Secrets 01 Secrets in the Attic (22 page)

"That he came into your room at night."
"Her room," she corrected.
"Her room. That he groped her and then he forced himself on her, especially when her mother wasn't around."
"Didn't she tell her mother about all this?"
"She said she tried, but her mother wouldn't listen, and she was afraid the more she pushed it, the more her mother would think she was only trying to turn her against Harry. She said her mother even ignored him being violent. I did see a bruise on her arm one morning, and she wouldn't talk about it. She acted as if she was ashamed about it. Oh. That's when you told me about your headaches . . ."
"She told you."
"She told me, and she even went to the nurse because of them. I already told them that, but now I'm telling them why."
"Exactly. Perfect. So, there it is. Simple. You can't give any more detail than that, Zipporah. Nothing to it, really. Just tell it like you just told it to me, and that's it. It will be my mother's problem after that. She'll be the one under suspicion. They won't accept her denials and her see-no-evil, hear-no-evil routine. The nurse will confirm I was in her office. The right amount of suspicion will be raised. And if I know this town, it will leak out eventually, and the chatterboxes will be open. Darlene will speed up her departure, believe me," she added. "It's just a matter of a little more time."
She did make it sound so simple, so matter-offact and predictable. From where did she get such confidence? She should be more frightened and nervous than I was. She smiled, and then she yawned and stretched.
"I'm tired," she said. "It's been a long day. You must be exhausted, too, considering what you've been through. Let's both get some sleep."
She started for the door and stopped. "I heard your father say your brother was coming home earlier than expected. What was that bit about a new car?"
"My father's bought a sports car?'
"That you'll be able to drive; too, after you have your license?"
"Yes."
She stood there, thinking. I could see the envy washing through her face.
"And your brother will be here soon," she said, almost in a whisper to herself.
"Yes, he will. What will we do about that?"
She snapped back to attention. "Nothing. If we kept it all from your parents, why shouldn't we be able to keep it from him) Besides, he's not going to lie around the house, is he? He's supposed to go to work with your father's agency, right?"
"Right," I said.
"So there," she said, and opened the door.
"But how much longer can we do this, risk your being discovered?" I asked.
She thought a moment. "The house will protect me," she said.
"What?"
"Remember? Lucy Doral killed her husband in this house, and the house kept the secret."
She laughed silently and then slipped out the door. I watched her practically float up the stairway to the attic. She was that quiet. She opened and closed the door with as much noise as a breeze blowing through, and moments later, she was one with the darkness above and gone just like a dream.
Below, my father was laughing at something he had heard and seen on television. I didn't know what he was watching. I never paid much attention to it.
But Karen knew.
She was more of a member of this family than I had ever imagined she could be.
Fatigued and drowning in many emotions, I prepared for bed and cuddled my pillow. All I wanted to do was escape into that world of dreams where everything real was excluded and everything unpleasant was soon forgotten. A little while later, I vaguely sensed my father had come up to bed himself and peeked in to see me. He turned off a light I had forgotten to turn off, fixed my blanket the way he used to when I was a little girl, and then just touched my cheek as if he wanted to be sure I was really still there. I didn't open my eyes, but I could see him standing there, gazing down at me, a soft, somewhat sad smile written on his face.
All parents knew that someday, their children wouldn't be there; they'd be gone to become parents themselves or to find their way in the world, and what was once real to our fathers and mothers would be like a dream to them. We'd all become ghost children.
Could Karen's mother really be happy now? Was there a degree of selfishness so high that she or anyone like her could tolerate the absence of her child, her daughter? For people like that, children were only burdens. They didn't come from within, but in their minds, they were rained down upon them in a storm of divine wrath, perhaps as punishment for past sins or lust.
I couldn't imagine what it was like to be Karen now, to think of yourself as a form of punishment, never to be appreciated. She used her bitterness and anger to cloak her sadness. I imagined her alone, sobbing in the darkness above me, now that I couldn't see. Instead of cuddling with a pillow and hoping for candy 'dreams, she was clinging to herself, afraid to let go all night, afraid she would merely come apart and become like the artifacts and antiques stored away and forgotten in the attic.
What could be more pathetic than a nest without eggs, without birds?
Either I imagined it, or my father whispered, "Good night, Zipper."
That made me think of Jesse, and suddenly, I was no longer afraid or troubled by his homecoming. Maybe I would confide in him He would find a solution, I thought. After all, he was my big brother, and somehow, because we were closer in age than I was with my parents, I now felt I could have a greater reliance on him. He would be more understanding, compassionate, and forgiving.
My father slipped out of my room and closed the door softly.
Darkness took me, a willing prisoner, and morning came like an uninvited rescuer, but I could do little about it. Sunshine unraveled the day as if it were rolling out a rug of fire upon which I had to walk. I feared so much that awaited me: Dana Martin at school whispering to his friends while they looked my way, the police detective waiting for me in the police station, Karen's mother looking at me with anger and distaste, and my own parents wondering just how much more entangled in all this I really was and, therefore, they really were.
I searched my mirror for the proper mask, a face to put on that would hide my tension and guilt.
But all I could see was the face I had as a little girl, alone and desperate, full of worry, searching, reaching, depending on the strong hands of my parents and waiting to be grasped.
Too soon, I feared, I had let go.

My father decided to take me to school the next morning, and during the ride, he tried very hard to keep the conversation between us happy and light, talking about the new car, Jesse's impending return, the upcoming summer months, some ideas he had for little excursions to lakes and even to New England, maybe Cape Cod, before the summer ended. Listening to him go on and on about the things we could do as a family, I almost did forget all that had happened.

Unfortunately, the moment we pulled up to a stop in the school parking lot, I saw Dana Martin getting out of his car. He barely glanced my way, hOwever, and a moment later was trading playful punches with some of his buddies. Before he reached the building, he joined his most recent girlfriend, Lois Morris, and put his arm around her shoulders. She didn't push him away. Instead, she laid her head against his shoulder. It was as if they had never stopped being together. For a split second, I felt like some sort of time traveler who was now thrown back to an earlier period. I'd find

Karen inside, and everything that had happened would dissolve like a bad dream.
Just before I stepped out of the car, my father touched my arm to turn me back.
"I might be busy today, Zipporah, and if I can't make it back early enough, I'm putting off your interview with the police. They know I insist on being there. It might not happen today. I know you'd like to get it over with quickly, but my court schedule is such that . ."
"That's all right. Whenever," I tossed back at him, as if it was of very little concern.
He smiled. "That's great. That's my girl. Take it all in stride. It will all be over sooner than you think."
I gave him the best smile of confidence I could manage and headed for the building. Just as I hoped and anticipated, Dana continued to ignore me the rest of the day. For one second, I thought I caught him glaring angrily my way, but he waved to someone behind me, and that was that. I kept to myself the entire day. Even Sally was off talking with someone else at lunch, and for a while, I felt not only alone but invisible. What would happen now, after Karen? I wondered. Eventually, she would have to come out of hiding, and that would be that. Would I make any new friends here? Would I be forever alone, stained by my friendship with her, a friendship I had once cherished more than anything?
I did the best I could in school, but for long periods, I found myself drifting, not so much daydreaming as just staring blankly, like someone whose brain had just turned off. I barely heard anything or noticed anything around me. Bells to end classes and move us all along were practically the only sound to which I paid any attention. I boarded the school bus at the end of the day and made my way back to my seat to stare aimlessly out the window.
In fact, I was in such a daze I didn't realize the bus had arrived at my house. Mr. Tooey called my name, and I felt myself snap back to reality.
"Oh," I muttered, and hurriedly walked down the aisle. He looked at me oddly as I passed him and went down the steps. The door closed, and the bus went along, leaving me standing alone in the afternoon sun, the breeze gently lifting leaves and moving the blades of wild grass in what looked like a quiet ballet of Mother Nature. Head down, I started for the front door and then jerked my eyes upward when I heard it open.
I spun around to look behind me and up and down the road.
Was she mad? Insane? Appearing in broad daylight? My words of reprimand for Karen were lunging toward the tip of my tongue when I turned back. I stopped in utter amazement.
Jesse was standing there, looking out at me, that big impish grin carved around his firm, strong mouth, his light blue eyes twinkling with amusement.
"Hey, Zipper," he said.
Still disbelieving what I saw, ,I shook my head. He laughed harder.
"You're not supposed to be here until Sunday," I finally managed.
He shrugged. "I made a spontaneous decision. I wasn't enjoying myself knowing what you were all going through back here. Mom can try to hide it, but her voice betrays her, and I've learned how to read between Dad's sentences."
"Do they know you're here?"
"Not yet," he said. "Just arrived about two hours ago. I drove my car around behind the garage to surprise them."
I remained standing there, looking up at him. Two hours ago? What about Karen? Did she realize someone was in the house? Did she do anything to give herself away? Did she hear him drive up? Did he hear anything? I held my breath, expecting the second shoe to drop, but he continued smiling.
"You coming in, or are you planning on camping out tonight?"
"What? Oh."
I. walked up the steps, and he stood there until he could reach out to hug me. It came as such a surprise that I almost dropped my books. I couldn't remember him ever hugging me like that.
"Sorry about what you're going through," he said. Then, feeling embarrassed by his show of emotion himself, he released me quickly and went into the house.
I followed, my confused heart thumping from fear and from joy.
"So?" Jesse said, folding his arms across his chest and standing in the living-room doorway. "How are you doing?"
"Okay," I said.
"Come on," he urged, leading me into the living room. I followed. He sat on the sofa and looked up at me. "Tell me about it."
"What do you want to know?"
"You must have had some idea, some inkling, it had gotten so bad. What happened?"
I sat in Daddy's chair but held on to my books. I had no doubt my father would tell him what I had revealed, so I had no reason to keep any of that secret anymore.
"I told Daddy everything I knew."
"Which is what?"
"Her stepfather was coming into her room at night."
His eyes widened. "You mean, to have sex with her?" I nodded.
"Holy smokes." He sat back, shaking his head. "I didn't know Harry Pearson much at all, but what I saw of him, I'd never have thought it. He was always such a pleasant guy. He seemed to be trying very hard to get Karen to like him, to accept him as her father."
I just sat there staring at him
"She told you all about it?" he asked.
"Yes," I said.
"Wow. So, what about her mother?"
I explained it the way Karen had explained it to me. He listened, shaking his head.
"Boy, she had it real tough," he said. "I feel sorry for her now. Before, I just thought . . . but flow. She should come forward and tell the police. It would make a difference, especially if she were fighting him off at the time."
"She doesn't think anyone would believe her, because her mother won't or hasn't said anything about it and would deny it. It would be her word against her mother's, and if your own mother doesn't support you . ."
His eyes narrowed as he looked at me, nodding slowly. "You sound as if you've spoken to her since, Zipporah. Have you? Well?" he followed quickly.
"I meant she didn't think anyone would believe her. That's why she never told anyone but me," I quickly corrected.
"Dad told me the police believe she went to New York City. Something about a phone call."
I nodded. The police did believe that. How I hated lying to everyone, but if I were careful with my words, I could skate on the border between falsehood and the truth, and my conscience wouldn't bother me as much. I wasn't ready to confide fully in Jesse. I wasn't yet sure it was wise to do it. I wanted to. I needed an ally, but I was still too afraid.
"Where could she go in New York? Did she have any friends in New York?"
"I don't know of any."
"She couldn't go to any relatives, that's for sure."
I nodded in agreement and breathed easier. At least, there was no question that Karen had made noise after Jesse arrived.
"What's it like for you at school?"
I described it to him, leaving out all the business with Dana Martin, of course.
"Yeah, well, at least you'll find out who could be a real friend and who couldn't," he said. "I better finish getting my stuff unpacked, clothes for washing and all," he said, rising. "I saw from Mom's schedule on the bulletin board that she'll be home by four today. What about Dad?"
"He said he might be working late. Otherwise, he was going to take me to see the police before dinner."
"To see the police again? Why?"
"He told them what I told him, and they want to talk to me about it."
"Oh. Right. Good," he said. "You do that, no matter what Karen's mother says or does. I'll go along, too," he offered. "If Dad says okay, that is."
"Thanks, Jesse."
"You'll be all right;' he said. "I brought you something from college."
"You did?"
"Come on up to my room, and I'll show you," he said, and I followed him up the stairs, gazing toward the attic door as I turned into his room. It remained shut tight.
Jesse went to his suitcase and took out a sweatshirt from his college.
"Should fit," he said. "College girls like them to be a little large."
"Thanks," I said. "I'll wear it to school torriorrow."
"Good. I'll finish up here and meet you downstairs to greet Mom. I'll pop out from behind a door or something."
I laughed. It was so good having him home that I didn't care about Karen being hidden upstairs. She'd have to figure out how to handle it herself or go. Maybe this was all for the best. Finally, something would bring it to an end. I went to my room to change into more comfortable things and then went down to wait for my mother. I started to set the table for dinner. That would be her first clue, the extra plate, I thought, and laughed to myself at what her reaction was going to be.
The phone rang. It was my father telling me what he feared happening had happened. He would be delayed and might not even make dinner. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him Jesse was home, but I thought Jesse wanted to surprise him.
"In any case, I've spoken with the police, and our interview with them is tomorrow after school. I'll be picking you up at school, and we're going right to the township police office," he told me. "Don't worry about it. You'll just tell them what you know, what you were told, and that will be that."
"Okay," I said.
"See you as soon as I can. Tell your mother for me."
"I will."
Not twenty minutes later, my mother drove in. She shouted for me as soon as she came in from the garage. Jesse was still upstairs.
"In here," I called back from the dining room. She stood in the doorway, looking in.
"How's my roast? Did you get it started in time?"
"Yes," I said. "Daddy might not make dinner. He called a little while ago. He said he'll let us know." "He's working harder than ever. Did you find the corn on the cob?"
"Peeled and ready. The water is in the pot. The string beans are set. I put the bread in the warmer." "Good. How was your day?"
"Okay," I said, without any enthusiasm.
"It'll get better," she promised. I thought she was just going to turn and go upstairs to shower and change out of her uniform without noticing anything. She actually started away from the dining room and then stopped and slowly turned back. "Why are there four plates?" she asked. "Who's coming to dinner?"
The expression on her face told me she didn't think of Jesse. She was thinking of Karen. It made my heart stop and start, and for a moment, I couldn't respond. Then, Jesse called out to her from the stairway.
"Jesse! What are you doing here?"
"I found out I live here," he said.
"Where's your car?"
"Hidden. I wanted to surprise you and Dad." "You did that, you little devil."
I stepped up to the doorway and watched them hug and kiss. He explained again why he felt more comfortable coming back early, and she smiled at him and looked at me with an expression that clearly told me how much she loved him Jesse was always perfect in my mother's eyes. I used to be jealous, but now, I thought he deserved being loved more. After all, he wasn't hiding anything as terrible as I was. He was being a good son. When would I be a good daughter again?
We had to start dinner without Daddy, but Jesse kept us so entertained by his stories about his college experiences that we didn't realize how much time had gone by until we heard the garage door opening.
"I'll start warming everything up;' Mama said, rising from the table.
Jesse sat back, a wide smile of anticipation on his face.
"Sony," we heard Daddy sing out as he came in from the garage.
"You should be," Jesse called back.
Daddy said nothing. He just walked into the dining room.
"What the . . . why are you here?"
"Everyone asks me the same question. I'm beginning to feel unwanted."
Daddy smiled. "So? What happened? You told me you were coming home on Sunday."
"I figured you needed professional help back here," Jesse said.
"Yeah, right. You just wanted a good homecooked meal, I bet."
"That, too," Jesse said, and they hugged.
"Hey, where's your car?"
"Behind the garage."
"You little sneak," Daddy said, but he smiled.
Tears came to my eyes. Daddy needed Jesse more, I thought, more than ever. He, too, needed the good son. Jesse had gotten into what I called boys' trouble from time to time, but it was all Huckleberry Finn trouble, pranks and silliness. Nothing he ever did and no one he ever had as a friend ever brought the sort of darkness I had brought into our home.
"Everything's getting warmed up for you, Michael," Mama told him
"I'll be right down," he said. "I hope, there's something left," he added, winking at Jesse.
"He looks tired," Jesse said as soon as Daddy left the room.
Mama just glanced at him. "He likes working hard," she muttered, but I knew and felt his fatigue was coming from some other source. Who knew what he had to contend with at work because of the Pearson tragedy and my involvement?
"I was thinking," Jesse told him when he returned and sat at the table, "that I would go with you and Zipporah tomorrow to see the police."
Daddy looked up quickly.
"She told me all about it," Jesse added.
"I don't think so, Jesse. It will look like we're worried about something. I'd like to make it as short and sweet as possible for Zipporah, but thanks."
Jesse glanced at me. He looked disappointed, but he didn't argue.
After dinner, he and Daddy went into the home office to talk, and I went up to do my homework after I helped Mama with the dishes. She kept telling me to go, that it was fine, but I was stalling, mainly because I was afraid of confronting Karen. By now, she surely knew Jesse had returned. The attic door was still shut tight. I sat in my room and listened as hard as I could but heard nothing, not even a creak in the ceiling. The tension was driving me mad. Was she cowering in a dark corner, frightened so badly she couldn't move? Was she racking her brain, trying to figure out what to do? Had she been able to get herself enough water, something to eat, before Jesse had arrived?
I couldn't stand it. It was truly as if I were the one hidden in the attic, suffering, not Karen. As quietly as I could, I went out and stood at the top of the stairway, listening. Mama was still in the kitchen. The dishwasher had been started. Daddy and Jesse were still in the office. I had to take my chances now or spend the night worrying. I wouldn't sleep. That was for sure.
It was better just to hurry up the stairs the way someone might walk over hot coals. I was hoping not to give the steps a chance to moan. I stepped as close to the corners as I could, since they creaked less that way. Opening the attic door, I peered into the darkness. The moon was sheathed in a thick cloud, so there was no illumination spilling through the windows. It took a moment for my eyes to get used to the pitch darkness I made out the usual silhouettes of furnishings, but I heard nothing
"Karen?" I whispered. "Karen, do you know Jesse's back?"