Secrets & Saris (9 page)

Neil stretched out a hand and touched the doll lightly. ‘I see you’ve met my granddaughter,’ he said wryly. ‘I hope she’s been saying good things about me.’

‘She’s not real,’ Shefali informed him. ‘She can’t feel things, apparently.’

‘Hmm,’ Neil said. ‘Did Nina tell you that?’

Shefali nodded, hardly daring to breathe as Neil got to his feet, taking her hands and gently pulling her up to stand next to him.

‘I don’t believe I thanked you for taking care of Nina, did I?’ he said.

Shefali shook her head. Her body seemed to be doing things on its own, and she found herself leaning closer to him, tipping her head back and puckering her lips invitingly, leaving him in no doubt about how exactly she wanted to be thanked.

Neil bent his head and, not being able to wait any more, Shefali went up on her toes, dragging his head down with both hands and claiming his lips hungrily with her own. The kiss was explosive, their enforced four-day separation making them desperate. The world seemed to tilt just a little bit for Shefali, and she clung on to Neil’s broad shoulders as she gave herself up completely to the sensation of his hot, eager lips on hers.

‘Daddy, should I wear the blue dress or the pink?’ Nina called out from her room.

Neil broke the kiss for a second to say, ‘Blue,’ before he slammed the door shut behind him and pulled Shefali back into his arms. This time, however, he buried his face in the nape of her neck, taking deep shuddering breaths and soothing her trembling body with his hands before he said huskily, ‘Another two seconds and I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself.’

Too shaken to speak, Shefali just nodded, knotting her fingers in the material of his shirt. He was right to stop. Her mind acknowledged that. But her body was clamouring for more. It wasn’t fair, being so close to him and not being able to do more than run her hands over his fully clothed body. So frustrated that she could scream, she dug her nails into his arms, feeling the smooth brown skin break under the pressure. He flinched, but didn’t say anything, bending down to drop butterfly-light kisses on her eyelids.

‘Tonight,’ he said, and Shefali raised her eyes to his at the promise in his voice.

‘How?’ she asked softly, having finally regained control over her vocal cords. ‘You can’t leave Nina.’

He shook his head vigorously. ‘You stay,’ he said. ‘Have dinner here. Bela’s on sedatives, she’ll go to bed early, and the nurse will be in her room. Nina sleeps in her own room. All we need to do is wait for all of them to go to sleep.’

He knew he was being reckless, going against all the rules he’d set for himself, but the feel of Shefali’s body against his was sending a kind of madness coursing through his veins. He could wait till tonight—just about—but not any longer.

Nina was banging on the door, demanding to be let in, and Neil released Shefali to open it. The little girl had changed into her blue frock and was ready to leave. Luckily Neil seemed to have his wits around him, and he managed to get them to the nearest mall without any trouble. Shefali was still so disorientated that she didn’t think she was capable of walking in a straight line, let alone driving. She’d regained use of her wits by the time they were in the mall, however, and helped Nina pick out a party dress and a tiny bright-green
salwar kameez
set.

‘Let’s get you something as well,’ Neil suggested to Shefali. ‘You can help us celebrate Pujo.’

Nina bounced up and down in excitement. ‘Teacher, I saw a
salwar kameez
just like mine in the grown-ups’ section. Can you buy it?
Pleeease?
We’ll be matching, then!’

Shefali barely suppressed a shudder. Parrot-green looked cute on a four-year-old, but on a full-grown woman it would be hideous. But Nina had grabbed her by the hand and was dragging her towards the shelf where the
salwar kameez
was. Shefali looked back mock-pleadingly at Neil.

‘Nina, let Shefali buy what she wants,’ Neil said, frowning slightly.

Nina’s face fell. ‘But we should
match
!’ she said, looking up into Shefali’s face.

‘No,’ Neil said brusquely. ‘Come on, Nina, let’s go and choose a sari for Bela Mashi and let Shefali get on with selecting something.’

He knew he looked far more irritated than the occasion warranted. Unbidden, he was remembering the little bead necklace Nina had given Reema on her last visit to Mumbai. Reema had laughed, and thanked Nina prettily, but she hadn’t worn the necklace, and after she’d left he’d found it lying on the sofa where she’d been sitting. The half-possessive, half-imploring look on Nina’s little face now was exactly the same as the one she’d worn when she’d spoken to Reema, and it made Neil tense as if in response to a hidden threat.

‘Come on, Nina,’ he said again.

Nina stood her ground, however, and Shefali intervened quickly before Neil lost his temper. ‘Nina, I’ll buy the
kameez
, and a white
churidaar
and
dupatta—
what do you think? We’ll still match, but I won’t be fully in green, so no one will think I’m a tree.’

‘Will they think
I’m
a tree, then?’ Nina asked, evidently worried.

‘Maybe a little plant,’ Shefali said. ‘Or a big parrot.’

‘Or a tall frog,’ Nina said, wrinkling her tiny nose.

‘Or a green fairy,’ Shefali offered.

Nina brightened up. ‘Can I have green fairy wings?’

‘We can make some,’ Shefali promised, giving Neil a quick look. He looked more relaxed now—less as if he was about to swoop down on them and carry Nina away.

‘You’re good with kids,’ he said in an undertone as Nina veered off towards the toy section.

Shefali shrugged. ‘I’ve worked with kids for years,’ she said, partly pleased by the compliment, but partly annoyed at the tone of surprise in his voice. In spite of the days she’d spent looking after Nina, he still seemed to think that Nina needed protecting from her.

‘Don’t we need to get some stuff for you as well?’ she asked as Neil collected Nina and the shopping trolley and moved towards the checkout counter. Neil grabbed two XXL
kurtas
from a stack without breaking stride.

‘Shopping done,’ he announced, and she had to laugh.

‘You obviously haven’t turned into a self-obsessed TV star yet,’ she teased. ‘Aren’t you going to even try those on?’

Neil dumped the clothes onto the counter. ‘Nope,’ he said, handing his credit card to the sales clerk. ‘If they don’t fit I’ll give them away.’

‘If they don’t fit Bela Mashi’s going to send you all the way back to pick up more clothes,’ Shefali warned. ‘Isn’t it the eighth day of the festival tomorrow? She said everyone needs to be in new clothes for that.’

‘You have a point,’ Neil said, and took one of the
kurtas
from the counter. ‘Here—hold it up against me and see if it fits.’

Shefali took the long-sleeved tunic and brought it up to his shoulders. In an instant the atmosphere between them changed, as if they were back in his house with the door shutting out the rest of the world. A faint whiff of his aftershave teased at her nostrils, and she had to physically restrain herself from pressing closer to his hard torso. Fully aware of the effect he was having on her, Neil stood absolutely still, and Shefali slid her hands slowly over his chest as she smoothed the
kurta
against his shoulders.

‘It fits,’ Nina said impatiently, breaking the spell between them with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. ‘Can we pay and go now? I’m hungry, and it’s almost night.’

Feeling pretty much the way she had last week, when she’d accidentally switched TV channels from a steamy chick-flick to a Disney cartoon, Shefali hastily put the shirt down.

‘Almost done—let’s go,’ she reassured Nina, jumping several inches into the air when Neil’s arm snaked around her waist, giving her a very suggestive little squeeze.

‘Yes, let’s,’ he said huskily into her ear. ‘I’m looking forward to tonight too...’

* * *

Shefali could barely swallow her dinner. They were alone at the table, Nina having eaten early and gone to bed. Bela and her nurse were eating in Bela’s room, but they were within earshot, so Neil kept the conversation very neutral, talking mainly about Nina and how she was doing in school.

When they finally got up to put the plates away Neil jerked his head towards his room, and said in an undertone, ‘Go in there and shut the door. I’ll join you in a few minutes.’

Shefali went, her knees suddenly feeling wobbly. She was quite as eager to stay the night with Neil as he was, but the thought of being in the same house as an unaware Nina and Bela was strangely unnerving. For a few seconds she wondered whether she should be sensible and tell Neil that she wanted to go home. But when he strode into the room one look into his smoky blue eyes sent every sensible thought she’d ever had clean out of her head.

‘You’re beautiful,’ Neil said softly.

Shefali trembled as he ran a finger softly down the side of her face and into the neckline of her
kameez
.

‘So are you,’ she said inanely, but she meant it.

He’d switched off the main light, and the only light in the room came from a small reading lamp. In its soft golden glow the planes and angles of his perfectly chiselled face reminded her of a painting she’d seen many, many years ago. And his body...

She gasped as his mouth came down on hers, retaining just enough sanity to reach back and switch off the lamp. And then the room was dark, and all she could feel was his lips on hers, and his hands on her body, and she closed her eyes and let the tide of sensation sweep her away.

EIGHT

A slight sound
awakened Shefali, and she shifted in bed, making Neil mutter in his sleep and draw her closer. There was a lot of light in the room, though the curtains were closed, and in spite of the quilt she had pulled over herself she was feeling cold. There was a distinct draught coming from the direction of the door, and Shefali looked across to check if it was open.

Nina was standing in the doorway, her doll in her hand, staring at them with wide open eyes.

‘Oh, hell!’ Neil said, sitting up and pushing his hair off his forehead. ‘Nina—come here, sweetheart.’

The little girl stayed poised at the door for a few seconds, then she turned and fled. Muttering a curse, Neil swung his legs off the bed, pulling on his discarded jeans over his boxers.

‘T-shirt,’ Shefali said, and handed it to him.

He almost snatched it from her, saying in a furious undertone, ‘How did the damn door get unlatched?’

Shefali flushed. She had got up in the night to put on her
salwar kameez
and gone out of the room to use the bathroom. Half-asleep, she must have forgotten to latch the door when she came back in.

‘I’m sorry—’ she said, but Neil was already halfway out of the room, searching for his daughter.

Nina was sitting on the edge of Bela Mashi’s bed, clutching her doll to her chest. Neil stopped at the door, his eyes taking in the scene. In the few seconds it had taken him to get dressed Nina had clearly told Bela Mashi pretty much everything she’d seen.

‘Are you marrying teacher?’ Nina asked, and Bela raised an eyebrow at Neil.

He shook his head. ‘Baby, it isn’t that simple—’ he said.

But Nina cut in. ‘You were sleeping in the same bed!’ she said. ‘Only mummies and papas do that! Is she going to be my new mum?’

‘You already have a mum,’ Bela said soothingly.

But Nina was on a roll. ‘My mum’s not here!’ she said. ‘She di-divorced Dad. So I’m not her kid any more, am I?’

Wishing she could get her hands on Reema’s slender, spoilt neck, Bela swept Nina into a hug. ‘You’re
my
kid,’ she said. ‘And you’re your Dad’s kid, and Grandma’s kid, and Grandad’s and Aunt Anita’s, and we all love you—’

‘I’m not planning to get married,’ Neil broke in, desperate to reassure Nina. Bela gave him a glare.

‘But
why
not?’ Nina wailed suddenly, taking even Bela by surprise. ‘I
want
a mum. Everyone has a mum. And I
like
Shefali Teacher. She’s much, much nicer than mum. She talks to Dora and she lets me help roll out the chapattis.’

Neil was about to say that he would let her help roll out chapattis too when Bela intervened.

‘Calm down,’ Bela said firmly to Nina, but the words were addressed quite as much to Neil. ‘Nina, don’t talk about this to anyone. Your dad and Shefali need to sort things out first.’

‘I want a mum,’ Nina said stonily.

Neil’s face twisted in pain. Getting to his feet, he said, ‘Not a good enough dad, am I?’

‘You’re a very worked up dad right now,’ Bela said severely. ‘I’ll look after Nina. For heaven’s sake go back to that poor girl you’ve left alone in your room. I’ll speak to the nurse—try and make sure she doesn’t talk about this. I’ll probably be wasting my breath—I’ve never met a bigger gossip in my life.’

Neil nodded. The damage he was likely to have done to Shefali’s reputation hadn’t escaped him, and once again he wished he hadn’t given in to the heat of the moment. Letting the lower half of his body take decisions was always a bad idea. He’d already been torn between wanting to make a clean break when he left the city and trying to make some kind of a long-distance relationship work. In a way Bela’s broken ankle had come as a relief when it had let him postpone the decision. Now it looked as if he’d made things even more complicated than they already were.

Shefali looked at him warily as he re-entered the room, shutting the door behind him. ‘Is she OK?’ she asked.

Neil nodded, sitting down heavily on the bed next to her. ‘Oh, she’s fine,’ he said bitterly. ‘It’s just that she’s decided I’m not doing a good enough job as a single father—she wants me to marry you so that she can have a mum.’

Shefali’s heart jolted uncomfortably in her chest. The way Neil said it, it sounded as if he thought it was a terrible idea. But for a few seconds she couldn’t stop the images floating through her head—her and Neil and Nina—a proper family. She’d always wanted kids, and one of the reasons she’d agreed to marry Pranav was that he’d pretended to be keen on the idea. The thought of Nina wanting her to be her mother was incredibly touching. She’d grown to love the little girl in the few days that they’d spent together—although she’d tried not to show it, just in case Neil mistook it for a trick to keep him hooked.

‘She’s only four,’ Shefali said. ‘She’ll forget the idea soon enough.’

Neil shook his head. ‘I don’t think so,’ he said. ‘She’s growing older, and this thing about “everyone else has a mom” is bound to keep cropping up. I’m amazed at how stupid I’ve been. All this while I thought she’d hate the thought of a stepmother.’

‘She might hate it in practice,’ Shefali pointed out. ‘Right now she only sees the fun side of having a mum. Once she actually has one living in the house with her, telling her to eat her peas and brush her teeth, she might change her mind.’

‘Right...’ Neil said, and it was evident that even if he’d heard what she was saying he hadn’t processed a word of it.

He was clenching and unclenching his fists, and when Shefali put a soothing hand over his he turned quickly to her, gripping her hand in both of his.

‘
Have
I done a bad job with her?’ he asked, and the vulnerability in his eyes broke Shefali’s heart. ‘You work with so many children—does it seem like there’s something lacking in her life?’

‘She’s a very well-balanced child,’ Shefali said, choosing her words to make them sound as dispassionate and professional as possible. ‘Her vocabulary is advanced for her age, she interacts well with other kids, and she’s emotionally stable.’

And I sound like Maria Montessori, come back from the dead, Shefali thought to herself.

Seeing that Neil was only partially convinced, she dropped the teacher act. ‘Neil, she’s perfectly OK!’ she said. ‘Single parents aren’t too common in India yet, so she’s bound to ask questions, but that doesn’t mean you pop out of the house and ask the first woman you see to marry you!’

Which was what he’d almost done, Neil realised. Not gone out and grabbed the first woman he’d seen, exactly. But he
had
been terribly tempted to ask Shefali to marry him stopped only by the caution he’d learnt ever since Nina had become a part of his life.

He sighed. ‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘Nina’ll be fine.’ He hesitated a little before speaking again. ‘This is going to worsen the gossip about the two of us,’ he said finally. ‘Bela’s nurse knows we spent the night together—it’ll be a miracle if she doesn’t tell everyone in town. And Nina might talk as well. I’m out of here in a few weeks, but it won’t be very pleasant for you. Maybe we should just tell people that we’re engaged so that they don’t give you a hard time?’

‘Lie to them, you mean?’ Shefali asked, the words coming out sounding a lot harsher than she’d intended.

Neil shrugged. ‘It’d be a white lie—it won’t hurt anyone, and it’ll save both of us a lot of explanations and embarrassment.’

Shefali shook her head automatically. ‘No, thanks,’ she said. ‘I’ll deal with the gossip when I have to, but I don’t think inventing an engagement will help. And it’ll confuse Nina even more when you go back to Mumbai and she figures out that we aren’t really marrying each other.’

‘Take some time and think about it before you reject the idea,’ Neil said as he got to his feet. ‘Small-town gossip can be pretty vicious. Are you coming with us to the Puja?’

Shefali looked a little thrown by the sudden change in topic.

‘I guess...’ she said cautiously. ‘If you want me to.’

‘I do,’ he said, giving her a quick smile. ‘I need to talk to Nina about this whole thing, and it’ll help if you’re around. I’ll give you some time to shower and get ready—wear that parroty thing we got you yesterday.’

‘I’ll have to,’ Shefali said. ‘I slept in this set and it’s all crumpled.’

Neil frowned. ‘I don’t remember you wearing anything when—’

Shefali shoved him crossly. ‘Shut up,’ she said.

His smile broadened, a wicked twinkle in his eyes. ‘You’ve gone bright pink,’ he said. ‘Would that be bright pink all over, or just...?’

This time Shefali launched herself at him in a surprisingly good flying tackle. Taken completely off guard, Neil found himself flat on his back on the bed, with Shefali on top of him. She straddled his body, pinioning his arms behind his head.

‘No clever remarks,’ she said, frowning at him.

‘No clever remarks,’ he agreed.

‘And no jokes about last night.’

‘Not a single one,’ he said, his voice solemn. Then, when she still didn’t release him, ‘You
do
realise that I can grab your hands like this,’ he said, suiting action to words, ‘and twist you around like this, and you’re completely at my mercy.’

‘Brute,’ she said politely.

‘You started it.’

‘You did, with your horrible one-liners.’

‘Well, OK, but
you
started being violent.’

Very conscious of his hard body pressed against hers, and his smoke-blue eyes looking right into hers, she rallied. ‘This is an immature discussion.’

‘Very,’ he said, squeezing her a little closer and doubling her pulse-rate.

‘No one would think you’re the father of a four-year-old,’ she said.

Neil laughed wryly, releasing her and sitting up. ‘A four-year-old who might march in any minute, demanding to know what we’re doing,’ he said, pushing his hand through his hair. ‘You’re right. Time to start acting like a responsible adult.’

Not sure if she’d upset him, Shefali countered, ‘She’d probably insist we marry immediately. Even a pretend engagement won’t be enough.’

‘It’s a tempting thought,’ he said, leaning down to give her a hard kiss. ‘I’ll go and get breakfast. See you in ten minutes.’

Her head in a whirl, Shefali stared at the closed door. Did he mean that the idea of marrying her was tempting? Or was it a remark he’d just thrown out, not bothering about the implications?

She kept thinking about it while she showered and changed. Marrying Neil... She’d not considered the idea seriously till now, because he’d made it very clear all along that a long-term relationship wasn’t on the cards. And she’d thought
she
didn’t want anything long-term either—just a short fling to help her get over Pranav. Somewhere along the line that had changed. Being with Neil was no longer just about the sex—she’d started caring far more than she should.

Shefali’s hand stopped halfway through combing her hair as the word ‘love’ popped into her head, and she stared at her reflection in horror, almost as if she expected to see a gargoyle looking back at her. Where had
that
come from? She wasn’t in love with Neil. She couldn’t be.

Frantically she started ticking off the reasons one by one. It was only a few months since she’d been about to marry another guy. Right. But that didn’t mean anything, did it? Pranav hadn’t been the love of her life to begin with, and his betrayal had hurt her pride more than anything else. Next, she hardly knew Neil. On the other hand she’d started sleeping with him after knowing him for only two weeks. If anything, that proved that she was in love.
Scratch that thought
. So, OK, the attraction between them was red-hot, and he was fun to be with, and her heart seemed to shrivel up whenever she thought of him going away—but that didn’t mean she was in love, surely? She found the way he pulled her leg annoying, and she had come close to hating him when he’d stopped asking her out once they’d slept together. But hate was a strong emotion too, wasn’t it?

Feeling very troubled, she put the comb down and went to find Neil. He was in the living room, on his knees, doing up the little hooks and eyes at the back of Nina’s
kameez
. Both of them looked up as she entered the room, and identical smiles lit up their faces. Shefali’s heart did a sudden little skip of happiness.

‘You wore the green kameez!’ Nina was saying, as she ran towards Shefali to stand next to her.

‘The parrot ladies,’ Neil said, standing up. ‘Don’t blame me if someone offers you birdseed instead of
bhog
at the
pandal.
’

Nina stuck her tongue out at him and he gave her a mock glare. They seemed to be back on their normal easy footing with each other, and Nina wasn’t treating Shefali any differently either. Maybe she’d forgotten about the whole thing—at her age it wouldn’t be surprising if she had.

‘I’ll go and shower,’ Neil said. ‘By the way, Bela Mashi is hell-bent on coming with us. If you can help her get ready, that’d be great.’

Nina waited till Neil had left the room and said, ‘I’m not supposed to talk about you staying in Dad’s room.’ So she’d not forgotten, then. ‘And Dad says I can’t bother the two of you and ask you if you’re getting married.’

‘OK,’ Shefali said, and the response sounded weak even to her own ears. No wonder Nina was giving her a slightly exasperated look.

‘I’d really like it, though,’ Nina said after a pause. ‘So would Bela Mashi.’

‘Like what?’ Shefali asked, feeling stupid. She’d been lost in thought, still trying to gauge her own feelings for Neil, and had completely lost the thread of what Nina was saying.

‘If you married Dad,’ Nina said.

‘Nina...’ Shefali said helplessly.

Nina shook her head. ‘Bela Mashi said you don’t have to say anything. I should just tell you.’

Feeling as if
she
was the four-year-old, Shefali nodded obediently. Bela and Nina had obviously decided everything, and they expected Shefali and Neil to sort out the minor problem of their own confused feelings for each other.

‘I’ll go and help Bela Mashi,’ Shefali said, hoping Bela wouldn’t be quite as forthright as Nina was. As it turned out, she was in luck. Bela was more worried about organising the contents of her massive handbag and making sure she had enough money for
prasad
and donations to the temples they were visiting.