Secret Curves (Dangerous Curves Book 5) (6 page)

She stood up. “Happy now?”

“No.” Gabi was near tears, but Tessa truly didn’t give a fuck. “Tessa… please. Please let us help you.”

“I don’t need help,” Tessa hissed. “When will you understand that?”

She spun and left the staff room. She was sweating and shaky, and she only had a few more seconds, she knew. Her body was rejecting the food big-time, but even if it weren’t, she’d
still
have to get rid of it. She’d worked too damn hard to lose control now.

Tessa got to the bathroom, shot in to a stall, slammed the door. She made it just in time: she vomited violently, uncaring that other women were standing at the counter doing their makeup and chatting. All conversation stopped outside the stall door now, but Tessa didn’t even notice. She was on her knees in front of the toilet, one hand holding her hair back, the other down her throat.

Get it out… get it all out.

She threw up four more times before nothing came up but clear liquid. Exhausted and weak, she flushed the toilet and then closed the lid, rested her arms on it. She took a few deep breaths, and thought about standing up.

“Hey.” A woman’s voice right outside the door. “Hey, you OK in there?”

“Fine,” Tessa responded, trying to sound it. “Just a bit of food poisoning, I think.”

A pause, water running, and then a plastic glass of water was handed under the door. Tessa took it gratefully, and rinsed out her mouth.

“You want me to get someone?” the woman said. “You work here… you’re Tessa, right? Maybe you want me to get Gabi or Kenleigh?”

“No.” Tessa scrambled to her feet now, scared to death. “No, I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

Tessa opened the door, and tried to smile at the two customers standing there. “Yeah, I’m sure. Thanks.” On unsteady legs, she walked over to the sinks. She washed her hands, rinsed her mouth again. The other women watched her closely and exchanged glances.

“Maybe you should go home,” one woman said. “You look really sick.”

Tessa looked at herself in the mirror above the sinks and blinked. Actually, she
did
look sick. She was deathly pale, and under the fluorescent lights, the dark circles under her eyes were even more pronounced than they usually were. Her skin looked gray and flaky, and her hair looked stringy. It had started falling out two weeks earlier and she’d ignored it – but now she saw its loss clearly.

Stunned and shocked at just how
bad
she looked, she stared at herself. She’d just decided to go get her makeup bag from her locker when the bathroom door opened. She glanced over and when she saw Gabi, Curtis and Mac standing there, she froze.

“Ladies,” Mac said, his husky voice warm and sexy. “You mind stepping out for a sec? We need to have a quick word with Tessa.”

“She’s sick, I think,” the one bitch tattled on her. “She was throwing up a minute ago.”

“She said it was food poisoning,” said the second traitor helpfully.

“Did she now?” Mac said. His voice was still calm, but his face was hard, and his blue eyes were nailed on Tessa’s face. “Well, I’ll check her out, yeah?”

They nodded and stepped out, closing the door behind them. And there Tessa was, trapped in a bathroom with three people who just fucking refused to leave her alone. Quite literally backed in to a corner – they were between her and the goddamn door, after all – and with nothing to lose anymore, Tessa went on the offensive.

“Fuck off, Mac,” she said. “This is none of your business.” She glared at the other two. “It’s none of
anybody’s
business.”

“Wrong, sweet thing,” Mac said, his tone steel. “You’re way,
way
wrong. If you’re making yourself throw up, then this is
absolutely
our business. We’re involved, and there’s exactly jack-shit you can do about that, believe me.”

Flabbergasted, Tessa stared at him. “Just who the hell do you think you
are
, Mac?”

“I’m your friend. We all are.” Mac stepped a bit closer, but she moved away. Her back hit the wall, and she started to panic. Mac saw it on her face, and he became very careful, very gentle. “Let us help you, hon.”

“I don’t need help.” Christ,
how many times
had she said this? Also, it was getting harder to breathe now, for some reason. “I don’t need
anything
.”

“Tessa.” Gabi was in tears, Tessa saw. Oddly, she found that she didn’t care in the slightest. “Please let Mac take you to the hospital, OK?”

“No.” She crossed her arms, and shook her head. “I’m not going anywhere except home. And I’m sure as hell never coming back
here
, I can tell you that. I fucking quit.”

“Tessa.”

Startled, she jerked her head up to meet Curtis’ eyes. God, the way that he’d just said her name… she was sure that in the whole of her life, nobody had ever said it so softly. That rough voice just
caressed
the two syllables, and she felt his caring as strong and sure as if he’d physically reached out and touched her.

“What?” She struggled to sound removed and disinterested. “
What
, Curtis?”

“You’re hurting yourself. Please, Tessa. Please stop.”

She stared at him, really saw his pain and worry. She hesitated.

“Baby,” he said. “You need to stop before it’s too late.”

“I –” She shook her head as the truth came out of her, against her will. “I – I can’t.”

“I know.” Curtis’ voice was so quiet, she barely heard it. “That’s why you need some help, OK?”

“No!” Horrified at how close she’d almost come to admitting defeat, Tessa shouted the word. “Leave me
alone
!”

“This ain’t you,” Curtis walked closer to her now, crowded her with both his body and his words. “I know you, baby, and you’re not really like this.”

“I am,” she snarled. “I
am
like this, Curtis… I’m ugly and pathetic and weak and –” A massive wave of dizziness passed over her, and she placed her palms flat on the wall, looking to keep her balance. “And… and…” She lost her train of thought and blinked hard. White spots appeared in front of her eyes, and then blackness tinged the corners of her vision.

“Tessa?”

Curtis sounded way closer now, but she couldn’t see him. She couldn’t see anything. The dizziness was back, stronger now, more insistent, and she fought against it. Hopeless, though; she had no strength for this battle. Not anymore. The black wave rose all around her, rose inside her. It cut off her breath and she gasped for air. Her chest rose and fell weakly, and suddenly she was hyperventilating.

“Tessa!”

“Curtis!” Mac’s voice cut through her confusion. “Catch her, man!”

Large, strong hands grabbed her upper arms as she fell forward, hard. That was all she knew before the black wave took her away, and dropped her smack in to the first peace that she’d known in months.

In years.

Chapter Five

The first thing that Tessa felt was softness. She snuggled down in to it, loving its warmth and comfort. That was when she heard a familiar rasp – a very unwelcome one.

“Tessa? You awake?”

Her eyes popped open in utter shock, and she stared at the one person that she both longed to see, and loathed to see.

Curtis. Damn him.

“What…” She coughed, wondering why her throat was so dry. “Where am I?”

“The hospital.”

“What? I’m – what?” Tessa looked around now, and noticed the tube in her arm. “What the hell is
this
?”

He poured her a glass of water and silently handed it over, then stood with his hands in his jeans pockets.

“Curtis?” She snapped his name, ignored the water. “
What is this
?”

“A feeding tube.”

“A – a
what
?” Tessa goggled down at it, totally stunned. “Get it out of me.”

“No.”

“Curtis…” She threw the water on the floor, reached for the tube. “Get it out or I’ll rip it out.”

His hands shot out now and gripped hers. Tessa struggled, but it was useless, she knew. The man could undoubtedly subdue her with his baby finger and with almost negative effort.

“Stop it,” he growled. “Tessa…
stop
.”

“Fuck you,” she snarled back. “Get your goddamned hands off me or I’ll start screaming the whole place down.”

“Go ahead.” His hands held hers tighter. “The second the doctor sets foot in here, I’ll get him to sedate you.”

“What?” She was horrified. “You
what
?”

“You heard me.” God, those blue eyes were cold. “I’ll tell him that you’re gonna rip out your tube and believe me, they’ll do what they have to to make sure that doesn’t happen. So go on, Tessa. Scream for help.”

She slumped, defeated. “Let go.”

This time, he did, though he didn’t move even one inch away from her. Frustrated, furious, she turned her back on him and laid down, facing the wall. She pulled the covers up and over her head and shut her eyes, willing hard for him to just go away and leave her alone. When she finally spoke again, her voice was as gray and cold and clinical as the room they were in.

“I hate you.”

Curtis froze, stared down at her back. She was stiff with anger, her body all hard angles and uncompromising planes.
God
, he missed her curves, her softness. He wondered if that Tessa was ever going to come back.

“I don’t care,” Curtis said roughly. “You can hate me all you want.”

“I will. Now get the fuck out.”

He paused, sure that this was the last time that he’d ever see her. Once he walked out that door, Tessa was lost to him and he’d never get her back; he believed that with every inch of his body. Curtis never spoke more than ten words in a row if he could help it, but if he had anything to say to the woman, now was the time to spit it out.

And I have a few things to say to the woman,
that’s
for damn sure.

“I know you hate me, baby, but I love you,” he said quietly. “I love you, and I won’t let you do this to yourself. Not anymore.”

Tessa’s eyes opened in shock, and she stared at the wall. She didn’t turn over, but she did listen.

“I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you, Tessa, and the best and worst night of my life was when I finally got to hold you. It was the best because you were in my arms, and it was the worst because you were hurt.” He ran his hand up and down his jeaned thigh as he spoke. “Ever since then, I thought that I’d do
anything
to hold you like that again – but now I don’t give a crap if I never even
lay
eyes
on you again. I’ll give up touching you, give up seeing you, if it means that you stop hurting yourself. If you get taken care of. If you live.”

Tears burned her eyes, and she took a shuddering breath.

“I just want you to
live
, baby. With me in your life, without me in your life. Talking to me or hating me… I don’t give a flying fuck. I just want you to be OK. To start to like yourself again, and to trust yourself again. I’ll get on with my life, and never touch or talk to you again, and I’ll fucking hate every second of it, but I’ll do it. I’ll do it if I know you’re safe. I’ll do it because I love you.”

The tears trickled down her cheeks, and she held in a sob.

“So you go on and hate me if you have to.” Curtis’ voice was so full of emotion now, he barely recognized it as his. “I’ll live with it, if it means that you’re gonna get well again with people who can help you. You hate me, and you get healthy.” He turned away from the bed, headed for the door. “I love you, baby. I love you, and I don’t care if you hate me for doing the right thing for you. I love you, and I’m taking care of you because you can’t take care of yourself right now. I love you so fucking much, and I’m gonna miss you… but I’ve already
been
missing you for months now. It’s like all the light and goodness just drained out of my life when you got lost in the dark, Tessa.”

He opened the door, lowered his head as he gathered up the courage to walk away from her forever. His final words to her were wrenched out of him, pulled from deep out of his shredded heart.

“That woman that I love – I know she’s still in there somewhere. I hope she comes back one day ‘cause she’s the most gorgeous, amazing, wonderful woman I’ve ever known. And I’m gonna love her until my dying day.”

With that, Curtis was gone.

Once the door had closed behind him, that was when Tessa finally turned over and spoke. Her voice was soft, totally broken.

“Curtis… don’t go.”

**

“I
still
don’t understand what you’re waiting for.” J.J. shook her head at Tessa, hard enough to make her red curls fly. “
Call
him.”

“I can’t,” Tessa said quietly. “I really messed it all up with him.”

“He loves you.” Jenna Jade’s green eyes – the exact same color as jade, actually – were impatient. “He said so. About ten damn times, and
after
you told him that you hated him.”

Tessa shrugged.

“What’s
that
mean?” J.J. mimicked the shrug. “Are you seriously acting like this is no big deal? Because, honey, I’ve been dating for twenty years, and no man has ever just
declared
himself like that to me.” She took a sip of bitter vending-machine coffee and considered. “I think that
no
man
ever just lays it all out for a woman unless he’s got a ring in his pocket. And even then, most of them can barely get out the four basic words of ‘will you marry me’ without stumbling and stuttering. The fact that Curtis shot you through the heart without even touching you tells me that the man shook you up.”

Tessa shook her head.

“Christ on a cracker, Tessa,” J.J. said. “Would you
stop
with the shrugging and head-shaking and just
talk
to me? What’s going on with you?”

Tessa pulled her legs against her body defensively. “I – I’m not sure.”

J.J. regarded her friend and felt herself softening a bit. Tessa was all curled up in the eating disorder clinic bed, and she looked pale and exhausted. The tube was out of her arm now, which was good, and she was going home the next day, which was even better. But she wasn’t herself, not even close, and J.J. was worried that the second Tessa was left to her own devices, she’d hurt herself again. Time to back off a bit.

“Tessa.” J.J.’s voice was warm. “What do you think would happen if you talked to Curtis about all of this? What do you honestly think he’d say?”

Tessa dropped her eyes to the bed sheets. “I think he’d say that he made a mistake. That he – that he didn’t mean it.”

“I don’t know the man, granted, but he doesn’t strike me as the type that shoots his mouth off.”

Tessa was silent for a few seconds. “He’s not.”

“In fact,” J.J. said. “He doesn’t strike me as the type that says much of anything at all.”

“Uh, yeah. He’s kind of the strong, silent type.”

“Uh-huh. I figured. And when
that
type of guy says what’s on his mind, you’d damn well better pay attention and believe it, ‘cause what they have to say isn’t said lightly. Curtis isn’t dicking around with you, Tessa, and he told you what he did because it’s true.”

Tessa shrugged again, desperate to change the subject. “Maybe. But I have some things to deal with first.”

“Now
that
I agree with,” J.J. said, turning serious. After almost two decades of professional ballet dancing, she knew what an unhealthy relationship with food looked like, and although Tessa had been way better at hiding hers than most other girls, time had run out. There was no way she could have gone on the way that she had been, and J.J. was horrified at just how far it had gone, how bad it had gotten. And it had happened right in front of her goddamn eyes.

J.J. studied her friend with a cool, dispassionate eye, the way that she’d look at a stranger’s body. Yeah, OK, Tessa wasn’t a totally sickly-looking stick any more, that was for sure. At five foot seven and with a medium frame, her healthy body weight ranged from about one hundred and thirty-four pounds to maybe one hundred and forty-eight pounds. When she’d landed in the hospital just over a week before, hyperventilating and dehydrated, she’d been a terrifying one hundred and two pounds.

J.J. still recalled that first look at Tessa: she’d looked like a hollow-eyed shadow of her former self. J.J. had burst in to tears of shock and horror, and Tessa had just stared at her from the hospital bed, hostile and tense.

After twelve days in the hospital treatment clinic, paid for by her boss Jax, and under strict dietary supervision and with daily counselling sessions (both private and in a group) with a woman named Rianna, Tessa was now one hundred and twelve pounds. Far, far from where she needed to be to be properly healthy, but she was stronger now, and her humor and calm were returning.

It had all been close, J.J. knew –
way too goddamn close
– but Tessa had turned the corner now. She’d have to take it from here, but J.J. wasn’t leaving her on her own. And she suspected that if asked, Curtis would also be there for Tessa; now if only Tessa would ask him. Maybe not yet, but J.J. hoped she’d ask soon.

“You feel OK about going home tomorrow?” J.J. said now. “You want to come and stay with me for a while?”

“Oh. Oh, no.” Tessa gave her one of her gorgeous smiles, and J.J. relaxed marginally. “Rianna says that I need to start to figure out my own routines as soon as I can… healthy ones, this time. I can only do that if I’m in my own space, leading my normal life.”

“So you’re going back to work right away?” J.J. asked, not entirely sure that was a good idea.

“No.” Tessa ran her hands through her golden curls. “No, I need a week or so before I do that. I need to get my energy up and…” She paused.

“What?”

“And I need to go and apologize to everyone at Curves before I go back,” Tessa said quietly. “I – I made such a scene that last night I was there, and the things that I said…” She sighed. “What I said to Gabi and Mac and Curtis? It was – God. It was awful.”

“They’ll understand, honey.”

“You think?”

“They love you,” J.J. said simply. “And part of loving someone is forgiving them.”

“You really think they’ll forgive me?”

“Tessa.” Jenna Jade’s jade-green eyes were sparkling with affection. “I can promise you, they’re dying to forgive you. I think it’s
all
they want to do, and they’re just waiting for you to ask.” She held Tessa’s hand. “So, ask for what you need, Tessa. Just ask. They’ll give it to you.”