skin and I instantly get the chills. The writing and words are absolutely beautiful, as is the body they are drawn on. It's something else that I hadn't known about him.

“When did you get it?” I inquire, still running my fingers along the words. They seem to pull at me, almost hauntingly. I know it will take time yet, but I want to know every last detail about the man I am lying curled up against.

“The day I got out of the hospital,” he says, his voice low and weighted. “I had decided while I was recovering that I was going to come back to Wake Forest. I was done just drifting and letting other people make decisions for me.”

A lump forms in my throat. The words there are so new and raw and come from a time of great sorrow, but they speak of hope and empowerment. And they speak directly to me as well. It's time that I take control of my own life. I wrap my arms snuggly around him and he holds me tightly in return. I want to take away all of his pain because I love him so completely.

“Can I ask you something?” I ask softly still watching his face from where I am propped beside him.

“I told you. Anything,” he replies.

“Why me? Why, of all the beautiful girls out there that you've been with, why am I different? Just because we were friends?”

A lazy smile spreads across his face as he looks at me. “It's always been you, Haylee. From the first time that we started hanging out together as kids. You were always the one that I looked most forward to seeing every day. I was drawn to you. . .I still am,” he shrugs, still smiling as he traces his fingertips along the side of my face. “I've come to realize that most people are like cookie cutter replicas of each other. Other girls all just seem the same to me. You've stood out to me from that very first day. You're strong and determined. You're not afraid of what other people think of you. You're just being you. You love with your whole heart and you're incredibly beautiful inside and out.”

Well, hell, what do I say to that? I don't actually think I can speak and there are tears stinging the backs of my eyes. I feel the same about him. I was drawn to him too. Always have been. I'd just never realized before how deep my feelings for him actually went.