Secret Dream: Delos Series, 1B1 (6 page)

“I don’t know what to think,” she said irritably, frowning. “I worry for you, Lia. This man you brought home is a killer. That’s what he does for a living. What am I to think?”

Blinking, Lia felt as if the ground had dropped away from beneath her feet. Shock bolted through her as she stared at her worried mother, whose lips were pressed tightly together, her eyes filled with anxiety.

Susan made an unhappy sound. “I’m sorry, Lia. My menopause symptoms are driving me crazy. I don’t sleep well at night. And the less sleep I get, the more grumpy, irritable, and oversensitive I become.” She gave her a daughter an apologetic look.

“Have you seen a doctor about this?” Lia asked, concerned. Her mother wasn’t the type to admit when she wasn’t feeling well.

“Yes. And I refuse to take sleeping pills. You know how much I hate drugs.”

“You and I are on the same page on that one,” Lia agreed, going over and hugging her mother.

Susan pressed a kiss to Lia’s hair. “I don’t mean to sound so judgmental, Lia. I’m just concerned for you. I want you happy. I’m glad Cav said he loved you.”

Releasing her mother, she smiled a little, gripping Susan’s hand for a moment. “He does love me, Mom. Neither Jerry or Manuel ever said anything close to that for me, so that should tell you a lot.”

Just then, Lia heard the screen door open and then close. Her dad’s voice drifted down the hall; he was conversing with Cav. Gulping, she whispered, “Mom, let’s table this discussion until later. I want to know more about your menopause problems. Please?”

“Yes,” Susan said tightly, looking toward the entryway to the foyer.

Lia saw Cav saunter in, his hands loose and at his sides. He was smiling at something her father had said. And then her dad appeared and laughed, clapping Cav on the back. She saw the look in her father’s squinting blue eyes. There was genuine warmth between the two of them. Her heart was pounding and she was confused by her mother’s way of seeing Cav. What was going on? Unsure, she saw Cav’s gaze move from Susan, who busied herself at the sink, to Lia.

More than anything, Lia wanted to speak privately to Cav, but it was going to be impossible under the circumstances. The scent of the big pot roast, the potatoes baking, apples slathered with brown sugar in the oven alongside them. She forced a smile over to Cav. Instantly, she saw his brow dip for a second and recognized that he was picking up on her real feelings. Lia knew she was never any good at hiding how she felt around Cav. What she didn’t want was for Cav to accidentally say something that might set her tense mother off.

Dinner was miserable for Lia. She helped her mother bring over the roast. Her father expertly cut thin slices, laying them out on a nearby platter. Lia made the gravy. Cav tried to help in the kitchen, but Susan asked him to just sit down and have a cup of coffee. The brittleness in her mother’s voice didn’t go unnoticed by her father or Cav. Yet neither said anything; they pretended that everything was all right, despite the silent strain hanging invisibly over them. Lia made sure that Cav sat next to her, and her father was at that end of the table. Susan was to her right. She wanted Cav as far away from her as she could get him. Because she was so sensitive, she felt the subtle tension running through Cav. More than once he glanced over at her, giving her that laserlike look that told her he was picking up a lot around her and that he knew she was upset. And then she felt him going into protective mode, as if sensing she was at odds with her mother.

As soon as dinner was over, Susan said, “Why don’t you two go for a walk, Lia? Show him the barn and the animals?”

Relief sped through Lia and she stood, pushing the chair back. “That’s a great idea, Mom.” She looked down at Cav. “Want to come with me?”

“Sure,” Cav murmured, standing.

Lia forced herself to walk casually when in reality, she wanted to run out of that kitchen. Cav appeared relaxed at her side, but she knew different. She knew he’d sensed the tension. Once they were out the screen door and taking the wooden steps down to a gravel path that led to the barn a good two hundred feet to the north, she began to breathe a little easier. When Cav slipped his arm around her shoulder, she melted against him, feeling that wonderful protection that he afforded her.

“Okay,” Cav murmured, walking her into the huge three-story red barn. “What’s going on?”

Lia led him over to one corner of the barn where all the alfalfa bales were stacked. She sat down on one bale and Cav sat beside her. Lia was glad he slipped his arm around her waist. “I don’t know what’s going on with my mother,” she admitted in a strained tone, her gaze flitting to the open doors, wanting no one to overhear their conversation.

“What happened?” Cav tamped down his impatience, seeing the anxiety in Lia’s eyes. When she was nervous, he’d discovered, she would unconsciously begin to skim her fingers lightly up and down the scar on the left side of her face. She was doing that now, and it served to tell him that whatever was bothering her, it was serious.

“M-my mother,” Lia whispered, confusion in her husky voice. “She called you a killer. Why would I love a killer?” Miserably, she looked to Cav and saw his eyes widen marginally and then become laserlike and narrowed. She felt his arm curve a little more tightly around her, as if to shield her from her mother’s accusation about him.

“Is that how she sees me?” he asked, keeping his voice neutral. Right now, Cav kept himself in game-face mode, not letting on how he really felt. He saw Lia twisting her long, slender fingers in her lap, like a hurt child who didn’t understand the way her parent was acting. He reined in his mounting anger toward Susan. This was supposed to be a happy time for Lia, being with her parents, not a torture chamber, but that was the look Lia was giving him. His heart winced, and he knew he had to stand down and not get emotionally locked into whatever was going on here within her family dynamic.

“I-I don’t know, Cav. I was so shocked when she said that.”

“What brought this up, baby?” He curved his fingers through her hair, trying to soothe her fractious state. Instantly, he saw Lia grow more relaxed, less anxiety reflected in those gray eyes of hers. She was always sensitive to his touch, and he often used it to calm her.

“I think it’s about the two men in my life after I got cut up,” she said. “Mom saw how devastated I was when Jerry walked out on me because he couldn’t stand seeing the scars across my body. I came home to the farm after that happened, Cav.”

“Yes, I remember you telling me about that.”

Lia closed her eyes and pressed her face into his chest, her arm going around his torso. “I didn’t tell you all the details,” she said, her voice muffled against his shirt. “I was a mess. I was coming apart. My mom has always been the one to put me back together when things are rough for me. I can come home and talk to her. I talk to Dad, of course, too. But she’s my mom. You know? Two women talking?”

He smiled a little, continuing to move his fingers slowly across her scalp, feeling her lean into him more, trusting him. “Yeah, you women have your own alphabet soup compared to talking to a man, no question.” Cav watched his teasing make her less nervous. She opened her eyes and gazed up at him. Cav allowed his arm to drop to her hips. He knew how important it was for Lia to feel safe, because right now, she was acting as if she wasn’t safe. That was a concern for him.

“You think she’s comparing me to Jerry? Or Manuel?” he asked gently.

“Yes, I think so.” And then Lia’s face crumpled. “She shouldn’t call you a killer, Cav! You’re a hero, not a killer. You’ve served our country honorably. Why did she do that? Why did she say that about you?” Tears drifted down her taut cheeks.

“Ah, baby,” he murmured, “come here.” He lifted her, bringing Lia across his lap so she could rest against him, her head on his shoulder, still maintaining contact with him.

Sliding her fingers across his shirt, she sniffed. “My mother is acting so odd, Cav.”

Knowing what he knew from Steve, he hesitated. “Look,” he said soothingly, “she probably knows you’re really in love for the first time in your life. And she’s scared for you, not against you. She may well see Jerry here and not me, Lia. Sometimes, that happens. I think your mother is acting out of an abundance of caution for you. She wants to make sure there really is love between us and not another minefield with another Jerry who’s going to end up hurting you all over again. She’s probably trying to protect you from more pain.” He placed his finger beneath her chin, lifting it, making her meet his gaze. “How do you feel about it? Does anything I said make sense to you?” Cav ached to staunch the tears that continued to slide down her cheeks. He hated seeing Lia cry, because it meant she was hurt. And that hurt him. Right now, he had to be the strong one, because Lia was clearly shocked by her mother’s unexpected behavior.

“Y-yes, it all makes sense.” Sniffing, Lia took the handkerchief that Cav proffered to her, wiping beneath her eyes. “I guess I made a big mistake.”

“What do you mean?”

“On the Skype call before we came out here, I told her I loved you.” Her mouth twisted with pain. “I didn’t tell her that you loved me. I think she thought my love was one-sided, like it was with Jerry. I told her when we were peeling potatoes at the sink that you loved me. It didn’t sit well with her and we talked about it. Eventually, Jerry entered the conversation.”

“And she called me a killer after that?”

Wearily, she sighed, “Yes . . .”

Cupping her cheek, Cav leaned down, kissed her closed eyes, and rasped, “Your mom is just worried I’m Jerry in disguise, Lia. Don’t be upset about this. I’ll talk with her. We’ll get this straightened out. Okay?”

She opened her eyes, more tears falling. “I thought she’d love you on sight, Cav. Dad loves you. I can tell.”

He groaned and nodded. “Well, we’re men. What can I say?” He gave her a teasing smile, wanting to pull her out of that emotional tailspin. He saw Lia buck up and look a little less worried. “Men have their own language, too, baby. And you women have yours. I’m very sure your mother wants you to be happy, but she’s scared for you, too.” He traced her soft eyebrow with his index finger. “Don’t forget, you’ve been around me a lot. This is the first time she’s laid eyes on me. I think she just wants to be
sure
because she doesn’t want you hurt again like Jerry hurt you, is all.”

“Maybe menopause has something to do with it,” Lia muttered, sitting up, sliding her fingers through her hair, wiping the tears away. “She said she was getting a lot of hot flashes, hasn’t been sleeping well. I didn’t know anything about it until she told me just now. She promised to tell me more about it later.”

Cav nodded. “Sleep deprivation does funny things to people, Lia. I ought to know. When we would be out on a long mission, we didn’t get much sleep. I know how it skews your reality, your emotions. If your mother has been going through this for a while, then maybe a lot of her reaction could be just that. And people sometimes don’t make sense, or make less sense, when they’re in that state of mind.” Curving his hand across her hair, he kissed her wrinkled brow. “Let’s both of us try to sort this out.”

“Did Dad say anything about Mom having problems with menopause?”

“No.” Cav wasn’t about to reveal what they did talk about. All it would serve to do was upset Lia some more, and she had enough on her plate. “I don’t think menopause is something most men would talk about to one another.” Or maybe they did and Cav just hadn’t had that kind of experience—yet.

“I so wanted this to go well, Cav. I’m so sorry . . .”

He wrapped her tightly in his arms, giving her a gentle bear hug. Lia sighed and melted against him, surrendering completely over to him because he made her feel safe. Cav often wondered if this supersensitivity Lia lived with came after her assault and nearly dying. Feeling as if she were a piece of raw meat with no way to protect herself from the world at large, or even from people who loved her. Over time, he wanted to work with her on this; maybe, with his love and support, she wouldn’t allow this sensitivity to upset her like it did right now. “I love you,” he rasped, kissing the curve of her delicate ear. Strands of her hair tickled his nose and chin as he rested his head against hers. “And your parents love you very much. Give your mom some time to adjust to me being in your life.”

“She’s been so strong for me over the years, Cav. I was such a mess after that assault.”

Cav began to realize that Lia was probably not going to broach the subject of her mother’s not being there for her after the assault and that it was her dad who was the stanchion at that time. And it was all right. Lia was just coming out of a second horrific attack on her life. Two in one person’s lifetime could break even the strongest individual. He held her a little more tightly for a moment. “I know she has, baby. I really think the key to all of this is that she’s pretty sleep deprived, and maybe, because she only wants you happy, this Jerry thing is configuring a lot more powerfully for her than it would normally. What do you think?” Cav had been finding that if he could lay out reasonable logic and then ask her for input, it served to help get Lia out of her emotional storm. He could feel her thinking about what he’d just said. He felt her bob her head.

“I’m so glad you’re so clear about these things, Cav. I was running off in God knows what directions emotionally.”

Because your mother abandoned you before when she couldn’t handle your wounds and condition.
Mouth compressing, he squeezed her gently, keeping the thought to himself. “It’s easy when you’re not a part of the drama, Lia. What I see are two people who love you very much. And they both want the same thing: for you to be happy.”

“Phew,” she muttered, shaking her head, smoothing her hand across his chest, “I just wish I wasn’t so sensitive and so easily upset.”

He pressed a kiss to her curly hair, inhaling her special scent, which drove him crazy. “Were you always like this?”

“No.”

“When did it start?”

“After the assault.”

“Okay, that’s an important piece of information. That’s something we can work with when you feel up to it, baby.”