Seductive Chaos (Bad Rep #3) (34 page)

Because I loved him madly.

To distraction.

To my ruin.

He made it all too tempting to fall head first into my total destruction.

We were the beauty in the chaos and I wanted him to annihilate me.

But I knew that it wasn’t possible for him to love me the way I loved him. Love for Cole Brandt was a pretty new toy he wanted to try out. They were words without substance. He said them without knowing what they truly meant. He didn’t know how to love anyone but himself.

He didn’t love me.

This became my mantra.

Because the need to touch him, to see him, to be with him every second of every day was overwhelming. And I was so damn weak when it came to Cole.

But I didn’t call him. And he didn’t call me. And the disappointment of that almost threw me into a moping depression.

But I held strong. I had too much on my plate to fixate on Cole and the fact that in only a few hours, his musical fate would be decided.

“Earth to Vivian!” Theo snapped his fingers in front of my face. I was standing in the middle of the large open space at the back of The Claremont Center where the gala would be held. There were people rearranging furniture and hanging colorful tapestries on the walls. Movers were starting to bring in tables and chairs. I was supposed to be directing them.

But work responsibilities became less important as I was sucked under by my Cole-centric thoughts.

Such was the danger of loving him.

I smiled, laughing. “Sorry, I was totally zoned out there, wasn’t I?”

“Just a bit,” Theo agreed. I hadn’t really spoken with Theo since our disastrous date. He had been out of town for work during the last part of the week and I had been neck deep in the final gala preparations.

There was an element of discomfort in seeing him again. I still felt guilty and ridiculous for the entire debacle. I was still smacking myself for ruining something that had so much potential. But I would have been going into it with only half a heart.

Because a certain jerk had the part of me and wasn’t giving it back anytime soon. No matter how much I wanted him to.

“This looks amazing!” Theo enthused sincerely, watching as several women started unloading the pieces of the faux ice sculptures that would be erected in the corners of the room.

“So far so good,” I agreed, signing an order slip for the table linens and handing it back to the delivery person.

“I can’t wait to see how it all turns out. It’s one thing to imagine it in my head; it’s something else entirely to see it on the actual night. I just hope everything goes smoothly,” I said with an edge of panic as Theo and I walked over to the giant screen being put up on the wall.

It was the perfect space for the event. The entire back of the room was composed of windows that overlooked the river. The room was grand and expansive and would be filled with twinkling lights and swaths of blue, silver, and white. I had envisioned a classy but eye-catching event. I was scared that something would happen to screw it all up. Because lord knows, that would be my luck.

“So how was Cole after I left the other night?” Theo asked and I sucked in a breath. I hadn’t expected him to ask about Cole. I sort of hoped he’d let us pretend the whole thing hadn’t happened.

I forced a smile and shrugged. “He was hung over.”

Theo’s piercing eyes seemed to look straight through me. “And how are things with the two of you?” he queried.

Why was he asking me about this? Why in the world would he want to know?

I prayed he hadn’t held out hope for us. Because that was never going to happen. Even if I wanted to make myself go there, I knew it wasn’t right. I couldn’t flirt and lead him on when I knew that Cole would always be there in the back of my mind.

And now that the L word had been thrown into the mix, I was even more of a lost cause.

“Couldn’t really say,” I said caustically, wishing he’d drop it. I was at work. I couldn’t fixate on Cole. I couldn’t think about how things were going for him in New York. I couldn’t allow myself to wonder whether he would call when he was finished.

“Because, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the gala with me. And I didn’t want to ask if the two of you were together.”

“Um. . .” I began, not sure what to say.

Hadn’t I stomped all over him enough for one lifetime?

Theo chuckled at my horrified expression. “As friends, Viv. I just want to escort the amazing person responsible for all of this. Just a night of fun, and dancing, and hanging out with someone I enjoy being with. Just don’t get high on antihistamines beforehand and we’ll be good,” he teased and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Well, I’m supposed to go with my friends.”

Theo shrugged. “I rented a limo. The company always springs for them. We could all go together,” he offered and that seemed to take some of the pressure off.

“Sure, that sounds great,” I agreed. I was relieved that Theo didn’t seem to be holding my idiotic behavior against me. He was such a nice guy and I really needed more nice in my life.

“Great! I’ll pick you and your friends up at your place around eight on Saturday!” Theo gave me a wave and headed over to several of his co-workers that had come in to see the progress.

My phone beeped in my pocket and I pulled it out to find a text from Cole.

In New York. Wish me luck.

Six words. That was it. But it lifted my mood instantly.

Not even hesitating I quickly typed out a response.

Good luck, Cole.

I didn’t get a reply. I hadn’t expected one. But my day felt a whole lot brighter.

B
y the evening, however, I was on pins and needles wanting to know what had happened in the meeting with the label. After receiving the text from Cole earlier, I had honestly thought he’d call afterwards. But there had been nothing but radio silence.

I tried calling Maysie several times but her phone went straight to voicemail.

“Have you heard from Maysie?” I asked Gracie after she got home from her last day at the coffee shop. She had gotten the job with the garden magazine and was set to start on Monday.

Though, she seemed less than thrilled about it. I didn’t exactly understand what her problem was. It was a hell of a lot better than making espressos every day.

“Nope, were we supposed to?” she asked, kicking off her shoes and padding into the kitchen to make herself something to eat.

I followed on her heels. “Today was the meeting with the record label,” I told her.

“Oh, that’s right,” Gracie mused; pulling out the leftover lasagna I had made the other night.

“I just thought we’d hear something by now, but Maysie’s phone is off when I tried to call her,” I said, annoyed by how unbothered Gracie seemed by the situation.

“Why don’t you call Cole, then,” she suggested. I grit my teeth together.

“Why in the world would I call Cole?” I asked defensively.

Gracie looked over her shoulder as she put the pasta in the microwave and turned it on.

“I don’t know. Maybe because he was over here the other night and I could hear exactly what you were doing through our super thin walls,” she explained, giving me a wry look.

“You were here?” I squeaked, mortified that Gracie had heard us. Not that it was the first time and it wasn’t as though I hadn’t been subjected to all manner of noises from within her bedroom.

But I hadn’t wanted anyone to know that he had been here. I wasn’t ready to talk about what it meant because he had spent the night. I wasn’t ready to talk about what we were to each other now.

“I do live here, you know,” Gracie responded dryly, taking her pasta out of the microwave and dumping it into a bowl. She grabbed a fork and passed by me on her way into the living room.

“I didn’t hear you come in. I just thought you stayed out,” I excused lamely.

“I’m sure
you
didn’t
hear me. I don’t think you could hear much of anything with all the racket you two were making.”

“Oh whatever! Like you’re any quieter,” I huffed.

Gracie stirred her pasta with her fork and ate a mouthful as she regarded me.

“I was surprised when I recognized Cole’s voice moaning your name. I hadn’t expected to find him here. Especially not now.”

“Yeah, well he showed up and we hung out and. . .”

“You decided to get naked?” Gracie supplied.

“It wasn’t like that!” I maintained.

“When is it ever
not
like that?” Gracie asked.

“I didn’t plan for us to sleep together.”

“Well, from the sounds of it, there wasn’t a whole lot of sleeping going on,” Gracie laughed.

“I’m glad you think it’s so damn funny. Should we spend some time talking about your trip on the bone train with Mitch? Maybe we can dissect that for my amusement,” I snipped, irritated.

Gracie cleared her throat and covered her smile with a cough.

“Enough said. I get it. Sorry. You just made it clear you were done with all of that. And by all of that I mean Cole and his magic penis.”

“It was different this time.” I sounded like such a girl. Ugh!

“Of course it was.” Gracie rolled her eyes and I had to wonder when she became so cynical. That was normally Riley’s MO. Gracie was the peppy optimist. Something had changed in her and I found it disturbing at how hostile she sounded.

Gracie got up and looked down at me, her expression softening, her pinched mouth relaxing. “I just don’t want you to get hurt, Viv. And Cole always seems to hurt you.”

“I won’t let him. I’m not even sure he’ll have an opportunity to get close enough to hurt me.”

Gracie’s eyes were troubled. “He’s always that close, Viv. Even when you pushed him away.”

I chewed on my bottom lip stared down at my hands. “He told me he loved me,” I admitted in a whisper.

Gracie sat back down heavily. “He what?” she gasped.

“He said he loved me.”

“Wow.” I looked up at my friend and she seemed almost as dazed as I was.

“I’m pretty sure he wants us to be together,” I finished.

“You’re
pretty sure?
What does that mean?”

“It means we didn’t have a chance to really talk about it! I kicked him out!” I threw my hands into the air in frustration.

Gracie started to giggle. I looked at her sharply and she covered her mouth. But then she was laughing hysterically. And then I joined her. We were laughing like a couple of mentally unstable hyenas.

“You two are absurd!” Gracie chortled.

“I know!” I agreed.

“You seriously belong together. There’s no one out there that will ever put up with either of you for very long,” Gracie continued, settling down.

“Hey!” I whined, not liking the sound of that at all.

“It’s the truth! Look at yourself. Look at how you are together! You’re both overdramatic, narcissistic, attention seeking fools.” I started to bristle at the insult, even if I got the impression she didn’t mean it as one.

I wasn’t narcissistic was I? I could be dramatic. But narcissistic? Really?

“You’re both stubborn and unyielding. And 100% made for each other.”

“But the other women. . .” I started to say.

“Yeah, there’s that,” she said, getting serious.

“How can I ever trust him?” I asked, my voice a plea.

Gracie shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I could ever get past all that. But I’m not you. And I can’t pretend to understand the crazy dynamics of your relationship. Trust is something you will obviously have to work on if you want to be together. It will take time. Do you want to be with him?”

Did I want to be with Cole?

He drove me crazy. I hated and loved him in equal measure. He lit me on fire and stoked the flame.

When we were together, I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

When we were apart, I only wanted to be with him again.

Did I want to be with him? Yes I did. But at what cost to myself?

“I think I do. I just don’t know if I’m up for it.” I clenched my hands together in my lap.

“I guess you have your answer then. It doesn’t really matter what anyone else has to say about it. I can’t pretend to understand why you’d want to put yourself through that. But I’ll support you anyway. It’s what friends do. And if he ever touches another woman, I’ll break each and every one of his fingers. . .slowly. . .one at a time. Just for you, Viv,” Gracie promised, grinning.

I chuckled. “Good to know.”

I
was back in Bakersville putting on my tuxedo. My nuts felt like they were in a vice and I was pretty sure I had picked up the wrong sized monkey suit.

I straightened the shiny silver tie and took the ring out of my lip. My hair was wild, but there wasn’t much I could do about that.

I looked like a fucking waiter.

The things guys did for the chicks they loved.

I smoothed out the collar and figured it was about as good as it was going to get.

I slung my black jacket over my shoulder and headed out the door.

Time for my grand gesture.

I just hoped I didn’t take a kick to the gut for the effort.

F
our days ago I had been in New York. Four days ago I had finally figured out what I was going to do.