Secrets & Surrender 2 (6 page)

Yes.

“No.”

He chuckled. “Good, then you wouldn’t mind dancing with me.”

There was a Spanish song playing on the radio sitting on one of the picnic tables. A few couples were dancing to the music.

“Aren’t you tired of dancing?”

He pulled me to him, his hips moving to the gentle beat of the song. “I could never tire of dancing with you.”

“Well, maybe I’m tried of dancing.”

“Maybe you’re afraid.”

I snorted. “I’m not afraid of you.”

“I think you are.”

“Puhleeze.”

“Then dance with me.”

“No.”

“Baila conmigo, Manuela.” His sexy voice sent chills through me. “Dance with me and prove me wrong.”

Slowly, my feet moved against my will as my hips swayed to the Latin rhythm. He took my hand in his, holding it gently as if he was afraid I’d let go. He twirled me gently. Slowly, I spun around, the world around me passing by in a blur. Then I stopped, and his body was within inches of mine. Carefully, he placed his hands on my hips. Gazing deeply, his dark eyes searched mine as he brought me closer to him. Our bodies moved in sync to the music, his gaze never letting go of mine. With each move we made, he drew me closer until I was pressed against his chest.

In that moment, everything and everyone around us disappeared. There was only Julian and me: the smell of him, the heat of his body, the glistening of his skin. Julian was all around me, seeping into every crevice of my mind. My hand slid up his muscled arm, tracing the tattoo of the Aztec princess that stared up at me. She looked so much like me.

I was floating, and Julian was the air around me. Even our voices were soft and lulling, like the tinkling of the piano playing a Spanish ballad.

“Why do you fight me, Manuela?”

“I’m not.”

“You are.” His hand drifted up my bare arms, caressing them. “You don’t have to be afraid anymore. Let me help you.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Your family, your mother. I know.”

“You know?”

“Juan told me. Don’t be mad at him. He was worried. The secret was eating him up. And I understand. It happened in my family too.”

“It did?”

“Yes, and I know how hard it is to carry a secret like that. To always have to be careful about who your friends are, about not being free to go wherever you want. I know what it’s like having to move so that you won’t get caught. What it’s like having to lie, even to the ones you love.”

My eyes stung with tears. I gazed into dark eyes filled with understanding. He was telling me every single thing I had felt. He knew. He understood. He was like me.

“I can’t let you help. You’ll get into trouble.”

“Let me worry about that.”

His eyes held onto mine, searching, and I couldn’t hide. Those mesmerizing eyes latched onto something deep within me and were slowly drawing it out. I was losing the fight.

“Why are you doing this...?”

To me.

“I care for your family and you. I know you’re with Nic, and he’s a nice guy, but he can never understand you like I do.”

I shook my head as he brought me closer to him. I wanted to tell him he was wrong, but the words got stuck in my throat, trapped in the deluge of emotions that I shouldn’t be feeling for anyone but Nic.

“Wake up!” He gripped my arms, his dark eyes wild, daring me to see what he saw. “Look at Nic’s world. Look at your world.
Our
world. He doesn’t fit in. I do.” Loosening his grip, he glided his hands up my arms and then buried his fingers in my hair.

I couldn’t look away. His voice was deep, melodic, and echoing within my mind.

“I see the essence of your soul, Manuela. I know you—every single part of you. Tu voz.”

My voice.

His thumb stroked my neck as he drew me closer to him.

“Tus ojos.”

My eyes.

A violent pulse thrashed against my chest as he kissed my temples. The scruff on his chin rubbed against my cheek as he kissed one side then the other.

“Tus labios.”

My...

lips.

He ducked his head, his lips hovering over mine, only a breath away, waiting.

Time stilled, waiting for my answer. And in that moment, I wondered, wondered what it would be like to be kissed by Julian, wondered what it would be like to be the Aztec princess lying in the warrior’s arms, to never have to be the bridge between two worlds, to never have to worry that I didn’t fit in.  I wondered what it would be like to be accepted for who I was and not have to compromise. I wanted to be able to share my secret with someone who understood because they’d been there too.

Ever so slowly, my head tilted upward.

Then Nic came filtering through my mind: the way he danced to a pop song no other guy would dare dance to just so he could touch me; the way he learned Spanish just to serenade me; and the night he bared his soul, loving me with all his heart.

“I can’t.” Julian’s face fell. I wasn’t being fair to him either. He had felt what I had been feeling since the day I’d met him—that undeniable pull that I’d fought so hard against. So, for once, I unlocked my heart and admitted it.

“You’re right. I was afraid of you. Afraid that maybe you were right and that maybe I should be with you. But I’m with Nic.”

“Do you trust him?”

“I...well...”

“Does he know about your mother?” Julian’s voice was harsh in its pain.

“No, but...”

“Then you don’t trust him. How can you love someone you can’t even trust?”

I reached out to him, caressing his cheek, wishing to take the hurt look off his face. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

I kept my hand on his cheek, locking my eyes with his. For a flickering moment, I wondered if what he said was true.

Mom had said to follow my heart. And if Nic was my heart, why did it ache to see Julian hurt?

“Oh, hey, Nic!”

At the sound of Kristie’s voice, gravity took hold and I crashed to the ground.

My head turned at a snail’s pace, picking up every single thing around me: the rustling of each leaf as the wind blew, the splashing water as kids jumped into the river, the crackle of ice in fizzing soda, and the rapid beat of my heart. My eyes drifted to my mom’s sympathetic expression and then to Kristie’s blue eyes, which were wide with shock and surprise.

Then I stopped.

Don’t move.

Don’t breathe.

I braced for the moment, that inevitable moment that I’d fought so long to avoid.

Nic.

I focused on the little alligator on his polo shirt. I couldn’t look up. I couldn’t bear to see his face.

I closed my eyes, searching deep within me for the strength to face him. And when I opened them, my heart shattered at the look on his face.

Nic was crushed.

I
’m losing her.

Beer bottles toppled from the hood of the Porsche as I reached out, searching for one that wasn’t empty. Stupid frat guys and their stupid parties. And where in the hell was Steve? It was his idea to come to the party. He drank all my beer. I know he did.

Through bleary eyes, I scanned the crowd for Steve and Kristie. Music boomed from the party at the frat house. Everywhere I looked there were cheerful faces, all laughing and having a good time. I didn’t want to be here. I shouldn’t have given in. I should’ve insisted Mandi let me stay with her and help her watch over Miguelito and Selina when she said she couldn’t make it because her father had picked up an extra shift at the factory and her mother was doing some office cleaning at night.

But with Kristie batting her eyes, pleading that I go, and with Steve doing the same, I caved.

Finally, I found a half-filled bottle. Was this mine? I couldn’t remember. I shrugged, quickly emptying its contents, desperate to numb the painful knowledge that I was, in fact, an idiot.

I was losing Mandi, and it was all my fault.

The moment I’d seen her with Julian at the park, it was like a hammer had slammed into my chest. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. Everything I had worked for, everything that made sense in my life was suddenly failing apart right in front of me. And all I could do was smile as Mandi walked up to me with a guilty expression on her face. She’d given me some excuse about talking to Julian about Juan.

And what did I do?

I had brushed it off, ignoring the way her hand touched his cheek and how much I wanted to rip that smug expression off Julian’s face. I pretended that I didn’t see how she gazed into his eyes and how much I wanted to ask her why she didn’t look at me like that anymore. Instead, I asked if she had remembered to bring the guacamole.

Guacamole!

I heard a familiar laugh and saw Steve getting into a car with a couple of other guys. He waved at me, looking way too happy.

“Where’s Kristie?” I yelled out to him.

“I don’t know. She’s around here somewhere. Don’t wait up!” he said before he took off.

I checked my watch. A few more minutes and I was going to hunt Kristie down and take her home. This place was a mess.

A guy with fake dreadlocks and a rainbow colored knitted hat stumbled, landing on me.  

“Hey, man. Got a light?” Foul breath washed over my face.

“No.” I shoved him off of me. “Check inside, man.”

“Right. I’ll see you in there.” He winked and staggered up the steps to the frat house.

Okay, time’s up. I need to get out of here.

“Kristie!” I stumbled across the lawn toward a loud crowd of frat guys. They were in a circle, yelling at something they were watching. Knowing my luck, Kristie was probably in the middle of it.

I elbowed my way to the center. There were a couple of guys with water hoses, soaking down the grass, which was now a mud pit. The crowd hooted and hollered at a couple of girls wrestling in the mud, wearing nothing but thongs.

Relieved that it wasn’t Kristie, I made my way out of the crowd, my mind still on Mandi.

We didn’t talk about what had happened with Julian. I didn’t want to know, and I convinced myself that I must have seen things wrong at the picnic. But deep inside, I knew something was wrong.

Rehearsals were different now. Now I saw everything that I’d missed all these months. My heart slammed into my chest when I remembered each time they touched, how his arms wrapped around her, how his leg slid between hers as their hips moved together to the Latin beat, and how his lips would come dangerously close to hers.

I whirled around, throwing my bottle at a tree. It smashed, sending shards of glass flying through the air.

I had let him get close to her. I thought he was a friend. I thought Mandi was just uncomfortable dancing on stage. She had told me she didn’t want to do the show. She had been fighting against Julian, and I had basically pushed her toward him.

“Come on, sweetheart. It’ll be fun. It’s just a little mud.”

“No, I need to find my friend, Nic.”

I looked back at the mud pit. A big frat guy with a mullet that was way too long had a thick arm around Kristie. She was giggling as he slowly moved her toward the pit.

“Here, have another drink.” Mullet-head took what appeared to be an empty cup from her hand and replaced it with another.

“Your so...so...” She hiccupped. “Sweet. Bobby.”

“Robby,” he said as he fingered the top buttons of her blouse. “Aren’t you warm? Let me help you cool off a bit.”

“What are you doing, Bobby?” She giggled. “I mean, Robby. Bobby. Robby. Nice and blobby. Ooh, I made a rhyme.”

“Just trying to cool you off, sugar.”

“No. I want to keep my shirt on. Stop it!”

“Aww, come on. Stop being such a freshman. The other girls are having fun. Don’t you want to have some fun?”

“The lady said hands off,” I growled, shoving his hands off Kristie.

“Nic! Here’s my friend. Nic. He’s quick and has a big stick. At least I think he does. I think Mandi’s seen his stick. She has, hasn’t she, stick? I mean, Nic.”

“Get in the car, Kristie.”

“Now wait a minute.” Mullet-head placed himself in front me, his gray eyes narrowed. “She’s with me.”

He jerked Kristie back to him, and she lost her footing, falling into the mud.

That’s when everything happened all at once. I swung, aiming for his face. He caught my punch and, in one swift movement, twisted my arm behind me.

Kristie leaped up, covered with mud.

“Leave him alone!”

He laughed at her as she swatted his arm, her fingers leaving mud smears. With a flick of his hand, he shoved her back to the ground.

Cursing, I swung around and sucker punched him. Tackling him to the ground, I pummeled my fist into his ribs.

I barely noticed the crowd around us as I threw everything I had in into this asshole. People yelled in the background, encouraging me to go on. Among them was Kristie’s high-pitched voice cheering me on.

When he finally stopped moving, I grabbed hold of his muddied shirt and brought him close to me. His face was inches from mine. Dark eyes replaced his gray ones.

Julian
.

“She’s mine! Leave her alone!” I roared before throwing him one final blow.

* * *

“A
re you sure you don’t want me to take you to the emergency room?” Kristie’s voice came from the other side of the bathroom door.

“No,” I called out from the shower, wincing as the water hit against the open cuts on my hands and face. “I’m fine.”

“I’m so sorry for barfing on you...and your carpet. Are you—”

“I said I’m fine, Kristie!”

There was a small whimper and then silence.

I groaned. Tonight was a fucking disaster, and I was making it worse by taking it out on Kristie. None of this was her fault.

It was miracle we made it back to campus in one piece. I shouldn’t have driven, but I didn’t want to risk leaving the Porsche at the frat house, especially since I basically knocked out one of the frat brothers. The fact that it was almost three in the morning and the streets were pretty empty helped. I vowed never do that again.

Kristie was a sobbing, muddy mess by the time I got her into the car. I didn’t want to leave her alone, so I brought her back to my dorm room.