Secret Worlds (267 page)

They had both been broken by loss those many years ago. He by the slaughter of his family, and by the time he’d spent alone atoning
for a sin he thought he’d committed. And she by the loss of her daughters and her home. But that didn’t make him any less hers.

She realized now that she’d hurt him as much as he’d hurt her, perhaps more. He hadn’t respected her will, but she had abandoned him without an explanation, leaving him to wonder and mourn for millennia.

I was selfish
. Noble and well intentioned, and she wouldn’t take back her actions, but selfish all the same. Though wasn’t that always the way of it? Fighting for a great cause could lead one to neglect the details. Like the people around you who were still alive. Like the strong, beautiful man standing across from her. His bravery and self-sacrifice awed her.

With their wounds laid bare, their sins stood between them like an impassable lake of pain they continued to fill with buckets full of more. There was only one way across.

“I’m sorry, Cadan.” Tears burned her eyes. “Truly. For what she took away from you by not saying good-bye. She was brave and her cause was just. But I’m sorry for not saying good-bye. For the hurt it caused you.”

***

It felt as if something large and hard was lodged in Cadan’s throat. He hadn’t thought he needed Diana’s apology. Or that he would agree with her.

He was ashamed to admit it, but when he truly thought about it, when Diana
made
him think about it, he’d cared for Boudica, but not in the way he should have. He’d still been reeling from the pain of losing his own family, had been running toward redemption or forgiveness or death. Which it should be, he hadn’t known or cared. Boudica had become his solace, a woman who’d been as betrayed by life as he had and had given him something to fight for again.
If he could just protect her
. On the eve of the final battle, he’d been overcome by the fear of losing her.

He scrubbed a hand over his face. Christ, she was right. He’d wanted to protect her, true, but more out of a desire to save himself. To prove that he could. He’d wanted to protect her, but she’d wanted to fight, wanted her vengeance. Wanted to protect her daughters, even if it was only their memories, by killing the man who had taken their young lives. As he wanted to do for her. Could he begrudge her that? His fear, which had made him take her choice from her, was the same fear that had driven her so many years ago.

He hadn’t seen it then, had been blinded by his past. After her death, he’d buried his head in the sand. Thinking about it had only made him ill. But he could see it, now that he’d heard her perspective. It had taken nearly two thousand years, and Diana, to make him see that it hadn’t been his choice to make.

He’d been so caught up in his own pain that he hadn’t thought about hers. She’d been their leader, their queen, but above that, she had been the woman he loved.

“I—”
Keep going.
“I’m sorry.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “You’re right. And it’s something that I could only realize when I heard it from you. In my head, I just couldn’t have that perspective. I was a product of my upbringing, and then of my own fear. I took your choice from you, and I shouldn’t have. I’m—sorry.”

Cadan stood, not daring to move, possibly unable to, as his words hung in the air. He’d never been able to think of the past in that way. She began to walk toward him, and his heartbeat drummed in his ears. Diana stopped inches from his chest and reached up and laid her palm on the side of his face.

“You’ll never do that again, right? You’ll let me fight my own battles, and never take the choice from me even when it’s a hard one to make?”

“I won’t.” And as he said the words, he realized that they were true. “You’re the only one who can do this, and I’m behind you. ‘Til the end. I was so afraid to lose you again, but I realize now that I’ve got no control over it.”

As much as it tortured him not to do everything in his power to protect her, taking the decision from her had been wrong. Looking down at her, he saw a woman who had changed drastically from the shy mouse he’d thought she was. A sense of assurance pervaded her being now. She had the courage and the skill needed to face her demons. And like Boudica, the wisdom to do what was right. They would fight side by side, and only fate could determine the outcome.

“We’ll help each other,” she said. “I’m not stupid and my pride isn’t going to get in the way of my taking any help I can get. And it’s your help I want.”

He reached out and crushed her to him. “Thank you,” he whispered into her hair. He lifted his head and asked, “Do you think Boudica would have forgiven me?”

“I don’t know. But I do, and she is me. Maybe it’s my life experiences that allow me to.”

He squeezed her tight. It didn’t take away the pain of the lost years, but it helped him now.

They stood, wrapped in each other, as rain began to patter on the roof above. His heart squeezed in his chest, but he spoke no words of love, and neither did she. What had formed between them was too new, too raw, and too much to process for more words. Something deep and intricate tied them together; forgiveness and understanding had created a bridge over the lake of pain.

“I need you.” Her voice was ragged, desperate.

He groaned as he bent down to take her mouth, hauling her up against him until he could feel all the curves and hollows of her body pressed to his. Her lips were soft and sweet, warm beneath his as they parted on a sigh to accept his tongue.

He fisted his hand in her hair, holding her steady so that he could explore her mouth, half afraid that she would change her mind.

It was too late now. There was no saving himself the pain of losing her. If he lost her, he’d be broken, his heart finally torn apart once and for all. He gripped her tighter, running his tongue along hers and nipping her lower lip.

Her arms clutched him fiercely as a desperate energy drew them together.

She clouded his mind with her soft body, scent, and the small noises she’d begun to make as he slipped his hand beneath the back of her shirt.

She tore her mouth away from his and whispered, “Your bed. Take me to your bed.”

He swept her up into his arms. Her soft mouth found the side of his neck, her tongue dancing along his skin.

Thunder boomed. He strode across the wide wooden floor as lightning lit the interior of his flat from the windows and skylights above. Lightning continued to illuminate the room as the streetlamps from below cast a soft, steady glow through the windows.

He reached his bed and gently set her down. She rose to her knees on the mattress, the waves of honey-red hair falling from the band she’d tied around it. Her eyes were hot as she began to pull at his shirt.

“Take it
off
,” she demanded.

“All right, my eager Diana.” He smiled as he yanked the shirt over his head. He began to unbuckle his belt, pausing to watch appreciatively as she undid the buttons of her conservative blouse.

His breath caught as she peeled the cream silk back and revealed an expanse of lightly freckled skin. Her breasts swelled out of a pale bra, her nipples hard and visible through the lace. She slipped the silk blouse off her shoulders and it fluttered to the bed behind her.

His eyes were riveted on her as she unbuttoned her slacks to reveal matching lace. He caught sight of the fiery curls visible beneath the lace and his cock throbbed painfully against his pants. He dragged them over his aching shaft and was naked in seconds.

He wanted her. Needed
her. Now.

Once she was clad in nothing but the lace, he stalked toward her, reaching around her waist and lifting her up so that he could lay her upon her back. He climbed atop her, settling himself between her thighs, and they both gasped at the contact.

She was hot and soft and made for him.

“You’re more beautiful than anything I could imagine.” He gazed at her in awe. She smiled tremulously, as if she were nervous. Good—she should be nervous. He bit her earlobe and growled low, “I am going to torture you, my love, the same way that you tortured me. Until you are hot and desperate and aching, I am going to torture you. And even when you beg me, I might no’ give you what you desire. At least, no’ then.”

She gasped and he grinned at the sound, delighting in the way her eyes widened.

He began by tracing kisses down her neck, stopping briefly to bite her gently at the curve he knew excited her so much, and was rewarded by a moan and a shudder as he laved the spot with his tongue.

Impatient, she arched against him, rubbing her body along his to make him move faster. He chuckled low in his throat, content to let this game play out. This was their first time together, their
real
first time, and he was going to make her cry out and beg and tremble beneath him. He wanted her to come so many times she forgot who she was.

He needed to make this even. Needed to know that she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

He trailed his mouth lower, slowly massaging one lush hip with his hand and slipping his fingers beneath the waistband of her panties as he leaned on his other hand.

He pressed his mouth to the curve of her left breast. When she moaned and squirmed beneath him, he unclipped the bra and kissed each of her nipples, stroking them with his tongue until they were shining and wet.

“Please, Cadan.”

“Please what?” His shaft dragged against the bed as he moved lower, the friction from the bedding making him grit his teeth and groan low in his throat. He didn’t know how long he could last in this little game, with her writhing and begging beneath him.

“Please,” she panted, arching her hips off the bed.

His face hovered above her center, and the rich, sweet scent of her filled his nose.

“Please touch me.”

“Here?” he asked, as he kissed her low on her stomach. He stroked the soft skin with his tongue, nipping gently when she squirmed beneath him. He reached up and grasped the low waistband of her panties, dragging them down a mere inch so that he could press kisses along the top of the curls that were barely covered.

“Lower.”

“Part your pretty thighs for me, Diana.”

She didn’t hesitate, letting her thighs fall apart.

“Farther,” he rasped, and with both hands, he spread them wide. He raised one hand and laid his thumb against her clitoris and began to stroke, teasing her, and occasionally slipping beneath the edge of her panties.

“Please,” she cried out. “You’re torturing me.”

“That’s the point, now, isn’t it?”

Her pussy was wet now, the lace damp. He continued to press kisses along the edges of her panties, but even that was becoming too much for him. He had to taste her. Sink his tongue into her flesh and feel her quiver against him as she had in his fantasies.

His control was slipping.

Cadan yanked her panties down and threw them off the bed. He gripped her ass in his hands and pulled her to him, draping her thighs over his shoulders. He sank his tongue into her flesh, parting the soft pink folds and dragging his tongue up to the cluster of nerves at the apex. She was more than he’d dreamed she would be.

Perfect. She tasted perfect. She was his. He’d see to it. He’d mark her mind and her soul tonight so that she never forgot it.

***

Diana’s hips arched up off the bed at the first touch of his mouth. Pleasure raced up her spine as his tongue stroked her.

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God
.

Diana squirmed beneath the onslaught of Cadan’s mouth, his hands firm on her ass and his tongue plunging into her sex. She shuddered beneath him, overwhelmed by the vulnerability of being held so tightly by such a huge man while he played her body with his mouth.

Hot. So hot.

Not just the feeling of his tongue, which felt like magic running back up to her clitoris and making chills and heat break out alternately along her body, but the feeling of being helpless beneath him as he took her toward orgasm.

She could push him off and climb on top, but she didn’t want to. Not now. She liked the feeling of him positioning her body, looking at her with hot eyes, and stroking his tongue along her sex.

“You’re going to come for me,” he growled against her, and she swore she could feel the vibration of his gravelly voice.

Yes
. He flicked his tongue against her clitoris repeatedly and she fisted her hands in the sheets. She pressed herself against his mouth.

“Please.” Her voice shuddered.

“Please what?” He gave one long lick. “You’re going to have to tell me what you need.”

Her cheeks burned briefly. She couldn’t believe she was doing this. But the need was too great to be ignored. “I need you,” she panted, “inside me.”

She looked down to see him grin up at her. “You’ll come against my mouth,” he told her, and then bent his head back to her.

This is happening. This is happening.
She gasped as she felt his fingers against her. He slipped one inside her, gently but inexorably pushing forward, and her hips jerked as he curled his finger upward to rub against the sensitive pad of nerves. It was hot and rough and delicious, and as he laved her clitoris with his tongue, he began to push a second finger inside her.

“Gods, you feel good,” he said.

He sounded pained, and she wanted to fix that, but more than anything she wanted him to put his mouth back on her.

All thought left her head when she felt his mouth again and he began to thrust his fingers. Her breath strangled in her throat as she felt the orgasm begin to coil in her core. Her thighs trembled uncontrollably as it broke through her.

She writhed, eyes blind, as it wracked her body and Cadan worked her through it.
Too much.
Her legs fell apart weakly when it was over, but rather than rise up away from her, Cadan set back in against her sex.

“No.” She tried to push him away. “I want you inside me.”

“You’re no’ finished.”

He bent to her again, his tongue both rough and soft, and she jerked as it swept over her sex. He pinned her down until she began to clench around his fingers, this orgasm more powerful than the last. By the time it had faded, she was panting and desperate for him.