See Me (24 page)

“She’ll still be happy.”

“Good.”

“How did they get you confirmed if you stopped going to church?”

“Donations, I guess. Probably a big one, because the priest let me do a cram course one summer and even though I didn’t do any of the work, the next year, they let me get confirmed anyway.”

“That’s kind of cheating.”

“It’s not kind of cheating. It
is
cheating. On the plus side, I got a go-kart out of it, so that was kind of nice.”

“A go-kart?”

“It was either that or I wouldn’t do it. For all the good it did me. I totaled it within a couple of weeks and refused to talk to my parents the rest of the summer because they wouldn’t buy me a new one.”

“Nice,” she said sarcastically.

“I’ve never hidden the fact that I have issues.”

“I’m aware.” She smiled. “But sometimes, I wish you’d surprise me in a good way when you talk about your younger years.”

He thought about it. “I beat up my older sister’s ex-boyfriend once. Does that count? Since he was a total jerk?”

“No,” she said, “that doesn’t count.”

He smiled. “Do you want to have lunch tomorrow?”

“I’d love to, but I already promised Jill. She texted me earlier and I forgot to mention it. I’m open to a late dinner, though.”

“I can’t,” he said. “I have to work.”

“You mean we might not see each other tomorrow? Whatever am I going to do?”

It might have been the playfulness in her tone or the fact that a long and wonderful weekend was finally coming to an end, but he didn’t respond. Instead, he just stared at her, noting the sensual curves of her body, perfect in nearly every way. “You are incredibly beautiful,” he whispered.

A light smile played across her lips, seductive and lovely. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he echoed, and as he continued to gaze at her, he couldn’t shake the feeling that a long journey was finally coming to an end. He knew what that meant, and while the feeling had been unimaginable even a month ago, there was no reason to deny it. He reached toward her, gently running his fingers through her hair, the sensation luxurious, and he let out a long breath. “I love you, Maria,” he finally murmured. He watched as her surprise gave way to comprehension.

With his hand still in her hair, she wrapped it in hers.

“Oh, Colin,” she whispered, “I love you, too.”

T
hey made love early the following morning; afterward, Colin told her he wanted to get a workout in before class, and though the sun had not yet risen when he left, Maria tossed and turned, unable to fall back to sleep. She finally got out of bed, resolved to catch up on some long-neglected work.

She brewed coffee, showered, and dressed, and with the best of intentions opened up her MacBook to get some work done in the hour and a half before she left for the office. And yet, as she settled in, she couldn’t escape a growing, though inchoate, sense that something was wrong. Even as she sifted through her feelings, she couldn’t pinpoint the cause. The timing made her suspect that it had something to do with Colin; the relationship
had
been a bit of a whirlwind, although she certainly didn’t regret it. They’d fallen in love, and there was nothing wrong with that. It was normal. It happened to other people every day. And considering all the time they’d spent getting to know each other, it wasn’t even all that unexpected.

So what on earth was bothering her?

Refilling her cup, she abandoned the table and wandered to the balcony, watching as the port city slowly came to life. A light mist lingered just above the sidewalk, making it appear almost out of focus. As she sipped her coffee, she remembered standing in the same spot the night they had first made love, and though it brought a smile to her face, the memory was accompanied by a definite pang of anxiety.

Okay, so maybe her feelings about Colin weren’t as simple and straightforward as she wanted to pretend. But what, exactly, was throwing her off? That they were sleeping together? The words they’d spoken to each other last night? The fact that her parents didn’t approve of him? Or that a month ago, she couldn’t have even imagined falling for someone like him?

That pretty much sums it up
, she admitted. But why this anxiety
this
morning? It was ridiculous to think that simply saying
I love you
could upset her equilibrium this way. Logically, it made no sense. She finished her coffee and decided to head in to work early, sure that she was blowing the whole thing out of proportion.

And yet, throughout the morning, the feeling didn’t dissipate; if anything, it only grew more pronounced. By ten, even her stomach had grown slightly upset. The more she tried to convince herself that worrying about Colin didn’t make sense, the more difficult she found it to concentrate. As the clock clicked toward the lunch hour, all she could think was that she needed to talk to Jill.

 

 

Maria went through all of it, including the way she was feeling, as she watched Jill pull several pieces of sushi from the platter onto her plate and begin wolfing them down. For her part, Maria put a single piece on her plate before realizing there wasn’t a chance she could force it down. By the time she finished speaking, Jill was nodding.

“So let me get this straight,” Jill said. “You met a guy, the two of you slept together after not dating all that long, you introduced him to your parents and they didn’t run for the hills, and he told you that he loved you. And then, this morning, you suddenly began questioning everything. Have I summed that up correctly?”

“Pretty much.”

“And you’re not sure why?”

Maria made a face. “Humor me.”

“It’s simple. You’re just going through a grown-up version of the walk of shame.”

“Excuse me?”

“The walk of shame? From college? After you had too much to drink at a party and you hooked up with a guy that you thought was perfect and then, when morning came around, you couldn’t believe what had just happened? And then walked back across the campus to your place wondering what the hell you were doing, still dressed in what you’d been wearing the night before?”

“I know what the walk of shame is. And it’s not anything like that.”

Jill used her chopsticks to pick up the last remaining maki roll. “Maybe not specifically, but I’d be surprised if your emotions weren’t seesawing from one extreme to the other, which is what most girls go through during the walk of shame. As in, ‘Did that really happen? Was it as good as I remember? What did I do?’ Falling in love is terrifying. That’s why they say ‘falling in love’ and not something like ‘floating toward love.’ Falling is scary. Floating is kind of dreamy.” She shook her head sorrowfully at Maria’s plate. “I just ate all of our food and I’m going to blame you when I get on the scale.”

“In other words, you think that what I’m going through is normal?”

“I’d be way more worried if you weren’t questioning everything. Because then, it would mean you’re crazy.”

“Did this happen with Paul? When you first fell in love with him?”

“Of course. One day, he’d be all I could think about, and the next, I’d wonder whether I was making the biggest mistake of my life. And here’s a little secret – sometimes it still happens. I know I love him, but I’m not sure I love him enough to date him forever. I want to get married and have children. Or at least one. And by the way? His parents don’t like me that much, and I struggle with that, too.”

“Why don’t they like you?”

“They think I talk too much. And that I’m too opinionated.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I know, right?”

Maria laughed before growing serious again. “I think it’s hard because everything about Colin and me just seems so… foreign. With Luis, it all made sense. We were friends first, and even after we were dating, it must have been six months before I told him that I loved him. My parents liked him, and he came from a good family, and there was nothing about his past to even question.”

“If memory serves, I believe you also told me that Serena didn’t like Luis at all. And in the end, he turned out to be a selfish jerk.”

Oh yeah. That.
“But…”

“Luis was your first love. You can’t compare what happened then with what’s happening now.”

“That’s what I just said.”

“You’re missing my point. My point is that first loves
always
make sense because you don’t know any better. Everything is a first and any warning bells are drowned out by the sheer novelty of it all. In the beginning, anyway. Now you’re older and wiser, and you need someone in your life who’s older and wiser, too. You want someone who doesn’t play games, and with Colin, what you see is what you get. You trust him and you enjoy spending time with him. Or at least, that’s what you’ve been telling me.”

“And you don’t think it’s moving too fast?”

“Compared to what? It’s your life. My advice is to go with the flow and take it one day at a time. And again, what you’re feeling today is perfectly normal.”

“I’d rather not feel this way at all.”

“Who would? But I have a hunch that you’ll feel better as soon as you talk to him again. That’s the way it usually works.”

Maria pushed her lonely piece of sushi around, finally beginning to feel the first pangs of hunger. “I hope you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right. Love makes everything complicated, and emotions always go wild in the beginning. But when it’s real, you should hold on tight, because we’re both old enough to know that true love doesn’t come along all that often.”

 

 

After lunch with Jill, Maria did feel better. Maybe not entirely normal, but at the very least somewhat
centered
again. The more she thought about it, the more she recognized that Jill had been right about pretty much everything. Falling in love
was
a little frightening and enough to make anyone a bit screwy in the beginning. It had been so long that she’d forgotten what it was supposed to feel like.

Jill had also been spot-on when she’d assured Maria that talking to Colin would help settle her doubts. He called a little after four while he was on his way to work. Although they didn’t chat for long, simply hearing his voice seemed to diminish the tension in her neck and shoulders. And when he asked if she was free the following evening and whether they could spend time together, she realized how much she wanted exactly that.

The thought of spending time with Colin after work made the following day pass more quickly than usual. Even Barney – who either dropped by her office or called a dozen times to get the latest updates on various matters – couldn’t shake her good spirits. When the phone rang halfway through the afternoon, she answered automatically, expecting to hear Barney’s voice, only to hear Jill on the other end.

“Now he’s just showing off,” her friend announced.

It took a second to identify the voice. “Jill?”

“So either the two of you got into a fight last night and he’s hoping for forgiveness, or he’s trying to make other men look bad.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Colin. And the bouquet of roses he just sent you.”

“He sent roses?”

“What did you think I was talking about? The delivery guy is waiting for you.”

Maria glanced at her phone, noting the extension. “Why are you calling from Gwen’s phone in the lobby?”

“Because I happened to be talking to Gwen when the delivery guy walked in, and I insisted that I be allowed to call you because this is getting ridiculous. Do you know how often Paul has sent me roses at work? Try never. And if you don’t get out here soon, I might take the bouquet and stomp on it because it’s making me question my entire relationship again. And believe me – you don’t want
that
on your conscience.”

Maria laughed. “No stomping, okay? I’ll be right there.”

When she entered the lobby, she spotted Jill standing beside a deliveryman in a baseball cap who was, sure enough, holding a bouquet of pink roses. Before she could thank him, the delivery guy handed the bouquet to her and abruptly turned away. A moment later, the lobby door was closing behind him, almost like he’d never been there at all.

“Charming fellow,” Jill commented. “He couldn’t even make small talk. He just kept saying your name whenever I asked a question. But you have to admit the bouquet is gorgeous.”

Maria had to agree. The buds, enveloped in sprigs of baby’s breath, were either closed or just barely beginning to wink open, and as she bent to smell them, she realized that the florist had been thoughtful enough to trim the thorns. “I can’t believe he would do this,” she remarked, inhaling the bouquet’s delicate scent.

“It’s almost sad,” Jill said, shaking her head. “He must have serious self-esteem issues. Since he’s always seeking your approval, I mean.”

“I don’t think Colin has self-esteem issues.”

“Then he must be needy. You should probably break up with him before it gets any worse. You need someone like Paul, a guy who thinks first and foremost about himself.”

Maria peered up at her friend. “Are you finished?”

“Did you get the sense that I’m envious?”

“Yes.”

“Then yes. I’m finished. And I take it that the two of you talked and all is well again?”

“We made plans for tonight, in fact.” She held out the bouquet toward Jill. “Would you mind holding this while I open the card?”

“Why not? It’s not like you’re trying to rub it in.”