Secret Garden (32 page)

This perspective was so counter to what she’d expected him to say that her mouth fell open at the simple truth of it.

She needed to digest this some more. She was certain he was referring to her agoraphobia, as well as her possible pregnancy.

Nothing was entirely controllable. Any person could be plucked up anywhere, surprised by a van of desperate and violent thugs intent on doing harm.

“Would you happen to have any recommendations for a therapist who’s trained to work with longtime agoraphobia clients?” she asked him.

He put down his pen. If he was surprised, he didn’t show it. “I have someone in mind for you, yes. Would you mind if I speak with her first?”

Rhiannon fidgeted. She was longing to sit in her walled, secret garden and process all this. It suddenly seemed very scary again.

Through all the past work with her early therapists, she’d learned that the root of her agoraphobia was the fear that she wouldn’t be able to escape if something bad happened to her again. That was why, as a child, she’d wanted to stay so close to the peace and safety of her home.

But really, if someone had wanted to hurt her again, wasn’t that plan for control just an illusion, too?

Always, she’d longed for a love and family of her own, but she’d thought she couldn’t have it because of her personal barrier—the agoraphobia. Now, with Colin’s love and support, she had a gift. She needed to fight to keep it. She had to stop living in stasis and do battle with her agoraphobia, this time with fresh eyes and a fresh perspective.

“Yes,” she said, standing, “please do contact the therapist. I’d like to begin working immediately, tomorrow, if possible. I’d like to work as hard as Colin does while he’s away at his boot camp.”

“Then I’ll see what I can do. And I’ll ring you personally with the results from the test.”

“Thank you,” she said quietly.

She felt a deep need to talk with Colin about everything. They’d spoken yesterday afternoon; he’d seemed tired and quiet with her. He’d told her his plans to travel to Virginia to compete at his first tournament since he’d been working with his new coach. It would be the first real test of his training and commitment.

But she knew it wouldn’t be wise to tell him just yet, because the best thing for him was to focus on his task at hand. If she called and told him the news over the telephone, it might overwhelm him. It might cause him to want to break off his plans and return to her, and she didn’t want that.

She wanted what was best for them as a pair.

* * *

B
EFORE
R
HIANNON HAD
even met with her new therapist, the results from her pregnancy test came in.

Negative.

At first, Rhiannon was disappointed. But Dr. McLean reassured her she was a healthy young woman. He didn’t see any medical reason preventing her from becoming pregnant when she stopped using birth control.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, and hung up the phone.

The most important thing was that she keep her therapy appointment.

Cecily Lawson Wise arrived at the castle in a red, serviceable sedan that she parked carefully beside Rhiannon’s drawbridge. Rhiannon watched her through the upstairs library curtains, but unlike usual, she decided to meet Ceci—as she preferred to be called—without going through the formal ceremony placing Paul as her barrier.

Rhiannon met Ceci at the front doors and then led her directly to her walled garden, at a table she’d set up beside the roses. What did she have to lose at this point?

Over tea, Rhiannon talked to Ceci extensively about her goals for therapy, and what she hoped to achieve.

“Because yours is such a long-term case, I’d like to start with medication,” Ceci replied. “I know you prefer not to take drugs—I read it in your files that Dr. McLean sent over—but for the goals you’ve set out, I believe it’s necessary. Later we can talk about decreasing the dosage.”

Rhiannon swallowed. She’d been worried about addiction and losing control of her body. She’d been worried about a lot of things, she supposed, and surely that was a great part of her problem.

“All right,” Rhiannon said softly. “But I’d like to work with other therapies as well, such as relaxation techniques—breathing, for example. A...continued shift in my thinking.” She fell silent. Instead of painting, Rhiannon had begun writing in a journal, following prompts she’d read about online. So much was available over the internet these days. Much more than she’d realized.

“This is a lot for you all at once,” Ceci warned.

“I know. But I’m extremely motivated to leave this estate for a trip to America. For personal reasons.”

“Very well.” Ceci smiled at her. Just the fact that she wasn’t dismissing Rhiannon out of hand was remarkable to Rhiannon. She’d isolated herself so well that, until Colin, only people who enabled her seclusion were tolerated by her. She hadn’t realized that fact until now.

“Have you worked at exposure therapy?” Ceci asked.

“What’s that?”

“We’ll leave the estate together in short, gradual walks with very modest goals. Down the lane, at first. To the village, eventually.”

Ceci took a sip of tea, smiling gently at Rhiannon’s shocked expression. “You can’t expect to fly to America all at once, you know. Also...” She munched on a biscuit. “Do you have a support partner we can train? That will help immensely, especially if they can accompany you to America for your upcoming trip.”

Your upcoming trip.
Ceci did believe in her. “I have a cousin I could ask.”

“Brilliant. See if she can come over and work with us one day next week.” She gazed seriously at Rhiannon. “You’ll be taking daily, increasingly longer walks. Eventually, you’ll be doing it alone. But you’ll need support throughout this change. It’s quite a lot for a person to handle alone.”

Rhiannon had felt her muscles tensing with the fear of what Ceci described. But she
had
to let go and try the professional’s techniques. “I do have support,” she said. She had Colin, especially.

“Very good.” Ceci stood. “Shall we get started?”

* * *

O
VER THE NEXT
week and a half, Rhiannon met daily with Ceci, pushing herself as she’d never pushed herself before. The first time she stood atop the hill over the property line, staring down at the castle beside Ceci, she had to pinch herself to believe it. The medication had helped, yes, but so had the gradual work she’d been doing on her therapies.

The last time Ceci accompanied her off the estate, they walked to the fairgrounds in the village where the Highland Games had taken place. On a Tuesday midmorning, the grounds were quiet. With each step, Rhiannon told herself to breathe. She thought of the peacefulness of her secret garden. She thought of Colin. Perhaps it was the medication as well as the gradual exposure, but she made it there and back again.

For the next test, Ceci accompanied her by mobile phone. Just for a walk past the guardhouse and over the lane.

Rhiannon was in the open, alone. Her palms were damp. Her breathing a little shaky. Cecily’s voice in her ear walked through each step. Each breath.

Rhiannon took daily short walks and drives with Cecily. Much like the way she supposed Colin hit golf balls, she performed her daily drills, as well.

Always, the payoff—
her
tournament—was to surprise Colin at
his
tournament.

And then before she knew it her day was near. The plan that she and Colin had initially come up with had been a sound one: a private car, a private plane. Using the vision of “taking your secret garden into the world with you” that had so appealed to her.

During his lunch hour, she’d telephoned her brother, Malcolm, on his private mobile phone.

“Rhiannon,” he said, surprised. “I haven’t heard from you in a while. Are you getting ready for Mum and Dad to return?”

“Actually, Malcolm, I’d like you to help me again by please arranging a flight for me and Isabel to travel to Virginia on Thursday, preferably an evening flight.”

“Sure,” he said cheerfully. “I’ll order that right up for you two.”

Rhiannon realized that he thought she was joking.

“I’m serious.” She paused. “I don’t know if you were aware, but I’ve been working intensively with a private therapist. Isabel was here today with us, as well.”

“That’s...wow.” His voice seemed a bit hurt. “I didn’t know.”

“I asked Isabel not to tell you, that I wanted to tell you myself as a surprise.” She paused. “You’re still my big brother,” she said softly. “You know I’ll always love you best.”

He laughed. “I understand. You and Isabel are friends now.” His voice sounded relaxed. “I think that’s great. Really great. But hey—you want to surprise Colin at his tournament, is that it?”

“Yes. It’s his first round since the accident.”

“I know pro golf, Rhiannon,” Malcolm said. “And that’s near to impossible. You’ll never get in to see Colin on Friday—that’s cut day. There’s extensive crowd control. And why would you want to shock the hell out of him when he’s trying to concentrate at work?”

She’d thought of that last bit, actually. “His first tee time isn’t until noon on Friday—he told me so. In the morning he’ll be at the practice range.”

“Still, there’s heavy security at the official driving ranges on tournament day.”

“Maybe if I had a Secret Service agent with me,” she mused aloud.

There was a pause at the other end of the line. Malcolm seemed to be considering the idea, as well.

“That would probably work,” Malcolm said. He was silent for another moment. “Are you sure you really want to do this?”

She hadn’t discussed with Malcolm about how she’d failed the first time, and she was glad he hadn’t brought it up, even though he surely knew. She wanted to stay positive and to
believe
.

“I want it all,” she said softly. “Colin. A family with him. An estate of my own. Maybe even a gallery someday.” She smiled to herself. “Look at you and Kristin. You both live and work together. And Isabel and Jacob have meshed their lives, too.”

“Okay,” Malcolm said. “So, will you let me talk with Jacob?”

The fact that he’d asked her permission was an excellent sign. “Please do.”

An hour later, Malcolm rang her back. “You and Isabel are all set. Jacob said he can get a long weekend off. And, Rhiannon?” he coughed. “Kristy and I want to go, too, if that’s okay with you. I’ve, uh...come up with a reason to combine the trip with business so we can take the company jet.”

Her heart seemed to fill with happiness. “Thank you,” she said quietly. “I mean it. This means everything to me.”

“I’m just glad you came to me and let me help.”

“You’re welcome.” Though that was Colin’s influence.

He laughed. “Okay. Then we’re set to go.”

* * *

B
Y DINNERTIME ON
T
HURSDAY
, Rhiannon had packed a small suitcase with clothing and filled a tote bag with her sketch pad and some pencils. She dressed in jeans and a light cotton sweater, and had sat down with Paul to make sure everything was prepared and transitioned for her parents’ return on Saturday.

Paul nodded slowly, listening to her explain that she planned to stay with Colin for the next two weeks.
If he will have me,
she silently added.

“I watched you with your therapist, miss. You did very well, indeed.”

“Thank you.”

“May I help you pack?” he asked.

“Thanks, but I’m ready.” She glanced at her watch. “Malcolm should be arriving shortly.”

Paul nodded. Then he did something out of character for him. He took her hands in his and quietly met her gaze. “I do believe that you’ll make it to America this time, miss.”

She blinked at the sudden moisture that sprang up in her eyes. “I can’t tell you what that means to me.”

“Your mother will be proud of you.”

“It has been an eventful summer, hasn’t it?”

Paul inclined his head. “May we tell Jessie? She typically comes at about this time to drop off her pies or biscuits.”

Rhiannon hadn’t thought about that, but Jessie would always be family to her. “Yes, please do tell her and Jamie.”

“Very good, miss.”

Rhiannon stood and went to the front of the castle to wait for her brother.

Not long after, Jessie motored over, on her buggy, to join Rhiannon from the direction of the kitchen. “Paul told me everything. You’re very brave,” Jessie said to Rhiannon. “Well done for trying again.” She beamed at her.

“Well, your grandson is a handsome one. I couldn’t completely stay away.”

“If you make it this time, lass, then you’ll have given me a challenge to overcome my own fear of flying.”

“Colin would get a kick out of seeing you show up at a tournament of his, Jessie, I’m sure.”

Jessie leaned in and hugged her. “You’ll give him all our love, won’t you?” she whispered.

“I will,” Rhiannon said.

While they waited, a long stretch limo with black-tinted windows pulled past the guard’s gate.

“Well, that’s me,” Rhiannon said. She stood, extending the handle on her suitcase.

“You’ll be traveling in style,” Jessie remarked. “Very posh.”

“Yes, and it serves a practical purpose. People won’t be able to look inside with those dark windows.”

“Oh, aye,” Jessie agreed.

“That was Ceci’s suggestion. Speaking of which...” Rhiannon craned her neck. Ceci’s red sedan was just rounding the corner past the guard shack.

The limo came to a stop in the drive before her. Ceci pulled up right beside it.

Rhiannon went over and hugged her therapist. “Thanks for coming to see me off on my big day.”

“You have my number. Ring me whenever you wish.”

Rhiannon nodded. Breathing steadily, thinking of Colin, Rhiannon focused like a laser beam on the limo door, and without any fanfare, opened it.

She saw Jacob Ross seated inside, wearing his dark suit and special agent’s sunglasses, with closely cropped hair.

“Rhiannon,” he said, hopping out of the limo and making way for her.

“Thank you for coming to assist me,” she said simply. With dignity, taking a deep breath, she climbed inside.