Second to No One (25 page)

I crossed the street to Jess’s house the next day to help him pack up his room. Even though the house wasn’t sold, his mom wanted him to have most of his stuff in boxes “just in case.” As I stepped onto his icy lawn, a heavy weight pressed against my shoulders when I saw a new For Sale sign wedged into a mound of dirt. I scowled at it as I walked past.
Stupid sign.

Jess always kept his room clean, but when I walked in, he was sitting in the middle of twenty-plus boxes and endless piles of clothes, books, and other miscellaneous items. I found a spot to sit on the floor by his bed and gloomily started stacking some CDs into a box.

“This stinks,” I said as I paused a moment to read the back of an old Cold Play CD.

“The CD?” Jess asked. He was making two piles of clothes—one to take and one to give to charity. “Didn’t you give me that?”

“Not the CD. You moving. I hate it.”

“Me too.”

I kept waiting for him to assure me that we were going to be fine. That somehow we’d see each other, that he’d call every day. I needed him to tell me that a long-distance relationship would work. But he hadn’t said a thing about it.

“I wonder how Lauren’s doing,” I said, flipping the CD over in my hand. “I tried calling the hospital this morning, but they wouldn’t let me talk to her.”

Jess nodded. “She’s going back to Iowa.”

“You talked to her?”

“She called me just before you came over. She’s not even going back to school. They’re leaving tomorrow or Monday.”

“She called you?” How was it possible that I was still jealous of her?

“Her mom agrees that she needs professional help. They’re moving back up to Iowa so they can be closer to family and so it can be on her dad’s insurance.”

I set the CD in a box, “I can’t believe I put someone into a mental institution.”

Jess laughed unexpectedly. “You didn’t, Gemma. She already had a lot of problems.”

“Yeah, but if you and I hadn’t…you know.” It was awkward to say out loud.

Jess tossed the charity bag into a corner of the room, then crawled across the floor so he could sit next to me by the bed. “No, I don’t know.” He said with playful eyes. “What did we do?”

I nudged him with my elbow. “We kissed, you nerd. An extremely long, intense, and inappropriate kiss in front of everyone we know.”

“Hmmm.” He cocked his head. “Yeah, I think I recall something like that happening. But I’m not exactly sure how it went. Maybe you can remind me?”

I leaned into him as he wrapped his arm around my waist. When our lips met, a surge of comfort and reassurance washed over me. I could literally feel an ache in my heart, knowing that he was moving far away and I wouldn’t be able to be with him—to kiss him—whenever I wanted to.

“Gemma,” he said softly when he pulled away. “I’m so sorry.”

I looked into his concerned eyes and put my hand up to my face. It was wet with tears. Jess wiped at them with the back of his fingers. “I wish I could change so many things.”

“Tell me it’s going to be okay,” I said. “Tell me that we can make a long-distance relationship work. I’m terrified that it won’t. We couldn’t even last three months last summer. We fell apart. We’re both such horrible phone talkers.”

Jess smiled sadly. “I’m not great at texting either.”

“And we’re both ridiculously good-looking so people are going to be trying to tear us apart.”

“So true,” he whispered. “So true.”

“So tell me that we’ll make it. I need to hear you say it.”

“Gemma, I would love to put my stamp of ownership on you. I would love to make you promise me that you won’t look at another guy until we can find a way to be together. But I don’t know if that’s what’s best for you.” He shifted so he could look at me straight on. “You’re sixteen. You have so much life to live. And as much as it kills me inside to say this, I think it’s important that you date other guys, that you experience the world.”

His words were like a knife, making the pain I already felt unbearable. “You want us to date other people?” Just saying it out loud made me shutter.

“No. But yes.”

“So does that mean you’re going to date other girls?” I felt a spark of anger growing inside my stomach.

“I don’t know, maybe. It would probably be a good thing.”

“What is with you?” I pushed myself up off the floor. “One minute we’re kissing, and the next minute you want us to date other people. You’re always doing this. Always pushing me away.”

“Gemma, I want to be with you,” he said. “But we don’t know what’s going to happen over the next couple years. I’m going to go to college somewhere and—”

“I thought you were going to go to college here in Franklin. That’s what you told Bridget.”

“Because my family was here. But they’ll be in Charleston.”

“I thought you wanted to stay here because of
me
.”

Jess stared at me dumbfounded. “Yes, of course. Because of you too. But I need to be near my family. My mom needs me, and—”

“
I
need you!”

“Gemma.” Jess wiped both of his hands over his face. “I…I don’t know what to say.”

“Say that you don’t want me to date anyone else. Say that we’re going to make this work between us.” I was so worn out and emotional that the words fell out of my mouth in a barely audible whine.

“I hope someday…” was all he said, and his words trailed off into the hopeless air. I waited for more. I waited for five long, torturous seconds for him to say something more. Something that would make me believe we were going to be together in the end. But the words never came. So I did the only thing I could think to do at that moment. I left.

I ran down his staircase, out the front door, and into the foggy Saturday afternoon air. I was off his porch before I heard Jess’s pleading voice behind me. “Gemma, don’t do this. Don’t leave.” I paused long enough to allow him to catch up. “Please,” he said, grabbing hold of my hand. “Tell me what I should do. Because I have no idea. Right and wrong used to always seem so black and white, but I’m stuck in this place between doing what I want to do and what I think that I should do, but they both seem right, and they both seem wrong, and I’m scared that I’m going to make the wrong choice. Either way I’m hurting someone else, and I’m hurting myself, and I’m terrified that I’m going to lose you again.”

I don’t know if it was the way his voice cracked when he spoke or the layer of mist that covered his pleading eyes, but my heart broke for him, and in that moment, all the anger and resentment that had been building up inside of me disappeared, and all I felt for him was an overwhelming sense of love. I reached for him, and he wrapped his arms around me. As we stood there, together, holding on to each other, it was as if the fog around us lifted, and I knew that somehow at sometime everything would turn out the way that it was supposed to. I prayed silently that the way things were supposed to be in my life somehow included him.

He still held me tight, but when he lifted his head, he said. “I don’t have to pack right now. Let’s go into town, and I’ll buy you some lunch. It’s sort of a sad first date, but I think it’s about time we had one.”

So we got in his car and drove to a cafe in the center of town. We held hands over the table and laughed until we couldn’t breathe as we dissected the past six months and how foolish we had both been. We shared a sandwich and soup and talked until the dinner crowd came in the door. Then we drank hot chocolate and made plans to see each other as often as we could after he moved. When the sun dipped behind the mountains, we made our way home. He walked me to my door, kissed me, and said good-bye, and that began the countdown to my last days in Franklin with Jess Tyler.

Chapter 19

I
heard my name a million
times the next Monday at school. It floated in hushed whispers around me as I made my way from class to class, always accompanied by the names of Jess Tyler and Lauren James and the words
drugs, overdose
,
and
mental institution
. Someone must have seen the For Sale sign in front of Jess’s house because the last thing I heard before spotting Jess by his car in the parking lot after school was that he was making his family move because he was too embarrassed to stay in Franklin after what happened. I didn’t bother correcting any of the rumors. It didn’t matter what they thought anyway.

“My favorite,” I said to Jess when we were in his car and on our way home, “was finding out that Lauren rigged Trace’s car last fall and was trying to kill me up at Drake’s Peak.”

Jess huffed. “I think it can only help you to look like a victim. Everyone at Franklin High thinks I’m the scum beneath the earth.”

“That’s not what I heard.” I laid my head against the headrest. “Every guy reveres you, and every girl wishes they were the one the bottle landed on.”

“Spin the bottle,” Jess mused. “What a stupid game.”

I watched the side of his face as he concentrated on the road in front of us. It was a dream come true, driving home with him from school, talking and laughing and telling each other about our days. I had been dreaming about it for years and yearning for it over the past six months. And now I had it. I had him. And I wanted to chew slowly and savor every minute. “What, you don’t want to play it at your birthday? It’s coming up.”

“I know. Seventeen. It sounds so old.”

“It is old. In a year, you’ll be eighteen.”

“I’ll be able to vote.”

“And open a checking account.”

“What?”

I shrugged. “My dad reminds me on a daily basis that I only have until my eighteenth birthday to be living off of his dime. He’s mostly joking, but he wants me to get a job. I think it’s his way of making sure I’m a responsible adult before he’s gone.”

“So are you going to get one?”

“A checking account?”

“A job.”

“I don’t know. That kid Clark, from Highlands, told me I should apply at Sapphire.”

“The ski resort?”

“I know it’s stupid. I don’t even ski very well.”

“It’s not stupid at all. I actually looked into working there a few months ago, but they only take applications in the spring.”

“I didn’t know you applied there.”

“Yeah, we weren’t talking much back then. Lauren was the one that suggested it actually. Her uncle used to take her there a lot when she’d come to visit over the years.”

I cringed at Lauren’s name. I still couldn’t believe the way I’d acted, the way I’d treated her. I couldn’t help but feel guilty for how things ended. “Have you talked to Lauren lately?” I was secretly begging that he hadn’t.

“No.” Jess rested his arm next to the window. “She sent me an e-mail yesterday. She and her mom were on their way back to Iowa. I think she’s doing okay.” He reached over and patted my knee. “You should work at Sapphire though. I hear it’s really great.”

“I think I will. Clark says it’s a pretty tight-knit community up there. They call it the Ice Box or Ice Pit or something like that.”

“Clark’s a really good skier. I’ve gone with him a couple times.”

“He’s really good? Really?”

“The guy’s got a gift. He’s good at everything he tries.”

“So are you.”

“Not like Clark.”

“It’s just so funny. When I first met him the time we went out,” I sat back and smiled at the memory, “I thought he was so dorky. But he just keeps surprising me.”

“If you work at Sapphire,” Jess tightened his grip on the steering wheel, “the two of you will be able to get to know each other a lot more.”

I cocked my head toward him. “What, are you worried that we’re going to hook up or something?”

“No, I mean, if you want to you can.”

“Jess.”

“You’re sixteen, Gem. You’re young and beautiful, and I can’t make any promises about when we’re going to be able to be together again.”

“I can’t believe this. Are we really having this conversation again?”

“Don’t get mad. You have to know how much I care about you. But I can’t ask you to never date anyone. I want you to have fun. Go on dates. Go to the prom. You’re allowed to live.”

I took an exasperated breath. “Jess. I don’t have feelings for Clark.”

“I’m not talking about Clark. I’m talking about you. You have to live life. We both do.”

“Okay.” I finally relented. “If I agree to go on a couple dates with other guys, can we just drop it already?”

Jess nodded hesitantly. “Yeah, we can drop it.”

“But you’ll still be my boyfriend,” I said watching him closely. “No matter what. Nothing will get in the way of that.” And I believed it. I really did. I really, really, really did.

“Hey, sweetie.”

“Hey, Dad.” I dropped my bag on the floor and collapsed on the couch beside him. He was reading a book about the Five People You Meet in Heaven. I hated it when he read death books.

He set it down and peered at me over his reading glasses. “No Jess today?”

I looked out the window at his house. “He’s working.”

Dad nodded approvingly. “That’s my boy.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’ll have you know that I applied for a job just last week.”

“Really?” Dad closed his book completely and set it on the coffee table. “What kind of a job is it?”