Secrets of a Side Bitch (15 page)

Omari

“I don’t know what the fuck to do, dawg.”

              Me and Capone were at our usual hood hang out out South. I was cuddled up with a double shot of Patron that I had coming on repeat.

             
I was fucked up about being picked up by homicide. I was even more fucked up by how Ching was acting. I knew I wasn’t the typical street nigga. I knew that a motherfucka wouldn’t look at me and see a hard ass nigga. But Ching was suppose to be my family. He had my back since I was five years old.

             
With a heavy sigh and smack of his lips, Capone shook his head in disbelief. “I don’t know what’s gotten into this nigga. Maybe he just scared.”

             
“So then
he’s
the sucka! Not me.”

             
“I know, man. I know. Fuck Ching for right now though. You gotta figure out what you gone do about this murder, man. You just gone sit at the crib and wait for them to come get you?”

             
Sarcastically, I asked, “I’m suppose to run?”

             
And Capone laughed like I shoulda known better. “Hell in the fuck yea.”

             
I shook my head slowly. It was so heavy with stress and anxiety. I didn’t know what to do or where to go. I couldn’t take Aeysha and just leave. She was going to fight me tooth and nail. But I couldn’t leave her there pregnant and stuck with bills and a new baby either.

             
“Urggh! What the fuck, man?!”             

             
Capone looked at me like I was crazy as I slapped my phone down on the bar.

             
He asked, “Was it Ching again?”

             
“Hell naw. Eboni’s crazy ass keep texting me.”

             
Capone cracked up laughing. “She wants her money, trick.”

             
“Yea, that bitch is definitely pimpin’ me.”

             
When my phone started to ring, we both started laughing. But it wasn’t Eboni as I expected. It was Simone.

             
“What’s up?”

             
I was expecting her call. She had been texting me since I left her crib. Funny thing is, she was texting me like me sticking my dick in her had changed everything and we were right back fucking around with each other. But if she was cool with that knowing I had a girl, I wasn’t about to argue with her. I had enough shit to deal with.

             
“Hello? Simone? I can’t hear you.”

             
I stuck my finger in my ear so that I could hear her more clearly. Then I got up from the bar to step out the exit. The further away I got from the noise of the bar, the more I could make out her tears. Instantly, my eyes rolled into the back of my head and I regretted answering the phone.

             
I didn’t have time for another night with Simone and her crying.

             
“Hello? Simone, what’s wrong?”

             
As I stepped outside, I could make out everything she said. “Omari, she’s dead.”

             
“Who’s dead?!”

             
“Tammy! She’s dead.”

“How? When? What happened to her?” I was rambling and stuttering over my words.
I couldn’t believe this shit. Instantly, my heart went out to Tammy, knowing that Jimmy had finally gotten to her.

“They found her body burned up in the Dan Ryan Woods.”

Damn. This shit was heavy. I didn’t know what to say.

“
I can’t believe that nigga really killed her. Oh my God, baby, it hurts so bad. I need you so bad.”

             
Over Simone’s tears, I could only think of the fact that Aeysha was sitting at home waiting on me and worried because she still hadn’t seen me all day. But I had never heard anybody cry because they experienced a loss like this. Unlike last night when Simone was just shaken up, tonight she was wailing in such pain that it made me hurt.

My heart went out
to Tammy and it definitely went out to Simone.

             
“I’m on my way.”

F
ifteen

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Simone

“Tammy Douglas was born March 26, 1986 in Chicago, Illinois. Tammy was a beautiful, intelligent, young woman who loved science. She graduated from South Shore High School. After high school, she received formal education at Chicago State University. After receiving her Master’s as a double major in Education and Science, she taught Chemistry at Kenwood Academy High School…”

             
Sobs and sniffles seemingly played as a soundtrack to the reading of Tammy’s obituary. I stood at the podium, dressed in black and wearing shades, as I read the obituary, per Mrs. Douglas’ request. Mrs. Douglas’ cries were the worst I had ever heard in my life. They ripped through the church like a painful symphony. Her wails were wracked with so much agony and suffering. The sound of a mother’s cries that had lost her child was like nothing I ever heard before.

             
“…Tammy’s energy was just as magnetic as her beauty. She touched the lives of many with her smile and generosity. She touched the lives of countless students that she taught for the last three years, as well as children that she tutored in Science citywide…”

             
Some of those students were in attendance. They sat in the back of the large church taking up several pews. They wore their school t-shirts in tribute, even some with Tammy’s name or picture spray painted on the back.

             
Donte sat in the front row. When Mr. Douglas should have been the one getting consoled, he was next to Donte literally keeping Donte from totally falling apart. Donte seemed to be shivering with sadness and was overwhelmed with heartbreak.

             
Even in death, I envied Tammy. I read her obituary and envied how wonderfully she was being perceived. I saw the abundance of love there for her that day and envied how she was undeniably loved.

             
But as I read and laid eyes on Omari, I felt comfort in knowing that if no one in the world loved me, he was going to.

“
…Tammy was granted her angel wings on Wednesday, October 9,
,
2013. She is survived by her parents, Ernestine and Brian Douglas, her sisters, Tameryn and Talisia, and her best friend, Donte Booker, as well as numerous amounts of relatives, friends, coworkers, and students.”

Omari

“You okay?”

Simone and I were standing a few feet away from Tammy’s gravesite. I was holding her around her waist as she stood, along with a few of Tammy’s family members and close friends, as we watched grave workers lower her casket into the ground.

“Of course not.”

Simone’s voice was at a trembling whisper, so I kissed her cheek. She sighed heavily as she rested her head back on my chest. I honestly wanted to hold her until she wasn’t hurt anymore. If I could have kissed her pain away, I would have.

Ever since Tammy got killed, I had been with Simone as much as I could. I felt like a jerk when she told me that she knew about Aeysha. Being with her for the past week was my way of making up for
lying to her. Since I was no longer working for Ching, it was easy for me to juggle my free time outside of work between her and Aeysha. Aeysha thought that I was still on the streets with Ching. I let her think that so that I could manage to be there for Simone through such a fucked up time as this.

Though I
was spending a nice amount of time with Simone, I hadn’t fucked her. Believe me, I wanted to. Since Aeysha’s pregnancy was so high risk, she didn’t want to have sex. But with the range of emotions that Simone was going through, I didn’t want to toy with them at that time. I could see that she was feeling me and willing to fuck with me despite Aeysha. Though I could honestly say that I was feeling her, she needed to know that I loved my girl, we had a baby on the way, and that I was not about to leave her.

It wasn’t the right time to lay something
that thick on her.

I wanted to be
at home with my girl. With Ron’s murder still being intensively investigated though, I felt way better being at Simone’s crib instead of mine. There hadn’t been much word from the dics or Ching, but until I heard official notice that the investigation was closed, that murder would forever be over my head.

Simone and I were back in my Challenger and in the procession line traffic leaving the burial
site when my cell phone rang. It was Aeysha. Since Simone knew about Aeysha, I hadn’t had any issues talking to her in front of Simone these last few days.

“Hey, baby. What’s up?”

When I answered the phone, Simone slid her hand around my free hand, held it, and laid her head on my shoulder. This chick was so fucking down that it made my dick stand straight up. She wasn’t shit for being so willing despite my girl, but I couldn’t deny how her loyalty and submissiveness was refreshing as fuck. It had been a minute since I could tell a bitch to jump and she asked how high instead of telling me to jump my gawd damn self.

“I need to go to the hospital, Omari.”

There was so much fear in Aeysha’s voice that I immediately got scared.

Her voice was full of tears as she
asked, “Are you far away?”
              “I’m in the south suburbs. I can be there in like thirty minutes. What’s wrong?”
              “I’m cramping really bad. It feels like contractions. Then I spotted a few minutes ago. I’m scared I’m having a miscarriage.” At the word miscarriage, she broke down into tears and my heart broke.

I felt like shit being where I was at that mome
nt.

“What hospital are you going to? I’ll meet you there. It will be quicker.”

“The University of Chicago. Hurry up, babe.”

Aeysha

“Baby, it
’s going to be okay. Try to calm down.”

             
I closed my eyes and tried not to think the worse. I focused on Omari’s hand on my stomach, rubbing it soothing and lovingly.

             
No matter how much I tried not to be, I was so scared of losing my baby. I lay on the table in the examination room waiting for the doctor to come in to do the ultrasound. They had already started test and drawn blood.

             
“I don’t want to lose my baby.” My voice was at a frightened whisper. Tears rolled silently down my face as I lay looking towards the ceiling.

             
“Try thinking about something else, babe.”

             
I couldn’t even look at Omari. If I lost this baby, I felt like I would lose him. I wasn’t having this baby to keep him. But if I lost this baby, I was losing what had been an important part of changing this relationship from boyfriend/girlfriend to family.

             
“I’m so happy,” I said through tears. “For once, I’m genuinely happy. I just want it to stay that way.”

             
Omari’s hand left my stomach and held my hand tightly. He wiped my tears with the palm of his other hand and kissed my cheek slow and soothingly.

             
“In a million years, I never thought I would be here; in this moment, with you, carrying our baby. I’m so happy in this moment. For so long, I have wanted to be a better me. Even though I got a job, I am officially a better me now, because I am finally a mother and
your
baby’s mother. This baby changed me for the better. If it dies, I feel like I’ll die with it.”

             
Finally, I looked at him. My heart broke into pieces to see a lonely tear sliding slowly down his cheek.

             
Omari promised me, “Everything is going to be okay,” as if he would make it okay no matter what. “What are we going to name the baby?”
              He was changing the subject. By the looks of the tears that began to flow, it was for his sake, not mine.

             
“If it’s a girl, let’s name her Dahlia Rose, after your mother.”

             
While wiping his face free of his tears, Omari smiled happily. “I like that, babe. And if it’s a boy?”

             
“I’ll let you name him if it’s a boy.”
              “He’ll be a Junior then, of course!”

             
We both giggled as someone knocked on the door.

             
“I’m dressed,” I announced.

             
Just as quick as the conversation took my sadness away, it came back as Dr. Kumar came in. She cut off the lights and began to cover my stomach with ultrasound gel.

             
She noticed the fear in my eyes. With a comforting smile, she told me, “Relax. Let’s take a look at your baby.”

             
Me and Omari’s eyes widened as our little one appeared on the monitor in 3D. First, I could only see its arms and fingers. As Dr. Kumar moved the transducer probe, I could see that the baby was holding its little foot. Me and Omari broke out in uncontrollable giggles.

             
We stared at our baby in amazement; the image being so lifelike that it seemed as if we could reach out and touch our baby. We could see the structure of its nose, the chunkiness of its cheeks, and even that it had Omari’s slanted eyes.

             
“Do you want to know the gender?”

             
Before I could even answer, Omari answered, “Yea!”

             
Dr. Kumar and I laughed at his eagerness as she moved the probe to find the genitals. Omari and I stared at the monitor, holding our breath in anticipation. Honestly, I didn’t care what we had. I would be happy either way.

             
“It’s a girl.”

             
Though I didn’t care either way, I burst out in tears knowing that it was a girl.

             
Omari held my hand tightly with one hand while wrapping his other around my head and kissing my cheek over and over again.

             
“Dahlia Rose,” I uttered in amazement.

             
“Oh my God,” slipped from Omari’s lips in a whisper as he stared at his daughter. I was in pleasant shock, gazing at the monitor with a mixture of fear and joy. It was the most amazing feeling to lay eyes on something that I thought I would never have in my life. But as I lay there continuing to feel undeniable pain in my cervix, I was horrified by a premonition that this would be the closest I would come to seeing our baby.