Secrets of a Spinster (37 page)

But he would not make it easy for her.

Their dance had been delightful and full of shameless flirts and teases, and the two following it had been so full of unspoken emotion he’d nearly choked with it. How he was managing to at least appear so calm was beyond his comprehension. She was giving him her undivided attention, and that in excess. It had been almost two hours since she had arrived, and yet it seemed only minutes. He could have stayed with her like this for years…

His breath caught at the sudden pain in his chest. He wanted her for the rest of his life. He wanted her as she was tonight, as she had been yesterday, as she would be any given day or time. He wanted her. And more than that, she was his. There would never be anyone else for him, not in a million lifetimes. No one knew him so well, no one made him feel as she did, no one had such power over him, and no one could ever mean more to him than she did. She was his.

He looked down at her, only half listening to whatever it was she was saying. Had he never noticed how her lips moved so perfectly with every word she spoke? He was so captivated that he missed a question, which he discovered as she tilted her head up at him and said, “Well?”

He shook his head and smiled at her. “I apologize, my lady, what did you ask?”

“I am boring you,” she pouted, turning on her heel to leave.

He seized her arm in a vice-like grip. She was not going anywhere. “You are not boring me.”

She turned her head only and looked back at him. “Then why were you not listening?”

“I was thinking about you.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. “You were?”

He only nodded.

“And that took all of your mental capacity so that there was no room for listening?”

He grinned at her wit. “When in the company of a captivating mystery such as yourself, merely thinking about you can absorb quite a good deal of mental capacity. I have been attentive this whole night, does that not signify?”

She shook her head firmly, pursing her lips together. “Attentiveness does not signify true attention. I’ve had many suitors that were the most attentive of men who never heard a single word I ever spoke. It was the most tiresome thing on the planet.”

Geoff could not help it; he burst out laughing, turning a few heads in their direction. He knew she spoke truth from her experiences, and he loved that she would share that with him. It made his heart swell with pride and hope.

Mary turned to him fully, smiling herself. “You find me amusing, sir?”

He kept his hold on her arm, but gentled it considerably. He gave her a warm look. “Terribly so. And breathtaking.”

She gave a little laugh that he heard the smallest sounds of surprise in. “Breathtaking? Surely not.”

“Surely yes,” he murmured, pulling the arm he held so that her hand rested on his chest, where his heart had begun to pound wildly. “Can you feel that?”

Her eyes dropped to her hand where it lay on his chest, and he saw her fight for a swallow. “I think… you flatter me, Mr. Harris.”

“Oh, I hope I flatter you,” he said earnestly, his eyes raking over her. “I hope I inspire you. I hope I steal into your dreams at night and never leave them.”

Mary’s chest heaved with her breaths that panted between her lips. Still she didn’t meet his eyes. “I think you’ve said quite enough,” she whispered.

“I don’t think I have said nearly enough,” he breathed, his own breath hard to come by. He had not said enough for a lifetime. “But if you cannot bear to hear any more, then I will be silent.”

There could not have been anyone else in the room but the pair of them, not when he felt this intensity surrounding them, not when his pulse pounded in his ears, not when she stood before him in this way, so shy and modest, yet her hand rested over his heart. The heat pulsating from her touch coursed through his limbs, and he almost could not bear it. But he would bear it, and much more, if only…

She swallowed with great difficulty. “What else would you say?”

He had almost missed the words, so softly were they spoken. She wasn’t attempting to mask her voice any longer, and he heard raw terror in it. Yet she had forced them out in spite of her feelings. She wanted to know.

He reached out his fingers and tilted her face up so she would meet his eyes. The lights of the ballroom danced within her incomparable eyes, glittering like diamonds in the heavens. He stroked the soft underside of her chin once.

“That you are exquisite,” he told her, his voice low and warm. “That I have forgotten any other woman exists. That my heart has never known sensations like this. That one evening with you would never be enough. That I have realized that no one else will ever do for me. That I want nothing else but to adore you all the days of my life.”

He leaned in as if he would kiss her. He had to kiss her. He wanted nothing more in the world than to kiss her.

She gasped, but he heard something in it and pulled back to look at her. Her eyes had filled with tears and she fought for composure.

“I have to go,” she managed, her voice choked with emotion.

“What? Why?” he asked suddenly, bewildered as to what had happened.

Her face nearly crumpled and she shook her head. “You don’t know,” she whispered harshly, yanking her hand from his chest and his hold. “You don’t even know.” She whirled away and ran, darting in and out of people so fast he had not the smallest hope of pursuing her.

People turned and stared at him, then whispered amongst themselves.

He didn’t care.

Mary was gone.

What had he done?

“What in heaven’s name did you say to that goddess?” Colin asked as he suddenly appeared at Geoff’s side. “I thought the pair of you were getting on rather well.”

“I told her the truth.”

Colin winced and hissed loudly. “Never a good idea, old chap. Lies are much better.”

Geoff didn’t reply. He ached in places he didn’t know he could ache, yearned for the moments to roll back, that he could live in those precious seconds where time had ceased to exist and Mary had been his.

“So what great truth did you reveal to the siren, hmm?”

“That I love her,” Geoff murmured, still staring at the now vacated entrance where Mary had disappeared from view. “Well, not that, but that I adore her, and that I wanted to do so for the rest of my life.”

Colin whistled low. “Bravo, Geoff,” he chuckled. “Pity it didn’t go over so well. Do you know who she was?”

“Mary.” Even her name ached as it passed his lips.

“Pardon?” Colin asked as he took another glass from a passing footman, apparently having not heard.

“It was Mary.”

Whatever beverage had been in the process of being drunk suddenly came blasting out of Colin’s mouth, and unfortunately misted the nearest guests. But Colin, being Colin, didn’t notice any of it as he stared at Geoff with large eyes. “That was… that was Mary?”

“Of course, it was Mary,” Geoff snorted. “Who else?”

“Stop,” Colin said, shaking his head quickly. “Stop, that couldn’t have… Mary, really?”

Geoff rolled his eyes and moved to the nearest wall of the room and leaned on it, tilting his head back with a groan. “Who else, Colin? You think I would have said that to just anybody?”

“Wait, you knew it was her all the time?” Colin asked as he followed and stood facing him.

He nodded. “She didn’t know that I knew, but I did. How could I not? I love her.”

Colin paled. “I beg your pardon?”

Geoff glared at him. “I love Mary,” he said in a slow, deliberate tone that left absolutely no room for misinterpretation. “I always have.”

“Oh,” Colin said softly, blinking in confusion. He swallowed and took another long drink of his beverage. “Correct me if I am wrong, I know so little of these things…”

Geoff waited, tempted to roll his eyes already.

“But… should you not have… run after her, then?” He gestured faintly in the direction of the exit once, and then again for effect.

Geoffrey winced and looked up at the ceiling.

“Would that not be the romantic thing to do?” Colin prodded thoughtfully, starting to smile ever so smugly, gesturing one last time towards the exit.

Geoff exhaled forcefully and took the liberty of banging his head against the wall repeatedly. Those nearest looked at him with concern, but quickly skirted away.

Colin watched with interest, then cleared his throat. “Oh dear. Geoffrey Harris, by all the authority given me by the Society of London, I hereby proclaim that you utterly fail at being a romantic hero.”

Geoff glared at him again, which only served to make Colin chuckle.

“Come on,” Colin said cheerily, throwing an arm about his shoulder. “Let’s go somewhere much more suited to my taste and your stupidity. All these masks are making me very uneasy.”

Geoff resisted. “Colin, I am not in humor for…”

“For an expeditious gathering of our friends to plot how to put you back on the romantic road and see you collect the fair hand of your lady love?” Colin finished with a wry rising of one brow. “Are you sure?”

Geoff opened his mouth in shock.

Colin grinned broadly. “Nice to know I can still take you by surprise, Harris. Come on, we’ve work to do.”

C
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T
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T
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T
hree days. Three long and lonely days with nothing to do but sit in anguish and ponder over her abject stupidity. How could she have been such a fool?

She had fallen in love with Geoffrey Harris.

Again.

She slapped her bedcovers as she lounged against her headboard. She was a complete idiot. She had fallen for his charms, his goodness, and the way he made her feel. She had let herself become soft where he was concerned, and in spite of every attempt, she had let him take her heart.

And he didn’t care at all.

How dare he make her fall in love with him again, after all this time, after all the fighting, after all her tricks of the season and his ill-humor and rudeness, after everything they’d come through, and then to make violent love to a perfect stranger in a mask? The gall of the man! Had he no decency or sense or honor at all?

And what of Lily Arden? He had fawned over her before, and again at the ball, when he was supposed to be waiting and looking for Mary, he had been at it once more!

She thought she knew him. She thought she could trust him. She barked a laugh at herself and closed her eyes. She had thought she could love him. Worse than that, she thought it might be possible for him to love her.

It was a ridiculous notion. He would never love her. Oh, he was a good friend when he chose to be, and she had no doubt he loved her dearly. But it would never be how a man should love a woman.

How she wanted him to love her. It didn’t matter that lately he had been sweet and charming and made her feel things she’d thought her heart too sensible to feel again. It didn’t matter that his eyes had somehow developed the power to melt her bones and set her heart aflame.

He had nearly professed his love for the stranger she had been that night. He was supposed to be looking for her, the real her, not the version of herself she had come as.

She screeched and slapped at the bed once more. It was maddening, this torment of reliving every aching moment. But she had to endure it. She had to live through it. It would be the only way she could shut him out of her heart for good.

Her heart was putting up an incredible resistance.

This had become a frequent occurrence since that night. She had refused all callers and notes, forcing Cassie to be her guard and postmaster for good measure. She couldn’t see anybody and wouldn’t hear from anybody until she had regained the good sense that had once been hers.

And she absolutely would not under any circumstances hear from, see, or have anything to do with Geoffrey Harris.

That she had been absolutely resolved upon.

Cassandra knew most of the story, and had been understandably confused, but as Mary had been prone to uncharacteristic outbursts of raw emotion of late, she was quite amenable to all of Mary’s demands. She never once scolded her for the behavior, nor did she give her own opinions on the subject. She became, as it were, the Mary to Mary’s current Cassandra.