Secrets and Lies 7 (The Ferro Family) (Secrets & Lies) (8 page)

My hand shakes as I start writing things I’d never say, admitting to acts I’d never do. The last few words are horrible, followed by the meanest possible thing I could say to my mother. I’d never tell her that. I’d never hurt her like this. Fight back! Move your legs, whirl around and kick him in the nuts. Don’t just stand there and die. Not like this. Not while hurting everyone you love. Move, Kerry!

As I start to scrawl GOOD-BYE in blood, I hastily change it to SCOT before he pulls me back. I fall to the floor with a thump, leaving a bloody handprint, and spit the rag out of my mouth. I scream again and finally find the power to fight back. I push up and ram him, my skull directly into his junk. He thought I was going to tackle him, so he wasn’t ready for the impact so low. Scott falls back, and we slide across the floor into the bank of cabinets under the windows. He manages to throw me to the side while spewing curses at me.

I flounder on my side and reach for a cabinet, and pull the door open. I pull Scott to me, his head anyway, and slam the door. Hard. He screeches as blood rolls down his temple. I spring upright and race toward the door again, but I don’t make it. He trips me and grabs me by the ankles, pulling me back toward him.

I’m going to die. Squirming doesn’t help. Screaming does nothing. There’s no one here. We both know that. I have no pepper spray, no weapons. Scott sits on me, breathing hard, dripping blood onto me. “You stupid bitch. I’ll make you pay. I’ll make you wish you were dead, and, before long, you’ll be begging me to finish it and end you.”

The world is a blurry mix of tears and blood blurring the shadows and light, making everything murky. The only clear thing I’m certain of is the form looming behind Scott. A man with a strong body and a fist wound up and aimed at the side of Scott’s head. There’s no sound for a moment except an audible hiss followed by the crack of bone breaking. Scott falls forward and is shoved aside.

Then Nate is there, leaning in close with his cell phone to his ear. He speaks frantically, saying something about bodies and blood. My head feels warm and heavy. Sleep paws at me, and my eyelids don’t want to stay open. His voice cuts through the mental fog looming thickly over me.

“Kerry, stay with me. Don’t go, Kerry.”

The world fades away, and I feel warm and safe. I won’t die alone. The room shrinks to a pinprick of light. I hear nothing but the distant echo of Nate’s voice before I’m shrouded in silence.

W
armth and darkness
wouldn’t seem like they walk hand in hand, but even though I can’t see a thing, I’m not afraid. I have no idea where I am. I hear a high-pitched, irritating sound that makes my skin crawl. I try to tune it out, but it won’t stop. BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.

I grimace as pain rushes through my face and down my neck, spreading into my back and legs. The twin slashes on my cheeks feel like they’re on fire. A matching sensation comes from the fingertips of my left hand. I groan and then hear the annoying sound again, followed by the most wonderful, deep, rich voice.

“She’s waking up.” Nate’s hope is palpable. He’s close. I can sense him.

When my eyelashes part, I squint. The room is filled with sunlight, and it’s not until that moment that I feel how much I hurt. I gasp, throat desert dry, and tap at my neck to ask for water.

“You want a drink?” Nate asks and turns toward the nightstand and hands me a cup with a straw in it. He puts it against my lips, and when the cool water rushes down my throat, I realize how badly it was burning. When I stop, Nate pulls the cup away and puts it back in its place.

I blink at him slowly. “Are you mad?” The words are garbled and sound like they came from an old hag.

He’s there, holding his hand to my forehead, pushing my hair gently off my face, smiling down at me like I’m the most beautiful perfect woman he’s ever seen. His eyes are glassy as he shakes his head, “No, not at all. I didn’t think you were going to wake up. You hit your head really hard. God, Kerry…” His voice trails off as he lowers his face toward mine and sucks in a shaky breath.

I glance past him and see people in the hallway, nurses and doctors, my mother, and Beth. I startle and try to sit up, but instantly regret it. My side feels like it split open. I press my fingers to it and feel stitches. “What’s this?”

“He stabbed you. I don’t know if you didn’t feel it, but you kept fighting. When I found you, there was blood everywhere. I thought you were dead. I thought I'd lost you forever.” He touches my face gently and bites his lips together to keep from saying more.

“You saved me?”

He nods slowly.

I glance at the people standing worried in the hallway, heads down and arms folded close to their bodies. One person is missing. “Where’s Josh?”

“He’s okay,” Nate speaks slowly. “They got to him just in time. He’s recovering. Let me call the doctors in to look you over, okay. You’ve been asleep for a few days.”

“Days?” I question. As Nate walks away, I realize there’s something I need to say before I lose the chance. “I love you. I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

Nate stops and turns to me. His eyes are puffy, lined with dark circles. He’s not shaved for days, so dark scruff lines his cheeks making his eyes seem bright blue. His shirt collar is unbuttoned, and the fabric is wrinkled. When he walks back toward me, he stoops over and gets close to my face, close enough to kiss me. “No, I’m sorry. For everything. Beth told me about Ferro and everything you did for me. Kerry, I’m such an asshole. I had no idea you—”

“Beth told you?” When I squeak out her name, it’s like a summons because she suddenly appears.

“She’s awake!” Beth rushes to the side of the bed and throws her arms around me in a huge hug.

Nate slips away, while doctors, friends, and family surround me. They fill me in, explaining what happened after I blacked out. Josh will be okay. He lost a lot of blood, but they were able to save him. He’s down the hall from me. Jace lingers in the window and inclines his head when my eyes meet his, before heading back down the hall. He’ll tell his brother. They’ll be all right.

I ask Beth, “Did Josh tell you? He didn’t hurt anyone. He didn’t do it, Beth.”

She smiles softly at me with true happiness in her eyes. “I know.” Her voice is tight, filled with liquid emotion threatening to spill everywhere. “I’ve never felt so unbalanced in my life. Too much really great news with too much really bad news nearly made me lose it. But you’re safe now. Josh gets a chance to start over, and so do you.”

The nurses clear the room, and I’m alone for a moment. There’s one person who remains, lingering in the hallway. She has yet to say anything to me. “Mom.” I croak out her name, and her eyes meet mine through the windowpane.

I wave her over. Mom looks as bad as I feel. Her emotions are barely in check, and she’s shaking. Her lower lip quivers and she breaks down. “I’m so sorry, baby.” She's standing there ready to leave, expecting me to throw her out.

If I’ve learned anything from this it’s that life is too short and I won’t always get a chance to make amends. This time, I do. This time is up to me. “Me too, Mom.” I hold my arms up to her like I did when I was a little girl, and she breaks down, rushing to me and wrapping me in a classic mom hug. She kisses my forehead and strokes my hair. She mutters apologies and worries, twisting them together until they’re the same thing.

She says, “I thought we could work it out. I thought I’d lose you for a little while, but when they called and said what happened—oh, Kerry! And the message written on that painting,” she pulls back and looks me in the eyes, “I don’t want that to be what you think of me, not ever. I broke it off with Matt. I choose you, and always will.”

Considering they’re the words I’ve wanted to hear, I'm surprised when they suddenly ring hollow. “Mom, please don’t date any of my boyfriends from here on out. But, if you love Matt, and he loves you, I’m not going to behave like an ass anymore. It’s awkward, but one day it won’t be. If it’s a forever thing, I love you, and I’ll deal with it.” I shrug and sniffle.

Mom is either in shock, or petrified. Her lips twitch, shifting between a smile and a frown. Then she starts bawling and holds me. After promising no more Matt again, she says, “I couldn’t have dreamed of a daughter like you. You’re everything I wish I could be, times ten. I’m proud of you, Kerry.”

I’m not an idiot. I know my parents won’t be the same after that, but the fact that Mom put me first doesn’t go unnoticed. Daddy watches her like she was someone he knew from long ago, someone who slipped between his fingers. They pass each other without a word, regret in their eyes. Daddy smiles at me, and we talk until I’m too tired to stay awake.

The next few days pass by like that—with visits from everyone, even Josh—but Nate doesn’t come by again. It's like he vanished, and it kills me. I thought we fixed things, but I guess not.

After I’m discharged, my parents want to take me home. I don’t protest. It’s nearly the end of the semester, and there’s no real reason to stay. With Chelsey and Kevin's help, they pack my room for me and load my new belongings into the family van.

Nate doesn’t call or text. If I leave now, I’ll never see him again. I pluck my phone from my pocket and text him:

I
’m back
in New Jersey amongst my people in the land of the highly opinionated, where chivalry is long dead. I admit it—I miss Texas. I miss the way the men hold doors open for ladies. I miss the slower pace of life, where not everything is dictated by a clock.

Healing sucks. I’ve spent weeks on the couch, watching TV, waiting to heal. I’m not good at sitting still. It gives me too much to think about. Just when I’m about to go totally nuts with boredom, my mother drives me to an office complex. It’s gray brick, one story, and in the uglyass quadrant of town.

Mom pushes through a glass door and flicks on the lights as I hobble in behind her. We’re in the middle of an unfinished office space with concrete floors and no ceiling. Fluorescent light fixtures flicker from the bare beams overhead. The walls are bare, and the room is filled with blank canvases of all sizes displayed on easels. In the center of the room, an artist's stool stands side by side with a padded chair on casters and a big, comfy cushion. On a small table next to the chair rests a box of paints overflowing with too many tubes of color to count. A new pallet is balanced precariously to the right, and, to the left, brush bristles peek over the top of a glass.

Mom holds out her hands in a tah-dah pose. “You still have a few more weeks of minimal movement. Your father and I thought you’d go stir crazy soon, though, so we came up with this. I hope it's all right?” She’s worried I don’t like it.

I admit, I’m stunned. It’s beyond thoughtful, and it’s fully stocked. “Mom, this is amazing. It’s beyond all right. It’s awesome! And fully stocked.” I walk over to the paints and lift a tube. “This is the good brand. My god, do you know how much this cost?”

She nods slightly and smiles softly. “I do. But you haven’t painted since that night.”

I admit, “Yeah, well, it was kind of traumatic.”

“I wanted you to find the joy it once held for you. Maybe it won’t be the same. Maybe it’ll be better. The one thing I know for sure is that you need to pick up a paintbrush. You need a creative release, Kerry. You always have. Don’t let that asshole steal this from you.” She hesitates and adds, “But if it’s too much right now, I understand.”

Shaking my head, I sit on the stool and smile. “No, Ma. It’s perfect.”

She beams. “That’s the first time you’ve called me Ma in a really long time.”

I glance over my shoulder at her. “You used to hate it.”

“I don’t feel that way anymore.” She glances around, trying to hide her happiness. “Bathroom is back there, a mini-fridge is fully stocked over there, and I hope you brought your cell because I’m leaving you here to paint.”

Smiling, I laugh lightly and show her my phone, “Yup, I’ve got it.” After I promise her I’ll call when I’m done for the day, she hands me a set of keys and heads out.

I glance around at my first studio. The feeling is bittersweet. I select a paintbrush from the glass and wind my hair into a bun, then stab it with the brush before I get to work.

L
oneliness leaks
from my heart and doesn’t stop no matter what I do. I miss him. I miss Nate. Another few days creep by at sloth speed. I spend the day and most of the night painting. I’ve taken to calling an Uber when I go home because it’s past midnight. Mom is different. She changed that night. So did I.

My paintings are all dark and fragmented. There’s no flow, no life. It’s as if my soul were sucked dry. Exasperated, I toss my brush across the room. It splatters dark blue paint on the concrete floor and skids to a stop.

My phone chimes. It’s probably Beth again. We’ve been texting nearly non-stop. She met a guy and is determined to keep him from her brothers. I smile and reach for my phone. When I see the name on the screen, my chest tightens.

“I wish, but I’m two thousand miles away,” I mutter to the empty room.

As I start to type back, I feel eyes on the back of my neck. As I turn slowly, I know he’s already here, standing in the doorway. “Nate?” I say his name like a question, certain it’s not him. It can’t be.

He smiles sheepishly at me. “Sorry for the lack of notice, and the total dick moves in Texas. I thought I had a little time, and then you were gone. I didn’t know until you’d left.”

I’m frozen, emotions locked up tight, and nothing spreads across my face—not happiness or hatred. I’m blank as the canvases around me.

Nate steps toward me, his eyes locked on mine. “I took a chance. I came to find you, and your Mom said you were here. I hope you don’t mind.” He’s careful, cautious.

I’m mute, lips parted, silently staring.

He continues, “You see I was in New York, and I thought I’d see if you were all right.”

“What were you doing there?” The question tumbles out.

He lowers his head and then inhales slowly, making his eyes meet mine once more. “I just received two payments—one from the fracking company that bought my land for top dollar. The other from the insurance agent who was certain my house burned to the ground because my girlfriend didn’t know how to cook.”

I snort a small laugh and look away. “Well, that’s mostly true.”

“I never thanked you for that. For protecting me, for helping me.”

“You would have done the same for me.”

He says nothing, just watches me with those sapphire eyes. He continues, “I gave the money from the oil company to an environmental fund who filed for an injunction this afternoon. Ferro can’t drill until the court hears the case.” He smirks, revealing a dimple on his left cheek. “And the rest of this, well, I was talking to my half brother, and it turns out he’s not an asshole. He’s actually a good guy.”

“Peter?”

He nods. “Yeah. He offered me a job up here.”

My heart thumps once and falls into my sneakers. I planned to go back to Texas, but he won’t be there. He’ll be up here. “Did you take it?”

“Yes.”

My eyes sting as they get glossy with tears. I blink them back and smile fakely, trying to be happy for him. “So, you’re a part of the Ferro family now? I’m glad. It sucks being alone.”

He steps forward, closer to me, but still an arm's length away. “Yeah, I thought about what you said. I'm not at all like my biological father, so it wasn’t right to assume my brothers would be like him either. We all talked—well, I talked with Peter and Jon. Sean is another story.” He laughs nervously and lifts his gaze to meet mine while wringing his hands.

The conversation dies, and the room falls silent, save the hum of the lights above. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what he wants. He’s so hard to read. Why would he come out here if he didn’t want anything to do with me? I manage, “So what now?”

He glances at my hand, then back at my face. He steps closer, closing the distance. He’s a breath away. “You tell me.”

“No,” I whisper. “If I matter to you, show me. Don’t make me guess. Don’t walk out on me and then—”

I don’t get a chance to finish my thought because his lips are on mine. The pressure is soft, and the kiss is perfect. He gently holds me, and when the kiss is over, he pulls away. “I want you, Kerry. Texas, New Jersey, or wherever you want to go. I’ll follow you. I want to know you. I want to be a part of your life if you’ll let me. I know I don’t deserve it. I was a prick. I didn’t realize why you did anything until Beth explained. I should have seen it, Kerry. I wish I did. I wish I had known you did all that crazy shit because you loved me.”

He inhales deeply and presses on. “The question is, after everything I’ve done to you, do you love me still? If you don’t, I can leave. I won’t bother you again. But if there’s a chance for us, well, I had to take it. I love you, Kerry Hill. Do you still love me?”

The moment is surreal. His voice lingers in the air like notes of music. I lean in close and press my lips softly to his and then whisper, “Yes.”

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