Secrets of My Hollywood Life #4: Paparazzi Princess (19 page)

But Kaitlin's friends at
Family Affair
hope the star is not courting disaster. "Kaitlin is a teen and she's allowed to be flighty," says a show source. "But hopefully these two don't influence her too much. I'd hate to see a promising career like Kaitlin's fall apart because she loses her head."

Kaitlin's certainly seen her share of less than glittering press the past few weeks--her night life, lack of a future project, and her mom's scathing interview in Fashionistas have caused some to worry about Kaitlin's post-
FA
career. "I'm really upset about her," sobbed former costar Alexis Holden, who claims she's seen this meltdown coming for a while. "She's going to ruin her career if she is not careful. I'm asking the public to pray that Kaitlin gets the help she needs before it's too late." *

Twelve: Kaitlin Isn't Sure of Anything Anymore

Austin slides into the backseat next to me and looks around the empty car. "Where is everyone?"

It's Saturday morning and Rodney and I have just picked up Austin on our way to my
Sure
photo shoot. Normally I'd have a huge entourage with me for this sort of thing, but Mom had a date with, um, a collagen injection (shhhh!), and Nadine had to fly to San Francisco to be a bridesmaid in her cousin's wedding. I've been so preoccupied with my social life that I forgot Nadine was even going out of town. I didn't realize she was gone till I got to my dressing room on Friday morning and I found a detailed itinerary for my shoot and my weekend plans. For once there was no personal note attached saying something like,
Miss you! Have a great time!
Nadine always leaves me notes. But that was before I lashed out at her the way I did.

I feel guiltier than ever about the way I've been behaving lately. Seeing how Lauren and Ava treat others has made me realize how important it is to have people around you that you trust. I can do that with Liz and Nadine. A fight shouldn't get in the way of our friendship. I know now I have to fix things with both of them before it's too late.

"My dad and Matty are going to meet us at the shoot," I tell Austin. "They had an early tee time this morning so they were going home to shower first. Laney is coming from a press conference so she's got her own car."

Austin moves closer and snuggles my neck. "I'm glad we're alone. I've missed you," he says. "You've been so busy I've barely talked to you this week."

Austin smells so good I think I may pass out. He doesn't look so bad either in his American Eagle jeans and a button-down striped shirt that is open over a navy blue tee.

"I've been with Lauren and Ava a lot," I admit, "but I think I'm sort of done with all that partying."

Austin smiles. "It's not really your style, is it?"

Austin hasn't come right out and told me what he thinks of Lauren and Ava, probably because he's still never met them, but he's talked to them on the phone, and he never sounds too jazzed when he gets off. Instead he's been making little comments, like that one, that lead me to believe he's not their biggest fan.

I fill Austin in on how Lauren and Ava have been behaving and what a jerk I've been to Nadine. I tell him what happened the day Liz called me and how I've been too embarrassed and unsure of what to say to her about everything to call her back. The great thing about Austin is that he listens, but he doesn't pass judgment. Instead he says: "You'll fix things with Nadine and Liz, but I guess Lauren and Ava aren't the people you thought they were."

"Lauren and Ava were a great escape from all these major changes in my life," I admit. "They have no responsibilities and all they seem to do is shop or party. Being with them was fun for a while, but it wasn't real." I look out the window. Our car is driving higher and higher in the Hollywood Hills and I know we must be minutes from our destination, a private home
Sure
borrowed for our shoot. Apparently it has magnificent views of the city. "I'm going to fix things with Nadine and Liz right after this photo shoot is over. It's the first time in days that I'll have a good, quiet moment to dedicate to them, and that's my first priority." I'm not sure what I'm going to do about Lauren and Ava though. They called me yesterday, but I haven't called them back yet.

Austin leans in and kisses me again. "This is what I love about you," he whispers in my ear, shooting hot breath onto my neck. I feel electricity pulse through my veins. It's the L-word again! "You always do the right thing in the end."

"You've taught me well," I joke. I'm not sure how to react. Do I say, "This is what I love about you too?" I'm still a little unsure about when to use the L-word and when it's overkill. Like, when we're eating ice cream, is it too much to say, "I
love
that you
love
black cherries on your sundae too"?

"Have you figured out what you're going to do about work?" Austin asks.

I shake my head. I know I screwed up with the friend thing, but when it comes to everything else, I'm still at a loss. The more I think about my future, and hear Laney's, Seth's, and Mom's voices in my head, the more freaked out I become. My dizzy spells and constricted breathing attacks are getting more frequent and I'm starting to think that something is seriously wrong with my health, but I'm too scared to tell anyone what is going on. I can't even concentrate on my SATs, which are around the corner.

"Try not to stress about that this morning," Austin says. "You need to look good for the camera, which shouldn't be too hard." He kisses me. "How could they not get a great picture of you? You're gorgeous."

He's making me blush. Again. Austin has a way of doing that.

"We're here," Rodney announces and takes a sip of his protein shake. "We're fifteen minutes early, just like Laney and Nadine wanted." In the rearview mirror, I can see him frown. "Since this is a private road, I can't park on the street. I can't fit in the driveway either because they have so many vans. I might have to go all the way back to the bottom of the hill and that could take a while. Will you be okay going in alone? I'll be back as soon as I can."

"I'll be fine, Rod," I promise.

When I open the car door, Christy Connor is waiting. She's
Sure
's senior writer, and she's in charge of my story. "Hi, Christy. How are you?" I say, extending my hand.

"Great! Everyone inside is really pumped for today's shoot," she tells me.

Christy reminds me of those overly exuberant tour guides you usually have at a museum. Her voice is high and every word is perfectly enunciated. She's shorter than I pictured her, but very tiny, like a little wind-up doll, and she has short brown hair and really amazing gray eyes that have wandered over to meet Austin's.

"This must be Austin Meyers," she says. "We know all about you. Or, should I say, we wish we knew more. Any chance you'd like to sit down for a secondary interview to add to Kaitlin's story?"

"Today is all about Kaitlin." Austin winks at me. "But maybe next time."

Wow, Laney has really taught him well. One fifteen minute tutorial with her, and he's a media pro!

"I understand," Christy says, even though she looks disappointed. "Should we head inside?" She turns and walks up the stone stairway and opens the double doors.

The house they've rented is gorgeous. Every stitch of the floors, ceiling and furniture are a shade of white. I'm afraid to touch anything! The living room we've walked into is expansive. It only looks smaller because rows and rows of designer clothes are hanging on rolling clothing racks, waiting for me to look at them. There is a large team of people standing by to dress and primp me for the shoot, which will probably take place outside. On either side of the living room fireplace are sets of French doors leading onto what looks like a large patio and infinity pool. They have a killer view of the city, which you can see really well now that the smog has lifted. I notice the photographer is already setting up on the patio. I breathe deeply. To my left must be the kitchen and from the smell of things, I'm thinking some sort of quiche, or possibly chicken and veggies, are on the catering menu for today.

"Wow," Austin whispers.

Wow is right. It looks like the
Sure
crew went all out.

"Has Laney Peters or my dad gotten here yet?" I ask. It's not like Laney to be late for anything.

Christy shakes her head. "I'm sure they'll be here soon. In the meantime, we were thinking we'd get you styled and made up, take some test shots, and then maybe break for lunch. If you don't mind, I can interview you then," Christy tells me.

As I head off to makeup and to get my hair done, Austin settles into one of the comfy-looking white couches and picks up the latest issue of
Sure
. A magazine assistant quickly hurries over with smoothies for each of us. Someone hooks up their iPod to the sound system and blasts the latest John Mayer CD. I begin to relax when my phone rings.

"KAITLIN?" It's Laney. "THIS FREAKIN' TRAFFIC ON THE 101 IS A MONSTER. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON. MY CAR HASN'T INCHED IN AN HOUR. IF SOMETHING ISN'T ENGULFED IN FLAMES WHEN I FINALLY GET PAST THIS JAM, I'M CALLING SCHWARZENEGGER TO COMPLAIN!"

"It's okay," I tell her. "I'm just doing hair and makeup right now."

"THAT'S FINE, BUT DON'T DO YOUR INTERVIEW TILL I GET THERE," Laney barks. "I'LL CHECK IN WITH YOU --
beep
-- TER." Someone else is calling me. I look at the ID. It's Dad and Matty.

"Okay, Laney," I tell her. "Call me soon." I click over to Dad and Matty. "Where are you guys?"

Dad moans. "A tractor trailer fire on the 101 has blocked off all but one lane of traffic," he laments. "We haven't moved in almost an hour."

"Laney is stuck too," I tell him.

"We'll be there --
beep
-- as we can," Dad says.

I look at my caller ID again. It's Mom now. "Dad, Mom is calling. I have to go." I click over again. "Mom? I thought you had a procedure."

"I'm going in, sweetie, but I just heard fantastic news," Mom says. "E! wants to carry our reality show!"

"I thought we nixed the show idea," I say discreetly. I can feel my anxiety level rising by the second.

"Not completely," Mom says lightly. "I've been exploring it and I think it could be a great way to redeem our character after that horrid
Fashionistas
article. The exposure from that show could get you a TV show ten times better than that silly Alaska one."

My skin starts to prickle. I'm tired of Mom ignoring what I want. This is my career and she has to let me have a say. When I fix things with Nadine and Liz, maybe it's time for me to sit down and talk frankly with Mom too. "Mom, I like that show."

"Kaitlin, don't pretend to care about it that much," Mom snaps. "Seth told me you've been too busy this week to even take a meeting with them."

I've put off everything lately, but after what happened Thursday night with Lauren and Ava, I realized that had to change. I'm taking control of my future. That Alaska show, the play,
Manolos
-- I'm going to make it a priority to try to get one of those projects even if I am terrified of moving on. Seth was out of town on Friday, but he's back today. As soon as I hang up, I'm calling him. "Mom, I have to go," I tell her.

"They're calling me in too," Mom says. "Give Daddy and Matty my love!"

I scroll through my numbers for Seth's and dial, but I hear someone clear their throat and I look up. The stylist is standing in front of me, waiting. Oops. I guess my new assertiveness will have to wait till after I'm primped and I pick out my wardrobe.

Choosing something glamorous to wear isn't tough. I adore a navy Stella McCartney dress, salivate over a Jay Godfrey one that is similar to the one I wore to
Vanity Fair
's party, and can't get enough of a pair of Rock and Republic's wide-leg jeans and an Alice and Olivia wrap sweater. Since there will probably be three outfit changes (you need at least one look for the cover and sometimes two for the inside photos), the stylist tells me I can use them all.

I'm so glad I listened to Laney and took this cover offer. I was a little hesitant about doing
Sure
because a lot of people whisper that it's not true journalism.

HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER TWELVE:
Sure
, like many British tabloids, actually -- shhh! -- sometimes pay for editorial interviews, and many stars like to do them. Not only are you paid, you get to control the content of the interview. You can state up front what you won't talk about -- whether it's your crazy religion, your nasty recent breakup, or your hush-hush rumored lipo.

Laney's only ground rule for mine was that we not discuss Austin at length (my request, not hers).

My prep time flies by, but Dad, Matty, and Laney still aren't here so we move to taking the test shots. They come out really nice. The photographer even lets Austin keep one of the Polaroids (photographers always use Polaroids for test pictures). As we break for lunch, I'm in a really good mood. I change back into the Gap jeans and navy-and-white striped tee I came in (I'd die if I got food on one of those thousand-dollar dresses I had on!) and Austin and I sit down to eat. Christy quickly joins us after we've taken a few bites. She lays her tiny tape recorder ominously in front of us and then pulls out a second one. That's funny. I've never seen a reporter carry two recorders before.

"Do you mind if I ask you some questions while you eat?" Christy asks. Her own plate is practically empty except for a few small pieces of melon.

"Laney wanted me to wait till she got here to do the interview," I apologize.

Christy looks at her watch. "I'm sure she'll be here soon. We'll start off with a few easy questions until she gets here."

"Okay." I quickly swallow my last bite and wipe my mouth. "Austin is going to sit in, if you don't mind."

"I don't if you don't," Christy says.

The first ten minutes of questions are easy -- my favorite things to do on a day off, what I wear when I'm home, what my last vacation was like -- and then they get progressively more difficult -- Austin and me (I answer briefly without too many details so that some part of our relationship is kept private), what my hopes for my career are, and what possessed me to do such things as fight with Alexis Holden in public or hide out in high school disguised as someone else. (Let's be honest, I saw those questions coming. Interviewers ask them every time.) Laney's still not here, but I feel comfortable enough to keep going. I get a little nervous when she asks about my mom's bad interview in
Fashionistas
, and why I don't have another project lined up yet, but then the
FA
questions begin. Talking about working with Matty is easy, but I still can't seem to swallow the topic of
FA
ending.