Seducing Wrath (15 page)

Just how sick was she? I needed to tell everyone.

“Anyway, as I was trying to say. I’m looking forward to meeting her, and so excited about the wedding.”

“I don’t think they’ve even thought about the wedding yet. We have the rest of the tour to get through.”

“Oh yes, that’s right. Well maybe you’ll be able to take a break and they can get married at some point.”

For a second, intense jealousy raced through me like electricity burning along my nerve endings, it wasn’t fair, Chaos worked things out with Cynda, why did I have to lose Blue? I took a breath, I didn’t need to go down that path, there’d only be trouble.

“Maybe, I’ll mention it to them.”

“Wonderful, but now back to your problem.” She coughed a bit more and I wondered if all the talking was making her cough.

“I’m okay, Sally. You sound like you might need some rest.”

“Don’t be silly. You called for a reason. What do you know about her other than she has blue hair?”

“Not too much really. A little about her mother, she never mentioned a father. She joined the tour in Philly so I’m guessing she probably lives near there. She just seemed different than the others. Not trashy but trashy enough to pull off the whole groupie thing. I know that doesn’t make sense.”

“Sure it does. I understand. So she leaked private things about you?”

“Well just about the engagement. Nothing else really.”

“Was that bad?”

“I think we were more worried about what else would get out. That it would be something we didn’t want getting out yet. Like that we changed managers.”

“I see. Well then Joe did the right thing, right?”

“Yes, no, I don’t know.”

She laughed and then coughed. “Oh, sweetheart, you have it bad.”

Fucking tell me something I don’t know. I wanted to hit my head against the wall. “I know.”

“Why don’t you talk to Joe about her and explain how you feel. Maybe he’ll tell you about her, or slip up and say something you can use to track her down.”

“That’s a good idea. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now, no more drinking, young man, you need to be sober to perform. I saw in the paper you’re doing a benefit for Breast Cancer. That’s a great cause, you probably don’t remember but Jack’s mom died of it just after you and Trent came to live with us.”

“Wow, no I didn’t remember. What was her name?”

“Edith Sherman.”

“Thanks, and thank you, Sally. You’re the best. Make sure you take care of that cough.”

“Silly boy. I’m fine. Have fun and you all be safe. Call anytime, it’s great to hear from you.

I was glad I’d called her. I had a plan now, and finishing up my toast and tea, I took a shower and went to bed.

Chapter Twenty-One

Sapphire/Teresa…

After spending so much time on the road it was weird being back at Mom’s. I know she meant well and she’d been avoiding the whole subject of the band, but I could see how concerned she was. When we got back from the airport, I went upstairs, unpacked, and took a shower.

Coming downstairs an hour later in my Syracuse sweats I plopped down on the couch. I’d finally stopped crying—at least for a little bit. Mom was watching Dr. Oz on TV and pacing back and forth to the kitchen cooking.

“What are you making?”

“Beef stroganoff, sweetie. I know it’s one of your favorites.”

“Thanks, but I’m not very hungry.”

“Well you don’t have to eat it all today, leftovers are good.”

I nodded. If she made as much as usual we’d probably be eating it for two weeks. She hated to cook, so the more she could make at one time the better.

She looked the same as when I left, nothing had changed in the neighborhood, so why did I feel like everything was different? I couldn’t stop thinking about Wrath calling after the taxi. The look on his face—I can only imagine what he must have been thinking. I didn’t doubt Joe would keep his word about not telling them who I am. Besides, why would they care?

“Teresa?”

Apparently I hadn’t heard her and she’d been calling my name, because now she came and sat on the couch next to me.

“Baby girl, are you okay?

The tears were back. No I wasn’t okay, my heart was in a million tiny pieces and each one was cutting me up on the inside. “I’ll be fine.”

“Here, take a hit off this,” she said, offering me her joint.

Rolling my eyes, I’d avoided it until now. I wasn’t going to get high with her. “No way. You know how I feel about that. Besides, I need to get a job now. Most places drug test. I’d fail with it in my system.”

“You’re no fun at all. I’d hoped being on the road with the band would mellow you out a little.”

“They don’t do drugs, hell, they hardly ever drank.”

“Really? What kind of a rock band are they?”

“An amazing one. I’m going to write that story about them and I’m going to see if Rolling Stone really will publish it.”

“Don’t you think it’ll make them mad?”

“Maybe, but not once they read it. It’ll share how amazing they all are, how hard they worked, and what great role models they are.”

She took another hit of her joint, blowing the smoke into my face.

“Cut it out, Mom.”

She giggled.

Great, now she was high, I wondered how long it would be before I could go to bed.

“That’s a good idea. You know I might have some connections. I knew a few of those guys on the road.”

“You did? Why didn’t you ever tell me before?”

“Because I just remembered it. Besides, you never want my help with anything. You’re Ms. Independent.”

She had a point. Was part of our problem, me? Had I been shutting her out? Shit, was this turning into my day for epiphanies? I was starting to wonder if I’d have been better off never doing anything. I seemed to only bring sadness wherever I went.

“I’m sorry, Mom.”

“Cut it out. I see the look on your face. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You love this boy, don’t you?”

I nodded, and it was all I could handle. If I said the words out loud it would make them too real, I didn’t think I’d ever say them again.

“Then suck it up, pull up those big girl panties, and do what needs to be done. You can win him back if you want it enough.”

“Seriously? This coming from the woman who got pregnant following the Grateful Dead back and forth across the country?”

“Yeah, so? Doesn’t mean I don’t know what love is or that I never experienced it myself.”

My jaw dropped. This was the closest my mother had ever come to really opening up about her life pre-me.

“Do you know who my dad is?”

“Kind of. It’s one of two men, and they both know about you. I’m not going to tell you who they are though. That’s the agreement we all made. They do send money, that’s how I could run my little shop and didn’t have to take a job at Walmart or something. It’s why you got those scholarships to Syracuse and I was able to pay for the rest.

“No way.”

“Yes, well some of it was academic, but they helped too.”

“Is everything I know about our lives a lie?”

“Don’t be silly. Now you’re just overreacting because of what happened with you and Chris. Do you think I don’t remember how you cried over him almost every day in high school? Oh God, when he took someone else to the Senior Prom I thought you were going to lose your mind.”

I looked at my hands and realized I was rubbing my necklace again. I guess it was my new nervous habit. I’d forgotten all about Prom, or maybe I’d just blocked it. Who needed to remember stuff like that? That’s what I needed to do now…forget the trip, after I publish the story.

“Shit, Mom, please. I’m trying not to think about him. So I definitely don’t want to think about high school.”

“Okay. I understand.”

Sometimes I wondered if she did, I felt older than her more often than not. I loved her but she could make me insane so easily.

The timer buzzed. “Oh good. Dinner’s ready. Let’s go eat.”

It was the last thing I wanted to do but I knew she’d bug me until I did. I felt like I was fifteen again, instead of almost twenty-four. I needed to find a place of my own.

I managed to eat some of the stroganoff, enough to make her feel better. I’m sure the glass of wine helped, but sitting at the table with Mom just reminded me of how far away I was from Wrath. How was he doing? Was he mad at me? Did he hate me? Would I ever be able to explain everything to any of them?

After cleaning up from dinner, I watched a little TV with her then went upstairs. I was exhausted, but would I be able to sleep? My room was still decorated like I’d had it in high school. I only came back for short visits all during college, it was just too far. Looking at the posters of Raining Chaos was a mistake. Tears ran down my face, until I couldn’t breathe and got the hiccups. I tore them off the wall, crumbling them into a ball and tossing them into the corner. I had pictures of Wrath all over the room from high school and some of the gigs I’d gone to before I left for college. I’d even caught one of their shows when they were in upstate New York.

I’m so stupid. I knew it was going to end like this. Was I a fuckin’ masochist, did I enjoy torturing myself over him? It sure seemed like it. I got ready for bed and crawled between the covers and tried to empty my mind. Images of Wrath and the rest of the band swam though my brain, then Joe, telling me I had to leave right away. I grabbed one of my teddy bears, clutching it to me and squeezing the life out of it. He was a poor substitute for Wrath’s muscled body. I missed everything about him, his snide remarks, his taste and scent. When we had sex that last time he was gentle, almost like he really cared. Was he hurting like me?

I heard Mom head up to bed. I was still lying in the dark, crying and clutching my teddy bear, the shards from my broken heart shredding my insides. The sun was starting to come up when I finally gave up any hope of sleep. Turning on my laptop I started writing.

I wrote for hours, until Mom knocked on the door with a cup of coffee.

“Thank you. Oh my God, I’ve missed your coffee.”

“I put cinnamon in it, takes the bitterness out.”

I hugged her, not for any reason in particular, but because I loved her and she’d been a good mother. Even when she didn’t like something I wanted to do she always supported me, and now when my life was in shambles she brought coffee to my room.

“What’s that for?”

“Because I love you. Thank you for everything.”

“Aww, baby girl. I love you too. Do you want anything to eat?”

“No, I’m good. Let me finish this up and I’ll come downstairs so we can drink our coffee together.”

“Sounds like a good plan.”

I spent another hour or so writing the story, printed it out, and brought it downstairs along with my empty coffee cup. I needed a refill and I wanted to see what Mom thought about the article.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Wrath…

We’d gotten together for lunch in an Italian restaurant Joe recommended. It was nice and quiet. They gave us a back room. Joe brought us up to speed about the guy who had been using Sapphire to get information. It looked like it was definitely Rod Dixon, but until Joe had proof we couldn’t do anything about it. He had some friends of his looking in to it. With a last name like Martini, none of us wanted to ask what kind of friends they were.

I told everyone I’d spoken to Jack and Sally. I passed on Sally’s hope we would be able to stop by soon to see them, and how she was excited about the wedding. Then I shared about her coughing. We needed to get a hold of Jack when she wasn’t around to find out what was really going on.

“How about we take a break and you surprise them at Christmas?”

“Can we do that?” Chaos asked. I was surprised too. I thought our schedule was pretty much engraved in stone.

“Well, we have a month built in for recording time and since you’ve been doing some of the songs already, it shouldn’t take us too much time to lay down five tracks. I think we can pull a week out to get you guys home.”

I didn’t think it was possible to get excited about going back to New Jersey but apparently it was home for us, and spending so much time in different cities made us all at least a little homesick. I hadn’t seen everyone so happy since we’d left Philly. Too bad Sally and Jack wouldn’t meet Sapphire. Shaking my head I needed to stop thinking about her.

I couldn’t fucking sleep last night without her in bed. I missed how she felt wrapped around me, no matter where I moved in the bed she was right there plastered to my side.

I was hoping I’d be able to take a freakin’ nap this afternoon but the benefit was tonight. We had lots of extra interviews with the news crews covering the concert. It was a sold out show, the concerts in Chicago were at the United Center and Joe said over twenty-three thousand tickets had sold. I couldn’t even wrap my fuckin’ brain around the amount of people who’d been to our shows since the Garden. Definitely more in the last three weeks than we could have ever imagined. Fucking unreal is what it was. Of course there was really only one person I cared about being there tonight and I could fucking guarantee she’d be a no show.

The United Center was fucking crazy. Cars, limos, buses, and wall to wall people every fucking where. Terrance and Joe had decided to hire extra security for the show. Terrance was concerned he wouldn’t be able to handle everyone by himself and looking around now I’d say it was a good call.

Devastating Reality was on stage and their set was being piped into the suite. They really were pretty good. Except for fucking Paddy. When we’d come in to do our sound check earlier, he’d started up about Blue. Figured I was hiding her away from him. Fucking cocksucker. If Joe hadn’t stopped me I’d have decked him. I was on edge, I knew it, and so did everyone else. It seemed like everyone except Chaos had stayed far away from me. We’d been through too much together for him to stay away. I still needed to see if I could pry more information from Joe. It wasn’t fuckin’ right to keep it from us. I wasn’t going to hurt her. But I did think we had the right to confront her and get all the details.