Seduced in the Dark (37 page)

“Yes!” Livvie screamed, “Yes, you
son-of-a-bitch. I liked it. Isn’t that why you made me do it? So
you could parade me around like a trained fucking poodle?”

Caleb saw red. He squeezed Livvie’s wrists
until she cried out in pain and he forced himself to let go. Her
words hurt him.

Mine! You’re fucking mine!

Caleb pulled away from Livvie and reached
for his belt. He unfastened it quickly and pulled it free in one
swift jerk. Livvie gasped, scrambling backward across the
bedspread. Caleb caught her ankle and dragged her back toward the
edge of the bed. She folded her knees and crossed her arms over her
breasts.

The plug in Livvie’s ass was clearly visible
and the sight sent the strangest series of emotions through him,
not the least of which was lust. He leaned forward above her and
braced his arm across her legs to keep her bent. He chanced a
glance up at her face and saw the terror in her eyes as she strove
to remain perfectly still.

He reached down and pressed his palm against
the plug. Livvie groaned and shut her eyes, but made no move to
stop him. Caleb knew it was cruel to keep her in such a position,
but his anger and lust kept him from gentling.

Caleb’s fingers traced the rim of Livvie’s
hole, stretched around the plug. “How about this, Kitten? Do you
like this? Should I invite everyone downstairs to watch?”

Livvie closed her eyes and turned away with
a whimper.

“Look at me,” he said and tugged gently on
the plug until she complied. “Do you want me to take this out?”

“Yes, Master,” she whimpered. Tears ran down
her temples.

“Ah! It’s Master, now, is it?” he said.
“You’re so much more obedient when you’ve something rammed up your
ass.” He tugged again.

“Please, don’t! I only did it because you
told me to!” she sobbed.

“Quiet! You don’t want to provoke me,” he
said. His body trembled with rage.

You’re scaring her, you idiot. You won’t get
to her this way.

Caleb knew he was hearing the voice of
reason in his head, but he seemed unable to help himself. His
fingers traced the edges of the plug, over and over until he could
feel Livvie’s hips rocking on their own.

“Tell me you like this,” he said. Lust edged
his voice.

“I like it,” she whispered.

Caleb continued his gentle, but sadistic
exploration. He watched as Livvie’s tears wet her face, but her
teeth nibbled on her lip. She felt pleasure, but she also felt
shame. It was a feeling Caleb understood all too well.

Slowly, he pressed on her muscles and pulled
on the plug. He wanted it out. He wanted all evidence of the past
twenty-four hours stripped away from her body and from his
mind.

“Relax,” he snapped, when he felt her
tighten up. “Push the plug out,” he ordered.

“I can’t,” Livvie sobbed.

“Push, now!” he said and spanked her
upturned ass. It wasn’t much of a slap, but his point was made.
Livvie squeezed her eyes shut and pushed at the same time Caleb
slid his finger in around the plug to loosen the suction created by
Livvie’s ass.

Slowly, he wiggled the plug back and forth
as Livvie pushed, until finally, it popped out. “Oh!” Livvie cried
out.

As Caleb dispensed with the toy, Livvie
turned onto her side and wept into his bedspread. He returned
shortly, at a loss for how he wanted to proceed. He needed to make
her his. He pulled her up off the bed and turned her toward it. His
heart ached when she didn’t resist.

Easy, Caleb. Don’t break her. Win her.

Caleb wrapped his arms around Livvie and
pulled her close. He needed her close. She trembled in his arms,
her chest heaved with sobs. Caleb buried his nose in her neck and
shut his eyes tightly.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know. I know you
only did it because I told you to.” Livvie gasped and squirmed in
his arms as she tried to turn around, but Caleb held her in place.
He needed to say things to her and he couldn’t do it unless his
eyes were closed and her body was pressed against his.
That
was his way.

He’d confessed so many things to her in the
dark. He’d whispered to her as she’d slept. He’d held her close to
him and fantasized about all the things he wanted and yet felt
could never be his. He’d discovered a secret place inside himself
in those moments.

He was done fantasizing. He wanted his
desires to become reality.

“I’m fucked in the head, Livvie. I know it.
I know I’m wrong,” he whispered and held her tighter. She was
frozen in his arms.

“I felt like I didn’t have a choice.
Felipe’s been watching us since we got here. He has cameras
everywhere,” he continued. Livvie gasped. “But I did have a choice.
I could have told him to go fuck himself. I could have killed him
right then and there – but I didn’t.”

“Rafiq will be here soon and I…. I needed a
way to let you go. I needed a way to remind myself I can’t keep
you.” Caleb could feel himself getting choked up. His skin crawled
with heat and shame. He was weak to express so much, but now the
floodgates had opened, he could do nothing but hold tight to Livvie
as he was battered against the rocks.

“I’ve lived a horrible life. I’ve done
terrible, unspeakable things. You have to know, I’m not sorry. I’ve
never killed anyone who didn’t deserve it. The scars on my back are
the least of what I’ve suffered. And it’s only because of Rafiq I’m
alive.”

“No, Caleb,” Livvie whimpered.

Caleb squeezed her again, too roughly. He
loosened his hold when Livvie whined, but he couldn’t let her go.
“I don’t know how to make you understand. I don’t know how to tell
you how much I owe him. I owe him everything! But God, help me – I
can’t….”

He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t tell her how
much she had come to mean to him. She could destroy him with her
rejection. If she had feigned her feelings for him – if he’d bought
into her lies and her quest for freedom…. He wasn’t sure what he
would do. He could hurt her.

Mine!

“I couldn’t stand to see you with that
motherfucker downstairs. I wanted to beat him unconscious. Even
now, I can smell him on you and it makes me sick!” He growled.

Livvie cried. She struggled in Caleb’s grasp
until she freed her arms. She placed them over his hands and
squeezed them. “I didn’t want to,” she sobbed. “But…you’re
just…you’re all over the place! One minute, I think…you
must
feel something. You
have
to care! But the next…. Caleb,
you’re awful. You’re cruel and you…you break my heart.”

Caleb held her as she sobbed in his arms and
never had he wished he could just let go, so much. He wished he
were capable of letting everything come out of him. He wanted to
cry. He could feel the tears in his throat. Everything hurt, his
heart, his throat, even his eyes as he kept them tightly closed.
His arms ached with the intensity of his hold on Livvie, but he
couldn’t let it out. He’d trained himself for far too long and
unlike the job he’d done with Livvie, he’d trained himself much too
well.

“I can’t take it anymore, Caleb. I’ve tried,
but I can’t,” she sobbed. “Every time I think you’re coming around,
every time I let myself hope, you crush me. You rip everything out!
Sometimes I think I fucking hate you. Sometimes I know I hate you.
And still! Still, Caleb – I love you. I put my faith in you. I
believe you when you say it’s all going to be alright.”

“I’m done,” she said with a determination
capable of stopping Caleb’s heart. “I’m done, Caleb. I’ll kill
myself!”

Mine!

Pure rage slammed into Caleb. He turned her
in his arms and pushed her onto the bed. His body came crashing
down on top of her and he held her down. “Don’t you dare! Don’t you
dare say shit like that to me. That’s the coward’s way out and you
know it,” he spat.

Livvie’s eyes burned with a rage to match
Caleb’s own. He could see it. He could feel it. “You’re the coward,
Caleb. I’m not afraid to tell you how I feel. I’m not afraid to
admit, that despite everything you’ve done to me, I love you.”

She loves me.

“Do you have any idea how stupid I feel
confessing to you?” she continued, “You kidnapped me! You’ve
humiliated me, beat me, nearly gotten me raped, and just a moment
ago you had me suck a complete stranger’s dick in a room full of
twisted perverts. I love you, but I’m not the coward, Caleb. I
deserve to live or die on my own fucking terms.”

Caleb stared down into Livvie’s face and the
steel he saw behind her eyes shook him to his foundation for the
second time. Livvie was no coward. He knew it, had even told
himself he’d never accuse her of such a thing again, and this had
been why. Livvie would do it. She would end her own life. Caleb
couldn’t breathe.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. It seemed to be
all he could say, all he was capable of saying. He relaxed his hold
on her and rested his head next to hers on the bed. He made himself
breathe, past the pain, past the anguish lying in wait in his
throat. Slowly, deeply, he breathed.

They lay in silence for several minutes.
Caleb could feel Livvie’s tears as they slid down her face; they
wet his own. It was as close to crying as Caleb could get and for a
moment he imagined they were his tears. They were his confession.
They said all the things he couldn’t…because he was a coward.

Slowly, Livvie stirred. Caleb wasn’t sure
what to expect, but then he felt her arms slide around him. Caleb’s
stomach dipped, his heart felt squeezed. She shouldn’t be holding
him. He knew it was his place to comfort her since he was the one
responsible for all of her suffering. Still, Caleb was selfish. He
let her be the one to comfort them.

“I thought about you,” she said numbly,
“while he was touching me. I thought about you.” Caleb pressed into
her in a silent plea for her to stop talking. He didn’t want to
hear this, but Livvie was done listening to him, and he knew it. “I
wanted to make you jealous. I wanted to make you feel, even a
fraction
, of what I felt, the night you fucked Celia in
front of me.”

Caleb winced. His heart felt even tighter.
He hoped Livvie’s words meant he hadn’t lost her yet. Somehow he’d
find a way to make it right with her, and Rafiq.

“I was insanely jealous,” Caleb offered in
supplication.

Livvie squeezed him for a moment then
loosened her hold, “I know. It should make me happy, but it
doesn’t.” She sighed.

“Why,” Caleb asked softly into her warm, wet
neck.

“I’d rather make you happy, Caleb. I’d
rather see you smile. Sometimes, you smile and I…” she paused,
overwhelmed, “I forget about everything that’s wrong with you.”

Caleb wasn’t sure what to say, so he simply
told her the truth, “I’d rather see you smile, too. In the
beginning, when I didn’t know you…you seemed so sad. I watched you
cry one day and I thought, ‘I want to taste her tears’. I have a
thing about them. I confess I’ve made you cry just to see your
tears. I’ve gotten off on your suffering.” He swallowed.

“But now,” Caleb said, “I never want to see
you cry again. I wish I could go back to the day on the street, the
day you thought I’d saved you from the guy in the car, and just…let
you believe I was your hero. You smiled at me, so sweetly. You
thanked me. I wish I’d just let it be.”

Caleb could feel Livvie taking deep
breaths.

“I know it’s what I should want, too,” she
said, “but I don’t. I accuse you of being fucked in the head,
Caleb. The truth is… I wonder if I’m not fucked up, too. I should
hate you, Caleb. Now I’ve decided what my fate will be, I should
want to kill you. I don’t. I can’t imagine never having known
you.”

“Maybe it’s fate,” Livvie said, “if you
believe in that sort of thing. Maybe you were supposed to meet me
that day. You asked me once if I’d choose some other girl to take
my place. I wanted to say yes.”

“You said, no,” Caleb whispered. He thought
about how it might have worked out with another girl – if he’d have
the feelings he had for Livvie for someone else. He’d been
conflicted from the start. He’d been ready to leave his life as
Rafiq’s right hand behind until Vladek had resurfaced unexpectedly.
Perhaps his emotions had less to do with Livvie and more with his
desire to move on from his past. Nonetheless, he doubted it. Livvie
was unique to him. Irreplaceable.

“I did, but I wanted to say yes, Caleb. If I
had believed for a second you’d let some other girl suffer in my
place… I think I might have said yes,” she said dully. “I’m fucked
in the head, too. Even before I met you.”

Caleb let her words sink in for a moment. He
didn’t believe they were true. Livvie was far from fucked up,
especially while he was the standard. However, if Livvie chose to
see some greater purpose behind their relationship and therefore
not hate him, he was too weak not to let her believe it.

As the silence stretched on between them,
Caleb became more aware of Livvie and her nudity. He ached to touch
her, to make love to her, but there were more things he had to say
first.

“I can’t erase my debt to Rafiq,” he said.
Livvie tensed, but Caleb hurried his words along, “It’s not
something I expect you to understand, but I can’t just leave.”

“What do you mean, Caleb? What does it mean,
for us?” Her words were said without emotion, but Caleb knew how
much she held in check.

“It means I have to make him understand.
We’ll have to find another way, maybe another girl…” he began.

Livvie pushed at his shoulder and sat up,
“Are you fucking kidding me, Caleb? Another girl? How could I live
with myself?!?”

Caleb’s anger was returning, “You just
finished saying….”

“That was before!” Livvie shouted, “I could
never put someone through this. Never! Please, Caleb, see reason.
Let me get dressed and let’s get the fuck out of here and never
look back.” She reached out with both hands and held Caleb’s face
in a vise-like grip. “Please, Caleb. Please.”