Secrets of a Side Bitch 2 (15 page)

I expected to be reluctant.

I expected to be scared.

I expected to want to turn around.

But the closer we got to Ching’s crib, I only felt assurance.

After visiting with my mother and seeing her pain, I wanted nothing else than to get rid of the
man that did this to us. Sure, I played a big part in it all, but I was spending every day of my life killing myself slowly.

Chance drove the beater as
we coasted down the e-way. He was silent and looked focused. I figured Capone and I needed an extra hand. I didn’t know who would be at Ching’s crib or how many. I immediately thought of Chance. Though new to the game, out of all the block boys, he seemed the smartest and most dedicated. He was focused. He had the same struggles as I did when I got in the game. He wasn’t just some young nigga trying to serve because he thought it was cool. He was out there to survive.

His hustle was real.

We pulled into the alley behind Ching’s crib. From being in there hundreds of times, I knew we could get in through the back door. I didn’t want him to see me coming. I knew that if he did, there would be heavy gunfire exchanged. I just wanted this shit to be quick and easy in order to keep any harm from coming to Capone and Chance.

I salivated at
the thought of watching Ching die.  It excited me that I was going to be able to look him square in the eye when I pulled the trigger. I wanted to be so close to him when he died that the splatter of his blood mixed with my sweat.

The snow and ice made crunching noises beneath our
boots. It was two in the morning, so it was quiet as hell outside.  Capone and Chance followed me like obedient and loyal soldiers as we crept through the backyard towards the back door.

I had it all planned out, so there was no need for us to make a sound. As soon as we reached the
back door, I shot two bullets through the keyhole. After throwing the door open, I ran up the back steps and kicked down the door that lead to his kitchen. The house was pitch black and quiet. I wasn’t expecting that. Ching basically stayed up twenty-four hours a day, and Capone had gotten word from his dip from the West Side that one of her friends was fucking Ching and with him that night. She even called Capone earlier and told him that her girl was texting her from Ching’s crib.

That
’s when we decided to make the move.

But
as I walked through the crib, I noticed that, besides it being dark, it was pretty empty. I went into Ching’s bedroom and noticed that his TV was gone. I opened drawers and saw that clothes were missing.

“Shit.”

Capone and Chance realized the same shit that I did.

“
He bounced,” Capone said with a laugh. “This nigga ran.”

Chance stood at the door, gun still in hand, finger still on the trigger. “What you wanna do?”

They both stood staring at me waiting on instructions that I didn’t have. It was crazy how disappointment consumed me to the point that I couldn’t think. That night was supposed to be the night. It was supposed to be over with the pull of a trigger. The burden was going to be lifted. The hate was going to be out of my heart. I was supposed to be able to start living again.

When it was suppose
d to be over, things were feeling like they had just begun.

I rolled over the next morning with attempts to get things back to normal. It had been a couple of days since I moved into my new place. The house smelled new; like fresh paint. The sheets were new and fresh. The down comforter kept me and Chance warm and cozy.

I knew that he was awake. He had been tossing and turning all night
and morning for some reason. He was still in a funky mood and lying to me; saying that nothing was wrong.

To make us both feel something close to normal,
I sensually crawled on top of him. Between my legs was a morning wood strong enough to knock my teeth out. I slid down on it slowly. As I did so, our eyes met. The chemistry that shot through my body when we stared into each other’s eyes was missing like a late period.

However, my
pussy still leaked naturally in anticipation of his dick being inside of me. I was able to easily slide down on it once on my tip toes.

As I
rode him, we both made soft lustful sounds, but something was definitely different. There was tension between us. There was no excitement in our horny moans. The lust that was once there was replaced with strain and pressure similar to a couple that had been together for ten years.

I even felt his dick losing an erection amongst my walls.
At first, I tried to keep riding him, hopping up and down slowly, in hopes that it would encourage his dick to come back and play. But that wasn’t working. Slowly, his erection ran out of the room, like it was a scared little boy, until the point that his dick was falling out of me.

I didn
’t give up though. Things had to get back to normal. Being with Chance had to work.

I
wanted the happiness back that I felt just a few weeks ago. We weren’t in love and my life wasn’t perfect, but being happy again would make me feel like I was right for leaving Rae. At first, I was so justified for being selfish and moving on. Yet, her death had me rethinking every choice that I made these last couple of months.

H
er death was on my conscience.

I disappeared underneath the covers and came face to face with his dick. I
was so let down when my eyes met it and saw that it was lying nonchalantly and lackadaisically on his thigh.

I began to bathe it with spit and lust, but it still lay lifeless inside of my mouth.

I knew I had a good head game. If anything, I was
a beast at sucking dick. On many occasions, Chance fought hard to keep from cumming prematurely in my mouth. My mouth was like a Jacuzzi. There was no reason for his dick not to be appreciative of the attention my mouth was giving it.

When I came up from underneath the covers, Chance saw the irritation on my face.

“Why you stop?”

I looked at him
like he was crazy. “Because yo’ dick ain’t hard! Urgh!”

“Get it hard then. Why you
gettin’ so mad?”

I huffed and puffed while
lying back down. “Because since when do I have to ‘get it hard’? That motherfucka usually stay hard. What’s wrong with you?”

He tried to smirk and chuckle
like I was the one with the problem. “Nothing. Shit, I was enjoying the head.”

Overcome with frustration
, I sat up and looked at him. Just like a man avoiding the issues, he grabbed me gently and attempted to pull me back down on top of him.

“No, Chance!
Stop.”

I was literally fighting back tears. Mind you, I was probably overreacting, sensitive after
seeing my ex blow her head off in my bedroom. But I was not just tripping. Something was wrong with Chance.

I just knew it.

“Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.
I told you I was enjoying the head. Come back over here.” Again, he reached for me and I slapped his hand away.

“No
, you weren’t. And I don’t mean right now. I mean what’s wrong with you period. You’ve been huffing and puffing. You walk around here angry with a fucked up attitude like I did something to you. And we ain’t even fuckin’.”

We hadn
’t had sex since Rae committed suicide. I understood it the first two weeks, but after so long I figured it was weird. Hell, I should have been the one sad and not wanting to fuck. Not him.

“Man, I told you ain
’t nothing wrong with me. I’m gucci.”

I smacked my lips and
threw my hands in the air. “I didn’t sign up for this shit.”

“Sign up for what
?”

“I went from one fucked up relationship to another. We ain
’t even in a committed relationship and the shit done turned bad already.”

“Gia, I told you I
’m straight.”

“And I
’m telling you that you’re not. I may not know you that well, but I know you well enough to know when you actin’ funny. Something is bothering you and it’s fucking up the flow of what you had goin’. I’m not happy.”

Chance tried to convince
me, but I wasn’t buying it. “I’m good.”

“You told me that we would always keep it real with each other.”

He had. Many times, we talked about how I had so many trust issues with men because of my past. Every time, he promised that he was different.

He replied, “I am,” but something wouldn
’t allow his words to convince me.

I left the bed. I couldn
’t stand looking at that nigga no more, so I went into the kitchen in deep thought.

This was for the birds. All I could think about was how I
treated Rae, how I hurt her by throwing him in her face.

Every time the thought crossed my mind, my heart broke more and more.

I woke up to sounds of Simone heaving in the bathroom. Her morning sickness was worse than Aeysha
’s. Like clockwork, she threw up every morning before taking her shower while getting ready for work.

She was about five months at this point. Finally, I was getting excited about having a baby. Since Dahlia
’s death, I was missing the sound of a baby’s cries and the smell of baby lotion.

As Simone walked into the bedroom wearing her robe
and rubbing her stomach with an uncomfortable frown, I noticed how I was finally looking at her differently. She wasn’t just my woman. She was the mother of my child. She had gained only a few pounds. She had a small bulge that was just now starting to poke out.

“You okay?”

Simone smiled at me while sitting at her vanity. While taking the satin cap off her head and allowing her long weave to fall twenty-two inches down her back, she answered, “I’m fine. I just hate throwing up.”

“Did you reschedule your appointment yet?”

Simone was scheduled for a prenatal appointment last week that got canceled because her doctor had a family emergency in California. She didn’t want to see a different doctor, so opted to reschedule her appointment. I was a little let down because I had yet to be able to go with her to an appointment, so I made sure that I was free and available to go with her that day. I was looking forward to seeing my baby in the same 3D ultrasound that I’d seen Dahlia on so many times before finally seeing her face to face.

“No, not yet.
I’ll do it today though.”
“My mama told me the other day that Erica is having a boy. I know she's happy as hell. That’s what she wanted.”

As she flat ironed her hair, I caught Simone roll her eyes hard as hell. Every since she heard that shit Tre said about me, she hated even talking about my sister. It didn
’t matter to me. I mean, I was mad about the same shit, but Erica and I didn’t fuck with each other like that anyway. So it didn’t bother me.

“She
's going to have to have a c-section though. She got diabetes, or some shit my mama was saying.” Now I was just fucking with Simone by continuously talking about Erica. I liked to see her turn up her nose. I liked that bougie shit about her, especially when she hated a motherfucka just because of me. That’s that loyalty that made me fall for her.

“That
’s interesting,” Simone replied nonchalantly. “Anyway… What do you want us to have?”

“I don
’t care, baby. As long as it’s healthy. Are you going to find out the sex of the baby at your next appointment?”

“I
’m not sure if I am far enough along for that.”

“Aeysha was able to find out when she was…”

She put her hand up and cut me off with a stare that shut me completely up. “Don’t compare me to, Aeysha.” She was literally glaring at me.

“I wasn
’t. I was just sayin’…”

“Do not compare me to Aeysha!”

I stared at her from the bed, still under the comforter hiding from the cold morning air. “Whoa, baby. Calm down. Why you gettin’ upset?”

“I
’m sick of everything being about Aeysha. I expect you to mourn for her, but will it ever be about me? You walking around here mad because you’re obsessed with Ching because of her. You can’t even make an appointment with me because you so busy in the streets trying to find him. Now you’re comparing my pregnancy to hers!”
I expected Simone to be sensitive about hearing Aeysha’s name. She knew that Aeysha was the woman that had my heart. She knew that if Aeysha was still alive, I would not be in that condo with her. I would be at home with the woman that I planned to live the rest of my life with. Therefore, Simone’s taking offense to Aeysha’s constant presence in this relationship didn’t even upset me.

“I understand how you feel. I
’ll try not to mention her name around you. I don’t want you to be upset, especially with you being pregnant and everything.”

“But you
’re still going to kill Ching, aren’t you?”

She
’d completely stopped doing her hair and gave me her full attention.

“I
’m not discussing that with you. I don’t want you knowing anything about that. I don’t want you involved.”

“Too late, Omari!
I already know.”
“Well, you won’t know anything else. I’m not discussing it. Period.”

She
called herself glaring at me like that shit was supposed to scare me, but I didn’t give a fuck. I closed my eyes and got comfortable in a position that was not facing her. I was also very comfortable with spending most of my days finding Ching’s ass.