Seeking Evil (Looking Into The Mind Of A Killer Series) (26 page)

She
’
d started tapering
her
visits to the hospital. When he was released,
she
decided it was time to leave. Bev and Ed were going to accompany
her
to
Florida
where
she
’
d take care of some pressing things first then go and spend a few weeks with them in
New York
.

The night before
she
w
as
scheduled to fly to
Florida
, John came to see
her
at
her
hotel.

He
was
almost
back to normal
again. The bandage was barely visible by now.

Anna
opened the door and let him in.
“
You look much better.
”

“
And you
’
ve been ignoring my calls
,
”
h
e said without preamble.

“
Yes.
”

The pain in his eyes had nothing to do with his wounds. His
next
question took
her
by surprise.

“
How
the hell did he
know where to find you? It was almost as if…
”
He shook his head. John was a cold
,
hard facts man. He couldn
’
t accept that there might have been a connection left between
Jericho
and his wife.
Anna
could tell this had been troubling him.

She
smiled. He just needed a little push to believe.
“
You know.
”

He shook his head.

“
I dreamed about him, you know. At the time, well, I thought I was going crazy. It was Brenda
’
s dreams, though. I understand that now.
”

Anna
took a deep breath and told him everything.
“
I think sometimes, well, maybe our connection to people
we care about
doesn
’
t end with death, not when
we’re the ones
closest to them. Not when they die so violently. Like Brenda. And Aaron
,
”
s
he
added
,
reluctant to bring the past and
her
failures up again.
“
I dreamed of him as well. I think Aaron was trying to tell me we
’
d gotten the wrong person. He can rest now.
Jericho
’
s gone.
”

“
Anna…
”

“
And we can too. We can get on with our lives now, John. We couldn
’
t before. We, we were frozen in time,
but
now we can move on
.
”

He spotted
her
packed suitcases next to the door.
“
You
’
re leaving.
”

Anna
never would have associated so much pain with John.

“
Yes. I have to, John.
”

“
Dammit, Anna, don
’
t. Don
’
t throw us away like this.
”

He came to
her
and reached for
her
arms.
She
tried to pull away but he wouldn
’
t let
her
go.

“
I
’
m not throwing us away. There
’
s no
‘
us
’
to throw away, John
,
and you know it.
”

He drew
her
closer
,
and for a moment,
she
welcomed the strength and warmth of his body.
“
There is. You
’
re just too damn determined to blame yourself for Aaron
’
s death to accept it.
For being happy with me.
Let
go of the guilt
, Anna. We all made mistakes, including Aaron. He wasn
’
t the saint you
’
d made him out to be.
”

“
Don
’
t talk about him like that.
”
She
yanked free.
“
Just go.
”

“
Anna, don
’
t do this. Give us a chance.
”

The anger left
her
at the pleading in his eyes.
“
John, it wouldn
’
t work.
Don’t you see, there would always be the past, Aaron, the baby, Cheryl, Jericho and all the terrible things you and I have seen standing
there
between us
.
The secrets we’ve kept from each
other
, ourselves…f
rom
Aaron.
To move forward and make a fresh start, to have some hope for a future beyond all this horror, we have to let go of the past. Of us.
You
have to let it go. Please, just let me go. Get on with your life. Let me go.
Fall in love.
”

She
saw the hopelessness in him before he headed for the door.
“
Too late. I already have.
”

*
*
*
*
*

It took everything inside him not to follow her to
Florida
, or the ends of the earth
for that matter
.
Everything n
ot to force her to admit the truth, but in the end it was what she
’
d said that kept him
from going after her
.

Too much stood between them. Part of it was true. The biggest part was the unknown.
Was there a chance at having a normal life for them after all the horror they'd seen? Was there one for him without Anna? He had to try.

But first he had one final piece of Bureau business to complete. John parked his truck in the parking garage and took the stair
s
to his floor.
This was his first day back.
He'd put this moment off for days. He couldn't any longer.

It
’
d been weeks since he
’
d last darkened these once hallowed walls. The night the truth came out. Today was different. The weight of the world had left him and he had a purpose in mind.

His partner
spotted him the minute he walked into the
door.
“
Where
’
ve you been? He
’
s been screaming for you for days. I thought you were coming back last Monday?
”

John held up a hand.
“
It
’
s okay. I
’
m on my way there now. I just have one final thing to do.
”

John found a box and dumped his personal possession
s
into it while Rick watched in disbelief.

“
What are you doing?
”

“
Beating
Warren
to the punch.
”

“
John, you have to fight this thing.
”

John turned to him and smiled.
“
No, I don
’
t. I
’
m all fought out. I can
’
t do this anymore.
”

“
Is this because of
her
…or him?
”
Rick asked quietly.

“
Both, maybe. Yeah, both, but mostly it
’
s because of me.
”
John hoisted the box under his arm.

“
What are you going to do?
”
Rick followed him to the elevator.

“
What I
’
ve wanted to do for a long time now.
”
He turned to his partner and shook his hand.
“
Learn how it feels to be normal again. Stay out of trouble
, buddy
. Keep your eyes open. And know when to walk away.
Don’t let this job consume you and make you do things you won’t be able to live with. Know when to let it go. In the end, it’s just a job.
”

*
*
*
*
*

For the first time in over a year, there were no shadows following
Anna
and yet
she
couldn
’
t seem to let the past go.

The house was just as
she
’
d left it.
Yet t
he fear was gone. In its place was an emptiness
she
’
d never experience
d
before. Not even after Aaron
’
s death.

Bev was such a help. She and Ed kept
her
sane through the packing. Helping
her
make the right decisions
about
what to keep. What to throw away. Which real estate agent would best suit
her
needs when it came to selling the house and the store.

“
You know it
’
s beautiful here. I could see us retiring here in a few years
,
”
Ed told his wife one evening while
they
all walked along the beach.

Bev
glanced
wistfully out at the ocean.
“
Yeah. It is.
”

Anna
rolled
her
eyes.
“
If you guys want the place, it
’
s yours. You just have to make the payments.
”

Ed
turned to
Bev.
“
What do you think?
”

“
I think let
’
s retire now. Don
’
t wait. Life
’
s too short.
”

At times, their happiness was
still
hard to take, but
she
was trying.
Still,
Anna
wondered how long
she
’
d last this time before
she
moved on. Tried to outrun the memories
that
still
haunted her dreams
.
The ones of John.

* * * * *

The house was packed. All of
her
possessions were
en
route to
New York
. There w
ere
no regrets
,
surely.
She
’
d made
her
peace with the reasons
she
’
d come here.
She
wouldn
’
t miss
Pensacola
all that much, and if
she
did, Bev and Ed would gladly let
her
visit the place.

Anna and
Gemma
were loaded into the
back seat of
rental car. And
she
couldn
’
t help but believe
she
was about to make the worst mistake of
her
life.

They
reached the state line leading into
Georgia
when
Anna
asked
Ed
to stop the car.