Sedition (18 page)

“Abriel, I’m sorry,” I say, feeling the inadequacy of the words. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“I know you did. Why do you think I had to find you? Everyone told me for years that it was stupid, but I knew why you did it. I just wish you knew why it was so wrong.”

I can’t let him think it was wrong, I have to convince him. “They do things to you. They beat you. They rape you. They control every move you make. They sterilize you, make you do stupid, repetitive tasks—”

“I know that.” He must see the disbelief on my face. “I was okay with that. I wasn’t looking forward to it, but I know some slaves have it better than others. The ones who don’t cause problems, who don’t talk back. They can have decent lives. That’s what I was preparing for. You make as good a slave as I do a free person.”

He’s trying to joke, but it’s not funny. It’s not funny because it’s true, he would have done well at the re-education center. He would have been assigned to some friendly master or mistress who would have treated him kindly, like a family pet.

“I just… I just didn’t want you to have to go through that,” I say feebly.

“I know,” Abriel forces a smile. “You’ve always looked out for me. And that’s why I’m looking out for you. Rescuing you is the only thing I’ve ever gotten Lisa to back down on, and I’m going to make this work. I’ll do a better job in the future, I swear.”

“It’s all right,” I shrug. Honestly, there’s nothing else I need from Abriel.

“No, it’s not all right, I shouldn’t have let Lisa go as far as I did,” Abriel confesses. “We’ve talked about it. Hell, she wanted you whipped and branded as a runaway, like protocol requires, but I convinced her that we should just keep a closer watch, maybe bring you into work with me—”

“Abriel, I’m not going back with you.” I had intended to tell him this all along, but his plan to babysit me confirmed it.

“What?”

I take a deep breath. “I came back here for a reason. I’m comfortable here. This is my home. I want to stay here.”

“Your home is with your family!”

I choose my words carefully. “Lisa and Bella are not my family. Lisa hates me and Bella refers to me as ‘Slave Sascha’ and threatens to have her mother hurt me if I refuse her requests. They don’t know me and they never will, and you… you’ve moved on.”

God, it hurts so bad to admit that.

“No. This isn’t okay. I didn’t spend years finding you so you could run off and leave at the first problem,” Abriel protests. “You have to at least come home and try to work this out.”

A shudder of revulsion and fear catches me. “I’m sorry for what I did at the Assessment, and if I could take it back I would, a thousand times, but if you care about me at all, you’ll let me stay here. You
can
fix this mistake.”

My brother glares at me for a moment, a haughty expression on his face that looks completely unnatural. Lisa’s family must be rubbing off on him. “Is it the rich guy, then? You like his money? Is he fucking you?”

The questions are a low blow, but I can tell I’ve wounded him by rejecting his offer. “It’s not about his money, and it’s not about fucking. He cares about me, Abriel. He needs me and he treats me like a person.”

“I treat you like a person!”

“You treat me like a childhood toy that you keep in the back of your closet because you can’t bear to part with it!” Now I am crying. “There was no reason for me to be at your house, nothing for me to do, nothing to challenge me. I was so goddamned bored that I wanted to kill myself, and you contented yourself with spending twenty minutes talking to me about the good old days and pretending nothing had changed when
everything
has changed. I do things here that keep me occupied and interested and alive. I will never have that opportunity with you. I will never have
any
opportunity with you.”

Abriel switches from looking haughty to looking desperate, pulling at my emotions again. “Sascha, just give us one more chance. I want this to work out.”

I ignore his plea. “Cashiel will buy me back,” I say, sticking to the plan, forcing my voice to stay steady. “I already discussed it with him.”

“You always do get what you want, don’t you,” Abriel muses.

“You can’t want this,” I counter. “Admit it. This isn’t at all what you thought it would be. This has to be just as uncomfortable and sad for you as it is for me, and your wife is angry, and your kid is probably feeling neglected… just let me go. It’s okay.”

We sit in silence for a while, contemplating it. My heart is pounding, because it suddenly occurs to me that Abriel has the legal right as my master to grab me and drag me out of here kicking and screaming.

“I’m not going to be able to convince you otherwise, am I?” Abriel asks, finally.

I shake my head. I wish I could say otherwise, but I can’t.

“And you’re sure you’re treated well here?” he checks. “I mean, if you really just don’t want to stay with me, I can probably find somewhere else—”

“I want to stay with my master,” the words fly out of my mouth before I realize how telling they are. I clarify, “I want to stay with Cashiel.”

Abriel nods, his lips tight. “I guess if that’s what you want.”

I can’t say anything, because it is what I want, more than almost anything in the world. All I want more is for my brother to be like he used to be, for him to get along with mom and dad, for everything to be simple and for none of this to have ever happened. But what I can realistically have is my life with Cashiel, so I’ll take that. I get up and walk out of the room, finding the man standing right outside the doors. It’s all I can do not to fall to my knees.

“He’s amenable?” my master asks.

I nod, unable to speak.

Cashiel walks into the room and I follow on his heels like a sad, lost puppy.

“I’ve drawn up a check returning the money you paid for Sascha,” he says coolly. “I included some extra to cover the expense of fuel and housing and food and time off work. I’m sure you’ll find the offer more than reasonable.”

Abriel takes the check, staring at it silently. “Yeah,” he mumbles. “I guess I can have his things shipped, or maybe I can bring them—”

“Donate them or sell them or throw them away,” Cash dismisses him. “It’s not an issue. Besides, I hear your little one could use a tablet, anyway.”

A low blow, and Abriel doesn’t even catch it.

“Right, sure,” he mumbles. “This is more than enough.”

“I’ve grown very fond of your brother,” Cash says, glaring at Abriel in a way that would have made me flinch, if not cower. “You can rest assured that he will be treated well here.” He hands over the transfer of ownership paperwork with an expectant look.

Abriel hesitates for just a moment, glancing from me to Cash and then back again. Finally, he signs them, and I feel some of the pressure on my chest starting to lighten. My ownership is back where it’s supposed to be.

My master grabs the papers quickly. “I’ll show you to the door, Mr. Gabbamonte.”

Abriel follows silently, as do I.

He pauses at the door, just as Cash is ready to shove him out. “Can I see him some time?” he asks, a touch of desperation in his voice. “I mean… this didn’t work out, but can I see him? I just found my brother. I don’t want to lose him again.”

“That is up to Sascha,” Cash answers easily. “But I think it best that you give it a while. There’s work for him to catch up on. I have your information; I’ll have him send you a message from his new tablet once he’s ready.”

“Thank you.” Abriel looks at me, sad and disheartened.

I push past Cash and wrap my arms around my brother. Maybe it’s not appropriate for a slave, and maybe it’s not appropriate for me, but I don’t care and Abriel doesn’t either.

“I’m sorry, Sascha,” he mutters. “I did my best.”

“You did well enough,” I tell him. We both know it’s a lie, but we always have. It just never meant this much before.

He leaves without another word, and the latch on the door has barely finished clicking shut when I fall to the floor and start sobbing uncontrollably.

Cash lets it go on for a while, longer than I thought he would. Finally, I can tell he’s had enough, and there’s a sneaking suspicion in my head that he might be worried about me.

“Come on, Sascha,” he orders. “Get up.”

I obey, only a little surprised to feel his hand around my upper arm, pulling me up and closer to him.

“You’re all right,” he says, his voice gravelly. “It’s better for both of you that he could give you up.”

“What if he didn’t, though? What if he had said no? I couldn’t have handled going back with him, Cash!” The admission starts another small panic attack, which I know is stupid, but I held it together so well, all of this terror needs an outlet.

“You shouldn’t have worried about that,” he dismisses my concerns. “Asking him was only a formality. I didn’t mention it, because he’s your brother and you care about him, but I could buy and sell him like a low-quality hov-car, and I would destroy his family with a smile on my face. You were never in danger of having to go with him.”

I’m simultaneously touched by his devotion and offended by how easily he dismisses my brother. It’s true, sadly, but sometimes I forget how ruthless this man can be.

“What do you think I’ve been doing since you showed up at my door in the middle of the night?” he asks. “I know every dirty secret that family has ever tried to keep, and I have a good idea of exactly which buttons to push to get what I want. Your brother didn’t stand a chance of taking you home with him.”

He’s a ruthless man, but he’s ruthless in protecting
me
, so I can’t complain. “Thank you.”

He just nods. After a moment, he raises an eyebrow at me. “Why did you lie?”

“Sir?” I’m a little scared, because his voice has taken that dark tone again, the one that means he’s not particularly pleased with me.

“You switched Assessments with your brother,” he clarifies. “I heard you. Why did you lie and tell me you were high?”

My last secret, the last part of me that I have kept from him. “I never wanted it to come out,” I admit. “It might have put Abriel in danger.”

He nods, appraising me like he’s just seeing me for the first time. “It makes a lot more sense than you being high. Maybe one day, you can tell me how you did it; I’d be fascinated to know. You don’t need to lie to me anymore,” he admonishes mildly. “Come on, let me catch you up on what you missed.”

Chapter 16
Possession

It’s business as usual, like it always is with Cash. He’s quick to catch me up on everything. If I wasn’t sure he’d smack me for suggesting it, I’d say that he might have been a little less productive than usual. He missed me. It’s strange to realize that, but it makes me all warm and happy when I do.

“Torenze remains our biggest problem,” Cash informs me. “I can’t quite figure out what his endgame is—I wonder if he just wants to toy with me. That, or he’s still playing some part for my mother’s business, but it seems highly unlikely, given their history. He’s never been one to play both sides; he plays his own side, and he destroys the competition when he can. He was quite perturbed by the fact that I had sold you without letting him borrow you—he even threatened to reveal my secrets to my mother, but I think that was just to intimidate me. He’s not usually one to resort to threats like that, but he saw it as a slight. He asked to borrow you, publicly, and I refused. He isn’t accepting it.”

I smile, pleased that the bastard was made unhappy.

“Don’t look so thrilled,” Cash advises. “He can’t be underestimated—he’s one of the few who’s able to blow my cover. He could destroy the whole project. We’ve only just started to bring back the research and assemble a team; it will be a while before anything really comes of it. So much time for him to be pissed off, especially now that you’re back.”

I hadn’t really thought of it that way. I wish the asshole would suffer some sort of unfortunate accident.

“I’ll figure something out. Just keep it in mind,” Cash assures me, directing me to the next concern. “We need him on our side.”

I make dinner, pleased to go back to some sort of normal routine. That, and Lisa’s cooking sucked by comparison. I’ve been spoiled, living with Cash; we can afford higher quality ingredients, and between his money and my ability to bypass government-imposed health restrictions, we have considerably more variety and taste in our food. It’s good to be back.

It’s when we’re sitting down eating that it finally hits me how good it is to be back home, how amazing it is that this has even become home for me. The things, the food…the man sitting across from me.

“Thank you,” I say suddenly, the words feeling inadequate.

Cash raises an eyebrow at me.

“For getting me back,” I mumble, feeling stupid. “I know you didn’t have to. Hell, when I first got here you would have been glad to dump me off on my brother. I caused you enough trouble.”

He smiles at me. “What can I say? I have grown fond of you. It was lonely without you here, and I worried about you.”

“You won’t regret it,” I promise him. “Getting me back. I’ll work hard, and be helpful, and—”

“Of course not,” he waves his hand, dismissing me. “And it’s not about any of that. I’ve developed what some might call ‘feelings’ for you. I’m happy to have you back.”

“Oh.” I wasn’t really expecting this. I don’t know what I thought he felt about me—I knew he cared about me, but I didn’t exactly know how or why, and I certainly didn’t expect him to come out and tell me like this. He’s not usually much for talking, and especially not about touchy-feely stuff.

“Sascha, I didn’t get rid of you because you caused trouble,” Cash confesses. “I thought you would be safer with your brother. Between my mother and Oliver… I didn’t want to see you get hurt. I didn’t want to have to hurt you again. My feelings for you have been growing for a while. Once I stopped resenting you, I started liking you more and more. The thought of seeing you hurt made me panic. I tried not to let it cloud my judgment, but I can be hasty when it comes to you. I should have talked to you before shoving you out the door, but I didn’t think I could go through with it. I’m just glad you’re back where you belong.”