Secrets of My Hollywood Life #4: Paparazzi Princess (10 page)

"MOM," I say a tad sharply. I'm growing tired of how dismissive Mom is of my opinion, especially when she does it in front of Seth. "I
do
want an offer. This is the first project I've liked the sound of. You have no idea how hard all this has been on me --"

"You
think
you like the sound of this project because you haven't met with other directors yet," Mom cuts me off. "We have to meet with the network about those other pilots and the reality show. You have to make a decision and soon, Kaitlin. I will not have another article on our hands like that one in
Hollywood Nation
."

"Meg, that article was ridiculous," Seth tells her. "Kaitlin is doing the same thing everyone else on the show is doing, considering offers. We're not behind -- yet. We just have to find a project she really likes. I already had Laney call
Nation
and tell them about the projects Kaitlin is currently considering."

I beam at Seth. I love how he has my back when it comes to Mom. Seth hasn't said it in so many words, but Nadine thinks Mom's managerial style really gets under his skin.

"Several of the projects Kaitlin is considering are very promising." Seth winks at me.

"I finished that TV pilot about the teens in Alaska and I thought it was remarkable," I tell them. The writer for the show is phenomenal. Even though the idea of a new TV show scares me, this script was so good I couldn't put it down.

"I'm trying to get you a meeting next week," Seth says. "Are you game?"

"I hated it," Mom interjects. "A show set in Alaska sounds boring. That's the only TV pilot I've read that I've hated."

Seth and I just look at her. If Mom tries to stop me from meeting with this director, I'll freak out. My mother, more than anyone, should know what kind of roles appeal to her daughter and what don't.

"I can't wait to hear what you think of the play when you're finished reading it," Seth tries to change the subject.

"I started reading it last night and it's really good," I admit. I'm still terrified of the idea of live theater, but I think being onstage could be very liberating. Dad's right. Every night your performance is different, and every night the audience reacts to it differently. It sounds like great thespian training. And a play is something that could help me transition from being just a teen actress to a more grown-up one.

When I think about it, I do have a lot of good choices. I just have to get past the idea of accepting one of them as my new job (if I'm offered one, of course). I can like the scripts all I want, but the idea of committing to something makes me want to breathe in a paper bag.

"I still think TV is the way to go," Mom says stubbornly. "It's much more stable."

"That's not true, Meg," Seth interjects again, sounding a wee bit strained. "Pilots are a gamble. Kaitlin could work with a brilliant director and a talented cast and the show could still not get picked up."

Seth knows HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER SIX: Very early in the pilot season, the buzz always centers around pilots that have star quality of some sort. If the show has a big-name creator, is a popular current show's spin-off, is based on a popular book or movie, or has a star attached, then everyone gets all excited and writes about how the pilot is the next
Friends
or
Sex and the City
or
Gossip Girl
. Sadly, it rarely works out that way. At the end of the day it doesn't matter who wrote the pilot or who is attached to star or what book the pilot was based on -- to get picked up, the show has to be good. It's that simple.

"Which is why I want to cover all our bases," Mom says stiffly. "That's why I made the next appointment."

"What appointment?" Seth and I say at the same time again.

"Mom, I have to meet Liz in an hour," I moan. "You knew that."

"Kate-Kate, I was not about to pass up a meeting with TJ from Jay Street Records because you're meeting Liz to go shopping," Mom tells me." Tell Liz you'll be there when you can."

"Mom, you have to stop booking things for me and not telling me!" I complain. I'm not sure what to freak out over first -- the fact that Mom is ruining the first date I've had with Liz since before Christmas or the fact that I'm being forced to see a famed record producer, which I do not want to do.

I've never met TJ before, but I know all about him. He goes by just TJ. His first name is Troy, but no one seems to know what his last name is or if it even starts with the letter J. He's this musical whiz kid. He had his first triple-platinum album at seventeen, started his own label at nineteen, pillaged a rival label's clients at twenty and now at twenty-two has arguably one of the best music catalogs in town. He's also known for his hard-partying ways. How he gets any work done is beyond me. There's not a night that man isn't photographed on the town.

"Mom, I am not going to have a music career," I say, my voice rising. "I have no interest. None whatsoever. Tell TJ we're not coming."

"Give us one good reason you shouldn't be a crossover star?" Mom says calmly. "You have the look, you're the right age, and you've got a decent voice. With TJ behind you, your sound could be great."

"Kaitlin doesn't want to cut an album," Seth interjects angrily. "She's told us that on several occasions. And besides which, if she did want to do one,
I
would have set up the meeting, Meg, not you. How could you do this without telling me?"

"I am not making an album!" I say over their raised voices. "You can't make me do it!"

Why won't anyone listen to me? I feel like a caged animal being held against my will. My face feels hot, and not just because I'm angry, and I'm having a hard time breathing normally. I feel a knot in my neck start to scream again in protest. Not another headache! I reach into my bag for my diminishing bottle of Tylenol. "See what the stress is doing to me, Mom?" I want to yell.

My hands are shaking, but while Mom and Seth argue, I quickly text Liz. When she doesn't respond right away, I call her phone and it goes straight to voicemail. "Liz, if you get this, I might be late. Mom is forcing me to go to a meeting that she never told me about. I'm so sorry. I'll tell you more when I see you. I'll get there as soon as I can."

Our car pulls up to a nondescript office building. "Oh look! We're here and there's a Starbucks!" Mom says happily. She seems to hit a Starbucks on every street corner. No wonder she's always so wired. Mom turns toward me. "Just meet with TJ, okay? He really likes your look."

Suddenly I feel very tired. Too tired to argue. Mom has won again and I don't have the energy to fight her. "Fine."

Mom grins. "Good. We have ten minutes before the appointment so I'm going to pop in Starbucks, get a double soy cap, and call the
Fashionistas
editor again. I thought of another quote I want to give her." Mom puts on her sunglasses and wraps her head in a scarf, then slides out of the car.

"I don't know how you do it, Kaitlin," Seth says quietly when Mom is gone. "Your mom is a tough negotiator."

I close my eyes to keep the car from spinning. "I know."

"I guess if we're here, you should meet with TJ," Seth says with a sigh. "He hates being stood up. Even if you don't want to do an album, you want to stay on his good side." I nod. "But I'm not sending you in there alone. He can be quite a shark and I don't want you signing on to let your mom produce your debut album without my consent."

"Okay." Somehow I feel better knowing Seth is with me.

Ten minutes later, I'm standing face-to-face with TJ himself.

"Kaitlin Burke." TJ shakes my hand warmly and takes a seat across from me in his large office, with almost 360 degree views of Los Angeles. TJ is shorter than I imagined, but in every other way, he is exactly how I pictured him. He reminds me of Kanye West. He's short, never takes his sunglasses off even when he's indoors, and he talks in a soft, smooth tone. "I was wondering when we'd finally get you in here. Meg and I have been talking for weeks about this." Mom clears her throat.

Weeks, huh? "I appreciate you waiting to see me," I tell him politely. "I've been swamped with work."

TJ stares at me as he lounges in the other chair. "Not for long though, huh? That show is history!" He laughs and the sound shoots right through me. If TJ wasn't so important, I would snap back that my show is as long for the world as his weak new artist, Rocco, is for the top-ten chart.

"Anyway, the reason I called you in here is because, as I told Meg, I think you have talent that's untapped and if we can harness it, you could be a major music star," TJ says. "You'd have it all in this town. Not many can do that."

You can say that again. Do you know how many music stars have tried to break into Hollywood and vice versa? Now is probably not the time to bring that up.

"I've already got a whole game plan in mind for you if you're up for it," TJ tells us. "We'd cut several tracks for your album right away, and the rest we'd do after the show stops taping. You'd have to finish things up at night or on weekends and we'd have to get going on cover art for your album ASAP. We're thinking a vampy look. The anti-Sam. Fishnets, a bustier or a corset. Something like that."

Fishnets? A corset? I wouldn't even wear that on Halloween!

"That's a pretty radical change for Kaitlin," Seth pipes up. "She's idolized by a lot of young girls and we don't want her to lose her fan base."

TJ laughs. "Kaitlin doesn't seem too worried about that," he says, looking at me. "You're the master at press, if you ask me. First you vacation with the party set, next you stage your own kidnapping. I've seen all those pictures of you with Lauren Cobb and Ava Hayden too. Those two are not exactly tween-friendly, if you know what I mean."

"I wasn't actually kidnapped," I tell TJ. "And Lauren, Ava, and I just started hanging out. It's not what it appears to be in the papers." I can't believe how off-base the press has been about my whereabouts and partying. It just goes to show that you can't believe everything you read.

"I've had some good times with Lauren and Ava," TJ reminisces. "When you see them, tell them I said holla. And ask them if they remember that night in Cabo." I glance at Seth out of the corner of my eye. "I think it's great that you guys are hanging out. I like the new you," TJ adds. "We're thinking of some really sexy songs that show the world how grown-up you are. We want them to see you're nothing like that little sweet pea you've played all these years. This is a grown-up Kaitlin and she's ready to rock out. We're talking songs about boys wanting more, driving cars, dealing with bad breakups, and guys leading you on. We want angst, anger, sexed-up energy. "

"Wow." Seriously, that's all I can muster right now.

"I'm sure Meg would agree with me that anger, angst, and sexed-up energy is not the way we want to go with Kaitlin," Seth says, looking at Mom, who looks ready to pass out. I think she's just realized she's in over her head.

So have I. I feel like the walls are closing in. Sexed-up Sam is not me. I picture myself with big hair and a whip on my CD cover. "That's not really me," I tell TJ.

He shrugs. "We can talk about playing with your look. One thing we won't compromise on is the tour. We're talking some arenas, tons of radio shows. We'll send you to the opening of a Wal-Mart if we think it will get you fans." TJ laughs. "But who am I kidding? Wal-Mart won't even carry your CD because of the content. This baby is going to be too hot to handle."

I smile weakly. Too hot to handle? I look at Mom. She looks nervous too. At least she's finally paying attention, even if it has nothing to do with something I said. I wonder if Mom actually talked to TJ about any of this beforehand or if she was so excited about Kaitlin Burke, music star, that she just wanted to get me in here? I glance at the door. What would happen if I bolted?

"Of course, we'd build up your album with tons of pre-publicity," TJ adds. "We rock at that. We'll leak the most offensive, or hottest, song first and see what the public thinks before we commit to a first single."

"Thanks for your time, TJ," Seth says, putting his hand on my shoulder and helping me stand. Mom quickly moves to Seth's side. "We'll think about it and call you."

I look at the clock. I still have fifteen minutes to get to the Grove. If Rodney takes the side streets I might make it on time. I sneak a peek at my Sidekick. I have no new messages. I hope Liz heard my voicemail.

"Whoa, whoa," TJ holds up his hands in surrender. "This offer is only good if I can hear her sing. Meg said she has a killer voice and I want to hear those pipes."

My chest begins to constrict. "Here? Now? I don't have anything prepared," I blurt out. I look at Seth and Mom. Mom is actually perspiring, something I've never seen happen to her before.

TJ hands me a sheet of paper. "That's okay. We already wrote you a song. Our mixing room is on this floor. I've got a group waiting to lay it down. Once we hear you sing it, we can move forward."

Okay, this is moving too fast for me. I glance down at the paper. The song is titled "Paparazzi Princess."

"TJ, I don't think Kaitlin is prepared to sing for you today," Mom tells him. "Maybe we could come back another time."

"Who comes to a record meeting about an album without being ready to sing?" TJ laughs. "You said she'd sing and I cleared my schedule so that she could do that."

The room is quiet. TJ has us. Seth pulls at the collar of his pressed white shirt, which he's wearing under a smart navy suit that I'm sure is Ralph Lauren. Mom fans herself with the sheet music.

"It's just . . . Kaitlin's vocal cords are kind of strained," Mom starts to say. Then she sees TJ's face. It could melt rubber. "But I guess she could do a quick take. We can't make time for a studio session. Kaitlin could sing a few bars for you right here if you want. Do you have a tape recorder?"

"Mom," I hiss.

"This will only take a few minutes," Mom says dismissively as TJ reaches into his desk and pulls out a tiny pocket recorder.

I read over the words to the song and am not sure if I should laugh or cry.