Seduced by Pain (16 page)

"Don't do
anything that doesn't feel right to you, but yes, that's my suggestion, if you
enjoy it. And it seems, based on what I've heard, that you do."

"Okay,
um, thanks. I'm going to go and think about this some more, okay?" I had
to get out of there before I turned into a puddle of embarrassment.

Who got sex
advice from a priest? Me. That's who.

I grabbed
Ocean's hand and pulled her out of the office as I ran back to her room.

Father Patrick's
chuckles followed us down the hall.

The wildest hath
not such a heart as you.

—William
Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

Dear Diary,

Demons.

Demons are real.

I send souls to a demon plane.

I have demon powers.

This is what I've learned this week.

Sincerely, the girl who thought she was a witch

WE ENDED UP
back at the pond with the singing
weeping willow tree.

Ocean watched
me as one watches a patient on suicide watch, with big eyes full of concern,
and a body ready to leap to the rescue should I attempt to behead myself with a
spork, or some such craziness.

Maybe the fact
that I kept saying the word 'demon' over and over gave her concern more
justification.

"I have
demon powers? Demon powers? Ocean, how is this possible? I'm a witch. You're a
witch. We're all witches, right? So, wouldn't someone have told me I had demon
powers before? He has to be wrong."

She sat silent
as I vented, repeating myself and cursing various entities for this fate.

When at last I
ran out of words, she spoke. "Are you done?"

"For now."

"Good.
Now listen. Who the hell cares where this comes from or what it's called. You're
so missing the bigger picture here. You found the loophole. You can control it.
And, I gotta say, the key to your control is pretty fun." Her eyes lit up
in a scary way. "You can play with whips and handcuffs and spankings and… "

"Oh, hey,
hold on a sec. This is getting too kinky for me. Do you do all of that?"

She shrugged. "Sometimes.
When I'm with the right partner or in the mood. And really, why is it too
kinky?"

"I don't
know. Because I'm a virgin. Aren't I supposed to start with, you know, normal
stuff in the bedroom? Work my way up to hardcore kink?"

"Oh,
Rose. That's not hardcore, that's vanilla with a splash of cinnamon. With all
the romances you read, you should be familiar with this."

In books, I
could fantasize and pretend, but none of that involved feeding pain to a demon
power so I could have sex.

"Why are
you so ashamed of what you like?"

That was a
good question. Because that's what it all boiled down to. I was ashamed. "I'm
different. In everything, I'm different. And now, with sex, I feel like a
freak."

"Who
cares?" She flipped up her hand, and the water in the pond sprayed into
the air and formed an arc that water droplets shaped like dolphin jumped
through. "Very few people can do this. That makes me different too, but I
embrace my differences. They make me unique."

"So I
should embrace this?"

"If you
want to be happy, you should." She let the water fall back into the pond. "You'll
be miserable your whole life if you fight who and what you are. But if you
accept yourself, all parts of yourself, you'll know a freedom you've never
imagined."

I looked at
Ocean, the woman who always seemed happy, even in impossible situations. There
were worse people to take happiness advice from, that was for sure. "Is
that why you're so happy?"

"Yup.
When my parents died and Rainbow took me in, I tried to be what she wanted. You
probably don't remember this, but I was miserable. It wasn't until I found a
letter from my mom in some of their boxed up possessions that I realized how
futile that was. She'd had a premonition and had written to me all the things
she'd never get to say. With my inheritance, she left me the best gift of all: permission
to be me. And now, I'm giving that to you, though in truth, it's something we
are all born with. Sometimes it takes someone we love telling us it's okay to
claim it before we are able to embrace it."

They say the
first time hurts. This could work to my advantage.

I'd borrowed a
see-through white nighty from Ocean and lit the candles Derek had put in our
room the night before. I hoped I looked seductive with a glass of champagne in
hand and fresh strawberries and melted chocolate spread before me.

I'd never
tried to seduce anyone before. Ocean gave me some tips, and then I spent an
hour shaving and plucking and applying lotions and all manner of cosmetics to
my body to make it smooth and aromatic and beautiful. I felt like a mannequin
on display, but I wanted our first time—my first time—to be
perfect.

Derek walked
in and dropped the bag of groceries he was carrying when he saw me. Leaving the
bread and bananas to their fate, he approached me with slow steps, eyes passing
over my body in sweeps.

My eyes
dropped down to his pants, where evidence of his arousal pushed his jeans out.

My mouth
watered as I imagined sucking him again. I chewed on my lower lip and reached
for him.

"I want
you, Derek. Completely and totally." Now for the hard part. I did my best
to explain about the pain, and hoped I didn't turn him off. I glossed over the
demon part, but his eyes widened when I mentioned what Father Patrick told me.

Pulling his
hand to my chest, I pressed his palm against my hard nipples, and he refocused
on me, hopefully forgetting all about demons.

"If you're
still willing to try, I think it'll work. We'll just have to be… creative."

Instead of
answering, he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed my ass hard as he pressed
against me. His nails scraped against my flesh, sending a ripple of pain and
pleasure through my body, and I finally understood the appeal of being spanked.

I vowed to
shed all inhibitions and give full voice to what I wanted tonight. If I couldn't
be honest about my desires with him, then I shouldn't be marrying him.

"Fuck me,
Derek. Fuck me hard."

"Oh, I
will my sweet Rose, but first, I'm going to make you come."

His words
turned my legs to Jell-O and my body into a mass of need and fire.

He moved the
tray with our treats on them and pushed me against the bed. With my legs
closed, he straddled me at the knees and pulled on the ties that held the sheen
fabric of my nighty together. It fell open, revealing my breasts and the tiny
patch of silk that covered my pussy.

"You're
so beautiful, Rose. You have no idea how desperately I've wanted to do this."

I couldn't
speak, couldn't breathe, as he scooted down and tugged the panties off of me,
leaving me naked, but him fully clothed.

"I think
you're overdressed for the party." I reached to tug at his jeans.

He freed
himself from his shirt and stood to pull his jeans off, then fell back on his
knees, trapping mine beneath them.

My hands ached
to touch his defined chest, as my gaze explored his body, but I couldn't move
close enough.

When I reached
out, he took his belt and strapped it around my hands, then secured it to the
rail behind me. At first I thought he was worried I'd hurt him, and I opened my
mouth to explain that any skin to skin contact could unleash my dark gift, but
seeing the lust in his eyes, I realized this was part of the game.

And being
pinned to the bed, helpless and immobile made me wetter than I'd ever been.

His tongue
started its tour at my mouth, then trailed down my neck to my chest. He flicked
at a nipple with his tongue, teasing me, but withholding what I wanted most.

"Promise
me one thing, Rose."

"Mmhm?"

"If you
need me to stop, to slow down or to be more gentle, tell me."

"Okay.
But what if I need it rougher?"

He smiled and
his dimple deepened. "Then tell me that too. I'm at your service."

"You too.
Tell me if my power starts to hurt you."

"I will."

Talking ended
as he resumed his attentions to my breasts, but the place between my legs ached,
and I needed him to go lower, without leaving my tits alone. I just wanted him
inside me, touching me, licking, sucking and biting everything. I wanted to
touch him, but I loved being tied up. I wanted him to fuck me, but I craved the
foreplay.

His tongue
traveled down my belly and stopped just above my clit. While he tugged and
twisted on my nipples, sending little shocks of electricity through me and
feeding my dark gift in drops, his tongue flicked at that sensitive spot with
my knees still pressed together between his.

I'd never felt
a man's tongue between my legs before.

And oh, my
God. Oh. God.

If he hadn't
stopped, I would have come right then. But he teased me more, adjusting himself
so he could spread my legs.

The cold air
hit the heat building in my pussy, cooling the skin. He stared at me, naked and
spread for him. I felt like I should be nervous, ashamed, embarrassed at being
so exposed, but it actually heightened my arousal, knowing he was looking at
me.

He bent
forward and bit at the inside of my thigh as he stroked the center of my pussy
without giving me the satisfaction of penetration.

"Please,
Derek. Please." I didn't know how to articulate what I needed. More. Just
more. Anything to satisfy the ache deep inside of me that had been building
since the moment we met at the martial arts studio.

His tongue
probed me again, this time sliding deeper into my pussy, teasing out my juices
as he prepared me for his cock. His thumb pushed against my clit while his
other hand worked my nipples, alternating between pain and pleasure, rough and
gentle.