Secret Lives (47 page)

“Ironically, Michael Carey, who stands to
lose the most by this turn of events, says be bears Eden no grudge.
'If it's true, then I'm worried for her. That's all I have to say
on the subject.'”

It was worse, far worse than he'd imagined.
He walked over to the table and set a tentative hand on her
shoulder. “Eden, I don't know what to say.”

She raised her hand until her fingers grasped
his, and he was relieved by her touch. She looked up at him, her
eyes huge and clear. “Make love to me,” she said.

“Now?”

“Yes.”

He looked at Cassie asleep on the sofa.
“Where?”

Eden glanced at her daughter, then looked
around the four dismal walls of the cabin until her eyes lit on the
only possible source of privacy. “The bathroom.”

He followed her into the bathroom, aware of
his own raw need for her. But it was the sex of a pornographic
movie, the kind of sex he thought a child molester might have.
Neither of them felt tender. The moment the door was closed behind
them, Eden reached for the snap on his shorts and he pushed her
T-shirt above her breasts. She leaned over the sink and he pounded
into her, her own body hammering back at him with an anger he hoped
was not meant for him. He came with a swiftness that shamed him,
leaving her far behind. The cold white light of the bathroom
suddenly hurt his eyes and he closed them to shut out the pain. He
was breathing hard as he rested his cheek on Eden's back and
slipped his hand between her legs.

“No.” She brushed his fingers away and stood
up. “I don't care.” She pulled her T-shirt down over her breasts
and lowered herself to his dingy bathroom floor, where she set her
head on her arms and began to cry. Her weeping echoed in the cold
metal and graying porcelain of the bathroom, and the walls
tightened around him. He pulled up his shorts and sat next to her,
trying to take her in his arms, but she was rigid—a jutting mass of
elbows, knees, shoulders—and impossible to get close to. He stroked
her hair, hunting for softness, then rested his hand on her hip
where her warm bare skin met the wretched linoleum of the
floor.

“Eden, please. Let's go in the other
room.”

She shook her head without lifting it from
her knees. “It's not fair,” she said.

“I know.”

“Everything was so good. I'd finally gotten
close to Lou and Kyle, I had a wonderful film to work on. I'd
fallen in love. Now it's all coming apart at the seams.” Her words
were muffled. He had to lean close to hear her.

He sat back with a sigh. “Here's what I think
you should do,” he said. She didn't raise her head, and he
continued. “Call this garbage pail newspaper. Give them an
interview. Tell them you had seen me briefly and I'd kept my past
from you. Once you found out, you were shocked and outraged. You
dropped me like a hot potato.”

She raised her face slowly and he was
unsettled by the hurt in her eyes. “Could you let go of me that
easily?” she asked.

“You've worked so hard to get where you are,
Eden. I don't want you to lose all that—your career, the Children's
Fund, the fans that love and respect you. There's no reason you
should have to pay for my problems.”

She leaned her head back against the wall and
he saw determination replace the pain in her eyes. “I'm not going
to let the media run my life, Ben.” She wiped her cheeks with the
back of her hand. “I've had a good career. I've had fame and money.
I've had the Children's Fund. But what I've never had”—she reached
out and touched his cheek, let her fingers linger there for a
moment—”is someone like you.”

–
41–

She refused to take any phone calls the next
day at Lynch Hollow, and Kyle finally asked Michael and Nina not to
call again. “Eden will call you when she wants to talk,” he said,
and she was grateful and guilty for his intervention.

But then Wayne called. It was ten o'clock,
too late for him to be calling to speak with Cassie. Eden took the
phone from Kyle's hand and waited until he had left the kitchen
before sitting down at the table, steeling herself for whatever the
next few minutes would bring.

“Hi, Wayne,” she said.

“Eden. What the hell have you gotten yourself
into?”

She sighed. “He's innocent, Wayne. The paper
blew the whole thing out of proportion.”

“Look, Eden, I'm trying to stay calm about
this. I'm trying to stay rational. But I did some checking on this
guy. I have a friend who knew the prosecuting attorney on his case.
The man's an abomination, Eden. What he put his kid through…Are you
letting Cassie around him?”

“Cassie is fine. She's having a great
time.”

“Do you know what that pig did to his
daughter?”

“His name is Ben, Wayne. And I know what he
was accused of doing. I also know he didn't do it.”

“Oh, I see. You know more than the judge and
jury. Eden, please listen to me. My friend says Alexander is a
pathological liar. On the surface he comes across like a great guy.
Sincere. Honest as the day is long. But he has no morals. He's not
capable of caring about anyone but himself.”

“You wouldn't say that if you knew him and
knew how much he loves his daughter.”

“Eden, Jesus Christ! He abused his daughter.
Not just once, either.”

“I don't see the point in continuing this
conversation.”

Wayne was quiet for a moment. “I think this
is all my fault somehow. I didn't handle the divorce very well and
I guess it was harder for you than I realized. Maybe you're
desperate or—”

“Don't flatter yourself, Wayne. I'm not
desperate.”

“Well, my main concern—and I hope yours as
well—is Cassie's welfare. If you insist on seeing this jerk you'll
have to send her back to me.”

“Forget it. You had her for an entire month.
She's mine now. And she's perfectly happy here.”

“I don't want her around him, Eden. If you
don't send her back voluntarily I'll go back to court. I'll get her
easily—you can see that, can't you? Your judgment is obviously out
of line.”

She squeezed the phone cord between her
fingers as though she could shut him up if she pressed hard
enough.

“Does Kyle condone you seeing this guy?”

“Kyle knows he's innocent.”

“You've all lost your minds. Let me talk to
Kyle.”

“No. I don't want to drag him into—”

“Look, Eden, I'll give you the weekend to
think about this before I do anything. But keep him away from
Cassie, do you hear me?”

“Yes.”

She hung up and within a few seconds the
phone rang again. She heard Kyle pick it up in the living room,
heard his muffled end of the conversation and knew he was talking
to Wayne. She went upstairs to check on Cassie, who was smiling in
her sleep. Eden sat on the edge of the folding bed and smoothed the
hair back from her daughter's cheek. If she thought for an instant
Cassie was at risk, she would never see Ben again. Never. Surely
Wayne knew that.

She met Kyle in the kitchen. "I hate to ask
you to do this, Kyle, but could you keep an eye on Cassie? She's
sound asleep and I need to see Ben. I won't be long.”

“All right.” Kyle switched on the porch light
and walked her outside. “That was Wayne on the phone. He's very
serious, Eden. I wish I could say you should stick by Ben, but he's
going to cost you, honey. He's going to cost you a lot.”

Eden spun around to face him. “And what do
you think it would cost me to make a movie about my mother screwing
her brother?”

Kyle looked as though he'd been stung. “We
were cousins,” be said, quietly, weakly, and he turned to walk back
into the house.

She took a step after him. “Kyle, I'm sorry.
I—” She jumped as the screen door slammed closed on her
apology.

Ben was nearly asleep when his phone
rang.

“Is this Ben Alexander?” It was a male voice,
sharp and unfamiliar.

“Yes.”

“This is Wayne Cramer. Eden Riley's
ex-husband.”

Ben sat up. He had not expected this phone
call. Perhaps he should have. “Yes?”

“I just spoke with Eden. I explained to her
that if she intends to continue seeing you, I'll fight to get our
daughter back. And I'll win.”

Ben shut his eyes. No doubt he would win. No
doubt at all. “Well,” he said, “I guess if I knew the little about
me that you know, I'd feel the same way,” he said. “But I can
assure you Cassie's safe. She's a wonderful kid and—”

“Oh, Christ, don't you fucking dare tell me
about my daughter. If you touch her, I swear I'll kill you.”

Ben knew this man's anguish. He knew his
fear. “Wayne, I know you think I'm guilty, but I'm not. I
understand how you feel because I feel the same way. I worry that
someone else might have hurt my daughter and I think about that day
and night. That person might still be around her and I can't—”

“Look, I just want you to know that Eden's
going to lose Cassie along with everything else. Are you worth
that?”

Ben swallowed. “No one's worth that,” he
said, but he heard the phone slam down at the other end as Wayne
Cramer hung up on him.

He was sitting on his porch when Eden pulled
into the clearing.

“What are you doing here?” he asked as she
sat down next to him on the bench.

“I needed to see you, but I thought you'd be
asleep. Why are you outside?”

“Thinking.” He set his hand on her back,
played with the ends of her hair. “You asked Kyle and Lou to
sit?”

“I had to. Wayne just called me.” She sounded
disgusted. “He read the paper, I guess, and he's worried about
Cassie.”

“He'd be a lousy father if he weren't.” He
wrapped a strand of her hair around his finger, watched how it
caught the glow of his porch light. “He called me, too, Eden.”

“Oh, no.” She turned to look at him. “I'm
sorry, Ben.”

“He's going to try to get Cassie back.”

“Let him try. I have a wonderful lawyer.”

“Listen to me, Eden. I know from experience
that this is a very difficult thing to fight.”

She shook her head. “I think he's bluffing.
He's just all wound up right now. He talked to someone close to the
case who said you were a pathological liar and a horrendous human
being, so he's convinced that's what you are. The fact that I know
different means nothing to him.”

“No. I'm sure it doesn't.”

She sighed. “For the moment, I'd like to
pretend there's nothing wrong.”

“I'm not sure I can do that.”

“Please, Ben? Could we dance?”

He laughed. “Dance?”

“Are you too tired?”

“No.” He stood up. He would go along with
her, whatever she wanted.

Once he was holding her, moving to the music,
he understood what she was trying to do. She wanted to recapture
the early moments of their relationship when there had been so
little to worry about, but she couldn't relax. He felt her
agitation beneath his arms.

“Let's just make love,” she said, pulling
away from him. She took his hand and led him to the bed. He let her
undress him, let her discover for herself that his body could offer
her no escape tonight. “Oh Ben,” she nearly wailed in her
disappointment. “I need to feel connected to you.”

“Come here.” He pulled her down into his arms
and she wrapped her leg over him as if she was struggling to get as
close to him as she could.

“Ben?”

“Yes?” Her hair brushed against his cheek as
she raised her head to look at him.

“Have you ever lied to me?” she asked.

He thought for a moment. “Maybe through
omission, in those days after we first met and I didn't want to
tell you about Bliss. I might have told a few white lies then for
the same reason. I don't remember.”

She sighed and shifted closer to him as
though satisfied by his answer, but he was disturbed. Have you ever
lied to me? It was the first seed of doubt he'd seen in her.
Creeping in. Creeping between them. She no longer completely
trusted him.

–
42–

Kyle and Lou left for New York the following
day. Kyle didn't bother to say good-bye to Eden as he got behind
the wheel of the Jeep, and his wordless anger, his wounded pride,
felt like a weight on her chest as she watched them pull out of the
Lynch Hollow driveway.

She and Ben—and Cassie—had the house to
themselves for two days and one night. They spent the morning
cleaning the downstairs and weeding the garden, avoiding any
discussion about Wayne and the problem that loomed over them.

In the afternoon they drove to Coolbrook Park
to let Cassie ride the ponies that had suddenly appeared in town.
Cassie barely waited for Ben to park the car before she flew out
the door and over to the makeshift ring someone had set up next to
the parking lot. There were three ponies. Horses, actually.
Tired-looking. Swaybacked and thin. They tromped around in a circle
led by glassy-eyed teenagers.

Cassie was jumping up and down by the time
Eden and Ben caught up with her. “Can I go on the yellow one?” she
asked.

“Sure.” Ben took a bill out of his pocket and
gave it to the girl holding the reins of the aging blond stallion.
Eden sat down on a bench to watch as Ben lifted Cassie onto the
horse, and she knew she was seeing her entire world in that moment.
The smile on Ben's face as he raised Cassie into the air and the
excitement in Cassie's eyes as she hugged the saddle with her
little nut-brown legs filled the universe. She could not live
without either of these things.

Wayne, please, please don't do this.

Cassie clung to the horn with great
concentration and an uncertain grin. When the horse started to
move, she let out a little scream. She looked wobbly in the saddle
and Ben walked next to her, steadying her with his hand on the seat
of her pink shorts. Eden's smile faded. She wished he'd move that
hand. He could achieve the same result with his hand on her back,
couldn't he? He was talking to Cassie, looking up at her as they
trudged slowly around the dirt track. When they returned to the
ring entrance, Ben lifted Cassie off the horse and his hands
slipped under her shirt as he set her on the ground.