Second Round Cowboy (Second Chance Series) (22 page)

Damn, could he make anyone he cared about happy? The paper crushed in his palm. He got up and moved toward her, grabbing her up into his arms. She was so little, so vulnerable and all he wanted to do was protect her—just like he’d wanted for Leslie.

“I love you, sweetheart. You and I are together in this and I’ll never hurt you. You don’t have to talk until you have something you want to say. Understand that your mom loved you so very much and she is in heaven now, staring down at you and keeping watch. You’re never alone.”

Tears developed in his eyes and he blinked them away. He set her back down, staring into the most innocent eyes. She reached up and laid her small hand against his cheek. One corner of her mouth lifted into the sweetest smile that oozed right into the core of his heart.

“Why don’t you get dressed
and I’ll take you to breakfast,” he said.

When she was gone, he looked down at the crumbled note. Going to the
nightstand, he laid it down and smoothed out the wrinkles. Once he was satisfied, he began to read…

“I’m sorry. I learned a lot about myself last night. You and Lilly need more than I can give as a wife and mother right now. I don’t want to trap you in a relationship inspired by obligation. Do you know your heart, Stryker? Is it possible to forgive me? I do love you, and Lilly, with all my heart but allowing you to find the truth is my only gift. Please let Lilly know that I will see her again, soon, but for now time is needed. With love, Leslie.”

Crushing the paper in his fist, he threw it across the room. It struck the wall and bounced onto the floor. He gave it a good kick with the toe of his boot as he stomped out of the room.

A week
later, Stryker was still pissed.

“Damn, woman!”
He leaned against the wooden fence, propping his leg up on the bottom rail. He watched the horses in the field but he couldn’t see anything past the blur of anger.

How could she do this to him?
Again.
He wasn’t the biggest fool this side of Texas! He should have guessed she’d run.

He looked up at the bottom of the clouds wishing the sky would burst into a thunderstorm, which more resembled his mood than the bright sunshin
e and the birds singing merrily. The heat swished across his face taking the last sliver of breath from his tight lungs. He rubbed his tired eyes and wished he could sleep.

H
e shouldn’t give a damn that Leslie had walked. Hell, he didn’t need her. Better now than after they married. He scraped his boot across the wood and it splintered. Several of the horses lifted their head. “Go back to your business,” he huffed.

Truth was, Leslie had been right about a few things. He hadn’t put her
as his number one priority when he should have. He even guessed he hadn’t been fair when it came to Tessa. It wasn’t her responsibility to help so much with Lilly.

He’d called a local agency specializ
ing in hiring nannies and caregivers for working parents. Tessa had given him the number when he’d told her that Leslie had left. She’d agreed that it was time he step up and make some changes. The agency sent someone the same day and he’d hired the bubbly, fifty-something woman. Her name was Christine. She was a grandmother of five and seemed good with Lilly.

His heart felt
like it had broken into a million pieces and every raw emotion filtered through his body. He knew why. It was simple. He loved Leslie. The strongest emotion in the world had never left him.

Stepping away from the rail
, he felt useless. His mind ached and his heart bled.

How could Leslie
think that she wasn’t the one for him or Lilly? As far as he was concerned, she was the only one for them. No other woman had ever made his heart scream and his blood churn. Lilly had gotten close to her. How could she leave her?

There were things in life that were left to mystery and this was certainly one.

He’d never understand what made Leslie tick…or leave.

Hearing the sound of crunching grass, he looked up and saw Tessa coming his way. “Yo
u here to get Lilly?” He didn’t think it was a therapy day, but then again, he’d lost track.

“Nope. I’ve come to check out the
moody and depressed.” She chuckled.

“Thanks.” He couldn’t disagree.

“Why are you still hanging out around here, brooding and scaring your poor staff? There is a solution, you know?” Tessa laid her hand on the top rail of the fence.

He dropped his gaze to her muddy shoes.
“You should realize no one wears heels on a ranch.” He shook his head.

“It’s a good workout. Is that your way of changing the subject?” One brow curved.

He looked at her. For the first time, he saw his feelings for her and they were only that of a friend. He guessed she was a beautiful woman. One time he’d found her attractive, but there was something about her that just didn’t spark him…not like Leslie. “I know you want me to tell you that I’ll chase after her.”

“Is that so wrong?”

“It is when she left,” he growled.

“Sometimes people leave to see who follows.”

“I’d say that’s why there are a lot of break ups.” He scrubbed his jaw.

“Leslie is a woman like all of us. She wants to be sure that a man loves her for what’s inside and not for what she can do for him.” Tessa held his gaze.

“It seems I’m real good at screwing up the facts. I’ve wanted Leslie as far back as I can remember. There hasn’t been a day that has passed that I haven’t thought of her, loved her, and wanted to touch her. I’m sure I’ll feel the same from here to eternity. Unfortunately, I have a responsibility now and I plan to follow through. I can’t have someone coming and going, for my sake and for Lilly’s. I wanted Leslie here, with me, each day, because waking up and seeing her was like holding the sun’s rays in my hands.”

“Did you tell Leslie these exact words?” Tessa asked.

Did he see moisture in her eyes? He swallowed the tightness in his throat, along with his pride. “No, I didn’t. I was stupid.”

“Stupid or scared? You hadn’t exactly forgiven her for leaving the first time, right? And isn’t that the reason why you’re not running after her now? The restraints of the past are holding you from your bright future.” She dropped her hand. “By the way, how’s the new caretaker working?”

“Good. I’m glad I hired her. She made dinner yesterday and I told her she didn’t have to, but she said she liked doing those things.”

Tessa patted him on the shoulder. “I’ve got to get going. I have an appointment later. Think about what I said. I feel a little guilty myself. I probably gave Leslie enough reason to think you and I were closer than we were.”

He turned and looked at her profile. “What do you mean?”

She looked into the distance. “I made it clear how I felt for you, and maybe a bit of me hoped L
eslie would leave at first. Once I got to know her, and I saw the way you two looked at each other, it was obvious the love is there. I want that one day. I want a man to look at me like I’m his special song that he wants to play for the rest of his life.”

“You’ll find that, Tessa
, but it’s not your fault Leslie left. She made that choice.”

“Did she leave for good or just enough time to allow the truth of feelings to become clearer?”

He shrugged. “Or just because she is still selfish?”

“Take care of yourself, Stryker.”
She waved and left him.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

“ARE YOU SURE this is what’s right?” Carly handed Leslie another tissue. Leslie took it, blew her nose and tossed it with the rest of the pile on the table. “You’re getting quite a stash there.”

Leslie sniffled. A week had p
assed since she’d left Hollyville. “I can’t believe one person could have this much water in their body. When do the tears stop?” She couldn’t imagine feeling any worse if a truck had come along and ran over her. She missed Stryker and Lilly, but loved them enough to want the best for them. “I’m not sure of anything.”

“I think you left hoping Stryker would come running after you, confessing his love.” Carly shook her head. “Sometimes things like that backfire.”

“I left because I don’t want to feel like he’s marrying me because it makes life easier for him.”

“I thought you said you can’t cook, you are stubborn,
and you have no clue how to become a wife and mother? Can you explain how this is easier for him?” Carly asked.

Leslie hiccupped. How could she answer when Carly was right? “Maybe he saw me as a lifeline.
After all, he searched me out because he needed help with Lilly.”

“And what’s so wrong with that? The man loses his sister and he takes her child, and out of all the women in the world, including this Tessa you talk about, he comes to you. I’d say that’s a positive and not a negative.”

“He came because Justine asked him to. I’m Lilly’s godparent,” she said through tears.

“I’m not trying to be rude, but he could have easily ignored his sister’s wishes.” Carly turned her body and faced Leslie. “Maybe he saw this as an opportunity to come to you? Have you thought
of his intentions in a good way and not a bad way?” Leslie tossed another tissue onto the mound. “On top of this, you said yourself, the connection remained.”

“We spent a lot of time in bed.” Leslie sighed.

“Let me tell you something, intimacy is the quickest route to happiness. Chance and I slept together the night before our divorce was final. I was reminded of why I still loved him…the way he looked at me, touched me like he’d never touched anyone before and he held me with such care. Of course, at that time, anger clung to me along with guilt and sadness. I couldn’t seem to let any of the raw emotion go, even when I knew I was losing the best thing I’d ever been blessed with.” Carly shifted and scooted to the edge of the couch. “Falling down the stairs and getting amnesia was a miracle. I found Chance again. Memories still come back…some good, some hurtful. One thing that’s true in all of this is my love for Chance. Never again will I allow anything, or anyone, to ruin what we have.”

“It’s different for you and Chance, though.” Leslie sniffed.

“Is it?” Carly tilted her chin. “Are you going to spend another six years of your life feeling sorry for yourself or are you going to let go of the things you can’t change? And sweetie, I can say that because I’m living proof. You will screw up as a wife and parent. We all do.”

“You’re a wonderful parent, Carly.”
 

Carly shrugged. “My kids make it easy. I’ve been blessed all around.
”

“I guess I’m not alone in feeling inferior when it comes to matrimony and parenthood,” Leslie said.

“I think everyone has those thoughts cross their mind at least once before they tie the knot or have a child. Marriage and parenting is the most profound job we’ll ever be faced with, and yet it’s the most rewarding.”

“I was pregnant by Stryker, a long time ago. I didn’t want to be and then I lost ou
r child. I can’t describe how guilty I felt.”

Carly nodded. “
You were young and scared, honey. You’re older now.”

“I walked in and saw Stryker and Tessa sitting together, laughing
. They looked so happy…so right.” She was throwing out random thoughts.

“
Hmm, I think that sounds more like jealousy,” Carly said.

“Maybe a little, but I realized I carried around so much leftover emotion.”

“I’ll confess, I was jealous when it came to you and Chance at one time. I remember how resentful I was when I saw you two together at the diner. You were laughing and so beautiful and all of my inferiorities rushed to the surface. I wanted to laugh freely again. I wanted to have fun with Chance. He seemed so carefree and I wondered if he’d forgotten about me…his family.” Carly lowered her eyes.

“Carly, he’d never gotten over you. I was a broad shoulder that he felt comfortable in crying on. You are, and always will be
, the only one who will make him smile from his heart.”

Carly chuckled.
“Yes, I know that now. But the fact remains, I was jealous of you because I believed you could give him fun and excitement, and I couldn’t because, well, losing a child had torn me apart inside. I was stuck in my own hell and had no way out. Thankfully, I cracked my head, because in that I was given a second chance.”

“I’d been given a second chance also,” Leslie whispered.

“You and Stryker have a history together. You still love him and I saw the way he watched you the night you two came to dinner, and at Lila and Duke’s wedding. The man is crazy about you. Lila noticed it too. We can’t allow a love like that to slip through our fingers.”

“Two people can have
magnetism, but it doesn’t mean they can satisfy one another in all aspects of things.”

“Are you listening to yourself? If you’re waiting for a man who will meet all of your needs, or
for him to meet all your needs, then you’re going to grow old alone.”