Seems Like Old Times (18 page)

"He told me about you making him feel better when he
got hurt. That was nice, Lisa. Thanks."

She smiled,
then
dropped her gaze
back to her beer. Ever since the picnic, the conversation she had with Ben
about his mother had been preying on her mind. She didn’t know if Tony realized
that Ben felt that way. If he didn’t, he needed to.

"At the picnic..." She hesitated. This wasn’t
really her business, but she was making it hers.

"Yes?"

"Ben said something that got me wondering..."

"Oh?"

"Does he see much of his mother?"

"His mother?"
Tony put
down his fork, his eyes narrowed. "Why?"

"Well...he seems to think"--she folded her
hands--"he told me he thinks his mother doesn't love him because she never
sees him."

Dark brown eyes widened,
then
his
mouth tightened until grooves of anger etched on either side of his lips. He
turned his head toward the wall. "God, that woman makes me sick!"

Lee blanched. "I thought you should know in case
there's anything you could do about it."

"Do?" His gaze bored into her. "Hell,
there's plenty I could do. But ask me if I want to?"

She shook her head. "No, that’s between you, your ex,
and Ben."

His eyes softened. "I’m sorry. It’s just that for
years his mother didn't want to have anything to do with him, and especially
not with me. She saw him once or twice a
year,
and
that was it. I should have talked to him about it, instead of just hoping he
wouldn't notice, or whatever in the hell I was thinking. Lately, though, she's
asking to see him a lot more. I'll be damned if I'll let her." He put his
elbows on the table and ran his fingers over his eyes and temples.
"Poor kid!"

"I don't understand," she said. "How could
she not have wanted to be with such a wonderful little boy?"

Tony clasped his hands on the table.
"Maybe
because he's my kid."
He stared at his hands. "You'd have to
understand the whole thing. It's not simple."

She placed her hand over his and warmth surged through
her. It was the first time she'd touched him in years. She wasn't a person who
touched easily, yet something in Tony's anguish reached out to her and made her
want to offer comfort. She struggled to ignore the familiarity and longing that
coursed through her. "Do I look like I'm in a hurry to rush out of
here?" she asked. "How many times have I told you my long stories and
you listened to every silly word? There's nothing silly where Ben's
concerned."

He gazed at her, then at her hand. She pulled it away. He
picked up a book of matches and tapped it against the tabletop as he spoke,
first on one side then on the other. "I met her in Phoenix when I was on a
Triple
A
team. She thought a ballplayer was her ticket
to high living and excitement. We got married, but it was a mistake from day
one. By the time she realized minor leaguers got low pay and spent hours either
traveling to games or practicing for them, with only a slight chance of ever
getting into the majors, she was pregnant. That extended the marriage longer
than it ever would have lasted otherwise."

Lee felt as if all the blood had drained from her. "I
see," she whispered.

"She left me when Ben was a year old. It wasn't much
of a marriage, and taking care of a baby wasn't her idea of a great life."
He smiled wryly. "I don't blame her, Lisa. It was a tough life for anyone,
and we were so young. She wanted glamour and fame. I was totally
focussed
on the game, on winning. Marriage was the last
thing on my mind, and I can’t say I tried to make it work. I didn’t much care.
All I thought about was baseball. She was a lonely young wife. I'd say marriage
to me must have been some kind of Hell."

Lee studied his face, solemn with silent agony for his
son. The matchbook lightly rapped against the tabletop. Marriages had fallen
apart for a whole lot less, she thought, and it sounded like this one wasn’t
strong enough to handle the kind of stress, hardship and traveling that made up
minor league life. She had seen it in her own profession. "Is she still in
Phoenix?"

"No. She went to L.A. Married a rich doctor." He
lifted a steady gaze to her. "She contacted me a few months ago.
Said they can't have any kids."
His name came over the
loudspeaker. "Our pizza’s ready. I’ll get Ben and pick it up."

As Lee watched Tony's back disappear into the crowd,
pressure tightened around her heart. Ten years ago, when she'd briefly returned
to Miwok, she had learned of his marriage. She'd been offered a job in New York
and had to decide what to do: to take the job and throw herself completely into
her career, or try some middle course. She hadn't seen Tony since the summer
after leaving high school, and more than anything she needed to see him. There
was so much she needed to resolve, to explain, and to have explained by him in
turn. She drove out to the Circle Z. Vic was traveling on a horse show circuit,
and one of the ranch hands told her that Vic's son had moved away a few years
earlier, was playing baseball with some minor league team, and had just gotten
married. She didn't even know the ranch hand's name, yet his words changed the
course of her life.

It was funny, but over the years she’d lived at Miriam’s,
attended college, and worked on local TV in Los Angeles, she’d always imagined
Miwok and the people in it as remaining static. Rationally, she knew they’d be
living their lives just as she was hers. But deep down, she hadn’t wanted to
believe it.

Over her years of growing up, maturing, and observing
people, she slowly had begun to understand herself, and her mother, and the way
she was raised. As she’d come to accept her upbringing, she wanted to see Tony
again--if nothing else to bring to some closure to their relationship.

She still remembered standing there gaping as that
stranger told her Tony was married. He must have thought she was a drooling
idiot. She should have known Tony wouldn’t spend his life pining for her. She
should have expected he’d marry. Still, it hurt like hell to think of him wed
to someone else. Subconsciously, she'd always expected Tony would wait for her,
just as she, at some level, had waited for him. She had left Miwok because of
him and Judith, and because she was young and foolish and burning with
ambition. Her life had spun out of control, taking turns she'd never imagined.
And because of that, she had lost him.

She rubbed her temples, tried to rub away the sudden ache
that threatened to cleave her head in two.

Finding out about Tony’s marriage, and then trying to
patch things up with Judith only to find her mother unwilling to meet her
halfway--not even a quarter-way—she had left Miwok for the last time and
accepted the job in New York. The six a.m. to seven a.m. time slot was all
hers.

She'd thrown herself into her work with a fire she hadn't
known she possessed.

Work wasn't all she threw herself into during those early
years, she remembered. She became a woman with a mission: to find a husband. She
must have looked like a crazy woman on the prowl, discarding any man interested
in her on the flimsiest excuse while at the same time scaring others off in
equal or greater numbers by the manic way she'd question them about their
outlook on love, life and children. She, who had always been so choosy and
ascetic about relationships, suddenly freely offered herself and her bed in her
search. But no one eased her hurt. No one took away the aching loneliness deep
within her.

Fortunately, she soon realized the futility and waste of
those relationships, and soon, Lee Reynolds began to grow her defenses, to
erect that cool, pristine control and iron will she'd become known for.

How strange to hear what Tony's marriage was really like
after the blissfully romantic way she'd imagined it being. So much of it
sounded ugly, but at least it had given him Ben.

She took a sip of her beer and soon, Tony and Ben were
back carrying a pizza supreme. Tony lifted a slice overflowing with mozzarella
onto her plate, then served Ben and himself. As they bit into the pizza, a
collective, "
Mmm
" emerged from all three.

Tony and Ben laughed. Lee looked from one to the other. It
hit her like a bolt. She loved being here with them. The feeling scared the
hell out of her.

They all concentrated on pizza and small talk for a while.
Ben finished, and ran off to play video games with his friends. Soon Lee, too,
pushed aside her plate. Tony ate the last two pieces.

Lee had met him this evening for a reason. Now that the
food was gone while they dawdled over beer, she needed to say good-bye, and
then leave. Tomorrow she had an early flight back to New York. As she prepared
herself to take her leave, Tony spoke.

"I’ve been debating about something all
evening," he said.

That was a curious thing to say. "Oh? What is
it?"

"There's a dance at the high school Friday
night."

"Yes. I saw a flier about it."

He smiled. "It's to raise money for athletics in
schools. I’m on the committee to publicize it."

She brushed aside some pizza crumbs. "It's a good cause."

His words came out in a rush. "Would you like to go
with me?"

Her hand stilled and her eyes shot up to meet his.
The way she felt, he might have suggested slashing her wrists.
She was tempted--very tempted.
You’ve gone crazy, Reynolds.
She knew she
should refuse his offer. She should tell him she had a plane to catch. Instead,
she said, "Well, it is a good cause."

"Most definitely."

Her spine stiffened. "Then I accept."

His eyes sparkled as a slow grin spread over his face.
"That’s great. I was afraid you’d laugh!"

Her heart leaped.
"Never."

He placed his hand on hers. "I’ll pick you up at
eight."

"Why don’t I pick you up instead?" she said.
"I’d love to see the Circle Z again, one last time."

He sucked in his breath. "You'd really like to see
it, Lisa?"

Her boldness vanished for just a moment,
then
her voice turned clipped, businesslike.
"Of course."

"No need to wait until Friday. Besides, you don’t
want to wear nice clothes to tramp around a ranch. Come now. It’s not
late."

"Well, I don’t--"

"No problem, Lisa. I’ll get Ben. Follow in your car.
We’ll be there in ten minutes."

They drove northwest from the center of town, into the
valley that edged the coast range hills separating Miwok from the Pacific Ocean.
A country lane brought them to the Circle Z Ranch, Tony turned onto a gravel
road and Lee saw again, after so many years, the modest, two
story
,
clapboard house that belonged to the owner of the ranch. Only now, that owner
was Tony.

Years ago, Lee had gone inside the barn and corrals, and
even in the cottage where Tony and his father lived, but she had never set foot
in the main house. Now, she parked beside Tony on the wide, circular driveway.
She joined him as he gave last minute instructions to Ben.

"'Night, Lisa," Ben said as he walked toward the
house.

"Good night." She turned questioningly to Tony.

"Let's go down to the horses," he said.
"Wait until you see Double Play. He's the Arabian I've built my line
around."

Solar footlights lined the gravel path to the stables.
Other than that, the night was dark, and early wisps of fog from the Pacific
misted the oaks with haze. Tony took her arm so she wouldn’t stumble in the
darkness. His nearness, the feel of his hand, and the faint, lingering scent of
beer, pizza, sunshine and baseball, captured her senses.

She studied the horses with awe and excitement. These
sleek, beautiful animals, this gracious land, were Tony and Ben's future. She
was struck by the rightness and the thrill of it.

Double Play was magnificent, as were Easy Out and Bunt
Single, his prize mares. Evening Star, a two year old filly and Easy Out's
first foal, was Ben's horse.

"Why wasn't Evening Star named for baseball?"
she asked.

"Ben's a poet. Not like his old man at all."

They laughed, and the laughter eased their awareness of
the quiet of the stables, of being alone together. They walked through the
occupied stalls, and Lee saw that four of the horses were sired by Double Play.

"They're beautiful," she said, stroking the
velvety nose of one of the mares. "I can see why you love it out here. I
always suspected, even when we were
kids, that
you
didn't dislike the Circle Z half as much as you said you did."

"Well...what do kids know?"

He led her back up the hillside to the house. He gripped
her arm once more, and with each step, the mysterious effect he had over her
increased.

They stepped onto the large, wooden front porch. The front
door had an etched glass window with a rose design. Tony stepped aside as Lee
entered the house. The interior had a turn of the century charm. The door
opened to a hallway with oak stained chair rail molding and cream colored
wallpaper with delicate flowers. She lightly ran her fingers over the paper.

Tony scarcely took his eyes off her, studying her reaction
as he showed her to a cozy living room off the hallway. A white, rose and green
striped sofa faced a white stone fireplace, overstuffed emerald green armchairs
were on each side of the sofa, and a beautiful antique secretary stood against
a far wall. He discovered he'd dreamed so often of having her here in this very
room, that now that she was really here, it felt like
deja
vu. In his dream, he'd proudly shown her all he'd
acquired,
all he'd accomplished without her. She'd begged his forgiveness, but he’d
turned his back to her and pointed to the door.