Seeking Me To Find You (Finding You Series Book 1) (17 page)

Silence befalls us
as we drive down to San Diego. There is a sense of tension, almost a dreaded doom. Reaching across the arm rest, I place her hand in mine. The shy smile she gives is one of uncertainty. Is it the uncertainty of today or is it of the days to come?

I’m able to find a parking spot near the Natural History Museum. It’s not centralized to all the areas I would like to take her, but it will give me more time walking hand in hand with her. Her touch is magical, almost healing. By holding her, my heart knows that everything will be okay. It’s my brain that is screwing it all up.

Walking around to her side of the truck, I open her door and lead her out. She tries to walk ahead but I pull her back in to a kiss. Our tongues dance and I can’t help but draw her deeper. I pull back and notice her slowly opening her eyes, as if she is savoring every moment. Running my hand gently down the side her cheek, I place one last kiss on her forehead.

“Are you ready?”

Her eyes shift, staring back at mine. She leans her cheek into my palm and sighs, “Yes.”

*

As we enter
the museum, we find a scene similar to the one at the Ocean Institute on our first date. Kids are running from one exhibit to another while exhausted parents feverishly try to keep up. With the madness surrounding us, Grace walks calmly between exhibits. We come upon an exhibit on pirates. Suddenly, a little boy that was probably not even five comes up besides Grace and tugs on her shorts.

“Miss?” he says quietly.

Grace leans down to his level. “Yes,” Grace says with an enchanting smile.

“Miss, I can’t read and my mommy is busy.”

Grace looks over his shoulder and sees a woman talking on her cell, laughing and carrying on. The look on Grace’s face is of disgust, but changes to pity as she leans back down to him.

The little boy continues. “I love pirates. Can you read what these things say?”

Grace gives her signature heavenly smile. Immediately I can see Grace, the teacher, taking over.

Standing back, I take in the sight of her leading the young boy around the exhibit. The look on his face is of wonder and excitement. He is drawn to her like a moth to a flame.
I know the feeling.
You can see his little brain soaking in all the information. Every once in a while Grace will look in the proximity of where the boy’s mom is yapping on her cell, giving a slight grimace. She continues to the next artifact and I’m amused at seeing the boy skip behind her. My heart falls deeper into her grasp. By watching the scene unfolding before me, I can see what kind of mother Grace will be. Her gentleness and patience remind me of my mom. I’m instantly drawn back to my negative thoughts. She deserves so much more than me. She needs a man that will be by her side always, not traipsing back and forth across the seas.

After about an hour, the young boy’s mom comes over and yanks the boy’s arm, dragging him away. Immediately he breaks away and throws his small arms around Grace’s legs with the brightest smile. Letting go just as quick, he skips back to his mom, smiling ear to ear.

“Parents like that tick me off. They can’t see what they have in front of them, pissing away precious moments that will be gone before they know it. Hell, she didn’t even realize he was hanging out with a complete stranger.”

Grabbing her soft hand, I bring it to my lips and gently kiss it. Her grimace slowly fades away. We head off to our next adventure of the day.

*

We grab a
lunch to go and I lead her to an empty park bench sitting under a shade tree. Watching people walk by, I notice a couple walking hand in hand. The woman has a baby in a wrap close to her chest. A curious little girl with a bright pink dress and blonde pigtails twirls, stopping briefly to pick up a flower. Every time, she runs it back to her dad who holds them like a bouquet in his hand. She smiles briefly at him and skips back looking for her next treasure.

Grace snuggles closer to my body, taking a long sip of her soda. Giving a soft sigh, she leans even closer.

“I know that we’ve only talked a little about your job, but what should I really expect?”

How do I explain to her that I will be pretty much non-existent for the next twelve weeks?

“This Monday through Thursday will be like a typical work day. I will go in for regular PT around six a.m. to go over the new recruit files. We do this so that when we receive the new recruits on Friday, we are all on task. Usually I will be done by five p.m. Starting Friday, my schedule will be varied. Working in a three man team, we rotate twenty-four hours shifts every three days, unless something comes up where someone cannot serve. It’s been Ben, a guy named Logan, and myself for the past year and a half. We work well together and each is very flexible. Our days start at four thirty to go over the schedule for the day before waking the recruits at six. Our day, if not on the twenty-four hour shift, can end anywhere between six p.m. and nine p.m. as long as there are no problems with the recruits. I’m up at three o’clock the next morning to start the madness all over again.”

Grace shows no emotion as I continue. “If there is a holiday during this cycle, I work. I get zero days off until the cycle ends. It’s rough, but on graduation day, it’s so rewarding.”

“I guess with me starting my new job and being an assistant coach, I’ll be pretty busy as well. Not to the magnitude of what you do, but any time we can spend together will be more precious.”

Grace leans forward, turning slight towards me. “I can see the struggle that is going through that head of yours. If you want to do
this
, you have to have faith in us that we will make it work.”

Pulling Grace up to my lap, I tilt her chin up so that we are eye to eye. “I have faith in you; it’s me that I’m struggling with.”

Grace

S
itting here with
Jackson, I’m taken aback by his comment. Afraid to have him explain further about his faith in himself, I rest my head on his shoulder, taking in the sights around us. We fall into a slight moment of melancholy and I decide that enough is enough. Jumping off his lap, I pull at his arms until he is standing. “So what’s next on the agenda, big guy?”

Seeming to snap out of his dismal state, he gives me his signature smile. “How about the zoo?”

“Sounds perfect.” I reach up on my tippy toes and plant a feathery kiss on his lips. “Let’s go.”

Minutes later we are surrounded by mobs of people. The entrance of the zoo shows the iconic symbol of the panda, ape, giraffe, polar bear, and the huge elephant jutting from the sign. As we walk in, we are surrounded with topiaries of various animals. It always amazes me the talent that one possesses to create a work of art like that.

With the abundant sunshine and a comfortable breeze, everyone and their mother are out. This feeling brings me back to the one and only time I visited a zoo. I was ten and my mother and I had tagged along with my stepdad on one of his business trips. Since he had to spend most of his day at the Pentagon, we explored DC. The National Zoo was top of my list. I remember that the panda exhibit had just added a baby. I sat there so long that my mom had to pry my hands from the railing. I made her promise that we would come back one last time before we left the zoo. I was high off of sugar and the excitement of my surroundings.

As I make my way into the zoo, it’s not sugar I’m high off. The man holding my hand makes me feel like I’m floating on a cloud. We stand in the moment trying to figure where we want to start.

Jackson jerks me to the right. With a child-like smile, he walks feverishly towards the bus tour landing. Surprisingly enough, we walk right onto the bus. I guess the parents want to wear out their kids by walking. Jackson leads me to the top of the double-decker bus where we sit tucked into the back corner. As we wait for the bus to depart, Jackson still has a vice like grip on my hand. He holds my hand to his mouth, pausing briefly. I assume he is going to kiss my hand when he lightly bites my thumb, causing an electric pulse to travel to my heart.

How have I fallen for this man in such a short period of time? I know he is affected by me, but have no clue where his heart may be. At this stage in the game, do I have the right to ask that? It’s only been a week. We have chemistry that would make anyone spontaneously combust, but that doesn’t mean anything. When I take a look back on my past relationships, things progressed much slower than what has happened between Jackson and myself. I secretly wonder if the passion has clouded my feelings of lust instead of possible love.

The bus weaves through different trails, highlighting the big exhibits. There would be no way that we could have covered this amount of area in just one day. With the bus, it takes us only forty to forty-five minutes to see seventy percent of the zoo. The tour guide’s knowledge is extensive, but extremely animated. Jackson and I find ourselves laughing, along with the kids on the tour, at her goofy jokes.

I keep going back to the previous thought about our relationship. I find that passion is good, but I feel like we are creating a friendship too. It’s extremely easy to laugh with him. Unlike some of my other relationships, I can be myself. He’s seen me at my cell phone throwing worst and still stayed. Why does it feel like it’s too good to be true? Maybe because last time with Evan, it was.

The tour bus comes to its ending destination. As families file off the bus, I take the opportunity to study Jackson. He’s a people watcher. It’s interesting seeing people through his eyes and expressions. When we were eating lunch, I caught him watching a family with two small children. The adoration in his eyes melted my heart. By him being so attentive and passionate about others, there is no doubt in my mind that he would make an awesome husband and father. However, I get an inclination that he feels differently.

We are the last to exit the bus. Always a gentleman, Jackson helps me navigate the stairs.

“It’s your turn to decide what we need to do next.”

Thinking back to the exhibits we drove past, the Panda Exhibit stays in my mind. I tell Jackson the story about when I went to the National Zoo as a child. As I am telling my story, Jackson is smiling, though with a little sadness in his eyes.

As we walk to the Panda Exhibit, Jackson has a story of his own. “Just like you, I remember the new stories about the pandas being born. The only time my dad allowed us to go on a business trip with him was to DC. My sister and I begged my mom to let us go to the zoo. Once we got there, my sister was jumping from one bed to another talking about wanting to go. She
had
to see the pandas or she would
just
die. My father said that she made such a ruckus that he wouldn’t allow our mom to take us. What he didn’t know was that my mom took us to the zoo anyway. My mom said that sometimes secrets were good. What she didn’t realize was that my dad was harboring many secrets.”

Jackson and I start walking in silence. Even though I had a non-existent father, my mom did choose a great dad for me. I see a lot of my stepdad in Jackson. He was dedicated to the Corps, but always made sure we knew that he loved us even though he could be thousands of miles away. We couldn’t always afford a lot of extravagant vacations but he took the time to help me build forts in our backyard or take me to the beach for a fun-filled day of the surf. He tried his best to fulfill the roll that my father should have taken. I feel ashamed that regardless of the time he spent doting over me, I still craved my father’s attention. It seems like Jackson is struggling in a similar way. The only difference is that I still have my father and his father has passed.

*