All of that aside, I was still processing. Riding the euphoric highs while trying to shove away the devastating lows. A low that was inadvertently thrown back in my face like a cold glass of ice water as Bobby gingerly pulled himself out of me and walked into my bathroom to presumably dispose of the condom.
Complete and utter shock. What happened to nothing between us ever again? Emotional pain at his subconscious need to keep barriers to protect himself from me stung. The remnants from the physical pleasure were draining away as the toilet flushed and he walked back into the room, climbed onto the bed and collapsed onto his back. Shoving both of his hands under my armpits, he hauled me up until he had me where he wanted me, sprawled across his chest. I would have complained, but the position gave me the perfect opportunity to hide my face as well as the tears traveling down it, from him.
He’d talked a good game about us working through this, but the reality was that he was keeping some space between us. Throwing defenses up around his heart and not truly letting me in, to protect himself from me. Proof positive that I’d been right when I’d said we were just going to hurt each other. I could see the heart breaking outcome on the horizon; however, I wasn’t going to stop trying because Bobby was right.
I owed him a chance.
Bobby
Three days later…
Leaving Belle naked in bed at three o’clock in the morning sucked. Big time. Especially when it was because I had to drag my ass halfway across town to my empty hotel room to
get ready for my shift. It was my job, though, and I still loved my job even with the new complications of what it meant to have a family. I’d just started down the hallway towards my room when another door opened and a lean figure slipped out noiselessly. That door belonged to Declan’s room. The body coming out of that door did not belong to my best friend. It belonged to my girl’s best friend.
Teagan had a serious case of bed-head, her t-shirt was on inside out, her jeans were unbuttoned and she was holding her socks and tennis shoes in her hand. Holy flaming monkey balls. Declan had slept with Teagan. This was a case of complete and utter FUBAR.
Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition.
How in the holy hell had that redheaded troublemaker managed to sleep with the one person she knew would bug the living shit out of me, when as far as I knew, she hadn’t even met him yet?
Normally, Declan’s active sex life was no concern of mine. My boy liked to love up on women and he liked to do it often. As in everyday of the week that ended in ‘Y.’ This time, though… well, this time his booty call could cause me problems of epic proportions. Hell hath no fury like a pissed off Belle. Screw the scorned woman, Belle was much scarier.
More than likely, Teagan had gone out of her way to intentionally seek out Declan after Belle had mentioned him in front of her last night when asking me if I’d like to invite him to dinner. I’d told her that we’d invite the boys over for dinner another night and I was glad I’d done so because the entire night had ended up being a slow, torture session for me due to Teagan’s dirty looks.
Normally, I wouldn’t care if someone wanted to shoot me death glares, but this time it had bugged the ever living shit out of me because she was doing it in front of Seth and I couldn’t say anything to her without making a scene. After that awkward dinner that was filled with enough tension that it was obvious to both Belle and Seth that Teagan hated my guts—so much so that she wouldn’t spit on me if I was on fire—I really should stay out of this. That didn’t stop my internal debate on whether I should point out the obvious problems to her getting naked with Declan, or if I should stay quiet and hope for the best.
I watched as she silently closed the door, then proceeded to walk down the hallway, passing me standing there—obviously watching her, not saying a word to me as she goes by—and headed towards the stairs at the end of the hallway that lead to the second floor.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I hissed.
She stopped, turned around to face me, and gave me an annoyed look. “I’m short on time here, Baker, so you’ll have to hurry up this little fit you’re obviously about to throw and skip to the part where you tell me what you think I’ve done wrong.”
“Are you throwing attitude at me after coming out my boy’s room doing the walk of shame? Is that what’s going on here?”
Teagan smirked. “Walk of shame isn’t the term I like to use because I’ve done nothing to be ashamed of. I prefer to call it the stride of pride. I promise you, your boy has never had it so good and won’t be forgetting me anytime soon. I left my mark on him. Literally. In several places. Now if we’re done with this little talk, I’ve got things to do.”
She started to turn away from me when I snapped, “Tell me this is some God-awful coincidence. For the love of all that’s holy, please tell me that you didn’t actually track down my buddy just to piss me off.”
She cocked an eyebrow and shot me a ‘Well, aren’t you SPECIAL’ condescending look.
“You don’t think it’s a bad idea for you to be playing naked twister with Declan when the two of you are bound to run into each other down the road now that Belle and I are back together? You’re Seth’s godmother for fuck’s sake! You just bumped uglies with the man that I plan to make his godfather! Have you no shame, woman? What if this causes problems down the road?”
Her smirk turned into a full-fledged sardonic grin. “Now, why would that be a problem? It’s not like I’m asking him to put a ring on my finger. Bottom line, you fucked with my best friend, now I’ve fucked with yours. Seriously, this conversation has been, oh so fun, but I have to go now. I’ve got a flight to catch back to base. But since you’re standing here without Belle to give me dirty looks for what I’m about to say, though, let me get it out of my system. You break her heart again and I’ll break your face.”
“That’s it? That’s all you’ve got for a threat? How very high school of you. I expected more from you since you’re a big bad Marine now.”
“The fact that I’m a big bad Marine now shouldn’t have you questioning my threat to break your face. It should have you asking how I plan on breaking it. Bone by bone with the butt of my rifle while you’re tied up and helpless comes to mind.”
Without another word Teagan disappeared up the stairs towards her room. Since things were so strained between us, I couldn’t help being relieved that she was leaving to go back to wherever she was stationed because, according to what she’d told Belle earlier that night while they were having dinner, she had “shit to do.” When she’d said that, I’d had the overwhelming urge to thank God for ‘her shit’ and the fact that she had to leave to see to it. I’d find a way to smooth things over with Teagan later. Right now, I had to concentrate on solidifying my relationships with Belle and Seth.
Shaking my head at the run in with the crazy redhead, I finally made it to my room. As I showered, shaved and prepped for the day, it gave me time to reflect. Things for the past few days had been good. I’d had day shifts, doing surveillance on the Big Bull Bar, which gave me the opportunity to spend time with Seth after he came home from school and football practice. After Seth went to bed at night, Belle and I spent time in her bedroom behind a locked door. Maybe having a shitload of sex wasn’t the answer to our problems, but at least we spent time cuddling afterwards in order to connect on other intimate levels. As we lay there, I would ask her to tell me things about her and Seth over the last fifteen years. At first, she was hesitant to talk about them; afraid that it would cause me to become upset again over what I’d missed out on, but eventually, she became more forth-coming with answers when she saw that I was able to keep my cool.
She told me little, happy things, like the fact that Seth’s first birthday cake was covered in blue icing that ended up making him look like the cookie monster after he face planted himself in the middle of the cake. She told me funny things, like how she’d found out about Seth’s first kiss with his first girlfriend when he was thirteen because the boy hadn’t realized he was supposed to wipe off the lipstick before he came home. Belle also told me things to make me proud, like the fact that Seth was a straight A student, always had been, and this was just one of the many things that had always reminded her of me while she was raising our son.
What she did not do was tell me about herself. Even when I asked her direct questions about herself, she found polite ways to deflect them. At first this bothered me because it was obvious she was holding back. Then, it bothered me because I started to wonder what she was holding back. Had she been out there dating every man she could get her hands on in the hopes that she could find a temporary someone so she wouldn’t feel so alone? If that was the case, had she been stupid enough to parade those men in front of my son? I’d started to work myself up into a serious snit about what was floating through my head.
Last night, when I asked her why she wouldn’t talk to me about it, she’d immediately become very quiet. For a few seconds, I’d thought to myself, This has to be proof positive that my woman had been out parading herself when she should have had her ass at home taking care of our boy. I was quickly put in my place when her soft, almost embarrassed voice, finally did answer.
“I don’t answer your questions, Bobby, because there’s not much to tell. During my pregnancy and for a little over a year after Seth was born, I was way too busy to have a life. Getting prepared to have a baby is no joke and I was so lucky to have the help of Miss Reba. There were also the college classes she’d enrolled me in. Just after starting my second year of classes, Miss Reba told me to go out and live a little once in a while. She wanted me to date and feel like the young woman I was supposed to be. So, I went out on a handful of dates while she watched Seth at home, but nothing ever happened with any of them.”
She swallowed, her facial features becoming tight with strain, and then her small voice said, “I was still hurting over you. Then, Miss Reba was sick, the days felt never ending between taking care of Seth and trying to help the woman who had helped me so very much. How she pushed herself to live long enough to see me get that degree, I’ll never know. I’ll love her forever for it. After she passed, life was a blur. When you’re a parent, days flow in and out quickly and, before you know it, an entire year has gone by. Eventually, I started dating again, but there were never any serious relationships because I just couldn’t open myself up to them.”
She hesitated for a few seconds before she said, “It seemed cruel to let a man develop feelings for me when I knew they would never be returned. You were the love of my life, even if I couldn’t have you. So I get that you’re curious about our lives, but I don’t want to talk about any past relationships or the lack of them. Just like I don’t want to hear about yours. We may have felt the need to fill our lonely nights, but that doesn’t mean I want to hear about all the women you let into your bed because you’d pushed me out of it.”
Yeah, after that talk, I felt about two feet tall. Or shorter. What was really telling about the incident was not that I’d had to badger Belle for answers. Or that when she did answer me, it was an answer that would rightfully make me feel like a douchebag. No, what was stuck in my head was that I’d automatically assumed the worst of her when she refused to answer me. Almost as if I wanted her to be guilty of some kind of crime that I could punish her for.
This kind of thinking was not conducive to the theory that I was working towards a happy ending with my family. It was more like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Bracing myself for when she did something else to hurt me. That was no way to rebuild a loving relationship with a woman that you hypothetically wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Apparently, I still had shit to sort out in my head. I’d have to sort it out later, though, because it was time to strap on my boots and get to work.
Annabelle
Later that afternoon…
“So, do you think Aunt Teagan totally hates him, Mom?”
Rubbing a hand across my forehead, I gave a weary sigh. “Hate’s such a strong word…”
He nodded his head. “Right. Because Aunt T only gives people she loves looks that could eviscerate them.”
Staring back at my son in a small state of shock, I asked, “Eviscerate, Seth?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Coach has us doing this stupid word-a-day thing. Says he’s trying to expand our vocabulary. That was one of last week’s words.”
Still unable to stop staring at my fourteen-year-old son, I asked, “What are some of the other words?”
“Annihilate, decimate, eradicate, obliterate—”
“Let me guess, Coach still doesn’t have a new girlfriend since the last one dumped him when she said he was too obsessed with football?”
“Yup.”
“Man, he needs to get laid.”
“Mom!”
The look of horror on his face was comical. Not bothering to hide my laughter, I asked, “What?”
He turned away from me and headed to his room, muttering something about needing therapy and bleach for his brain to wipe out the images I’d put there. As his door closed, my cell phone rang.
The display said it was Boyd calling and, since it’s our day off, that can only mean that something had happened with the case. “What’s happening, Boyd?”