Secrets Mormons Don't Want You To Know (12 page)

Life together was still terrible when I found out I was pregnant again. Richard and I still didn’t like each other very much but we were trying to make things work.

Richard Starts Attacking My Religion

While I was about five months along, Richard’s life started to change. He stopped doing drugs and drinking. As soon as he came home from work he didn’t run to the refrigerator for a beer. Instead he would say to me, “God loves you.” This was not like him.

My husband, who used to care more about getting his next drink, was now telling me that God loved me.

I started thinking that maybe he was finally willing to take me to the temple, where our family could be sealed together forever. I thought all of my work in trying to get him to be a good Mormon was finally paying off.

But one day when Richard came home from work, he said something that altered the course of my life forever. He said:

“Cindy, the Mormon church is not true, I cannot stay in it and I want you out of it, too.”

Never had anyone spoken such hurtful words to me. The mere thought that my church might not be true outraged me. Who did he think he was to say this to me? How dare he utter such words to me after he had crushed all of my dreams and ruined my life?

Life in our house became worse. Everyday when Richard came home from work, he wanted to talk about the Mormon teachings. He would ask me questions about the early LDS doctrines I had never heard of, such as:

• The Jesus of Mormonism was not conceived by the Holy Ghost or born of a virgin, but was conceived by a physical relationship between the god of Mormonism and his spiritual daughter Mary.
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• Joseph Smith had several “first” visions
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and that his prophecies had failed.
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I was irrational, only responding with my testimony of the truthfulness of the LDS church. I did not have any answers as to why the doctrines had been changed or why almost 4,000 changes had been made to the Book of Mormon since it first came out in 1830.
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I was confused as to why the Book of Mormon, which is supposedly the “most correct” book on the earth, does not contain the major doctrines of the Mormon church.

I could not answer why the Mormon church does not use the Inspired Version of the Bible that Joseph Smith wrote.

All I could tell him was that he needed to talk to the Mormon missionaries, as I was not as smart as them. How could the LDS church not be true? After all, it contained the name of Jesus Christ right in its title.

Everyday was the same thing. I couldn’t wait for Richard to leave the house for work so I could be left alone. It would have been fine with me if he had never come home. But each night he did, and it was always the same thing — more talk and more Mormon questions.

Everyday Richard would bring me home literature about problems with Mormon teachings. I was so angry. I told him it was all anti-Mormon literature, but I never took the time to notice that it was all taken straight out of LDS sources.

Biblical Gospel tracts were dispersed throughout our home so I would find them. He brought movies home for me to watch and tapes for me to listen to. I was going crazy. I could not stand it anymore. I was angry at him all the time. I did not want to live like this any longer.

But the most remarkable thing that occurred during this time was the change in Richard. Even though I hated him and was so angry at him, I could see how he was changing. He no longer listened to rock music, he stopped cursing, his want for alcohol ceased and he had a genuine love for our family. He was no longer angry all the time. He was a different person.

Richard had been working with a man who was a Christian, and this man had been showing Richard the changes in the LDS teachings and talking to him about the Bible and the Jesus Christ of the Bible. Richard had realized his need for the Saviour. He had stopped trusting in himself and his religion and had received the Lord Jesus Christ into his heart and life as his personal Lord and Saviour and had become a born again Christian.

But still I hated my husband. Life with him was terrible. I had just had our second child, another beautiful little girl, when I decided I couldn’t live like this any more. I was so angry with Richard for telling me the Mormon church was not true. After all, he had been raised Mormon all of his life, too.

Some of the leaders of our ward came to our house and counseled me to leave him and find a faithful Mormon who would take me to the temple. I decided this would be the best thing for everyone involved. I found a divorce lawyer and was going to end this marriage.

The only vehicle we had was a truck with a stick shift which I had a hard time driving. I sat in that truck with the lawyer’s address in my hand, ready to go, but I couldn’t put the truck in reverse to get out of the driveway. I was furious.

My New Plan to Defend Mormonism

I was so angry that the only thought that came to my mind was that I could not leave with Richard thinking he was right. I had to prove to him that the Mormon church was true. Then he would have to apologize to me for all those months of misery.

A new plan started to form in my mind. Since I couldn’t leave, I would find the answers to all of the questions he had asked and show him that I was right and he was wrong.

I went to the library and checked out every book I could find on the early LDS church history and doctrines. I studied during all of my spare time, trying to find something that would support my claims.

The more I studied, the more I realized how little I really knew about my religion. Instead of finding the answers I was looking for, I found more questions and problems. I saw how some of the major doctrines had been changed.

• When polygamy was given it was essential to salvation.
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Now it was no longer required.
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• At one time, Adam was the god of Mormonism. (This was called scripture by Brigham Young.
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) Then Spencer W. Kimball, the twelfth “prophet” of the LDS church called it false doctrine.
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• Black people were once called an inferior race
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and told they were unworthy and unable to hold the Mormon priesthood.
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Yet on June 9, 1978, in the Deseret News, Spencer W. Kimball announced that by “revelation” black people could now hold the Mormon priesthood.
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Although my dad, after studying the early church doctrines, became a polygamist, I did not know what I should do. Which “prophet” should I follow?

I read many prophecies that Joseph Smith made that did not come to pass. One really scared me. Joseph Smith gave a revelation that the copyright of the Book of Mormon would be sold in Canada. But after his prophecy failed completely, his explanation was, “Some revelations are of God: some revelations are of man: and some revelations are of the devil.”
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It scared me thinking that I was trusting my eternal existence on someone who did not even know who his revelations were coming from.

I read how the blood atonement doctrine was put into actual practice, and how people lost their lives by having their throat slit from ear to ear to allow their blood to be spilt to atone for their sins.
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And in the temple ceremony, all those who participate make oaths to remind themselves of what will happen to them if they ever reveal the secrets that are performed in there.

During one part of the temple ceremony, a man portraying Lucifer reveals that the green fig leaf apron is an emblem of his power and priesthoods, and he instructs everyone to place one around their waist.
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I read about Joseph Smith’s claim of “knowing more than all the world put together,”
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and his boasting of doing greater things than Jesus.
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I learned how he was involved in the occult by using divining rods and claiming to use a seer stone in translating the Book of Mormon.
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However, the thing that scared me the most was when I realized, after I really started to read the Christian Gospel tracts and my Bible, that the Mormon church’s teachings and the Bible do not go hand in hand like I had been taught. In fact, Mormonism was in direct opposition to what the God of the Bible has spoken.

My Doubts About Mormonism Begin

I did not dare tell Richard of my discoveries just yet. I was scared. What was I trusting in for my eternal life? I did not know what to believe.

One day while Richard was at work, I got out one of the papers he had brought home for me to read. It had a picture of a Christian missionary family who had given their lives (not just two years) to serve God. They gave their testimony about their love and gratitude for Jesus, thanking Him for saving their souls. Their love for the Saviour was so real and genuine.

My heart longed to know this Jesus they were speaking about. The only “Jesus” I knew about was just my brother and example, and I could be just as good as him if I tried.

As a Mormon, I never gave my worship and adoration to the Lord. All of my love and devotion went to Joseph Smith and the Mormon church. But now I wanted to know this Jesus who could save my soul.

During this time of my research, Richard’s and my life was still horrible. Richard was changing, getting kinder and happier all the time. I was getting angrier, still trying to hold onto the belief that the Mormon church was true. I thought maybe the problems were with the people and not the LDS church itself. But the more I studied, the more I realized there were too many contradictions and changes for it to be true.

Richard had been speaking to his co-worker about a subject I had never heard of; it was called the “Rapture,” which is described in 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17:

“For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.”

One day when Richard came home from work, he told me the most frightening words I had ever heard. He said:

“When the Rapture occurs, me and our two girls will be gone but you will be left behind.”

Not only did this scare me, but it confused me. I had never heard about the Rapture. And who was Richard to say I could not go? I had always lived a better life than he had. Surely I could go.

I was still so angry at Richard it would not have mattered to me where he went, but I did not want my daughters going anywhere without me. Even though I did not believe what he had said, I was scared. I did not want to be left behind.

All of my life I had been taught that the Mormon church was the only true church. But I knew I needed to seriously reconsider what I was basing my eternal life on. I wanted what that Christian missionary family and Richard had. Richard’s life had been completely changed and I knew it was not a religion that had made the difference. He was not even attending any church at the time. It was a personal relationship with the Jesus Christ of the Bible.

I Finally Get Saved

While I was searching for the answers I so desperately wanted, I picked up a book from our bookshelf titled,
God’s Word: Final, Infallible and Forever.
Our Christian neighbor up the street had left it on our doorstep during an outreach in our area about one year prior to this. The only reason Richard kept it was because it had a nice landscape cover. This book was written to show the validity of the Bible as the Word of God, as well as some of the problems with the Mormon teachings.

The first section told about the Bible being the only Word of God and explained how the God of the Bible is All Powerful and is able to keep His Word pure for us today in the King James Version.
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I learned that the Bible is trustworthy and has no errors. I had never heard this before, as I had always been taught that the Bible had been mistranslated,
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and that many plain and precious parts were taken out.
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I was very excited as I thought about there being a God who is powerful enough to preserve His Word for me.

The next section told of some of the problems in the Mormon teachings. These were some of the things I had already been studying and this reinforced my doubts. There was also a Biblical plan of salvation. It was so wonderful and simple that I thought it was too easy. How could I just believe on and receive Jesus Christ for my salvation?

I remembered the verses quoted to me by the man who pretended to be a Baptist preacher from my seminary class (Ephesians 2:8-9). I knew if I could get to heaven on my own, then I would boast for all eternity about all the good works I had done to get myself there and that would be unacceptable to God. I didn’t want to trust my way anymore; I wanted God’s way.

First, I had to realize I was a sinner. The Bible says, “As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one” (Romans 3:10). “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).

Before I met Richard, I never thought I had sinned. I was the epitome of perfection in my own mind. But after we met, I did drugs, drank, ended up an unwed mother and was angry all the time.

Yes, I now knew I was a sinner. I had been brought down to the lowest point in my life. I had sinned against a holy and righteous God.

Next, the Bible said there was a penalty for my sin—a burning lake of fire forever. “For the wages of sin is death…” (Romans 6:23a). “And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death” (Revelation 20:14).

“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.” (Revelation 21:8)